It's okay, I feel a little lonely, too. - RavishU Memorial Contest

[Vela Nanashi]

A good classic home made vanilla ice cream can be delicious too

But some want their chocolate chips (anal)

Some want eye scream (horror)

Etc

[LtBroccoli]

Each of your stories is worth reading, and the tough competition applies to us as well. As always, it's written in detail, with a strong focus on the characters and their personalities. For my taste, though, it's quite vanilla style. It's interesting that we all took very different paths in this contest. Vela chose sci-fi, I chose fantasy/horror, and you chose the present and something realistic. I have to read Schocker's story tomorrow, but I expect it will be just as good. It would be great if more people participated in the future.

I appreciate the kind words. Regarding the competition, I have not given up hope yet that @LtBroccoli might join us.

I find it interesting that you view the story as vanilla. I assume you base that on the sexual practices depicted? I will probably never be a writer who goes into a large variety of positions, toys or sexual practices in the depiction of a rape scene, especially not in a short story. I am more interested in playing with how a scene is structured, what idea it explores, how to phrase certain descriptions. That is why I prefer to write a short story like this where present time and memory are told in parallel, mirror each other and ultimately bleed into one another. In my perception, that makes a story much more not-vanilla than any variety in the sex scenes itself ever could. It's fun for me to see that different perspective. The thought that someone might read this story and consider it vanilla never occurred to me. I really like getting feedback like this.


@Vela Nanashi I love your live commentary style feedback, it's fun. I found it particularly helpful for this story. I like to read your confusion about Lizzy's history and her inability to orgasm. That was exactly what I intended when I decided to drop feed that information to the reader rather than revealing all of it in one big exposition dump. It's nice to see something working like this. I noticed that you went into much less detail after the orgasm moment. Did that part just interest you less or where you running out of steam for your commentary?

I haven't been feeling it for writing recently. I have a stub but just couldn't get much going with it yet. If I get something finished that doesn't completely suck I'll try posting it.

[Shocker]

Just for what it is worth, I don’t think you should have excluded yourself from the contest, just because you are running it. I think it’s a worthy entry.

[Claire]

Just for what it is worth, I don’t think you should have excluded yourself from the contest, just because you are running it. I think it’s a worthy entry.

I appreciate the sentiment and the praise. But just imagining that by some miracle I might have won this, it would be just weird. I am the owner of the site, the one person who has access to the forum's database, who could generate votes for myself if I wanted to. And on top of that, I am the organizer of the contest who starts and ends the poll. If I were to win, I would have to crown myself the winner, pin my own story to the top of the board and award myself a special title. And all of that for the very first contest... I just don't like what that would like look. But I really do appreciate the confidence you seem to have in my integrity. Reading that made me happy.

[Nickamano]

I really enjoyed your story. I was mildly confused at first, even though I enjoyed the sweetness of the consensual scenario. But I was really taken with the sudden onset of the dual colour approach. I think the choice of red sells the NC scene better. And I found the writing of the two scenes playing simultaneously, even overlapping and intercutting very impressive.
thank you for sharing that. Glad you were able to pick up after the break and finish the piece off.

Now onto the others...!

[Claire]

I really enjoyed your story. I was mildly confused at first, even though I enjoyed the sweetness of the consensual scenario. But I was really taken with the sudden onset of the dual colour approach. I think the choice of red sells the NC scene better. And I found the writing of the two scenes playing simultaneously, even overlapping and intercutting very impressive.
thank you for sharing that. Glad you were able to pick up after the break and finish the piece off.

Now onto the others...!

Thanks for the feedback. That overlap between memory and the present was a bit of an experiment for me, so I'm really glad to hear that you liked it. I was very unsure before I started writing whether I would be able to pull that off. And yeah, getting back into writing mode after planning this forum for a month and a half was not easy, but I really needed that.

Oh, and if you read the other stories, are you aware that you can give them a rating ranging from 1 to 3 points? Make sure you give at least your favorite, that you will be voting for, a positive rating.

[praetor3d]

I've decided to use a my own template for consistent story commenting and experimenting with it here first, if you don't mind.
Basically my current template goes something like this:

1) What did I immediately feel after reading this
2) What I love about what I read
3) What would I change in the story to make it perfect (for me)
4) Did I get off on this and why

1) I felt very poignant for the main character. While she has seemingly made a comeback of sorts and seemingly fully in control of her life now, the aftermath of her ordeal has certainly traumatized her. It certainly answers how she had gotten herself to this state, and I genuinely wonder what her future will be.

2) This is an amazing read, full of nuance and detail that provides complexity over a surprisingly simple context of plot. Each character seems to have this baseline personality, where they try (and perhaps fail) to exude a different personality within just a few minutes, only to revert to their true self in the end. You hit it perfectly with the portrayal of Richard, or at least what I think you were after, which is someone who really is a gentleman. But when trying to break character, he winds up reverting, and perhaps feeling guilt knowing that she manipulated him to trigger herself to a very dark place.

3) I don't know. I did have this thought of, what if, she didn't get off at the end with Richard. He knows that this is just completely off and wrong, and she doesn't orgasm because he just can't convincingly play the proxy for her past. It would be a high level of emotional disappointment that would certainly ruin whatever "relationship" they had formed for so long. It would honestly be crushing for both.
But then, the final client, the one who looks all meek and nervous actually turns out to be a vicious rapist that no one would ever expect. And THAT would be some serious mind fuck for her. Maybe?

Also, I like how you juxtaposed the events of the past in red font. The red obviously makes me think of blood, rather than just a change in color, so that seemed apropos for the bleeding that occurred in her ordeal. You know me though, I think I would have used pictures in this case, illustrations that are completely discordant to the words, to highlight the contrast that she is trying to align in her mind to orgasm.

4) This story felt far more psychological than erotic, so ummm no

[Claire]

@praetor3d You really do love templates, don't you? If you ever think of one that could be of general use for the forum, feel free to post it in the questions and feedback board. I sadly can not let users create templates just for themselves, but I'm open to adding more to the existing ones.

1. I too wonder what Lizzy's future will be. I have no idea whether anything has even changed after that experience. I've come to the conclusion that this story is more a character study and less one with character development. I'm not even sure whether letting herself experience that orgasm was empowering or just self-destructive.

2. Interesting read that you have on Richard here. I never thought of him as playing a role. In my view, he just likes Lizzy and when she asked him to make her come he tried his best without having any idea of her deeper issues. Btw, I had another fictional character as a very clear inspiration for his character. Do you want to take a guess who it was?

3. So you wanted her to get raped again in the end but have her enjoy it in a sense? I'm not sure how much I would have liked that, but it would have had the current story beat in terms of shock value, I'll give you that.

4. Psychological and erotic is a contrast to you? Interesting, for me these tend to enhance each other. Let me give you a hot take that probably 99% of readers will disagree with: If you haven't read a rape fantasy story yet that made you cry at how tragic and traumatizing this all is but also couldn't stop masturbating to it while you were crying, you're not reading it right.


Oh, and btw, try giving stories and feedback you like a rating. I loved your comment, so I rated it positively and I hope that other authors get into the habit of doing that too.

[praetor3d]

1. In my interpretation, her experience is self destructive. Richard will be a distant memory and she'll get close with a new client, the cycle unfortunately repeats itself.

2. My read on Richard is that he is married or in an unfulfilling relationship. He's a nice guy, but temptation ultimately leads to guilt beforehand. I think deep down, I think he knows there something very sinister with this latest encounter. After all, these affairs are an escape for him, so he can't handle this reality. Perhaps he's thinking that she's being forced into prostitution and he's feeding into it. Either way, I think he's moving on to another escort when he works up the appetite. As far as guessing on another character, I'm drawing a blank. I need to reread Record Chaser to refresh my memory from RU, and also getting to some of your other stories (I'm intentionally jumping to stories between different authors to spread out the commenting.)

3. yeah, it would be shocking wouldn't it? It's the first thing that came to my mind when I read the last paragraph.

4. Personally, I have this line when I interpret these stories. I derive pleasure from the visceral sleazy writings, like those low budget horror B-movies with gratuitous sex and nudity. But anything that delves into the aftermath of psychological trauma, then that tends to be a turnoff for me. But I enjoy those differently because it is compelling writing. Sure, perhaps that means I'm experiencing it unaligned from what the author intended, but that's how I naturally reacting to these.

So speaking of, what were you hoping in terms of reactions from the reader for this story?
What inspired you to write this particular plot?

[Claire]

1. In my interpretation, her experience is self destructive. Richard will be a distant memory and she'll get close with a new client, the cycle unfortunately repeats itself.

That sounds sad, but I can't disagree with you. I wondered whether I could write a sequel to the story, but if this is how things are to continue for her, this would be pointless.

My read on Richard is that he is married or in an unfulfilling relationship. He's a nice guy, but temptation ultimately leads to guilt beforehand. I think deep down, I think he knows there something very sinister with this latest encounter. After all, these affairs are an escape for him, so he can't handle this reality. Perhaps he's thinking that she's being forced into prostitution and he's feeding into it. Either way, I think he's moving on to another escort when he works up the appetite. As far as guessing on another character, I'm drawing a blank. I need to reread Record Chaser to refresh my memory from RU, and also getting to some of your other stories (I'm intentionally jumping to stories between different authors to spread out the commenting.)

The character I had in mind while writing for Richard was Vander from Arcane, in case you have watched that show.

It's good that you are not just reading my stories. I think almost all authors deserve to have this kind of exchange about their work. There is something special for me though about you commenting on my stories. I'm not sure whether you remember, but your comment on the first chapter of Record Chaser was the first comment I've ever got. I've been waiting since then to hear your thoughts on the rest of the story like a girl waiting on a message from her crush. I'm not sure whether you've ever read anything of the story beyond chapter 1 but I've at least never heard your thoughts on it.

4. Personally, I have this line when I interpret these stories. I derive pleasure from the visceral sleazy writings, like those low budget horror B-movies with gratuitous sex and nudity. But anything that delves into the aftermath of psychological trauma, then that tends to be a turnoff for me. But I enjoy those differently because it is compelling writing. Sure, perhaps that means I'm experiencing it unaligned from what the author intended, but that's how I naturally reacting to these.

I wasn't that serious with my earlier hot take. I once asked my readers on a story whether they found a particular rape scene A) Hot B) Depressing C) Both or D) Neither. 8 people said A) Hot and only 1 C) Both. So only one person enjoyed the scene the same way I did. I know that what I get out of these scenes is different from what most people seek. What is a tension that I like to endure and immerse myself in is for most readers just incompatible with one another. In that sense, I am very aware that my stories have a very niche appeal compared to those that lean for example into rape stories as a power fantasy of total domination.

So speaking of, what were you hoping in terms of reactions from the reader for this story?
What inspired you to write this particular plot?

That's an interesting question that I should ask authors myself more often. Let me begin with the second part:

When RavishU was meant to have its first contest after a long while, I didn't want to participate at first. I am not a very competitive person and "Valentine's Day" as a theme for the contest was as boring as it gets in my opinion. But when I actually became a mod there and we were starting to implement the changes I wanted to make and the contest didn't get much attention, I felt obligated to participate myself. I think on a well managed forum, admins and moderators try to set a good example for what they want the behavior on their forum to look like. RavishU had been a prime example for how not to do that. So yeah, I actually forced myself a bit to come up with something despite finding the theme itself utterly boring. And then I had the idea for the ending scene of the story in my head: A prostitute telling a client that she feels lonely to make him feel more comfortable. It is meant as a lie, spoken through a mask she puts on to comfort her clients, while ironically being the truth. And from there, I worked backwards, trying to make that final line hauntingly sad if you truly understand what's going on with that woman. And the connection to the Valentine's Day theme would be established through loneliness and longing and the story taking place on Valentine's Day itself.

What I was hoping for as a reaction is a difficult question. I actually like getting surprised by reader feedback. Record Chaser's most ardent fan was in love with the dialogue, which I didn't expect at all, and the most interesting feedback I got for my short story You came from a woman despite the story being specifically going for men as the target audience. I love surprises like that. When it comes to a clear expectation for this story though... I wanted people to wonder what this unusual title is. And ideally I wanted the title reveal at the very end to feel like a gut punch if you understand the weight that these sweet sounding words carry. I think as far as titles I've chosen for my stories go, I like this one the most.