Claire wrote: Wed Apr 16, 2025 12:17 am
Interesting question. Let me be extremely critical of this story, more than I ever would be of anybody else's story. That will be fun.
Let's begin with the title. I think it's ok. It makes you wonder what that misstep might be that it is talking about and after reading the story you obviously do understand what it refers to. But it is just a cheap hook without any deeper meaning. It's a simple mystery box that loses its pull once you understand what it is about. It's better than some very generic rape fantasy titles like "Leah's torment" or "The taking of Leah", but nothing special either.
Similarly, the secret of the identity of the rapist is also just a cheap mystery box to keep the reader guessing who it might be without any deeper meaning behind it. It might pull you in for the first time you are reading this but it is nothing special that stays interesting once the secret has been revealed. It's a cheap narrative trick without substance.
The characters are barely fleshed out. Leah might be a bit more detailed in her characterization than the average victim in a rape short story but calling her a particularly memorable character would be a bad joke. That is even more true for the rapist who is as one note and cliché as it gets.
Then I would say that the climax of the story lacks a proper build up. It lacks any significant emotional impact and has no thematic tie ins with well... anything. It's a bit boring, very generic. And that leads probably to the biggest weakness of the story overall: It is completely forgettable. Stories like this exist a dime a dozen, there is nothing unique about this. It is the one story I wrote where I tend to forget what names I came up with for the characters. Whereas I believe that most stories I wrote could be easily identified as a Claire-story by someone with a careful eye and some familiarity with my writing, I don't believe this to be the case for this story. You might be able to identify it as being written by me by the formatting of the dialogue, but by the writing itself? I'm not so sure.
If I have to give the story credit for something, it is the use of the mirror. First, it is used early on when Leah stands in front of it, then it shatters in her struggle with her rapist and it comes back in the end when he steps on the shard that ultimately reveals his identity. I think that works quite well, it feels like the story is coming full circle there.
So what is this story? Fast food. Tasty, maybe? But there is nothing to it beyond the fleeting moment of consumption. Nothing to think about, no emotional gut punch to recover from, no unique idea that was explored, no moments that stick out in particular.
It is hardly fair to compare this short story to my longer stories, but even if you just compare it to
You and
It's okay, I feel a little lonely, too. which are short stories of a similar length in English, the difference in quality is glaring. These stories have better writing, characters, relevant themes, proper build up for the climax, memorable moments and a unique identity. They are certainly more demanding, harder to digest if you want to stick with the food metaphor, and thus less accessible maybe? But they are superior in almost every way.
