The ghost of valentine's day - Winner of the RavishU Memorial Contest

[LaLia]

The author of this story has read and accepted the rules for posting stories. They guarantee that the following story depicts none of the themes listed in the Forbidden Content section of the rules.

The following story is a work of fiction meant for entertainment purposes only. It depicts nonconsensual sexual acts between adults. It is in no way meant to be understood as an endorsement of nonconsensual sex in real life. Any similarities of the characters in the story to real people are purely coincidental.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This story is an entry for the RavishU Memorial Contest.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________


Jan woke up in the cool morning silence, as the first rays of the day timidly fell through the curtains. He lay there motionless for a moment and looked at Annika, who was sleeping peacefully - her calm, even breathing and the gentle features of her face made him smile. He leaned forward gently, breathed a tender kiss on her sleeping forehead and promised himself in this quiet moment that today would also be full of little miracles. With a quiet sigh of contentment, Jan pushed himself out of bed, stretched himself with pleasure and briefly let the slight pain in his tired muscles from yesterday's travels revive. He thought briefly about the past few days and today was another special day, even though the clock was still striking early in the morning. The memories of their wedding, which they had celebrated just last year, floated before his eyes - he, 29, with sparkling eyes full of adventurousness, and Annika, 26, who won his heart again and again with her carefree manner. The two had been a couple for almost 10 years. Together they had developed a passion for travelling, which like an invisible bond always led them to new places. This year was no different: London and Liverpool were already behind them, then the trip took them to Scotland, where they had been to Edinburgh and Glasgow, and now they were heading up north to Loch Ness.

Jan appreciated this kind of travelling - far away from the glamour of expensive hotels, where you just felt like a number. He loved it when they stayed in small, charming guesthouses in sleepy villages, where you could chat with the locals and experience real, authentic life. Yesterday's drive through the misty hills of Scotland had once again shown him this magic of simplicity and closeness to nature. It was a small luxury that he had never sought, but always welcomed, and luckily Annika was the same way. But today there seemed to be a special day waiting: tomorrow, Valentine's Day, they were to explore Loch Ness together, walking hand in hand along this famous lake. The thought of it made Jan's heart beat faster - he was looking forward immensely to spending time with Annika and the new adventures that awaited them. Even if it was Annika who believed in these myths and fairy tales and therefore really wanted to go there.

After carefully dressing - a warm sweater, comfortable jeans and his favourite boots - Jan made his way down to the small inn. As he descended the creaky stairs, he was enveloped by the intoxicating smell of freshly ground coffee, tenderly fried scrambled eggs and freshly baked rolls. The dining room was already filled with a quiet murmur as a few villagers and other guests had gathered around round tables or at the bar and were enjoying their breakfast in lively company. Jan took a deep breath and felt the warmth and security of this moment wash away all the worries of traveling and the tiredness of the last few days. With a smile on his lips and full of anticipation for the coming day, Jan sat down at the bar, ready to immerse himself in the pleasure of this simple morning, while in his heart the longing for new impressions of Ireland continued to burn.

Jan sipped his coffee and listened to the quiet conversations of the locals who were sitting next to him in a cozy circle. Outside, the early morning mist lay over the villages. In this cozy moment, Jan lost sight of the rigors of the journey, the long hours on narrow country roads and the constant change of landscapes for a moment. Suddenly he caught the gaze of Bonny, the woman behind the bar. Bonny was about 45 years old, with fiery red hair that fell in loose waves over her shoulders and an aura that conveyed both strength and warmth. Her curvy figure, accentuated by a tight-fitting dress, made Jan pause for a moment. There was a sparkling mystery in her eyes, and he remembered what he had just picked up in the conversation next to him: something about a ghost in the woods. But Jan, who never put much faith in myths and legends, had hardly paid any attention to the whole thing until now.

With a slight grin and a wink, Bonny suddenly said:

"Well, it's good that our young German couple wants to move on."

Jan looked up questioningly, as if he had just heard a joke, and saw the faces of the locals who were now examining him attentively. The atmosphere filled with a touch of mysticism, and he felt his otherwise rational world opening up a little to the unknown. One of the older men in the group leaned forward and began to speak in a hushed, almost reverent tone: "There is an ancient myth about the Dubhghall, who is said to be causing mischief in the Coille feadaireachd, which means Dark Whispering Forest. Every year on February 14th he comes to life. It is said that he was once an old forest druid who was cheated on by his own wife. In an act of blind rage he killed not only his rival, but also his beloved wife. Since that fateful day many thousands of years ago, he has risen every year on Valentine's Day to punish unfaithful spouses."

The words hung like a shadow over the breakfast table. Jan smiled amusedly, more out of politeness than genuine interest, and replied:
"Aha, well, it's good that we are faithful to each other."

With this casual comment, he took another sip of his coffee, while a quiet grin floated around inside him. He knew that Annika, his beloved wife, was more superstitious than he was in many things and so he was quite glad that she had not heard about this story, otherwise her curiosity would have aroused and she would certainly have wanted to know more. Fortunately, Jan could rely on his own faithfulness, because Annika was the most valuable thing to him and he would have literally put his hand in the fire at any time that she was also absolutely faithful to him. So even if there was even a spark of truth in the myth, there was nothing to fear.

At that very moment, Annika entered the room. Her face lit up when she spotted her lover, and without a word their eyes met. They greeted each other with a gentle kiss that expressed all the tenderness and intimacy between them. Once again, Jan noticed how beautiful his wife was: at 5'7" she was only a good 6" shorter than him, her long dark blonde hair and doe-brown eyes were a very attractive combination, she always had a smile on her lips and her pretty body attracted not only Jan's attention, but many others as well. Annika sat down at the table, and while they enjoyed breakfast together - amidst the quiet clinking of cups, the murmuring of the villagers and the gentle sounds of background music - they quietly made plans for the day. Jan thought to himself how wonderful it was to experience these small moments of security, even if he secretly smiled at the spooky legend that made him pause for a moment. The idea that somewhere in the dark depths of the forest an ancient demon watched over the unfaithful seemed almost like a fairy tale - a fairy tale that he couldn't believe in, but which nevertheless captivated him for a moment. Perhaps it was precisely this mixture of myth and reality that made life so exciting, he thought as he looked lovingly at Annika and remembered that they had traveled together to discover the unknown. And somehow myths and fairy tales were something that one automatically associated with Scotland.

After fortifying themselves with a hearty breakfast, Jan and Annika left the small inn and stepped out into the cool Scottish morning air. The landscape revealed itself in all its wild beauty: rolling hills shrouded in mist and sparkling rivers running through endless green valleys. While Annika looked at the surroundings in fascination, Jan's thoughts were already on his next adventure - the self-caught Scottish salmon that he had always dreamed of. With a mischievous grin and sparkling eyes, Jan set out to explore a small river nearby. He was a passionate angler and had made up his mind to catch a salmon today and then prepare it fresh. With a mixture of patience, skill and a deep feeling of satisfaction when he was out in nature, he actually managed to catch the magnificent fish. When he later fried the freshly caught salmon in a small, makeshift pan over an open fire, it was as if he had brought a dream to life - the taste of the tender, smoky meat combined with the freedom of the wilderness and brought a smile to both faces.

In the afternoon, the couple returned to their small holiday home to prepare for the onward journey. Jan had restored the old VW van especially for this trip - a faithful companion that now knew many stories. They carefully packed their belongings, while at the same time thinking nostalgically about the numerous adventures that still lay ahead of them. The van not only offered enough space for their luggage, but also the possibility of spending a night in it - a plan that they viewed with a wink as a practical and at the same time romantic element of their trip. The route would take them on a four-hour drive to the legendary Loch Ness. Although the western route through the national parks was a little longer, the couple made a conscious decision to do so because they were so impressed by the breathtaking landscape and untouched paths.

After a relaxed dinner in the inn, which had delighted them with its warm hospitality, they also said goodbye to Bonny, who wished them with a knowing smile and quiet words: "Have a good trip, and may the spirits of the Highlands be kind to you." The small village in which they had spent so many pleasant hours was left behind them - a tender farewell to a place that would remain in their hearts for a long time. As Jan turned the key and unlocked the van, gentle feelings of nostalgia and anticipation of what was to come crept inside him. He thought of the endless expanse of the Scottish landscape, impressions that were still waiting for them, and the quiet, deep connection that kept him and Annika connected anew. With one last look back at the sleepy village, he climbed into the car - ready to begin the next leg of their journey, start the engine and drive with Annika into the adventure that life had in store for them.

Dusk slowly gave way to night and once again a thick fog enveloped the world as Jan carefully drove the old VW bus through the shady, mysterious forests of the national park - a vast area south of Glasgow where the trees stood like ancient sentinels and the silence of the night was covered with an almost mystical veil. Suddenly there was a strange rattling noise. "What was that?" whispered Annika uncertainly, her eyes searching around in the dim darkness. They had covered about 50 to 60 kilometers so far when Jan understood - something was wrong with his beloved VW bus. And then, suddenly, barely 500 meters further on, on a deserted, narrow path that led through the dense Scottish forest, far from any civilization, the engine finally stopped working. "Oh damn," Jan muttered quietly, trying to remain calm. His calm, almost stoic facade did not deceive Annika, however - she sensed the unease in his eyes, the slight hint of concern in his movements. But deep down she had faith: Jan knew a lot about cars. She was sure that he could fix the problem quickly, and so panic was out of place on this remote night. "Please close the door again," Annika asked firmly as Jan got out and armed himself with an old but reliable flashlight to check the engine compartment. As he crouched under the cool, damp hood of the bus, surrounded by the smell of metal and the quiet drip of condensate, she felt the cool night air creeping mercilessly through the cracks. The mild day, which still promised warm rays of sunshine in the middle of February, had given way to night, and now an icy cold spread as the heating had also stopped.

Jan quietly screwed on the connections under the hood, his brow furrowed as he concentrated on the cause of the problem. His hands, practiced and sure, moved routinely, but inside he felt the weight of this unexpected situation. For a brief moment he remembered all the times he had lovingly repaired these old machines - all the hours in the workshop, the feeling of success when an engine started again. But today something seemed different, as if the nighttime forest itself was posing a puzzle that was not so easy to solve. Annika's gaze kept wandering into the darkness, where the thick fog blurred the outlines of the trees. A mixture of worry and unease stirred in her heart, but she was already looking for a solution. The minutes passed, and as Jan continued to work on the old VW bus, the darkness seemed to grow even thicker. Every quiet drop that fell from the branches of the forest, every distant rustle of the leaves made their hearts beat faster. In this misty night, in the midst of the eerie silence of the Scottish national park, every moment was permeated by an almost tangible tension - as if the forest itself was holding its breath and listening to the quiet workings of two souls.

Annika had now noticed that she had no reception on her cell phone. Not even an emergency call would have been possible and the GPS didn't work either. The forest and the thick fog swallowed up every signal. A shiver ran down Annika's spine as she looked around. Only darkness, only fog that enveloped the trunks of the tall trees like ghostly pillars. The forest lay there silently. She swallowed hard, fighting the uneasy feeling that was spreading through her. Where was Jan? She had just seen him looking under the hood with a concentrated expression on his face. And now... nothing. She reached for the jacket behind the seat, got out and pulled the warm jacket over herself as she walked around the car. No sign of Jan. Only his flashlight, lying lonely and abandoned on the damp forest floor, its light dimly broken through the fog. Her heart began to beat faster as her thoughts raced. Had he called her and she hadn't heard? Had he perhaps gone out to look for reception, as he too had already discovered that the cell phones were useless here? No - that didn't make sense. He would never have just left her like that, not without a word.

"Darling?" Her voice sounded far too small in the eerie vastness of the night. A lump formed in her throat as she took a step forward. "Jan?" Her call died away between the trees, swallowed by the fog as if it had simply absorbed her words. Annika pulled her jacket tighter around her body and knelt down to pick up the flashlight. The cold metal casing lay heavy in her hand, her fingers trembling slightly as she aimed the light forward.

And then she saw them. Fresh footprints. They led away from the car, into the forest. They were deep in the damp ground, clearly visible despite the slowly settling layer of fog. Jan? Or someone else? A cold shiver ran through her as she looked around. The darkness now seemed even more oppressive, even thicker. A twig cracked somewhere, a sound that seemed far too loud in the absolute silence. Annika bit her lip. She had to calm down. Panic wouldn't help her. Jan needed her. Maybe he had stumbled somewhere, maybe he had heard something and gone to investigate. But then why had he left the flashlight behind? Another thought forced itself into her consciousness, a much darker one. What if he hadn't gone into this forest voluntarily? Her breathing became faster. With every second, the fear grew in her, pressed around her heart like an ice-cold hand. But she knew she couldn't just stand there. She had to find him. Annika put one foot in front of the other. Slowly. Carefully. Her gaze remained on the footprints as she took the first step into the darkness of the forest. The fog swallowed her.

Annika's heart beat faster, a constant pounding that reflected in her head. The voice had faded away, but its echo resonated in her mind as if it were now a part of her. She knew she shouldn't have ventured further into the forest. She knew something was wrong. But her feet carried her on as if they were no longer part of her own body. The rusty gate of the ruin creaked softly as she approached. The wind played with the old, twisted iron bars as if to warn her. But it was the light, the flickering, warm light in the courtyard that captivated her. It was strange, unnatural - it didn't seem to come from a torch or a normal fire, but moved in a way she couldn't quite grasp. Around her, the old gravestones rose from the damp earth, some crooked, others so overgrown with moss that the inscriptions could no longer be read. Annika's breathing became faster, her throat tight. She was in a cemetery. An ancient burial site, hidden in the middle of the forest. But why?

She wanted to call Jan, but her voice failed. Was he here? Was he perhaps in this ruin? Slowly, with trembling fingers, she pushed open the gate. It squeaked at an unnatural volume, echoing in the silence. Annika immediately shivered, as if the air here had become colder. She stepped over the threshold. In the courtyard of the ruin, directly under the open night sky, a single fireplace was burning. But it was no ordinary fire - it had a strange, almost bluish color, as if it was burning something else rather than wood. The glow made the shadows dance on the crumbling walls as if they were alive.

And then she saw him. Jan!!!
He stood on the other side of the fire, his gaze obscured by the blue flame. He seemed strangely stiff, motionless, as if he were a statue, no longer her husband.

"Jan?" Her voice was quiet, uncertain.

No reaction. She took a step toward him.

"Honey, are you okay?"

Slowly, much too slowly, he raised his head.

Annika's heart skipped a beat. Something was wrong. Jan's eyes... were not his eyes. Where his warm, familiar eyes should have been, there was only blackness. Deep, endless, as if someone had ripped out his soul and left only a void. Annika stumbled back, her whole body screaming to escape.

But before she could even turn around, the voice rang out again.

"Annika..."

This time it came directly from Jan. Only it wasn't his voice. Annika stood there frozen, not noticing that the castle ruins were waking up. The cold night wind blew through her hair, but it wasn't the only thing that was moving. The shadows in the walls seemed to stretch, to twist, as if they were reaching for her. The plants that wrapped around the old stones began to tremble, to move slowly, almost imperceptibly. A whisper, barely more than a draft of air, penetrated the silence, bringing with it an eerie melody that made her shiver. Then she felt it. Something cold and rough touched her ankle. A shiver ran down her spine as she lowered her gaze. At first she thought it was her imagination, a play of light and shadow. But then she saw it clearly: dark, thin tendrils snaked around her ankles, weaving themselves around her legs like living fingers.

A horrified scream burst from her throat and echoed eerily through the night.

Annika tried to free herself in panic, but with every tug, with every movement, the tendrils only seemed to grip tighter. The old walls breathed as if they had been waiting for this moment for centuries. More tendrils shot out of the ground, wrapped around her wrists, pulling her back mercilessly. A thick, gnarled root wrapped itself around her waist, squeezing the air out of her, while another wrapped itself around her neck like an ice-cold snake. With her eyes wide open, Annika was pressed against the wall, her arms and legs immobilized mercilessly. The ancient stones, rough and cold, pressed against her back. She gasped, her heart pounding wildly in her chest, but no scream, no plea could break the bonds. The ruin had trapped her, had claimed her as part of its countless stories.

In front of her, on the floor of the dilapidated courtyard, the blue flames of a blazing fire crackled. Its light flickered, casting distorted shadows on the walls, erasing all the colors from the world. Jan's gaze sank into it, almost as if in a trance, as if the flames were calling him, drawing him into their ancient truth. Annika could not turn away. The dark shadows in the fire began to form, moving, creating images. First blurred, then with gruesome clarity. She recognized faces, old scenes, memories that were not her own. People hugging, whispering, cheating, committing treason. And over and over she saw the same figure: a gaunt, dark figure with shining eyes, watching what was happening.

Then the image changed. And Annika froze. She recognized herself. Jan wasn't next to her. She remembered that day last summer, which she had banished from her mind: a day at the lake with friends without Jan, who had to work late that day. But there was Alex, someone her friend Sarah had brought with her and who Annika liked from the first moment. The good atmosphere at the lake, a few beers at the barbecue and something inside her had become curious. Curious for a change, a different experience. Jan had been her first boyfriend, her first great love and in all those years there had been no other. But then there was Alex, a passionate night, a single affair that she regretted and that she had never told Jan about because they were only newly married at the time.

She knew what that meant. She knew what it revealed. And when her trembling gaze wandered to Jan, she saw that he had understood it too. His eyes, which had always looked at her with so much love, were now empty. Cold. He looked at her as if she were a stranger. And Annika felt that something dark, something old was calling for her. The night had chosen her. The castle ruins had awakened. And it would pass judgment.

As if by magic, the zipper of the jacket slid down, the button of the jeans popped open and the tendrils slid rough and cold under her clothes, stripping them off piece by piece before she was suddenly pulled to the ground. A chorus of laughing throats erupted in the ruins as Annika's legs were spread wide and her panties and bra were no longer there either. With a horrified look, she looked between her legs, where two thicker tendrils were moving towards her, tendrils that left a damp trail on the floor. A nightmare? It couldn't be real and Annika expected to wake up at any moment, but this pain was all the more real. Her scream echoed through the old ruins as branches that came to life vaginally and anally at the same time pushed into her holes. Annika lay on her back on the damp, cold floor of the castle ruins. The tendrils that had grown out of the old walls held her tight, wrapping themselves around her wrists, her ankles and her stomach. Her breath came in gasps as panic ran through her. She tugged at the vines, but they were as unyielding as iron shackles as they raped her.

"Jan!" she screamed desperately, but her cry died away in the dark night.

Jan stood not far from her, his face lit by the flickering glow of the fire. His eyes seemed empty, his jaw clenched. He could see her pain, hear her whimpering pleas, but inside there was only emptiness. The truth had struck him like a dagger - Annika had betrayed him. And now the ancient power of this ruin demanded its punishment. This myth, which he had thought was a fairytale until a few hours ago, was true.

Annika gasped, her muscles burning with exertion as she desperately fought against the unnatural power of the vines and the deep thrusts into her holes. Tears ran down her cheeks, mixing with the dirt and cold of the night. She felt the thorns digging deeper into her skin and a strangled whimper escaped her lips.

"Please, Jan! Help me!"

But Jan did not move. His gaze wandered between her and the fire that blazed in the middle of the ruin. And then he saw the images in it again. Shadowy figures, memories that formed in the flames. Annika - not with him, but with someone else. A secret smile, a furtive kiss. The truth burned in Jan's chest like the fire in front of him. His heart was broken. And yet - could he allow her to pay for her actions in this way? Annika screamed again, but it was no longer just a scream of fear - it was pain, pure, inescapable agony. The ruin had passed its judgment, this ancient power showed no pity for the unfaithful. And Jan stood there motionless, torn between love and betrayal, while the night lay mercilessly over him.

It was as if night itself had fallen upon Annika, as the living tendrils wrapped themselves tighter around her limbs. Her heart pounded in her chest, her breath came in gasps, a panicked gasp that hung in the icy air. She tried to fight back, to tear herself away, but the plants were relentless - cold and alive like nightmarish fingers that tied her to the ground and fucked her without mercy. The crumbling walls of the ruin loomed menacingly above her, the pale light of the moon casting ghostly shadows over the ancient stones. Her screams echoed, swallowed by the thick fog that snaked through the ruin like a living thing. Her blood seeped through the damp forest floor and fed that magic.

Jan's gaze was still fixed on her. He stood by the fire, his eyes glittering in the restless flames, but there was still no spark of compassion in them. He was torn inside, torn between the memories of the love they had once shared and the knowledge of her betrayal. Annika had lied to him. Betrayed him. And now, on this cold night, in this ghostly ruin, fate had caught up with her.

"Please..." she whimpered, her voice barely above a whisper. But Jan remained motionless, his fingers clenched into fists. The flames flickered higher, and images appeared in them - scenes from the past, from the present, perhaps from an inevitable future.

Annika gasped as the visions appeared again, floating above her. She saw herself, laughing in the arms of another man. Kisses, touches, a secret she had thought she could keep. But here, on this damned night, nothing could remain hidden. Jan swallowed hard, pain and anger raging inside him like a storm. He had always seen himself as a man who was above such things. But now he was here, in front of this ruin, on a night when old powers awoke. He didn't know if it was his own anger or a darker power that whispered to him that Annika was now receiving her punishment.

Annika whimpered, felt the tendrils pressing deeper into her body, felt nature itself judging her for her betrayal. She reared up, but it was useless - she was at her mercy.

Then, from the darkness, a quiet whisper. An ancient sound, a voice that was not human.

"She lied. She cheated. She belongs to me."

Jan's breath caught. The shadows moved. And the night took Annika with it when Jan took off his wedding ring and threw it into the fire, where it melted before his eyes. His heart pounded as he backed away, away from the ruins, away from the swarming shadows that surrounded the place. The fog swallowed everything.

And Annika?

She screamed in pain, in anguish and in despair. But her sounds became quieter as Jan left the castle ruins further behind him; they were only a faint memory when he saw the car in front of him after a few minutes. With tears in his eyes and a feeling of betrayal, he sat down and tried to start the car, which started immediately. Jan looked into the dark forest one last time before it drove off and left everything behind.

Love is a power that we celebrate on Valentine's Day. But whoever betrays and betrays this power will be caught up in their sins and punished for it on this day. Cursed to be a whore of hell for eternity, with no chance of escaping the marriage bond with an ancient, evil power.

[Shocker]

I now read your story in two languages, and it’s equally thrilling in both, very well done.
Just a tiny thing, have you considered adding “the end” to its appropriate place? It gives me always a huge satisfaction to write those words under something, and it will safe you in the long run the questions, “is this finished”, “will there be another chapter?” Etc.

[LaLia]

I now read your story in two languages, and it’s equally thrilling in both, very well done.
Just a tiny thing, have you considered adding “the end” to its appropriate place? It gives me always a huge satisfaction to write those words under something, and it will safe you in the long run the questions, “is this finished”, “will there be another chapter?” Etc.

thank you very much

I just had the story translated. It seems like you can rely on it without having to edit it again

In the future, we will have the finished tag, so the problem might not exist anymore. But otherwise I like to have the option of writing a surprised new chapter. Sometimes you finish a story and then later you think of a good continuation

[Vela Nanashi]

I like the descriptions of environment, senses and all that in this story as well. Though I think it would be more vivid for me in first person and present tense, but it is hard to tell of the past in present tense Also third person allows easier access to the feelings and thoughts of several people not just the narrator/protagonist/point of view character.

Cute couple, on a wonderful trip with each other

Coffee and good English breakfast does smell amazing especially in the morning

Though a bit weird for me for him to sit down and have coffee without her, to not bring breakfast up to their room to share. Still maybe he knows she likes sleeping in.

I like the ghost story the locals have, gives a nice flavour to things.

Interesting is put his hand in the fire at any time that she was faithful a saying in Germany? I like it regardless.

Like all couples they have a tiny bit of incompatibility, with him being ultra rational and she believing in some fairy tales and magic and stuff, I have a suspicion I will write down here that he will learn that there are things that science does not yet know. Still as far as he knows, if the myth is true, they have nothing to fear, though if that is true or not depends on if the myth is right, and if Annika is actually as faithful as he thinks.

Cute loving couple I have to say again

Also I love how you have skills to not fall into details when you write about their breakfast, to me that is very hard to avoid, but for the story that is rather irrelevant, but I might have written a page about just the food

Interesting that Jan gets back to moments of security more than once, as if to him security is not a normal thing, makes me wonder if something made him not feel secure in his past, in his youth, or as a child. Then again men are also wired to make safe places for their loved ones, to notice dangers around them, not so much for themselves as their loved ones though. At least that is the impression I often get.

The old world is sure more steeped in the supernatural, as it lays just next to us, out of reach for most, but the fair folk and other beings watch us from behind the veil.

Van life for the win.

Yeah not fun to break down so far from any other people at night, then again I think cellphone coverage is good over most of great Britain, so he probably could get them help if needed, assuming this is set in present day at least. And no spirits jam the cellphones. Hopefully he has spare parts and tools in the Van to maintain it.

Yeah for this story third person makes sense, it would be too much switching to be in both their point of views

Oh no reception on the phone and no GPS, that means the Van was also probably messed with by the old spirits of the ancient woods, wanting to borrow the two of them, as guests this night.

They stole Jan, maybe lured by the will o wisps. But yeah dropping the flashlight is unlikely intentional or voluntary by Jan. She must really love him to risk going into the woods in particular if she thinks someone took Jan by force, as if they did that they could just as easily take her too. It might have been wiser to stay in the car till morning and hope someone else comes down the road and can help. But the heart wants what it wants.

Funny that you then write later about unnatural lights that move, after I said will o wisps this is my first read I promise.

Really love the environment and sense descriptions

Grasping vines/plants/roots, old druid magic, not easy to get free.

Ok so myth is true, and she was unfaithful, let's hope Jan forgives her and has control.

Ouch would not want to be fucked by branches/roots, even if slick with lube...

Also to me unexpected ending, but I may be a bit more forgiving I suppose, though at the same time I rarely ever promise anything, as to me promises are very important. So I understand Jan too... Though I am still not sure I would surrender Annika to the dark force, rather would give her the chance to make things up for me, then again there is always that fear that if someone cheated once, they may cheat again.

[LaLia]

Thanks for your great feedback, Vela

I think I would have done things differently with the details if it hadn't been deliberately just a one-parter for the contest. While writing, I sometimes had to restrain myself, and in some places, much more would have undoubtedly been possible.

Hmm, do you really think you'd have reception everywhere? Are they that much better there? A place like that in the deepest forest—at least in Germany, sometimes you can't get any signal.

The thing with the roots/branches is also in a horror movie, and there's also a trashy porn series called "Plants vs. Cunts," so I guess I was doubly inspired by that.

I thought the third person was appropriate for this, although you're right that it could have been done differently, but then the details and emotions would have been even more extensive.

Maybe I'll do a sequel someday, or a prequel would certainly be interesting too.

[Vela Nanashi]

I mean I am sure there are areas with less reception, but there are fewer of those each year and soon I am sure that most phones will come with the ability to use star link as a backup way to communicate, but for the story you needed the reception to now work, so it did not, and that is perfectly fine

I liked it, but then I enjoy various forms of tendrils and tentacles, plant or otherwise, makes a nice kind of monster/horror element

Third person made sense given how much you wanted to be in both of their minds, it would have been a lot of switching to do it first person. Emotions would be stronger in first person present tense, for me at least

Looking forward to more of your stories, this setting or others

[Claire]

This is now my second time reading this, this time in English, and I still think it's a strong entry for the contest. You did write this originally in German, right? Did you translate this with the help of AI or did you literally write the story twice? I'm thinking about translating my German stories to English and I'm not sure yet how I will go about that.

I believe I said so the first time I commented on this, but I really like the lore behind the story. This is a perfect setup for a prequel, that goes into how this curse came to be, and for a sequel that tells the story of how the ghost is beaten. I would read both of those.

And regarding the question of getting reception on your phone in the middle of the woods: Whether this is plausible or not really doesn't matter in my opinion, at least not in a story about a vengeful ghost that lures couples into their trap and uses magical powers to control plants and trees to rape people. If they should have a reception here but they don't, then it is just the magic of the ghost.

I think I also prefer the third person narrator here. I can't tell you exactly why, but when a story is told from multiple points of view but from a first person perspective, the perspective shift feels less natural to me.

[LaLia]

@Vela Nanashi

I can think of enough areas where I wouldn't want to have a breakdown. I know two off the top of my head where even the emergency call doesn't work.

When it comes to tentacles and the like, we absolutely agree and have the same taste


@Claire

Yes, I'm also thinking about a prequel and a sequel, but I have so many things on my list. Step by step, not too much at once, I think.

I usually make it pretty easy for myself: I usually write in the first person from the perspective of putting myself in the role. If I'm writing a fictional character, a celebrity, or multiple characters, the third person is best. One idea, of course, would be to combine the two in one story; that would open up even more possibilities.

And to your question: I translated the story with Google, then had the AI ​​correct it, and read it over again. From German to English, it actually works quite well. Strange translations have actually been rare so far.

[Nickamano]

Oh love this!
Starts American Werewolf in London (two tourists get lost in rural Britain), gets all Witcher-y (half expecting Geralt to come sprinting out of the fog, silver sword in hand) and then you go full Evil Dead with tree rape!

The atmospheric descriptions are terrific, especially when the fog rolls in around the forest trunks. And the disappearance of Jan, just the flashlight on the ground.

My only suggestion could be speeding up the opening set up a little more - I think you could get away with actually starting with Annika sitting in the broken down vehicle, with that atmospheric fog rolling in, getting a bit jittery by the mood, and finding herself thinking back to last night in the pub with the story of the Valentine's Day Ghost. A little about the relationship of the couple as she is listening to Jan tinkering about with the engine and then suddenly a deathly silence, which gets her out of the van and noticing Jan's sudden absence...

Just a thought. Great writing and very talented descriptions etc.
Thank you for sharing.

[LaLia]

@Nickamano

You actually guessed the movie, which I had a bit in mind when describing the setting, etc.; the only thing missing was the spooky inn. And yes, Evil Dead is also quite well-known, so the influence should be obvious anyway.

And yes, your idea with the opening would certainly have worked, but I like long backstories. If the contest hadn't limited the number of words, I might have written it differently. Who knows, maybe something else will come along. A sequel and/or prequel would certainly be a good idea.

Thanks for your feedback in any case I would also appreciate a rating *subtle hint*