Ski Trip

[rhurac]

I was considering posting this but I kept delaying and now RU has closed. Now I figure this good a opportunity to post. All grammar and spelling are my own fault and feel free to point out as i know spelling/grammar is not not my strong point. (unlike math theory's which I can argue for days, yeah am a numbers geek). Enjoy and feel free to comment or make suggestions....

***This is a fiction story for enjoyment per rules of this site and no name or situations are real. The following story is a work of fiction meant for entertainment purposes only. ******



Alvia could not believe it when she was invited to work office 4 day weekend retreat. She had been at the company less than 2 months, but the branch beat their percentage goal. Thus, everyone was invited to a free 4 day ski resort. She had never been skiing and was not sure about cold icey weather. Even thou she overheard several of co-workers complain she did nothing to earn this being just hired. She wasn’t going to let this opportunity slip by. Everyone flew out Thursday morning and would be flying back on Monday.

Upon arriving on mid-day Thurs, Alvia quickly checked into the hotel and was ready to hit the slopes. She bought this cute purple and pink jacket just for this trip and was ready kill it. After an hour fitting ski, then 45 min wait on lift to get to the top of slope she was frustrated. The mountain was packed and there was no staff to explain basics available. Alvia decided she could just wing it, as this was considered a bunny route. She was wrong!! After 25 mins of constantly falling on her face and butt she finally made to bottom. Determined to learn she decided to try again, only to find the line to lift, plus to ride up to starting point was now over an hour due overpacked crowd at peak of season. Immediately following by miserable 20 minutes of attempting to ski and not face planting, but she only ended up sliding all over the place on her butt.

At this point Alvia was wet and cold everywhere. Her toes were frozen, her back wet, and her tush felt like an ice cube!! **Fuck this** she thought and immediately went back to take nice long hot bath. Later that night at company dinner, she overheard hotel staff complaining that tomorrow will be even worst with overbooking. Urgh so much for fun week away. Then both Dave and Samuel tried to flirt with her, even offering to show her how to ski even. She had no intention standing lines for hours while being frozen to death with these morons. So, she decided instead to see what the local town offered.

Next morning at 5:30 am she came across this cute local coffee shop. Quickly ordering Latte coffee and delicious smelling croissants, she sat down to just enjoy local atmosphere and gossip. While snipping her latte, a gaggle of young girls around her age entered and sat at table next to her. They were dressed in sexy attire and had obviously not slept yet but were still full of energy.

“Kate, we need full pot of coffee!” shouted the brunette

“Looks like you girls had fun night” said waitress as she pours all of them a round
“Oh yeah one of best!” said blond in pony tail “bring out those pancakes!”

“Incoming with extra blueberries just of you” winked waitress Kat, which caused lots of laughter
Alvia was intrigued and observing, when the brunette as she gets a call

“WHATS UP!!!”

“You are dumb”

“That no excuse, you missed on one of best DJ! Count Rupal ever hired”

“They promised to be back tonight, if your ass is not there, am going show you what Russian’s do to traitors!”

“yeah yeah yeah, it will be at 1523 Sytu St starting 9pm…. The password is “FU Bruno”
Alvia quickly opens her phone to note the address and password…. Now this sounds interesting
----------------------------

At around 9pm Aliva called an Uber from the hotel and when they ask to confirm address. “Yes, that is where I want to go”

As they drive 40min outside of town into what looks to be abandoned 4 story office building with only 10 – 15 vehicles parked outside. “Are you sure want to go in there?”

Alvia is starting to feel nervous but looks at her phone and this is definitely the correct address. Looking closer, she sees 2 security personal standing at entrance. “Thank you this is correct location” she tells the driver.

**Out of Context this dress in part of Inspiration for this story


Aliva is the only one besides the 2 secure guards at entire area. As she approaches security stops her saying. miss the entry fee is $100 ….while looking her up and down. **Ouch thinks Alivia that more than I was expecting** she stands there for several seconds debating is this good decision or not, when out of blue she remembers. “FU Bruno!” she says enthusiastically. The Guard chuckles, looking around to make sure no one else heard her. “damn sure” he says handing her a green arm band, while he opens door behind him. “Enjoy your night princess, just follow the signs you cannot miss the way”

**OH hell yeah** Alvia thinks, as she get in free and starts walking thru the foyer. As she walks toward the back of abandoned building, she notices this was definitely a make shift dance hall. Office desks and supplies are randomly pushed up to walls and piled up to get them out of the way. All the corridors and doors are chained off with arrows spray painted on wall showing the direction to go. While these hallways she walks down are well lit, it obviously others are not.

Aliva is shocked when reaches 6 open doors across, entering the convention center. Upon entering there is a huge open dance floor in the middle. Basic table and chairs set to her left at back of convention center, long bar to left stacked with all kinds of alcohol and beer you could imagine. A raised DJ booth \ opposite her and what looks like small VIP section off to the upper right with couches and soft love seats. At the moment there are maybe 100 people mingling around and it sounds like DJ still setting up.

So Aliva, heads over to the bar. As a middle age bartending approaches, “how are you doing this evening young miss?”

“hmm I was told this was supposed to start at 9pm?” as she glances at her phone showing is 947pm
The bartender smiles, “technically you are correct the doors open at 9pm, but our DJ NeonPulse doesn’t typically start until 1030pm. Trust me, in the next hour to hour half that dance floor will be slamming. Can I get something?”

“Yeah, just Orange Juice nothing else.” Replied Aliva

He quickly grabs a white plastic cup filling it with OJ. “Here you go miss” handing it to her.
Just then 3 others walk up, and Aliva hears two of them order water and the other one vodka tonic. The bartender charges and requires cash before their pour. **Weird thinks Aliva, they charge for water but not juice* As she walks off sipping her OJ.

Aliva is just walking around admiring the setup waiting for NeonPulse to take the stage. A couple guys try to strike up a conversation, she quickly gets out of it and tries to stay hidden. As the conventional hall quickly filles, she is oblivious that she is only one walking around with a green armband. Currently there are only two other people here both sitting VIP section, that have the green armbands.

OMG there was no doubt when NeonPulse finally hit the stage at almost 11pm as now huge crowd goes wild, and he hit it off with good but oldie “Adagio For Strings”. This DJ knew how to work the crowd, Aliva quickly founds herself in middle of mash pit near DJ booth, hands in air dancing her feet off for at least the last hour. There was a couple of good dancers near her including black guy with drags, red head down to his waist, and short hair blondie with white tips. She was shyly flirting, rocking her hips, and thinking ***Yes this just what I need to relax** when all sudden two hands grab her ass hard!

“Oh yeah babe shake that ass!” a drunk continues to fondle her cheeks. Which causes Aliva to panic as she tries to get as far away from this lunatic asap. In her panic escape she trip and lands on buff female spilling her drink all over the others dress.

“BITCH!!!” Screams the woman shoving Aliva straight to ground. Before Aliva can react, there is foot implanted her stomach from very pissed off buff woman that just lost her vise. Pain lurches from Aliva’s stomach as more feet begin to kick and stomp on her. Some of the kicks are from the drunken dancer, most are oblivious to just dancing to music. When all a of sudden Aliva is dragged a few feet across the floor before lifting her up and thrown overed a shoulder.

Still in terror and panic mode, she starts punching this back and kicking trying to get free.
“Calm down little one let’s get to safe spot before you drag us both down again.” She hears and then notices the short blond hair with Icey tips that had flirted with her and others earlier. Aliva stops struggling and tries to control her breath to stave off a panic attack. As flashback and terror of being stomped to death keeps flashing in her eyes.

As they get out of crowd off to the side blondie sets her down off his shoulder. “Here we go”
But Aliva’s legs instantly buckle causing this stranger to grab her waist and hold her up while her panic attack is still going on. She is unable to talk and still shaking, but he supports her letting her just focus on breathing. Until she is finally getting things under control, when

“Hey Bruh, found a girl to kidnap already? Figure you were going carry her just straight-out front door?” Laughed a very tan average curly black hair wearing Hawaiian shirt and cut off shorts carrying a white cup in each hand.

“Nah this little one went down to floor, and I thought she going to be stamped to death” said Blondie seriously and quickly changing to tone of conversation

Changing his tone to a soft demeanor “oh shit damn that must have been scary” said Hawaiian shirt guy. “I got these but think you may need it more than me” Handing her one of the white plastic cups and white tip man took the other one.

“Thanks Bruh am parched” as Blondie quickly as he gulps the drink

Aliva takes the other cup with her hands still shaking a little. **Yes some water is just what I need** she is thinking. She has calmed down enough to whisper “thank you” before taking a swallow. By then it was too late and as clear liquid hit back of her throat and the alcohol is burning her throat and down thru her chest. **OH SHIT WHAT DID I JUST DRINK**…….




PSS: I have good idea where this going but when RU shut down, I abandoned this story but if get comments we will find Aliva on roof of this building with 2 very horny guys

[Claire]

I think the setup you've come up with has potential. I'd definitely want to see you post part 2 of the story.

You talked about grammar and spelling mistakes in the beginning and I'm certainly not perfect when it comes to that myself. But what I think really hurts the readability of your story is a lot of missing or incomplete words in many sentences. For example

After 25 mins of constantly falling on her face and butt she finally made it to the bottom.

I stumbled while reading that sentence because in the original text "it" and "the" were missing. So I got stuck for a moment. So it's not so much about spelling, but missing words disrupting the reading flow for me. I think your story would be a much smoother experience if you gave it another read and worked out some of those kinks.

And may I ask you to give the Quick Guide to Posting Stories a look? I've added for example the language tag to your story that all stories are required to have.

[LaLia]

I agree with Claire...potential. I'd love to see the second part. I'm not expecting an infinite number of comments at the moment, though; this board is still in its early stages.

Regarding spelling: I can only recommend not posting it immediately after writing, but rather taking a few hours off and reading it again in peace and quiet, and/or using Word's spell checker. Claire has already explained well what was actually much more of a problem; incorrect spelling, but understandable, isn't a big deal. It only disrupts the flow of reading if you have that WTF moment more often.

[rhurac]

Appreciate the feedback.... I will have some friends proof reread before I post part 2, work is in overtime atm so maybe a week or 2 on next part :p
-rhurac

[rhurac]

Thanks for feedback on my story. I read a lot of books and what you call a "skim reader" and thus this tends show up in my writing also. Been told many times you have great concepts, but my writing is too fast and don't see grammar errors!! Always feel free to point me out as am trying write better but I often miss basic errors as i skim over it....

thanks,
-rhurac

[Shocker]

The setup has potential, I’m kind of curious how you develop the story. As somebody having many typos in my own writing, I won’t comment on that in others writing. I’m currently in the painful process of reediting my stories for republishing and have found some tools that help me finding those. If you like to know more send me a pm.