Teamwork

[Claire]

@chloevee I read your reply to my comment before I accidentally nuked the forum and had to jump back to a backup from before your reply. I'm sorry that I deleted your comment. :/

[chloevee]

Thanks so much for your thoughtful feedback! And I'm glad you liked it.

I actually considered adding the "comedy" tag, but ultimately decided that it didn't quite fit. While it's not comedy per-say, I'm glad you see the humor in it.

I didn't find it particularly erotic as a stand alone piece but I feel like it would work really well in conjunction with the more traditional simultaneous perspective from the POV of the assaulters.

Like I mentioned to @RapeU , I figured as much. A bunch of disjointed snapshots is just not enough. I'd have to expand it, which yeah, would need to involve a more traditional format.

Interesting thoughts about how to expand it--thanks for the idea.

[KittyUmbrass]

Love a neat little story that has one thing to set up and deliver, and just does that. Great final twist to make use of the theme.

[QuarterPounder]

Really enjoyed the story and love the way you write, not only from a victim's POV but also from an assailant (obviously through your other stories). Thanks for sharing and looking forward to reading more of your stuff.

[skuttrusk]

I thought I'd commented but maybe it didn't work. I loved the mental dissociation, and the slightly humorous tone this allowed. And the way the rapists' admirable skill allows them to have everything their own way, at their victim's expense. Nothing worse than poor collaboration in a gang rape!

[Vela Nanashi]

Ooooh teaser says first person perspective, excited Also sounds like we have at least two very skilled womanhandlers there.

Also your text flows so I may fail at commenting, as I am swept up at it, but will try to provide some sort of commentary, love her thoughts and reflections so far

One brief reflection is that she is mostly telling what happened in the past, rather than us being in the moment with her all the way, for me it would be more intense to be in the moment, but I still love the way you are writing her and her retelling now that she has become more aware of the many behaviours.

Yeah that is one of the frightening things I have seen with men often, the way they don't need many words to get things done together, in a coordinated fashion, at least once they know each other, really don't know how they achieve that, do men have telepathy?

Well written and if not intentionally funny still comedy gold all the same Good work, write more stories! We need more

My biggest complaint, a bit too detached, and way too short, but thank you for the palliate cleanser

[chloevee]

Thanks for your kind words and thoughtful feedback!

I decided against rewriting my previous reply which got lost during an unfortunate mishap. But I did want to say a couple of things.

I was surprised (but happy) to read that Record Chaser might have given you some inspiration. To me, it read more like The Infinite Rape (I think you would like that one a lot. It's very short, too.) meets Men at War.

In case others may have had the same thought, the connection that I noticed was to the juxtaposition of characters with good/redeeming qualities, and the terrible things they do. It's one of the things I love about Record Chaser, so it's no surprise that the theme popped up in my own work.

I hadn't thought of it until you mentioned it, but you're right, this story does have a lot in common with The Infinite Rape, another one of your stories that I liked a lot.

You wanted us to point out mistakes. Now, I myself have actually little to no idea how you place commas in English correctly. But there were some sentences where additional punctuation would have made reading the story easier for me.

Thanks for pointing that out, I appreciate it! I spent a little time on exercises to shore up my understanding of commas a bit, and made a few corrections. Hopefully it will read a little easier now.

[chloevee]

Love a neat little story that has one thing to set up and deliver, and just does that. Great final twist to make use of the theme.

Thanks so much! Glad you liked it.

[chloevee]

Really enjoyed the story and love the way you write, not only from a victim's POV but also from an assailant (obviously through your other stories). Thanks for sharing and looking forward to reading more of your stuff.

Thanks so much, I really appreciate it!

[chloevee]

Thank you for your kind words, and I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

Nothing worse than poor collaboration in a gang rape!