Broken Life, Shattered Love (Was for Used and Abused)

[Writers_Bloque]

The damned cold rain fell. My once valuable wedding dress in tatters, I was beaten and tossed into the garbage. They thought they had me. My sister, born in a tube, and my parents thought they won. They thought they had my whole life in their hands. But little did they know....that what was to come would shake even the massive Commonwealth to the core.

Let us step back a month prior. The wedding plans were finalized, everything set and ready. Now with a diploma in my hand, from the universe's most prestigious university, and all my careful investments paying out, secretly I was wealthy enough to buy a couple of core planets in the Sol system. But I hid that fact very well. Not even my fiancee would know. Any money I had to play with came from my loving grandmother, the matriarch of the family.

Still alive, she knew how the family was, so she made silent efforts to secure my future. It started with a deposit here, a couple of properties on exclusive vacation planets there, and a public show of control of a small portion of her holdings transferred to me. After I graduated, things with my family group became tense. The man who made me had a huge investment project come back to bite him in the ass. He calls me as I was moving out of the dorms, the ink not dry on the diploma, to ask for a significant portion of what his mother gave me, to bail him out of the blow back.

I naturally refused, as what was given to me would be gone, because his kind never settle for single hand outs. No, the woman who birthed me tried to manipulate me into helping the family out. But when grandmother learned of this, she did some digging on her own and found that the man, her son and really fucked up one of the major contracts he had with the Commonwealth, failing to deliver the promised and advertised weapon systems that could turn the tide of the war of expansion in the very outer sectors.

This did not sit well with the Commonwealth council. They all but stripped him of his duties and holdings, forcing him to take ludicrously one sided smaller contracts, that would barely pay well, just to remain in semi good graces. His conglomerate became the Commonwealth's bitch. This did not sit well with those under him, and an almost outright coup was brewing for control of the many companies, citing lack of faith in the leadership. He was one step away from losing it all and banishment.

The woman who birthed me suffered greatly in upper society. Groups that used to fawn over her, now kept her at arms length, friends vanishing without a single word.
The family began to formulate a plan to take everything from me, which would put them back in good standing. Their plan was simple. Use my airhead, greedy sibling to seduce my fiancee, and with promises of a slice of the family pie if he helped destroy me. The prick actually went along with it. Not that it hurt me. I had doubts about him before, but brushed them off as wedding jitters.

Now to the day of the wedding.

It was broadcasted all over the known universe. I was in a dress that could be sold to feed an entire back water planet struggling for survival for years. And that was my plan. I wanted to sell it and save a planet I visited during my college internship with a humanitarian group. I wanted to help develop the planet until it could stand on its own. But as I approached the altar, the faces of my once close family changed from joyful smiles to sinister grins as a stun bolt shot hit me square in the back. I fell, and that is when a holopad was thrust into my hands, forcing me to press the transfer button. But I smiled which angered them further. Nothing was transferred, as grandmother had set it up that everything I had was made untouchable, even if I was willing to give it. Their anger rose as they beat me, tore my dress to shreds as a wicked device was rammed into my poor pussy. A device made for punishing violent women, it would deliver strong shocks at intervals until I would break.

I did not. I did not break when they beat me, nor did I break when they carried my knocked out body to the dumpster out back of the holochurch. I laid their in the rain, still smiling. My revenge would start now.

My grandmother's limo, flanked by many security vehicles came for me. A stern woman, soothingly removed the device, tossing it aside. I was carried by strong hands into the vehicle. I could barely register any feeling as I was loaded into a medical pod, to awaken an hour later, my old life died and Rebecca Evenge was born. A raven haired buxom beauty the complete opposite of the brunette, quiet woman.

The first on my revenge hit list was my sister and my ex husband, who married not even a week later. It was simple. I exposed all of their dark and dirty secrets, the most damning of all was their exclusive membership in a highly illegal underground pedo ring. In the core worlds of the Commonwealth, it was highly illegal to abuse naturally young children. Now in the age where super old people can return to youth again, everyone had to carry proper ID in their wrist comms. It was to prove the fake youth from the real youth. But this group hunted for targets in the outer worlds to ship to the core worlds. So I silent sent the media everything. Funny that they tried to fuck over the woman that knew where the bodies are buried.

It was live on broadcast. My sister, and my ex, dragged out of their million credit home, and promptly executed on their porch. There was no tolerance for what they indulged in. No trial, no prison, but a message sent. I had sent out quietly the videos and testimonies from the people in the now. Watching them die did not bring me any comfort, but neither did I feel any sadness. Their heads exploded from the bolter blasts, and the house destroyed from space, after the security forces retreated to safety.

Next step was my mother. I was indulging in some pillow time with her high society friends, the ladies most receptive to suggestions that my mother was only out to abuse them, though I never mentioned any relation to her. Oh what power a tongue in a rejuvenated pussy brings. Soon, word spread that my mother was a greedy sociopath, something not welcome anywhere in the upper echelons. Soon, no one would even dignify her with any reply. She sadly hung herself at the lake cabin on Omicron Peron VIII. Her servants found her dead and bloated. Word spread quickly, but honestly no fucks given.

Finally, my last two targets were My father, and his right hand man who tried to steal from me. First was the right hand man. I pretended to be an intern in his office, not hard to do when my grandmother owned the entire set up. I had all sorts of clearances. So gaining access to his office was not even an effort. He was always the kind, older uncle to me growing up, though that image shattered on my wedding day, as he held the stun bolter. So I worked quickly, setting up the micro camera that would catch what was to come in 10k. He was a devout married man, with high standing in his church and social circles. But a little will breaking powder in his coffee and soon I was riding his cock, making him howl in pleasure as he buried his face in my ample chest. I quietly already filmed everything, and soon his family and friends, and the known universe see the family man fall into deep disgrace. He came in me, before passing out. I quietly dressed and blew the camera a kiss with a wink.

The fallout was massive. He was broken by the divorce and government imprisonment due to adultery. He died in prison in first week, as a black sheep cousin of his wife shanked him to death in the prison. His family moved on, his wife remarried a man not willing to fall, their adult children forgotten he ever existed. Now came the hardest nut to crack. My father.

He was already broken. After working my way up the ladder for months, grandmother secretly moved me into the position of his personal assistant. He freaked out at first, thinking I was mother from their youth. But I quietly gathered evidence, sending it to the right people on the boards, until finally he was called for a Grand Trial for his many crimes. His empire shattered beyond repair. My old comm was full of pleading texts for help from him, but the daughter he fucked over to save himself was long dead, with a tombstone in the family graveyard. I smiled as the security forces dragged him away. Grandmother's last act before she decided it was time for her to exit to be frozen until she is needed again, to make me the head of everything. Now as my father wastes away in a small obulette style cell on the prison asteroid, I was named Trusted, and invited to join the Commonwealth's Business council, now that I had twenty five percent of the core world assets.

A smile for photo's that did not reach my eyes, for the known universe never knew who or what brought down an evil family empire. After I was alone in my huge office, I fucked my self with an intern's nice tongue, she was a faithful girl. My old friends were given jobs in their fields of careers. I hung a tatter of the dress of the wall, sending the picture of it to my father. I would never know if he knew it was me, but the thought still makes me cum hard.

[VictimEyes]

Though I was never a fan of 'dystopia' fiction,
I am glad that this was posted.
- Moving forward, I can feel more confident about posting a story or poem (to the rape fantasy website)in which a victim doesn't get put on her back and drilled like she's a diamond mine as a result.

[Writers_Bloque]

Though I was never a fan of 'dystopia' fiction,
I am glad that this was posted.
- Moving forward, I can feel more confident about posting a story or poem (to the rape fantasy website)in which a victim doesn't get put on her back and drilled like she's a diamond mine as a result.

I was never a fan of how most literature treats real victims as weak and needing protection. As a fan of "What does not kill you will only make you stronger" train of thought.
Did you catch her new name, it was a Deus ex Machina for what was to come. Thank you for the kind words! Also, just post as you please, communities like this really isnt into slamming or shaming you for your posts.

[Claire]

Ok, I like the willingness to go really short with this story despite the contest allowing you up to 5,000 words. Personally, I think too many authors treat word limits as targets not as a maximum. So you deliberately avoiding to gor for 5,000 is a bold choice.

I also liked the detachment in her voice, especially early on when she only spoke of "the woman who birthed me" and "the man who made me".

For a long time, I had no idea whether the narrator was male or female. Was that intentional?

Now. there is one general pattern in your writing though that I think holds you back. You make your short stories too grand in scale in my opinion. Here you have a personal revenge story where the protagonist first gets abused and then takes out several different members of her "family". For 1,700 words, that's just too much. And therefore, your story is almost completely exposition with no event ever described in detail. I encourage you to scale it down. Make the story 4,000 words, throws us into the middle of the action without knowing what's going on. The protagonist is about to take her final act of revenge on her mother you reveal what happened prior bit by bit through internal narration and dialogue as the final revenge unfolds. Trust me, a focused approach like that would generate much more emotional investment for your readers.

I also was unable to recognize the theme you had been assigned for your match with me. But if it's there, I'd love to hear how it is reflected in the story. Could be that I just didn't notice it.

[Writers_Bloque]

Ok, I like the willingness to go really short with this story despite the contest allowing you up to 5,000 words. Personally, I think too many authors treat word limits as targets not as a maximum. So you deliberately avoiding to gor for 5,000 is a bold choice.

I also liked the detachment in her voice, especially early on when she only spoke of "the woman who birthed me" and "the man who made me".

For a long time, I had no idea whether the narrator was male or female. Was that intentional?

Now. there is one general pattern in your writing though that I think holds you back. You make your short stories too grand in scale in my opinion. Here you have a personal revenge story where the protagonist first gets abused and then takes out several different members of her "family". For 1,700 words, that's just too much. And therefore, your story is almost completely exposition with no event ever described in detail. I encourage you to scale it down. Make the story 4,000 words, throws us into the middle of the action without knowing what's going on. The protagonist is about to take her final act of revenge on her mother you reveal what happened prior bit by bit through internal narration and dialogue as the final revenge unfolds. Trust me, a focused approach like that would generate much more emotional investment for your readers.

I also was unable to recognize the theme you had been assigned for your match with me. But if it's there, I'd love to hear how it is reflected in the story. Could be that I just didn't notice it.

Let me break it down for you my dear friend.

1. I am refining my writing style, because I could write epics that would overload people with info, and as if a final thought, put in the points of it all. This story was written the second day of the Hell Reunion, where I almost went to prison for murder. So I figured to keep it short and sweet, using the word count as a boundary to keep people reading.

2. Would you not also be detached from everything if you were screwed over like her? I was not going for Kill Bill, but something a bit more plausible in her context.

3. Yes. We knew she was female, but I also wanted to make the readers possibly see themselves in it. Though the woman was wronged, anyone could be wronged like that or was in various degrees. Did it provoke anything in you?

4. I agree. I am an info dump addict in recovery. I intentionally left out tons of detail, as I feel I may bore readers to death with details, and only a little action. Thank you for pointing that out, it is something I need to fix.

5. Was it not "Hard as lightning, Soft as candlelight? I mean she was a soft woman, ready to wed, then was betrayed and she rebuilt herself to be hard as lightning, willing to get her revenge, Hence the name Rebecca Evenge. I may have over leaned on subtle clues, which is on me, not you. It was really fun the set ups she did, so that nothing would tie back to her, as they ended their own lives in different ways, by their own hand. Just like that scene in John Wick where that female assassin broke the rules, sold Wick out, and was promptly executed.

So Thank You very much for the input. I will strive harder to improve my craft.