Teaser: Liliane's heart raced as she read the email that had just landed in her inbox. Lucien Oprust, the iconic streamer she had idolized, wanted her to be a guest on his show, "Meeting the Newbz". Her big blue eyes widened in disbelief; this was the opportunity of a lifetime. She imagined the boost in her follower count and the thrill of sharing the screen with a titan of the streaming world. Little did she know, this dream would soon spiral into a dangerous reality.
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The author of this story has read and accepted the rules for posting stories. They guarantee that the following story depicts none of the themes listed in the Forbidden Content section of the rules.
The following story is a work of fiction meant for entertainment purposes only. It depicts nonconsensual sexual acts between adults. It is in no way meant to be understood as an endorsement of nonconsensual sex in real life. Any similarities of the characters in the story to real people are purely coincidental.
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Index:
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Title: The price of fame
Author: Siva
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The price of fame
Act One
Liliane's big blue eyes welled up with tears as she read the email, blinking twice to ensure she wasn't dreaming.
It was real: Lucien Oprust, the legendary streamer, wanted to feature her on his channel!
She could hardly believe it. Lucien was a titan in the streaming world, and being a guest on his "Meeting the Newbz" show would catapult her follower count beyond her wildest dreams.
Liliane was still in high school and a newcomer in the video game streaming scene, but her long blonde hair, delicate features, and infectious enthusiasm had quickly earned her a dedicated following.
While she was aware that her small, curvy figure attracted viewers, she was determined to showcase her gaming skills first and foremost. Despite being 18, she remained somewhat naive about the darker side of the industry, a reality she was beginning to grasp thanks to the deluge of inappropriate comments and unsolicited messages and pics she received daily.
She blushed thinking of the latest dick pic she received from a so-called "fan". It was nasty: Lili had never seen a real penis and given what she had been forced to see lately, she was not looking forward to it!
All in all it was not a big price to pay for fame, Lili knew she just needed a little bit of luck to start earning enough to leave her small, boring and prudish town and she couldn't wait. She knew this could be the breakthrough she had been waiting for, opening doors to collaborations, sponsorships, and new fans. This could be her turning point.
The only problem was that Lucien needed her for two full days of filming, which made it tricky to come up with a solid excuse to convince her parents to let her stay out. He had assured her that she could sleep in one of the rooms at the recording studio so she just had to find a plausible excuse to be out from Friday to Sunday. With a little luck, she'd have them convinced in no time.
Lili asked her online friend Alex to pretend to be from Liberty College's admissions office, calling her parents to invite her to a seniors' showing. In LA, and probably in the whole nation, there wasn't a more conservative school, so she was confident it would work. Alex agreed, and soon Lili's parents were excitedly discussing the "opportunity of a lifetime". With their approval secured, Lili packed a bag, her heart racing with anticipation for the most thrilling experience of her life.
A week later, she found herself at Lucien's studio, her heart pounding with excitement and trepidation. The sleek building loomed at the end of a narrow, unkempt alley, its elegant facade a striking contrast to the gritty surroundings. The alley itself was a tight corridor flanked by weathered brick walls, adorned with vivid graffiti that injected a burst of color into the sketchy landscape.
Lucien was waiting for her on the street, a cigarette in hand and a warm smile on his face, but as Liliane stepped closer, her initial excitement began to wane. In his videos, Lucien exuded confidence and charm, a polished persona that captivated millions. However, in person, he was a stark contrast to his public image.
He was overweight, noticeably heavier than he appeared in his videos, he was wearing jeans and a stained tee-shirt slightly wrinkled and ill-fitting, giving off a general air of neglect. His hair was unkempt, sticking out in disheveled tufts, and a five o'clock shadow darkened his jawline. The warm smile that had initially drawn her in now felt unsettling, there was a glint in his eyes that made her stomach twist, a hint of something that felt off, almost predatory.
Liliane had envisioned that meeting him would feel like stepping into a dream, but instead, she was met with a creeping sense of disillusionment. The man before her resembled more of a caricature than the confident streamer she admired. She had dressed to impress in a form-fitting summer dress that accentuated her curves perfectly. The soft, lightweight fabric flowed just above her knees, yet as she stood before Lucien, she couldn't shake the feeling that the outfit made her appear more exposed than she had intended.
As Lucien's eyes roamed over Liliane, he licked his lips, savoring the view before him; she was even more captivating in person, and he couldn't help but imagine the ways he could fuck her silly.
"We finally meet, Liliane!" Liliane smiled warmly as she stepped closer. "Thanks, Lucien! I’ve been looking forward to this" she replied, her enthusiasm palpable. Lucien smiled back. "It's great to finally meet in person. Come on in! Let’s get started on the collab” he said, gesturing toward the studio behind him. His voice was inviting, but the way he leaned in too close made her instinctively take a step back.
She followed him inside, her heart racing.
As Liliane stepped into the studio, the atmosphere shifted dramatically; the elegant space revealed itself to be a chaotic mess. The floor was littered with empty energy drink cans and crumpled snack wrappers. Cables snaked across the floor, creating a tripping hazard amidst the high-end equipment that seemed out of place in the disarray. The walls, adorned with posters of games, were peeling in spots, and the air was thick with the smell of smoke and marijuana.
Despite the state-of-the-art gear, the overall vibe felt more like a cluttered basement than a polished studio. Liliane took a deep breath, trying to shake off the unease. Lucien noticed her discomfort and said, “Before we get started, could you please put your bag and cellphone in the coat closet? It’s just for privacy reasons. We wouldn’t want you to be the cute spy of a competitor” he added with a wink, making her blush despite everything.
He then gave her a brief tour of the studio, his voice steady and professional. “This is the main studio area,” he said, gesturing toward the array of recording equipment, microphones, and monitors that filled the room.
As they moved toward the next space, Lucien continued, “And here we have the break room. Liliane, meet my coach and my manager: Zachary and Daniel. Guys say hi to Liliane” He gestured toward two guys playing a videogame.
Zachary, sprawled on a leather couch, looked up from his game, his thin frame accentuated by a black Metal t-shirt. His long, unkempt hair fell over his face, partially obscuring his features. His piercing black eyes glinted with mischief, but the overall effect was overshadowed by the awkwardness of his angular jawline, the goatee and the smattering of acne scars on his cheeks.
Next to him, Daniel sat in a large, worn armchair, his bulk spilling over the sides. He had a prominent belly and an unshaven face, his scruffy beard doing little to enhance his unattractive features. His bloodshot eyes lit up with a lewd amusement as he caught sight of her. They appeared to be in their thirties, if she had to guess, and Liliane felt a bit uncomfortable being the only woman and so much younger among all these men.
Zachary, paused his game, his eyes narrowing “Well, well, look who decided to join the party,” he said, a smirk creeping across his face. “Are you lost, sweetheart?”
Daniel, his bulk shifting in the armchair, chuckled, his gaze lingering on her tits a moment too long. “Wanna play with us sweetie? We don’t bite… unless you ask nicely.” His laughter was a low, rumbling sound.
Liliane maintained her composure, a cool smile on her lips. “I’m here for a collab with Lucien, nice to meet you!” she replied, her voice steady despite the unwelcome attention. She could feel their eyes on her, but she refused to let it rattle her. Lucien stepped forward, sensing the tension. “Guys, let’s keep it professional. Liliane is here to work.” He shot them a warning glance, but the men only shrugged, their amusement evident.
“Let’s head to the recording room,” Lucien said, gesturing for her to follow. As she turned to leave, she could feel their eyes on her, Liliane took a deep breath, shaking off the unwanted attention. She was here to do a job, and she wouldn’t let some crude remarks distract her.
As they walked down the hallway, Lucien pointed to a few doors. “Those are the studio apartments,” he said casually. “Some of the team members sleep there when they’re working late nights. And one of them will be your quarters during your stay here.” He smiled reassuringly.
Lucien paused before a door, swinging it open and gesturing for her to step inside.
The room was small and dimly lit, with the only light focused on the huge, oversized couch that Lili recognized from Lucien's videos. As Lucien led her inside, a wave of unease washed over her. The glow revealed the coach unsettling state, its blue fabric was marked with light, stains that Liliane could only hope were due to spilled drinks.
After a few steps, Lucien gestured for her to sit on the couch. There were three cameras surrounding them, the recording red light glinted like watchful eyes, capturing every moment in the oppressive silence. The soundproofing panels, covered in dark fabric, only added to the eerie atmosphere.
She sat nervously on the couch, her heart racing with excitement and a hint of apprehension.
"Alright, so let's get down to business," Lucien said, his tone shifting to a more professional one. "We'll start with a short interview, just to get to know you a bit better. I'll record it and show it on my channel, just to give my audience a chance to get familiar with you. After that, we'll move on to the gaming part. We have a few games lined up for today, probably three. And if we have time, we can fit in a few more games tomorrow. We'll take it one step at a time, and make sure you're comfortable with everything." He smiled, his eyes gleaming with enthusiasm. "Sound good?". Lili nodded.
After a few moments, Lucien emerged from behind the cameras, a confident smile on his face. “All set!” he announced before joining her on the couch. Instead of sitting at a comfortable distance, he plopped down right next to her, far too close for her comfort.
Liliane shifted slightly, trying to maintain her composure. Lucien leaned in, his voice low and conspiratorial. “Are you ready for this? It’s going to be fun,” he said, his eyes glinting.
She forced a smile “Yeah, I’m excited!” she replied, though her voice wavered slightly.
Lucien turned to the camera, his voice filled with enthusiasm as he began the introduction. “Welcome, everyone! Today, at "Meeting the Newbz" we have a special guest joining us. At 18 years old, Liliane is a fresh face in the streaming industry, ready to leave her mark. With her vibrant personality and passion for gaming, she’s here to share her journey and insights with us.”
Lucien leaned back and turned towards his guest, a relaxed smile on his face. “So, Liliane, what got you into streaming and gaming? It’s such a vibrant world out there.”
Liliane felt a wave of comfort wash over her as she began to share her journey. “I’ve always loved games since I was a kid. Streaming just felt like a natural extension of that passion. I enjoy connecting with people who share the same interests.”
Lucien nodded, “That’s awesome! It’s all about building that community, right? What do you think makes your streams unique?”
She smiled, feeling the conversation flow easily. “Well, you know, I really try to interact with my viewers and make them feel included. It’s not just about playing the game; it’s about creating a space where everyone feels welcome.”
Lucien leaned in slightly, his expression shifting. “That’s a great perspective. But you know, sometimes it takes more than just engagement to stand out. Have you ever thought about pushing it a bit? Doing something... unexpected?”
Liliane’s smile faltered as she sensed a change in the atmosphere. “What do you mean by unexpected?” she asked, her curiosity tinged with caution.
Lucien’s demeanor grew more intense, his eyes narrowing slightly. “You know, things that might make people sit up and take notice. Sometimes, the audience craves something a little darker, a little edgier. It can really elevate your brand.
She shifted uncomfortably on the couch, the air feeling heavier. “I’m not sure I’m comfortable with that. I like to keep things light and fun.”
Lucien’s smile remained, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Of course, positivity is important. But think about it: what if you could tap into a different side of your audience? Something that would really get them talking? It could be... thrilling.”
Liliane felt a chill run down her spine. “Thrilling?” she echoed, trying to maintain her composure.
“Absolutely,” Lucien said, his voice dropping to a whisper. “Sometimes, the line between entertainment and something more... intimate can blur. It’s all about what you’re willing to explore.” He leaned closer, his gaze unwavering. “And I think you have the potential to go much further than you realize.”The question hung in the air, heavy and suffocating. Liliane's heart raced as she realized the direction this was heading.
Panic surged within her as she struggled to find the right words. "I- I think we need to end this," she stammered, her voice trembling despite her efforts to sound composed. "Thank you for your time, but I really need to go." The words rushed out. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest, each beat echoing her fear. Lucien's predatory smile seemed to widen, and she felt a chill run down her spine.
She forced herself to maintain eye contact, but inside, she was screaming . The room had transformed into a trap, and she was acutely aware of the danger lurking behind Lucien's predatory smile.
Suddently, Lucien lunged at her, pinning her down on the couch with a force that stole her breath. His hands roamed over her body, and she felt the heat of his breath on her neck. "GET OFF OF ME!" she screamed, panic surging through her veins.
Lucien's expression twisted with anger, his grip tightening "You think you can just waltz in here and get free publicity? You dumb bitch."
Liliane's heart raced as she struggled beneath him. She pushed against his weight, but he was too heavy, too strong. "Let go of me!" she cried, desperation creeping into her voice.
Lucien laughed, a cruel sound that echoed in the room. "Oh, come on, Liliane. You knew exactly what you were inviting by coming here alone, dressed like that." His hands continued to explore, each touch a reminder of the power he wielded over her.
Suddently she heard the ominous sound of the belt being pulled out from his pants, accompanied by the harsh rasp of a zipper being undone, and she doubled her efforts in desperation.
"NOOOOO! HELP MEEEEEE!!" Lili screamed at the top of lungs.
Surely his friends must have heard her. Why was no one coming to save her!?
"Oh yeah scream for me! It makes me harder." he said smiling.
Lili kept struggling to free herself while Lucien worked on the dress. He managed to drag it over her head and down to her wrists, then deftly pulled her arms above her head. With a swift motion, he secured her wrists together using his belt, fastening it tightly.
Tears streamed down Liliane's face as she summoned all her strength. She managed to knee him in the stomach, causing him to grunt in pain and loosen his grip. Seizing the moment, she pushed him off with all her might and scrambled to her feet running towards the door.
She was close enough to touch the handle when she felt strong arms lifting her into the air and spinning her around. She was slammed against the couch and momentarily winded.
Lucian leaned in menacingly, his face twisted with anger. "You're not going anywhere," he snarled, slapping her cheeks.
"Do you understand?" He screamed.
Liliane was trembling, it was the first time her life that someone hit her. The sides of her face stung and she was so scared that she just nodded while tears streamed down her face.
"Good girl, now stay still" he lighly slapped her cheeks again before roughly ripping off her bra. He reached out, his hands rough and possessive, and grabbed her breasts, kneading them.
Lili could feel his engorged cock humping between her outstreched legs and let out a panicked shrill.
He slid his hand down the girl's smooth belly to the hem of her pink panties. Slowly, he ran his meaty hand inside them. He was pleased to find her pussy bare "Good, I like my whores shaved" he said while rubbing her clit and dry cunt.
"Noo please stooooop!" She pleaded with Lucien as he removed his pants and boxers, allowing his cock to spring free. The sight of it made her gasp: it was thick and long, veins snaked along its length, pulsing with life, and the head was a shade darker, glistening with pre-cum.
In a flash he removed her knickers and blocked her arms over her head with his hand.
Lili started crying harder than ever as soon as she felt the throbbing head of his cock at the entrance of her pussy.
"Please stop I have never done this" she sobbed.
Lucien stopped with just the head of his cock inside her. He couldn't believe his luck: virgins were a rare breed nowadays. He looked lovingly in her eyes and said: "Thank you for the cherry bitch" as he pushed his engorged cock inside her tight, virgin pussy. She wailed as his meaty pole stretched her pussy, filling her completely. Suddently, with a forceful show he ripped her hymen away and began to rape the struggling girl.
Lili screamed with all her might: "NOOOOOOOOOO! IT HUUUUURTS! Take it out please, take it out."
Lili thrashed and strained against her restraints as he moaned and laughed on top of her.
"GOD you are so thight bitch. UH UH UH UUUUUHHHH" Lucien was in bliss while thrusting inside her like a madman.
He could feel the thight wall of her small pussy sucking him in as he violently thrusted uncaring of her pathetic pleading to slow down.
"You keep crying like a little girl but you love it don't you?".
Lilian was in pain. Her pussy hurt and he was licking and manhadling her tits with his free hand while raping her. She was completely revolted at having the disgusting man on top of her, feeling his gross cock pumping inside her while the cries and sounds of pleasure echoed in the room.
Lucien let her hand go and reached under her, grasping her young round hips in his meaty hands. Squeezing her hips, he moved the middle finger of his left hand to her tiny puckered anus, and worked his digit inside.
She screamed like a banshee at the intrusion: "NOOOOO NOT THERE".
She bucked her hips wildly beneath him, desperate to throw off his heavy frame, but he merely chuckled in response, grunting through gritted teeth as he pistoned into her with renewed vigor.
Lucien was in ecstasy: he could feel the thightness of her pussy, and while she struggled against the finger in her rear her hips and breasts were pushed hard against him. The stupid bitch wasn't realizing that struggling was making it so much enjoyable for him. He grunted lewdly, fingers digging into her soft flesh. "Fuck! Bitch you feel so good". Lili's cries echoed through, she kept pleading him to stop but Lucien was uncaring.
He fucked her harder and harder as he feels his balls tighten. Thrusting into her using all his strength, he pumped into her wildly: "Oh yeah bitch! Ohhhh Fuck I am coming... I am coming, take it all inside you!".
"NOOOO NOT INSIDE!"she screamed, terrorized.
Lucien groaned loudly as his seed erupted from his cock and spurted deep into the sobbing girl.
Lili could feel his cock pulsing inside her aching pussy, her sobs became more convulsive, her desperation growing more overwhelming.
She felt Lucien slump onto her chest, breath ragged against her ear, wet strands of his hair sticking to her skin. "That was... fucking amazing," he breathed out, his body slowly leaving hers. As he slid his dick from her pussy he noticed a stream of cum and blood leaking fom her trembling body.
"Nice pussy bitch" He said as he got up, he put his trousers back on and wiped the sweat from his brow with the back of his hand before turning to face Lili. "Good job, I will enjoy our collaboration" he grinned, tracing a finger along her flushed cheek. Lili recoiled in disgust.
As he moved towards the door, Liliane hung limply on the couch, her arms still stretched taunt over her head, breasts heaving as tears streamed silently down her face. She had never felt so dirty, so used and abused.
As she tried to slowly get up, she heard the sound of the door being unlocked, and two new voices entered the room. A wave of dread washed over her, blending with the fatigue that weighed her down.
With the corner of her eye, she saw Daniel and Zachary enter. They sauntered in with smug expressions. "Well, well, look who's here" Daniel sneered, his voice dripping with condescension. "Enjoying work, Liliane?"
Zachary chuckled, his eyes roaming over her. "You know, you really should be more appreciative. Not everyone gets this kind of attention from a famous streamer."
Lili screamed: "NOOOOO GO AWAAAAY!!".
The two men exchanged amused glances, their mocking looks cutting deep, making her feel even more exposed and helpless.
"I'm off for a piss and a game. See you in a bit. Enjoy yourselves!" Lucien said merrily. He stepped out of the room, and with a deliberate, almost sinister slowness, locked the door behind him. The resounding click of the lock echoed through the room, amplifying the sense of dread that settled over her.
End of chapter 1
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I welcome criticism and suggestions.
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The price of fame
Forum rules
This forum is for publishing, reading and discussing rape fantasy (noncon) stories and consensual erotic fiction. Before you post your first story, please take five minutes to read the Quick Guide to Posting Stories and the Tag Guidelines.
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This forum is for publishing, reading and discussing rape fantasy (noncon) stories and consensual erotic fiction. Before you post your first story, please take five minutes to read the Quick Guide to Posting Stories and the Tag Guidelines.
If you are looking for a particular story, the story index might be helpful. It lists all stories alphabetically on one page. Please rate and comment on the stories you've read, thank you!
Story Filters
Language: English Stories | Deutsche Geschichten
Consent: Noncon | Consensual
Length: Flash | Short | Medium | Long
LGBT: Lesbian | Gay | Trans
Theme: Gang Rape | Female Rapist | SciFi | Fantasy
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Re: The price of fame
Hi Siva, very good first chapter. As a general thing it might be good to reinforce somewhere that Lilian is 18+. That can be so easily done in the interview section, without feeling forced. You are deliberately straggling the line with youthful appearance and identifying her as high school age.
The rule is unambiguous “no underage characters”.
The rule is unambiguous “no underage characters”.
My collected stories can be found here Shocking, positively shocking
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Re: The price of fame
Thak you very much, I added a part per your suggestion, the interview scene was missing something to be honest.
I want to clarify that I was absolutely not trying to dodge the rule; I just thought that stating the age at the start was sufficient, but I’ll keep it in mind going forward!
I want to clarify that I was absolutely not trying to dodge the rule; I just thought that stating the age at the start was sufficient, but I’ll keep it in mind going forward!
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Re: The price of fame
I never assumed that you did, but sometimes it’s just better having a built into the story reference on the age. Communities like ours are very vulnerable to self proclaimed protectors of law, order and moral values.Siva wrote: Mon Jul 28, 2025 8:59 pm Thak you very much, I added a part per your suggestion, the interview scene was missing something to be honest.
I want to clarify that I was absolutely not trying to dodge the rule; I just thought that stating the age at the start was sufficient, but I’ll keep it in mind going forward!
My collected stories can be found here Shocking, positively shocking
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Re: The price of fame
First, let me say about the rules: Even if a story violates any of the rules, we usually don't assume any bad intentions. Mistakes happen, it's not a big deal. We just mention what's wrong and then it gets fixed. In your case, you tagged your story both as medium and long and it can't be both at the same time. Here is what the Tag Guidelines thread says about the length tag:
But now let's get to your story, the actually important part.
I really like the concept behind your story. To lean into streaming culture like that is a great idea, especially knowing that streamers exploiting fans and/or smaller streamers does happen in that scene. That being said, the execution of that idea feels very rushed and reads more like a caricature than an actual exploration of that idea. You are setting out to write a fairly long story in multiple parts here, so take the time to truly explore the idea.
Who is Liliane as a streamer? Is she a competitive Tekken or Street Fighter streamer? Does she do in depth Let's Plays of story focused games? Is she playing first person shooters or Hearthstone? Speedruns of retro games maybe? If so, how did an 18 year old get into speedrunning Super Metroid? Sell me on the idea that this girl is actually into games and why Lucien might be her hero.
Then the situation escalates very quickly and you portray Liliane as extremely naive. It would be much more effective if she felt some disillusionment after meeting Lucien for the first time as you described it (which I liked a lot), but once they get to streaming together she's starting to feel more at ease. The interview itself then doesn't sound like it comes from any popular gaming stream. It reads more like some reporter doing an interview that tries to explain to boomers what streaming is like.
Overall, I can only recommend to you to slow down here, especially if you're not limiting yourself to writing a short sory. Flesh out these characters, make this actually feel like this is a streamer collaboration. Give us an actual streaming session, have the whole thing escalate after she has eased into the situation a bit and she actually feels safe and comfortable. Maybe they have a drink together after 5 hours of streaming together? What are they playing together? Show us that the chat actually liked her. Make us feel that this Lucien guy has some appeal that made him so popular in the first place. Currently, this reads more like an extremely rushed caricature that wastes a lot of the potential in this idea.
So great concept for a story, but I would treat this more as a promising first draft with the potential for a lot more.
So, please remove on of the two tags.Length: Flash, Short, Medium, Long
- Flash: Between 250 and 1,000 words
- Short: Between 1,000 and 5,000 words
- Medium: Between 5,000 and 15,000 words
- Long: 15,000 words or more
- The Length-tag always applies to the length of your finished story. If your story is unfinished, you will have to guess how long it may end up being. If you end up under- or overestimating the length of your story this is not a problem. But please update the Length-tag once you can foresee the length of your story better. For example, you might initially believe your story to be of medium length by the end of its final chapter, but upon reaching the penultimate chapter you have already breached the Long story word count. That is when you should at the latest update the tag from Medium to Long.
But now let's get to your story, the actually important part.

I really like the concept behind your story. To lean into streaming culture like that is a great idea, especially knowing that streamers exploiting fans and/or smaller streamers does happen in that scene. That being said, the execution of that idea feels very rushed and reads more like a caricature than an actual exploration of that idea. You are setting out to write a fairly long story in multiple parts here, so take the time to truly explore the idea.
Who is Liliane as a streamer? Is she a competitive Tekken or Street Fighter streamer? Does she do in depth Let's Plays of story focused games? Is she playing first person shooters or Hearthstone? Speedruns of retro games maybe? If so, how did an 18 year old get into speedrunning Super Metroid? Sell me on the idea that this girl is actually into games and why Lucien might be her hero.
Then the situation escalates very quickly and you portray Liliane as extremely naive. It would be much more effective if she felt some disillusionment after meeting Lucien for the first time as you described it (which I liked a lot), but once they get to streaming together she's starting to feel more at ease. The interview itself then doesn't sound like it comes from any popular gaming stream. It reads more like some reporter doing an interview that tries to explain to boomers what streaming is like.
Overall, I can only recommend to you to slow down here, especially if you're not limiting yourself to writing a short sory. Flesh out these characters, make this actually feel like this is a streamer collaboration. Give us an actual streaming session, have the whole thing escalate after she has eased into the situation a bit and she actually feels safe and comfortable. Maybe they have a drink together after 5 hours of streaming together? What are they playing together? Show us that the chat actually liked her. Make us feel that this Lucien guy has some appeal that made him so popular in the first place. Currently, this reads more like an extremely rushed caricature that wastes a lot of the potential in this idea.
So great concept for a story, but I would treat this more as a promising first draft with the potential for a lot more.
My stories: Claire's Cesspool of Sin. I'm always happy to receive a comment on my stories, even more so on an older one!