Character descriptions in rape fantasies... are bad

[Claire]

So here is a hot take: Character descriptions in rape fantasy stories are often bad. They stick out like a sore thumb from the rest of the text and don't fit the character whose perspective we are told these details from. For me, the symbol of bad character descriptions in our stories is the "I/He/She was a..."-paragraph that then lists a bunch of physical attributes about the character in question. This is probably the worst way to convey information about a character's appearance. Why?

First, I remember close to nothing of what was said in that paragraph two sentences later. Second, it is almost always out of character for the person who lists those attributes. I find it especially jarring when it is done in first-person and an otherwise normal person starts to refer to themselves as beautiful or gorgeous. Reading descriptions like this almost always takes me out of the experience, breaks my immersion.

I think good character descriptions usually

1. assign meaning to the physical attribute described
2. don't happen all at once
3. are embedded naturally into the text

I'm not saying that all three of these are a must have or a description is just bad. But in my opinion, they make it much easier for me to retain at least some of the information presented to me. Let's go through an example for each of these.

1) I read @Shocker's story The Witch Hunt. I think the story features 5 characters in total: 3 male, 2 female. When it comes to their appearance, I can recall one detail about what these characters look like three days after I read the final chapter. One of the two female characters has small boobs. And I remember that because she is self-conscious about her boobs and resents the other woman in the story for having bigger breasts than her. Another detail I remember is that the other woman values her hair a lot, but I couldn't tell you anymore how long or what color it was. The fact that I remember so little is not a bad thing in my opinion. I can't even tell you whether I forgot that information or whether it was never given to me in the first place. Shocker described this himself very well in a discussion we had underneath his Valentina story:

Else I write with putting as much work on the readers fantasy as possible. One doesn’t need detailed descriptions to flesh out a character. I call this the JK Rowling method. Everybody knows how Hermione Granger or Ron Weasley look like. They have a firm picture in their mind, even before the films came out. Now quick question what’s the color of their eyes?

Rowling wrote 7 books, and not once gives that detail. The reader is doing all the heavy lifting.

I think that is very poignant insight. I much prefer to get a general feel for what a character looks like than a detailed description.


2) I think it is more effective if certain pieces of information about a character's appearance are drop fed to the reader rather than poured over them in one big exposition dump. In Record Chaser for example, I early on have the female character being described as a "petite girl". She then reflects on that, doesn't like it that she is called that, but admits to being a lightweight in her thoughts. I think that sets the tone for what I called earlier the "general feeling" for what the character looks like. It is only later that I reveal some more details about her appearance. There is for example a conversation where the man she is talking with reveals to her that "he has a thing for freckles", implying that she has freckles without any piece of narration ever actually stating that. I think that this way, the information is much more likely to stick with the reader and it doesn't feel so out of place because it occurs natural as part of the dialogue.


3) In Men at War I have a central character narrate large chunks of the story like a sports commentator. He turns the gang rape of a woman into a livestream spectacle and the description becomes a part of that, advertising her like a product.

Jimmy lifted the veil. The camera moved past him and focused on the naked body of the gagged, blindfolded and unconscious woman.

“Here we have Elizabeth. At 28 years she has still a few good years ahead of her. The curves on that body are truly to die for and those boobs are probably even too big for these giant shovels that Jerome calls his hands. Truly a prime example of a woman at peak fertility. And these are child bearing hips no doubt. She is just wasted on the labor market with such qualities. But guys, don’t be fooled by the blond hair, she is a natural redhead.”

While he uttered that last sentence, the camera zoomed in on her crotch, highlighting the red landing strip above her otherwise clean shaven pussy.

This dumps a lot of information on the reader at once, but it also does more than just describe the character's appearance. It fits into the narration style, and communicates how he dehumanizes her and it is written in that upbeat advertisement tone that most of his commentary is written in.



Ok, here ends my hot take on character descriptions. Do you agree that these paragraphs that do nothing but list physical attributes of a character are bad? Do you want to know the exact cup size of a woman's breast or how tall exactly a character is in centimeters or inches? Do you agree with Shocker to let the reader's fantasy do the heavy lifting?

[Vela Nanashi]

I love describing everything in great detail, so I don't agree with this at all I thought I had said so already, but forgot

[Nickamano]

I think I agree with the hot take... But at the same time there is something downright fun about describing a character's physical attributes in one big block of text.
Though I admit I am trying to inch myself away from that method and am attempting to work the descriptions with a drip feed method across the narrative.
So I agree, and don't agree and do agree... hmmmm.

[praetor3d]

I avoid the use of character description narration by using images.
Having said that, I'm a big fan of describing an antagonist's lustful thoughts, in great detail, when they ogle the protagonist. And the dirtier the inner thoughts, the better.

[HistBuff]

Oh yes! This is definitely a pet peeves for many readers. As a writer, I was myself the culprit of this, and I'd say many novice writers if not most go through such a phase where they'll make a whole lot of such mistakes and learn from them, so they can keep on making mistakes, but less frequent and less egregious ones.

Beside the cliché factor, writing a complete description from the very start doesn't really allow the mental picture of that character to spring out vividly in the reader's mind in that all-important rape scene, especially in a long story where a great many things happen before. I find it far better to weave a character's looks into the action itself when it does happen, so my readers can have a clearer picture of what is peculiar in that sexual encounter. This works way better and this is what I've seen from the better writers.

Also, I was once in the habit of writing detective-style measurements right in the middle of a rape scene with things such as, "This brute was six feet six and towering over the terrified brunette, who stood only five-one and weighed 100 pounds and wore a B-size bra."
If you were looking for a way to completely freeze the flow of action, this is it! A surefire way to scrap a good rape scene.

Besides the dullness, such an impersonal description doesn't really say anything about that character, beside the fact she's a petite brunette with average breasts. I'd rather look for ways to describe the young lady and his rapist in a way that tells something about her/him. In my latest chapter of Mutiny in Léopoldville, I describe Laverne's bra by saying this was "the typical bra worn by a typical teenager living in Ohio". (she's 19)

The soldier who then rips off her bra was "from some remote village in Eastern Congo, up there where mountain gorillas have their abodes". This says a lot about how improbable this encounter is between the teenage pop singer and this Congolese Private. And it's fun! In fiction.

In that same chapter, I could say that Caterina Valente's breasts were perky and adorable to look at and even more when touched. I felt it was stronger to say something like her breasts were what every man could wish for, unless he preferred huge tits. This says a lot as to why those black men trouble themselves to lift her off her table and take her close to a bay window so they can see her white-skin splendour directly under the sun. This brings out what the scene has that others don't. Those men are in absolute awe and elation, for they know who Caterina is.

And there's also the "reveal factor". In that particular story, I have a main character who begins dating a black man and has sex with him. I give no description in any of those scenes beyond what's absolutely necessary. Later, the same character has sex with a girl; same thing here -- little or no physical description beyond the obvious. In those consensual sex scenes, everything lies in the emotions. For example, Laverne is the kind of person one spends time with and is left with the feeling of having had a wonderful dream; Caterina is primarily heterosexual, but she feels completely fascinated by Laverne, and when she begins kissing and caressing her, she's not really into it at first, but then she starts to have a strong spiritual experience that turns out to be life-altering for her.

When the Congolese sack the hotel and start raping the women, then I start to describe my characters in a lot more detail, hopefully not too much detail! This is what I call the "reveal factor". In a nutshell, it's about waiting for the rape scenes to truly show what the characters look like in the nude. Only then I describe their nipples, their triangles of pussy hair*, etc. This gives full power to my undressing scenes and those scenes are all-important to me. Let the rapists comment on the girl's hairy pussy! Let them have the thrill of saying, "Milady, you got gorgeous tits and I've been waiting for this!"

* The story is set in 1960, and no girls shaved back then. You'll see this in rape scenes from movies made in the 70s and 80s too.

I could go on and on. This is one of those things that are learned and improved through practice, as one studies the unfathomable art of making mistakes while reducing the degree of their egregiousness.

[KittyUmbrass]

I went back over a few of my rape stories to see what I tend to do and - a lot of the time, my character descriptions are a sentence or two at most. The detail is often implied by verb choice for their behaviour, or other ways of letting the reader fill in the blanks.

I tend to write 3rd person partial, and there really isn't a reason for a protagonist to reflect much on their own appearance, so you might get a sense of figure, and I might mention hair colour and length (especially if the antagonist does something to it - often the rapist as my protagonist is usually a victim).

Antagonists usually get more detail, to convey the initial impressions the protagonist gets on seeing them. Here, I'll use phrase and metre to create a mood, I try to avoid just giving a list of stats, but give some idea of what the protagonist reads into the appearance about the character. But if the protagonist is a victim, several of my stories stories have her unable to see her attacker at any point in the story - if I describe them, it's by the vague impressions she's able to pick up. (This can set up a reveal factor later, after the rape, if that's an emotional beat I feel is important to the overall story.)

My main focus is describing tactile experiences to involve the reader: sound, touch and smell matter more to the protagonist's place in the rape (regardless of whether they're the victim or the rapist) so, for example, I rarely mention the size of a woman's breasts, but I'll focus on how they feel in the rapist's hands - or how the rapist's hands feel on them to the victim.