The CUNT Rapist

[RapeU]

Teaser: The pleasure, oh fuck the pleasure. Faster, faster, faster, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, UH, UH, UH, UH, UH, GAAA, GAAA, GAAA, GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I felt my body explode in a tidal wave of bliss, the feeling unlike anything I ever felt before in my life.

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The author of this story has read and accepted the rules for posting stories. They guarantee that the following story depicts none of the themes listed in the Forbidden Content section of the rules.

The following story is a work of fiction meant for entertainment purposes only. It depicts nonconsensual sexual acts between adults. It is in no way meant to be understood as an endorsement of nonconsensual sex in real life. Any similarities of the characters in the story to real people are purely coincidental.
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Index:

• Chapter 1
• Chapter 2 (MF Con Awkward teenage sex)
• Chapter 3
• Chapter 4
• Chapter 5
• Chapter 6
• Chapter 7 MF noncon
• Chapter 8
• Chapter 9 F solo
• Chapter 10
• Chapter 11
• Chapter 12 MF Noncon

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Title: The CUNT Rapist
Author: RapeU
Chapter Tags: Nosex, main character introduction and story set up.
Content Warnings: Cheap high school prom
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This is a story about the journey of Frances Alexandria Turner, aka Alex, and her descent into mental madness. We'll first start with an unfortunate first sexual encounter when she was 18. Then, we follow her as she attends Cook College, a branch of the University of North Texas in the fictional small town of Cook, Texas. Most of the time people generally use CC as the abbreviation, but knuckleheaded young adults keep calling it CUNT college as a never ending joke. Alex struggles to find someone else to have sex with. Most guys her age prefer thinner girls, and any relationship she starts ends quickly. Her mental state fractures further as she becomes increasingly frustrated. Desperate to satisfy her quenchless desires, Alex decides to force men to have sex with her. Thus begins the birth of... the CUNT Rapist.

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The CUNT Rapist

Chapter 1 - High School Prom

The country club smelled of bleach and smoke. A kitchen fire had ravaged the place several years ago. Despite numerous attempts, no one had successfully eradicated the odor, which clashed with the elegance intended for the senior high school prom. Maroon drapes covered the windows, maroon and white being our school colors, and the drapes were mediocre at best. Their fabric was a little too plain and uninspired for such a special night. The lighting was uneven, casting awkward shadows in certain corners and leaving other areas too bright. But it was either the country club or the high school cafeteria. And even in the mood I was in, I had to agree that the country club was a better location. Who wants to have prom in a cafeteria?

You might be wondering what kind of mood I was in. The same kind of mood I generally always had back then, as if I had a persistent dark cloud threatening inclement weather hanging over my head. An awkward feeling that I just didn't belong pounded on my head like a battering ram against a castle gate. I tried to suppress it, but the feeling gnawed at me the whole evening.

I had gone to prom with my boyfriend Max, a moment I had dreamed of since we started dating. He was the first guy who'd ever shown interest in me, and I still remembered how that felt like a miracle. Max was smart and lean, with carefully styled brown hair that fell just right over his forehead. He wore wire-rimmed glasses and was always adjusting them when he got nervous. That night, he wore a black tuxedo that hugged his angular frame perfectly, every seam tailored as if it were made just for him. The sight of him in that tux made him look like he had stepped out of an indie film, his presence striking against the backdrop of the dance floor, while I stood beside him, feeling like the luckiest person in the room.

“You look really beautiful tonight, Alex,” Max said as we swayed awkwardly to a slow song. His hands rested lightly on my waist, like he was afraid to grip too firmly. “That dress really brings out your eyes.” I mumbled a thank you, not believing him for a second. The maroon dress I'd picked was the only one in the plus-size section that didn't make me look like I was wearing a tent. Still, the compliment made my heart flutter. But something about Max felt different. His gaze kept drifting over my shoulder, scanning the room like he was looking for an escape route. He'd check his phone when he thought I wasn't looking, and whenever he laughed it sounded hollow.

“Are you okay?” I asked, tugging his attention back to me. “Yeah, of course.” Max adjusted his glasses again, that nervous tic I usually found endearing but that time seemed ominous. “Have I mentioned how amazing you look tonight?” His voice sounded flat instead of genuine. “Seriously, Alex, that color is perfect on you.” The second compliment felt even more forced than the first. Max had never been the type to shower me with praise. Even if he did, I wouldn't have believed it. But that night he seemed almost desperate to convince me. Little did I know he was trying to convince himself.

The slow song ended. One second later the crowd cheered at the DJ in encouragement as everyone instantly recognized the next song. Du-dut, du-dut…du-dut, du-dut “YEAH” my twin brother, J.J., and multiple others screamed out the iconic title. While I loved the song, what kind of uncultured swine doesn’t at least think the beat is cool, I knew there was no way I was comfortable enough to dance to it in a crowd. Maybe if I was 100 pounds lighter. Maybe. I awkwardly pulled Max and myself away from the dance floor closer to the tables.

Max then leaned over and whispered something in my ear that was totally unexpected. I thought he was going to ask me if he could dance to the song. It wouldn’t have bothered me, as long as he was dancing with a group and not just one person. Instead he whispered “Let’s go early back to my place. My parents are out on a date and won’t be home for a while. We could do it while they’re gone.”

Suddenly my heart skipped a beat and my mouth felt dry. I wondered if this is why he had acted so strange throughout the night. What would happen if I said no? I didn’t want to take that chance. We were both legally adults at 18 and responsible for our own actions. Plus, Max could probably get another girl with the snap of his fingers if he really wanted to. There’s no way I would get another chance at this if it got blown. I was always known as “J.J.’s sister.” No one ever said “ugly sister,” but there was always a hesitation and short silence right after someone said it. Generally it was obvious others thought of me as a fat slob.

“Let’s do it,” I whispered back in his ear.
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Did you hear the beat when reading about the song? I certainly heard it...

[DayDreamNights]

Can't wait to see where this goes

[Neighbor]

She's really down on herself. And she's feeding off the negative voices around her.
I'm rooting for her, hope this story-idea gets developed, hope her "taking power" over others allows her to thrive, to crawl out of her cocoon and become a butterfly.

[RapeU]

Chapter Tags: MF, con, virgin sex
Content Warnings: Awkward teenage sex gone wrong
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Alex has awkward sex with her boyfriend that goes off the rails.

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Chapter 2 - Awkward Teenage Sex

Max and I awkwardly undressed each other once we were alone in his house. His hands shook as he fumbled with the zipper of my dress. The maroon fabric pooled around my ankles, and I stood there in my carefully chosen underwear, feeling more exposed than I'd ever felt in my life. My heart fluttered as I unbuttoned his tux and unzipped his pants. All of our clothing soon piled onto the floor by the bed. His bedroom's harsh lighting wasn't kind to anyone, but it felt especially cruel to me. Max's eyes darted away, then back, then away again. I could see him trying to summon enthusiasm that wasn't naturally there.

"You're beautiful," he whispered, but the words felt hollow. It felt like he was reciting lines from a play he didn't want to be in. When he kissed me, his lips were cold. His hands felt mechanical when they touched my skin. I told myself it was nerves. We were both virgins after all, so it was bound to be a little awkward and nerve wracking. I didn’t know where my hands should go while we both kissed. His cock looked different than I expected it to be. It was a tiny thing, barely there between his legs. When I touched his cock it felt soft and squishy, not like how I had heard others describe sex at all.

We awkwardly explored each other’s bodies using our hands, and the feeling that something was off intensified. He touched my bosom and his touch felt cold, distant. It didn’t feel warm and inviting like I had heard others describe their first time experience. “What’s wrong?” I asked him. He shook his head and apologized, voice strained "I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong." “Maybe it’s just nerves,” I said hopefully. His expression looked pained, like he was hiding something and too afraid to share it.

A thought occurred to me, “Did my brother put you up to this to try and make me happy?” It wouldn’t have surprised me if J.J. orchestrated the whole relationship. My brother always meant well, but would at times miss the mark. Max shook his head “No, I want to do this.” His cock then perked up and hardened. What once was a tiny little seed suddenly grew into a beanstalk. Inwardly I breathed a sigh of relief. I guided his hand between my legs and let him explore down there while I explored his cock. Now it felt like how I had heard others describe it, hard and firm.

I lay back on the bed and beckoned him to get on top of me. The weight of his body surprised me, I almost couldn’t breathe. We paused awkwardly in that position for a moment. I spread my legs further apart and he positioned himself between them. His face was close to mine, but I could see he was avoiding eye contact. Shouldn’t you look at someone during sex? I didn’t know the answer to that one, so I closed my eyes hoping it would help enhance the mood. It only made the awkward feeling worse.

He pushed into me slowly, and I gasped at the sharp pain. Tears pricked my eyes, but I bit my lip to stay quiet. I didn't want to ruin the moment. Max grunted softly, his movements awkward and hesitant. The mattress creaked beneath us with each thrust. I wrapped my arms around his back, trying to pull him closer, but his muscles remained tense under my touch. Sex was painful, mechanical, and not anything at all like I had expected it to be. Max's movements grew increasingly desperate, like he was trying to convince himself of something. I remember staring at a water stain on the ceiling, shaped vaguely like Texas, while he awkwardly thrust inside me. It was a strangled sound that wasn't quite pleasure, like he was forcing himself to try and feel good.

“Ok this isn’t working” I managed to breathe out. The thrusting stopped immediately. Max's body went rigid above me, his breathing ragged against my neck. He pulled out and rolled away, leaving a cold space between us underneath the sheets. The silence afterward screamed to be broken, but I felt too terrified to speak. "I can't do this," Max finally whispered, voice cracking after what felt like hours but was probably only a few minutes. "I'm sorry, Alex." His face flushed red and there was genuine sorrow in his eyes. I lay there, exposed and humiliated, my womanhood sticky and gross. The air conditioner kicked on with a rattling wheeze through the air vents, blasting cold air across our naked bodies.

"What's wrong with me?" I managed to say without bursting into uncontrollable sobs. I hated how small my voice sounded. "Did I do something wrong?" My eyes became blurry with tears. I felt disgusted at myself, a broken slob that didn’t deserve to feel good. Max shook his head. “I’m the one that did something wrong,” he said with sadness and regret in his voice. “I should have never done this,” he admitted, his voice pained.

"I should have never done this" the words echoed in my head. They slammed into me like a monkey had thrown it's poop right into my face. “You are doing it for my brother!” I exclaimed, my emotions threatening to boil over into a breakdown. “Why did you lie?” Max shook his head again. “I’m not doing it for your brother. I wanted to see for my own reasons. And I’ve figured it out,” he paused for a moment, “I’m gay.”

"I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay." My brain repeated it over and over again in my head, I couldn't stop myself. Time seemed to slow down and crawl. The breath in my lungs caught in my throat. My heart shattered in my chest. I lay there in utter disbelief, unable to utter a word, thinking what he had said was the worst thing you could say to someone right after a sexual encounter. Then he said something even worse. “There was a reason my cock got hard initially,” he said with hesitancy, “because you mentioned your brother. I want to have sex with him, not you.”

I don’t remember what happened after that. All I know is I didn’t kill anyone that night, though I badly wanted to. I suffered an extreme emotional breakdown and can’t remember much in the days, weeks, and months afterward. Truly, I have no idea how I survived that time period without hurting myself, Max, or my brother. The only thing I remember during that time period was at one point my twin brother J.J. said he tried having a gay experience and didn’t like it. In my brother's own words: “Damn I didn’t expect my ass would be this sore. Screw being gay, I’m not doing that again.”
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The idea of boyfriend having sex only to find out he's gay came to me from a King of the Hill episode where Peggy spilled her secret that she slept with someone so he could find out for sure if he was gay before she got married. I think it works well here in establishing the beginnings of a female rapist who, despite having a bad first time, craves sex but has a hard time finding someone.

[RapeU]

Chapter Tags: Nosex, character introductions and world development
Content Warnings: CUNT
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Welcome to CUNT college, where any normal every day object can suddenly become a CUNT object!

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Chapter 3 - Fresh Start At CUNT College

When I first heard Cook College’s lewd nickname, I felt my entire body go rigid with shock. It was right before freshmen orientation. A guy who I presumed to be a junior or senior ran into the middle of the room and yelled out, “welcome to CUNT” then ran back out of the room. Laughter and a buzz of conversation filled the room afterwards.

“What was that guy talking about,” a confused girl who looked like Rapunzel with shorter hair asked. “Cook College is a branch of the University of North Texas,” answered a guy with chocolaty skin. “Immature people like to combine it into C-U-N-T.” The girl laughed, “No way!” The man shook his head “It gets old after a while, but it’s at least better than what used to happen." I sighed. Of course the college I ended up at had a crude nickname while the one my brother went to was normal.

“Not impressed with the nickname? Wish more people were like you,” someone said, surprising me out of my thoughts. An Asian man noticed my lack of enthusiasm at the joke. “Marcus Chen,” he said offering his hand before I had a chance to respond. My heart fluttered as I took his hand. He was being nice! To me! And he was cute! “Alex” I managed to introduce myself coolly.

“I’m one of the RA’s so if you need anything don’t hesitate to ask.” Oh, that’s why he was being nice. He was just doing part of his duties. “We’ve gotta look out for each other like family” he finished. I nodded along out of politeness while inwardly I thought there was no way this guy would go out of his way to talk to me under any other circumstances. Someone whispered “CUNT family” and a few people snickered. Marcus didn’t give any indication that he heard the whisper and excused himself to meet with other freshmen. A member of the faculty came up to the podium to start orientation. “Welcome to Cook College.” Of course, someone had to whisper “CUNT college” amid laughter and snickering. I sighed. This was going to be a long year…

After orientation I dragged everything to my assigned dorm room, sweat all over my body. My back hurt. The hallway smelled like industrial cleaner and stale pizza, punctuated by the occasional whiff of someone's body spray. CUNT spray. Damn it, now my mind was involuntarily doing it too! I sighed again. Room 247. I fumbled with the key card, my hands trembling slightly as I swiped it three times before the green light finally blinked.

The door swung open to reveal a cramped space with two twin beds, two desks, and barely enough room to walk between them. One side had textbooks stacked with precision, a laptop positioned at the perfect angle, and clothes hung in the closet with mathematical spacing. My roommate was clearly the organized type just like me. I dropped my bags on the bare mattress that would be mine for the next year and tried not to think about how this room was smaller than a decimal.

As I put the finishing touches on my side of the room I heard the door click. A petite yet athletically built dark haired girl with red highlights walked in. When she saw me she gave a warm, genuine smile. “Hey! I’m Summer Phillips. You must be Frances!” Her smile was dazzling, confident. "Everyone calls me Sums. What do you go by?”

I blinked and took a moment for my brain to catch up. “Alex, from my middle name Alexandria" I replied and attempted to match her enthusiasm, but fell short. Sums took it in stride “A shy one huh?” I nodded. “My dad works at an oil company,” Sums said, “so we had to move practically every year while I was growing up. I learned to connect with people at an early age.” I listened to Sums chat away about her travels and the places she'd lived. Her confidence radiated from every gesture.

“But enough about me,” she said after she talked about the time she almost didn’t make it out of Puerto Rico before a hurricane hit “tell me more about you.” She truly sounded genuine. “Well,” I said after a moment’s thought “I’m a born and raised Texas girl, I’m majoring in psychology so that I can understand people better," I said leaving out the part that I want to understand myself better too, "and I have a twin brother J.J. He hates his name but likes his initials.” Sums nodded “I’ve got a younger sister, Samantha, who hates her name and got it changed to Milo.”

“Milo?” I cocked my head at Sums. She shrugged “It’s complicated. She tried to transition but something happened at some point to spook her. She doesn’t like to talk about it, but she ended up keeping the name. But enough about that, psychology is a noble field to go into. I haven’t decided what to major in yet. Figured I’d get some basic courses out of the way this year and decide later.”

I nodded, feeling a stab of envy at how effortlessly she could postpone such a major decision. Everything about Sums seemed to come so naturally. She even spoke with such casual confidence about her family's complexities like complex was normal. I'd agonized over my major for months, settling on psychology partly because I desperately needed to understand what was broken inside me.

“So what's your brother studying?” Sums asked. “Kinesiology at UT Austin,” I said, trying to keep the bitterness from my voice. “He got a full ride for football.” Suddenly I felt like I was in my brother’s shadow again. “That's awesome! You must be proud.” Her enthusiasm felt genuine, which somehow made the feeling I had worse.

“I…” words wouldn’t come to me. Sums nodded in understanding “You feel like a shadow,” she correctly observed. I nodded, “that obvious huh?” She nodded and I continued. "I love my brother, I really do. He's just everything I'm not. Popular, athletic, outgoing..." I trailed off lost in thought. I realized Sums would probably do well in my major of psychology, she could read me like an open book after all. But would I just become another shadow while she shined in the spotlight? “Siblings can be tough,” Sums said interrupting my thoughts, her voice softening. She hopped onto her bed, legs dangling over the edge. “My sister got all the artistic talent. I can barely draw a stick figure.” Sums cringed, “that was a terrible comparison.”

“Yeah that was pretty bad,” I agreed with a small giggle. Inwardly I breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe she wouldn’t make a good therapist after all. Then, I wondered why I was thinking this way. Sums was being genuine as far as I could tell and then there’s me being relieved that she wasn’t perfect. What’s wrong with me?

Sums’ phone chirped. She looked at it and her eyes glittered with excitement. “Oooh, a freshman mixer happening right now.” Her fingers flurried quickly to text a reply. She looked at me “You’re coming with.” I blinked, taken aback. “I…” I couldn't think of anything else to say. Sums grinned warmly, “The best way to stop being a shadow is to be in the spotlight. Trust me, I’ve got your back.”

“I’ve got your back, I’ve got your back” the words echoed in my head. J.J. of course said that to me numerous times. Sums and J.J. were similar in a lot of ways. Was this really a fresh start at a new college? Could I ever truly escape being a shadow when someone like Sums or J.J. shined so brightly around me? J.J. one time dragged me to a high school party and it wasn’t pleasant. Would history repeat itself here?

“Ok,” I reluctantly agreed.

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[RapeU]

Chapter Tags: Nosex, story setup
Content Warnings: College frat party, Explicit version of a Black Eyed Pea's song
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Sums drags Alex to a frat party. Alex meets a guy and gets rejected.

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Chapter 4 - CUNT Party!

The music hit me like a sledgehammer to the skull the moment we walked through the doors of a fraternity house, "Alpha..." something. Sums grabbed my arm, her grip surprisingly strong as she pulled me deeper into the chaos. "This is the perfect way to break out of your shell!" she shouted over the pounding bass. "Everyone's already loose and having fun!" "CUNT PARTY!" someone yelled, barely audible over the heavy bass. "LET'S GET RETARDED IN HERE!" the music blared. “It’s too loud!” I shouted to Sums. She nodded in agreement then shouted “I heard the basement won’t be as loud. Let’s check it out!” “Do we have to?” I shouted. Sums didn’t answer, or if she did I didn’t hear it. Reluctantly I followed her.

The basement must have been well insulated. In the main area of the frat house it felt like I was in a movie theater with the speakers turned up to the max and all the patrons blowing air horns at once. In the basement the sound upstairs became a dull roar of background noise. Overall the basement looked like a place to relax next to the chaos above. People were lounging in couches and chairs. Some were playing card games while others were playing video games. And of course there were a few people playing beer pong.

The air was thick with the smell of stale beer and sweat, but at least I could think without my eardrums bleeding. Sums immediately gravitated toward a group playing cards, her natural charisma drew smiles from strangers like a magnet. I lingered behind her and tried to look interested. Inwardly I felt like a fraud in my own skin. I scanned the room and hoped I could figure out a way to blend in. My eyes landed on a group of guys near the beer pong table. One of them caught sight of me and nudged his buddy. "Dude, check out the fat chick," he snickered, his voice carrying despite the background noise. "Bet she could drink us all under the table." Their laughter felt like shards of glass scraping against my eardrums.

My face burned with humiliation. The familiar weight of shame settled on my shoulders like a lead blanket. I wanted to disappear, to melt into the concrete floor and never resurface. Sums chatted with a group of girls by the TV, completely oblivious to my mortification. She fit in so effortlessly, like she'd been friends forever instead of minutes.

I retreated to the far corner of the basement, my back pressed against the cold concrete wall. The familiar sting of tears threatened to spill over, but I blinked them back furiously. Sums noticed my retreat and excused herself from her new friends. “Alex, what’s wrong?” Her mouth frowned in concern and eyes sad with contrition. I shook my head, afraid that if I spoke the floodgates of my eyes would pour down my face. “Ok,” Sums said gently, “let’s try a different approach. Take a few deep breaths. When you’re ready, pick one person in this room and go introduce yourself. Talk to them like you talked with me earlier today. Then, if you still feel out of place we can go back to the dorms.”

I nodded, her request was a reasonable compromise. Slowly I took a breath, then another. My eyes no longer threatened to melt my face. “Ok,” I sighed “one person.” Sums nodded and smiled in encouragement. I scanned the room, my breath shallow as anxiety clawed at my throat. Only one person, only one person. Thinking that made me less anxious. Sums waited, her expectant gaze burned into me like a spotlight. Everyone looked so comfortable, so at ease in their own skin. How did they manage that? My eyes landed on a guy sitting alone in the corner, hunched over his phone. He had a mop of curly brown hair and thick rimmed glasses that he kept pushing up his nose. Something about his isolation resonated with me.

"Him," I muttered, nodding toward the corner. Sums followed my gaze and grinned. "Good choice. He looks approachable. Go on, I'll be right here. I’ve got you." The similarity between Sums and J.J. in that moment was uncanny. At the high school party J.J. dragged me to he had said something similar. Back then it turned into a disaster when I tripped into one of the football players I secretly had a crush on and spilled soda all over the both of us. As I thought about that moment, I remembered the laughter and jeers from so long ago. But this moment would be different I told myself. This time, I didn’t have anything in my hands to spill.

My legs felt like concrete as I crossed the room. Each step felt like I was wading through quicksand. The guy glanced up as I approached, his eyes widening slightly behind those thick glasses. "Hi," I managed, my voice barely audible. "I'm Alex." "Tom," he replied, as he slid his phone into his pocket. "You look as thrilled to be here as I am." A genuine smile tugged at the corner of my mouth for the first time all evening. "That obvious?" I asked, settling into the empty chair beside him. The char creaked under my weight, and I tried not to think about how loud it sounded.

Tom adjusted his glasses and shrugged. "My roommate dragged me here. Said I needed to 'expand my social horizons' or something equally horrifying." His voice carried a dry humor that I found oddly comforting. "What's your excuse?" "Same story, different roommate," I said, glancing back at Sums who was now engaged in what looked like an animated conversation about travel destinations. She caught me looking and I saw a happy twinkle in her eyes. "She thinks I need to get out of my shell."

"Ah, the classic 'you need to put yourself out there' intervention," Tom nodded knowingly. "I've been getting that lecture since middle school. Apparently sitting alone with a book makes people think you're missing the world go by around you. Or something." I snorted, surprised by the laugh that escaped me. "I know exactly what you mean,” I agreed. “People think if you're not constantly surrounded by friends, something must be wrong with you." "Clearly they've never experienced the joy of not having to make small talk," Tom said, his lips moved up in a half smile that made something flutter in my chest.

"So..." Tom said after an awkward pause, "what kind of things do you like to watch?" I thought about it for a beat. "Star Wars. After I got accepted here I used my free time to watch the Clone Wars animated series." Tom frowned. "The one Cartoon Network made?" I shook my head. "Don't get me started with that one, it was terrible. No this was made by Lucas himself." Tom's face brightened "I heard about a new one but never watched it because of how awful the first one was. Didn't realize Lucas made it." I nodded, "I was reluctant too but the first episode was good enough to keep me interested. There's really not a bad episode in the series." He smiled, and ooo it was so cute when he smiled. "Thanks, I'll have to check that out sometime."

My heart fluttered again. Things were going well, better than I expected. I decided to be brave, “I really like you, Tom. Can I get your number and maybe we can do something later?” Tom's face went pale, his eyes darting away from mine like I'd just asked him to commit a felony. The easy smile that had been building between us vanished instantly. "I... um..." He fumbled with his glasses, pushing them up his nose three times in rapid succession. "I should probably get back to my roommate. He's probably wondering where I am."

The rejection hit me like a physical blow. My stomach dropped as I watched him scramble to his feet, nearly knocking over his chair in his haste to escape. It happened again, my heart beat for a guy only to have the guy shatter it into millions of pieces. Tom’s face had the same look Max gave me when Max told me he was interested in my brother instead of me. I watched Tom quickly stand then weave through the crowd, his shoulders hunched as he practically fled toward the stairs. The familiar ache of rejection spread through my chest like poison. How stupid could I be? Of course he didn't want me. Of course he didn’t like me back. No guy ever liked me back.

The basement suddenly felt suffocating. The laughter from the beer pong table seemed directed at me, every conversation a whispered judgment about the fat girl who thought she had a chance. I pressed my back against the wall, my hands trembled as I tried to steady my breathing. Suddenly Sums appeared next to me. “I’m sorry it didn’t work out,” she said in a genuine remorseful tone when she read the look on my face. “We can leave whenever you’re ready.”
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We're getting closer to Alex's descent into dark desires. A rejection here, a rejection there, mix that in with a little mental instability and kablam!

[Shocker]

I like where this is going, having a protagonist of non traditional beauty, adds to the spice of the situation. Looking forward to read more.

[RapeU]

Chapter Tags: Nosex Story Setup
Content Warnings: Discussion of mental illness and dark, disturbing thoughts.
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Alex struggles with inner demons. Trigger possibility for depression

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Chapter 5 - Internal Struggle

When I was in junior high and high school, I learned it was easier to pretend to be ok instead of telling people the truth. I also learned most of the time people who ask you “how are you doing” or “how’s it going” expect a generic answer. If I gave them what they expected they generally left me alone. Even J.J. backed off after a while, though it could be because he felt bad about the prom night incident. So naturally after the rejection at the frat party, I pretended like everything was fine. I attended class, nodded politely to people I recognized, pretended like I didn’t hear people snicker about my looks, and fooled just about everyone with my mask of normalcy.

But inside myself was a totally different story. Imagine a box about the size of a mouse. Push in anything you don’t like such as angry replies that you want to say but don’t, times when you want to cry but hold it in, and other undesirable feelings or traits. Now imagine opening the box and suddenly the box is bigger than you. When you peer inside you see nothing but a dark hole. You explore the hole and quickly realize that it’s a bottomless pit. You start trying to climb out, but all those negative thoughts and feelings weigh you down. Suddenly you can’t see the opening of the pit anymore. You feel like it’s way too much work to get out of the pit now and allow your thoughts to be slowly poisoned. Or, you could work hard and struggle to get a glimpse of the opening of the pit only to be dragged down again and again. Your mind latches onto negativity like a leech. That is merely a glimpse of what depression is like.

I was depressed, and I hid it well. The routine became my shield. Wake up. Shower. Get dressed. Smile at Sums. Attend class. Take notes. Return to dorm. Study. Sleep. Repeat. Each step carefully choreographed to project normalcy while the darkness inside me grew like a cancer. I became a master of small talk, of deflection. I knew exactly how much to share to seem normal without revealing the rot spreading inside me. In class, I'd take detailed notes, raise my hand occasionally, and nod thoughtfully at professors' questions. No one suspected that behind my carefully constructed facade, I was disintegrating.

No one, except of course Sums. But even Sums had predictable behavior, and I learned quickly just what to say so she’d never know how bad it was. She knew something was wrong of course, but I would never say the real reason and she seemed to know not to push for too long. If she knew how bad it was she probably would have tried harder to help.

Around this time a scandalous affair took place. One of the football players who was in Alpha whatever it was house - I never did catch the other Greek name and never really cared - went on a date with a woman off campus and was accused of raping her by Cook’s Creek (which was actually a river) at the edge of town. Remarkably, he didn’t receive any consequences until the media caught wind of it and there were protests against the university. This event allowed me to disguise my depression as worry over poor, beautiful Elizabeth and how justice wasn’t served. Sounds sick? Yeah, that’s what depression can do to your brain if you don’t fight it.

It got worse when Sums dragged me to a few more social events. Every event felt like a repetition of the prior event. Loud music, beer, drunk guys snickered at how I was fat or ugly, talk to a guy only to be blown off, and Sums sadly taking me back to the dorm. Something about Elizabeth’s case resonated within me. The football player only got caught because everyone knew who he was. Nobody but Sums truly knew me here. What if the football player didn’t get caught because it was someone nobody truly knew like me? Could I quench my lustful desires by forcing a guy to have sex with me?

After I had that last thought I took a long, hard look in the mirror. I looked the same as I always did, fat and ugly. All except my eyes. I could see the darkness inside my eyes. They held a cold calculation that made my stomach turn. I gripped the edge of the sink until my knuckles went white, trying to anchor myself to reality. What kind of person thinks these things? What kind of monster was I becoming? But the thoughts wouldn't leave. It festered like an infected wound, growing stronger each time I tried to push it away. In my psychology textbook, I'd read about power dynamics. The irony wasn't lost on me. I was studying the human mind while mine slowly twisted into something unrecognizable.

The thoughts within me expanded like a game of chess. What college guy would willingly admit to being raped by a woman? Would it be too embarrassing for them? How could I overpower a guy my age? Guys are generally stronger than girls, so that posed a problem which needed to be solved. A drunk guy though, depending on the circumstances, might not have the strength to stop me depending on how inebriated he was.

I felt torn. What kind of sick person was I becoming? My body screamed at me to have a good sexual experience. Toys weren’t enough after Max even though the sex was awkward as hell. Why would someone actively plan to rape a fellow student? The darkness within had an answer for that one. “Because you deserve to feel good after just about everyone else made you feel like crap.”

“You ok Alex,” Sums asked, her eyes downcast with concern. “I…I’m not certain…” I truthfully said, accidentally letting my facade slip. “Ok, I heard something about psychology majors that I think you should try,” Sums said with a hint of fear in her eyes. “What is it?” “Psychology majors get therapy for free, so you can experience therapy for yourself if you wanted to become a therapist. You might think you’ve got everyone else fooled Alex, but you can’t fool me. You’re too hard on yourself, and I’m worried about you.”

“Yeah,” I said in spite of the dark thoughts inside my head. “That’s probably a good idea…” Relief flooded Sums’ eyes. “Thank you, I lost a cousin once. I don’t want to lose a best friend.” Sums thought of me as a best friend? Suddenly I saw the opening of the pit. Maybe I did need therapy so I could figure out how to deal with these thoughts before I hurt someone or myself.
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[RapeU]

Chapter Tags: Nosex, story setup
Content Warnings: Discussion of depression and dark thoughts
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Alex's first therapy session doesn't go well. After it's over, she bumps into a few drunk guys. One of them cat calls her. His buddies laugh at him and tell him it's a fat chick. He thought Alex was two women kissing. Enraged, she decides to embrace the inner thoughts and begin planning her first attack.

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Chapter 6 - The Boiling Point

My first therapy session made everything worse.

For about twenty minutes, I told Dr. Helen Burne about feelings and emotions that weighed me down. Dr. Johnson nodded along and asked a few generic questions. I answered them and attempted to circle back to the feelings that were contributing to my depression. At first I started to feel slightly better because I was finally talking things through instead of bottling everything up inside. As a psychology student, I knew everything was confidential and Dr. Johnson wouldn’t say a word unless I was a danger to myself or others. I really did want help to prevent myself from becoming one or the other.

As I felt just a little of the weight removed from my chest, I noticed Dr. Burne wasn’t really paying attention to me. She acted like she was paying attention, but I could tell she was drawing on her paper instead of actually writing down words. At first I thought I was imagining things. Then I decided to do a test.

“I feel like I’m in my brother’s shadow. Do you remember my brother’s name? Even with him gone I still feel him around me.”

“Must be tough” Dr. Burne said in a neutral tone, eyes on the paper in front of her.

I decided to continue talking about my feelings because even though Dr. Burne didn’t seem invested in the therapy session like I thought she should be, it was still helping in an annoying way. Maybe she was using a therapy technique I hadn’t studied yet? The more I talked, the less engaged she was. Eventually her watch beeped.

“Well that concludes our session today. Be sure to buy my book from the campus bookstore. It’s called ‘You’re Not Alone: A Therapist’s Guide to Truly Listening.’ It will help you through your journey to become a therapist.” I stared at Dr. Burne, dumbfounded in shock. She was trying to sell me a book about listening when she wasn’t listening. Oh the irony. “I didn’t come for career advice,” I said with heat on my face and through gritted teeth. “I have thoughts that scare me.” Dr. Burne blinked. “Oh, ok then we can discuss them next time. Don’t forget about my book!” I left her office in a huff and didn’t even bother to acknowledge the receptionist on my way out.

Allow me to explain something not many people realize about depression. When you’re so deep in depression that you don’t want to do anything, it’s way too much work to act on whatever negative poisonous thoughts go through your head. Someone at their lowest point who is also suicidal is less of a danger than someone climbing up the curve to reach the peak. That’s not saying there’s no danger when someone is at their lowest point, they still are, but generally they feel so shitty that they don’t want to do anything because it requires too much effort. And following through with negative thoughts is effort. The reason the danger is stronger when the person begins to feel better is because they still are experiencing symptoms and now have the energy or motivation to carry out negative thoughts.

At the time of my first therapy session, I didn’t know about this general behavior of depression and other mental illnesses since I was a first year psych major. So because I felt better just by talking and unaware of the danger, my still poisoned mind reasoned that all I needed to do was talk to someone who wouldn’t listen. I didn’t trust Dr. Burne. With my luck she could wake up one day and suddenly decide to actually listen. So who could I talk to that wouldn't listen to me?

As I contemplated on that question, I heard laughter from three guys. One was blonde, another bald, and the third looked Hispanic. They had red solo cups in their hands and were stumbling around like toddlers learning to walk. I figured they were walking back to campus from another frat party. Blondie turned my way and whistled “Fweeeeeet-whew! Damn we got some fine chicks over here boys. Hey, you girls wanna party with us?” Confused, I looked behind me and found no one there. “What?” I frowned. “I’m the only one here.”

Blondie’s face crumpled in confusion. He and his buddies took a few steps closer to me. Baldie busted out laughing. “Bro, Stan that’s just a fat chick! You’re drunk off your ass man!” Stan took another step closer and barfed all over the ground, barely missing my feet. “Goddamn,” Stan said “I thought it was two girls kissing each other.” His buddies howled in laughter, teasing both him and me. My face burned in embarrassment and anger. They continued on their route back to wherever they were going, leaving me simmering with rage.

I stood rooted to the spot long after their voices trailed off, too angry to move. “Fuck it,” I whispered then screamed it out at the top of my lungs “FUCK IT!” The effect was jarring. Nobody paid attention to me. There weren’t many people out since it was getting late, but absolutely no one reacted to my scream. I took notice of that as my feet finally moved out of that accursed spot, destined for my dorm room. My forehead had a tension headache from all the anger.

I felt something pop in my mind. Sums was the only one who truly paid attention to me, who truly cared. To everyone else I was just some ugly fat chick nobody really paid attention to. Could I turn that into an advantage? The Cook’s Creek rape incident popped into my head again. The only reason the football player didn't get away with it quietly was because the girl knew him. What if I took what I wanted with someone who didn’t know me at all?

Those thoughts should have horrified me, but in my angry state of mind the thoughts were thrilling. I would be in control instead of someone else. My womanhood twitched with desire, the thoughts were making me wet with anticipation. When I entered the dorm room, Sums was not there. She was probably at the party the guys stumbled from and wanted to give me space from the last few disasters. How smart and kind of her.

Her kindness did not distract away from my anger. I started to plan how I was going to rape someone, who I was going to rape, and when. The more I imagined it, the more my anger turned into sweet, twisted satisfaction. I crawled into bed and schemed in my head. “No more miss nice girl.”

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Full disclosure here, I suffer from depression and have been suicidal in the past. I'm doing ok and am not in danger, but a lot of what Alex is going through is what I have gone through myself - minus the following through on raping people part of course.

The incident in this chapter, where the therapist did not listen to Alex at all and just recommended a book she wrote after the session was over, is based on a real life event that happened to me when I first started going to therapy to deal with my depression. My therapist, a guy, was a total jackass who kept promoting his book and didn't really do anything therapeutic. Now, not all guy therapists are bad. My current one is a guy and he's doing an excellent job at keeping me from going off the deep end.

Anyway, with all that said I wanted to take my time with this story and paint the picture of how diseased your mind can become when mental illness is allowed to run rampant unchecked. This probably wouldn't exactly represent the thoughts of a rapist with a mental illness, but it's close enough to get the general idea of how someone can fall into that pit of becoming one.

This is not intended to make fun of or poke light of mental illness. If you have a mental illness like I do - depression, always seek professional help. And if you get a shitty therapist, don't give up.

Oh and one last thing. Hellen Burne. Hell and burn. A little humor thrown in before the darkness.

[RapeU]

Chapter Tags: MF noncon, BBW
Content Warnings: Sex at a frat house bro!
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Alex targets and rapes her first victim in the Alpha whatever it's name was house. Yeah, she doesn't care about the full name and it really doesn't matter to me either.

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Chapter 7 - Frat House Sex

The Alpha whatever the name was house had another party that weekend. Sums was surprised and relieved I went with her willingly. Rather than go into the basement, I stayed on the main floor. This time the music wasn’t bad, some kind of screaming metal Viking band. Sums didn’t like it though and, after I assured her I would be fine, yelled “Text me if you need me!” I nodded and watched her go.

In the wild animal kingdom, the key for predators to obtain a meal is to blend in with their surroundings and pick on the smaller, weaker animals. Of course for me my “meal” would be sex. And what better way to look for weakness than among drunk college guys? I scanned the main room. My eyes landed on Daniel Martinez, a Hispanic guy in my college algebra class. He was clearly drunk, shouting and slurring the words “CUUUH PAAATTTY.” He wasn’t a stunning guy by any means, but he would do. Just the thought of dominating him sent tingles through my womanhood.

The ingenious way I planned on navigating my way around the party was to pretend to be on my phone. Nobody noticed me anyway, aside from the occasional off color remark about my weight. Usually after the comment they would forget about me soon after. So, I weaved my way through the crowd. It wasn’t graceful by any means, I bumped into people, but I wasn’t the only one accidentally doing it so it had the semblance of normalcy.

When I reached Daniel, I tapped him on the shoulder. Here’s where the tricky part came in. I needed to lure Daniel upstairs where there were bedrooms that people generally used for sexy time during parties. My voice needed to be loud enough to throw out the bait, but soft enough that no one around him would be able to understand me or make any kind of connection of what I was about to do.

“Daniel!” I shouted after he turned around. “I got a secret!” He swayed on his feet but managed to remain standing. “Need to whisper it to you,” I yelled. Daniel bobbed his head in a drunken nod. I cupped my hands around his ear and loudly whispered at just the right volume where only he could hear. “There’s a girl who wants to see you upstairs. She wants to have fun. I’ll help you get up there.”

Daniel’s eyes lit up. “Tanya?” I didn’t know who Tanya was, and I didn’t need to. I simply nodded. “YOOOO I’M GONNA GET LAID TONIGHT BOYS! YEAH BABY!” He said the last two words like Austin Powers. That outburst wasn’t part of my plan at all, but thankfully no one really paid attention. Everyone was enjoying the moment in their own little world, and most of them were drunk.

It took some time and patience, but I eventually helped Daniel up the stairs with just a few stumbles. The third door from the stairs wasn’t locked. I dragged Daniel in and the room smelled like a weird combination of corn chips and baby powder. Sort of like someone spilled something and they did a poor job of cleaning it up. It at least had a bed.

The music from the main event muffled as I closed the door to the room. I dragged Daniel to the bed. I lied to him, “Let me help you undress for Tonya. She’s naked in the closet and wants to jump on your cock right now.” Whoever said the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach was only half right. A pretty girl was the other way.

Daniel was too drunk to realize what I said was indeed too good to be true. I helped him undress and he flopped down on the bed with a big smile on his face. The smile didn’t last long. “Where’s Tonya?” His confusion drove me wild, and I noted his cock was hard. “Oh, she’s not coming,” I said as I dropped my pants. Daniel frowned, his brow furrowed in confusion. “What?” I smiled “she’s not here. I’m playing with you instead.”

The implications of what I said didn’t hit him right away. He shook his head back and forth. His eyes were unfocused like he was trying to see through thick fog. He finally understood his predicament when I unbuttoned my blouse and tossed it onto the floor. “Wait, I want Tonya. Not you. You’re just some fat chick.” For the first time in my life I didn’t burn with hidden anger at the mention of my weight. Instead, I quickly took off my bra and panties and joined Daniel on the bed.

“Hey! What are you doing?” He tried to push my crushing weight off of him, but he was too late to get any kind of leverage. The thrill, the excitement, the sheer power I had over him. “I’m getting what I want,” I whispered in his ear then nibbled on it. “Quit it! Get off me!” I smothered his mouth with my big fat lips and aimed my hips over his hard cock. Down I slid and I finally, finally felt like how others had described sex except a million times better.

Daniel screamed into my mouth as I let out a muffled squeal of pleasure. His arms flailed around until I grabbed his wrists and pinned them on the bed. His head jerked away from my kiss. “HELP ME!” I laughed at him, cruel and sadistic. Up and down up and down I rode his cock, ignoring his cries for help. Tears streamed down his face when he finally realized no one but me could hear him.

It took a little bit, but I found the perfect sweet spot rhythm. Daniel’s cries slowly became moans as he got into the sweet, satisfying sex. My fat lips kissed his face again and I pressed down harder on his body almost suffocating him with my weight. Faster and faster, our moans were now in sync with each other. Suddenly the pleasure grew more intense. I felt it build and screamed into his mouth. His cock throbbed inside of me, and the pulsating feeling was exquisite.

I heard sometimes cocks softened after a guy came but it didn’t always happen. I got lucky with Daniel because his cock was still rock hard inside me. So after I felt the last pulse, I resumed my rhythm of riding that cock like a bull. The pleasure, oh fuck the pleasure. Faster, faster, faster, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, UH, UH, UH, UH, UH, GAAA, GAAA, GAAA, GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I felt my body explode in a tidal wave of bliss, the feeling unlike anything I ever felt before in my life.
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