The Doomed Detour

[Writers_Bloque]

Its been a long while since I posted my stories, since, well, the sad falling of KB. Please enjoy.



The author of this story has read and accepted the rules for posting stories. They guarantee that the following story depicts none of the themes listed in the Forbidden Content section of the rules.

The Unexpected Destination


I woke with a start. The crew cabin of the long distance hauler, the Heron's Wing was cool. The environmental systems toned down at night to save energy kept the sleeping cabins a chilly sixty-four degrees. I passed the long term stasis pods, the ones containing my wife, and young daughter, because we are supposed to be heading through the toxic and radioactive nebula where I would deliver them to my wife's families colony. This was a trip often taken, as I would join them after I dropped cargo and returned in time to eat those delicious warm biscuits, with homemade marmalade in the morning. I had slept in the ship's only rad-suit, one good enough to even keep some of the worst radiation out. Not that it was a problem, per se, as the ship was shielded, but a much needed precaution.

The computer screamed at me. Literally. The AI of a human female in some sort of uniform was raising holy hell with the navigation AI, trying to figure out how the hell we were so far off course that the data of the sector was barely functional. I had no time for their feud. I looked at the logs and star maps manually and figured we were at least five sectors off course. Records show that the Navigation AI had received new delivery destination orders. The cargo, some standard grade replication machines, and nano tech harvesters, things that were so commonplace now, almost barely an after thought. However the ship was now heading straight into a common Space Pirate and Sector Forces battle. Though none of the ships would not enter the sector my ship was haphazardly barrelling towards and sub warp speeds.

"Captain Darrien, I suggest we prepare for combat."

The Main Ship's Ai suggested in her panicked voices. It was little comfort, that all the AI onboard had the same human like knack for freaking out at every danger. I switched from my normal seat to the combat seat.

"Take the wheel, guide us through the less deadly path. I will focus on weapons."

I grunted as a rocket shook the ship, the blast hitting the shield as I fired on pirates that happened to be in my path. I was taking hits, of course, but I was also delivering some critical damage in my bat out of hell path. However, the huge barrier, the main reason nothing could go further, a square, big enough to admit the ship opened ahead. The ship shot for it, but a well timed anti engine shut down propulsion, the heavy momentum carrying the wounded ship through the barrier. However the damage was extensive, and a strange, serene planet was rushing at them.

The ship entered orbit and streaked through the heavy cloud cover. A major storm was wrecking the land below, the ship was now plummeting out of control. As the ship fell through the sky, it launched an emergency beacon, though honestly, no one would be coming to his rescue. The ship pulled my chair into the bridge escape pod, as I screamed orders to the AI to load my wife and daughters pods into the vehicle. Reluctantly, the AI shown me the internal camera footage of the room where their stasis pods were. A slowly closing hole in the hull was the only thing in the room. The pods, were sucked out during reentry. The little blue light in the escape craft came to life, signalling that the black box data, and the entire AI system was backed up, into the onboard storage server.

I screamed and cried as the ceiling opened and the last thing I had seen of my bridge was it shrinking as I was launched through the hole, the ship crashing into the ground miles away. I could not follow its trail, as the storm was battering my tiny escape craft. Finally after most of the fuel was burned up, the pod slammed into what looked like an old domed building. Right through the glass, crashing through a statue of a man and woman, nude, holding each other close.

The rain trickled in through the hole I left in the roof, I felt nausea and some dizziness, and as I watched the raindrops batter the view port glass, I passed out, in a lot of pain.

-------

The skyfall was the first exciting event to happen since they had captured and enslaved that crew of pirates that somehow managed to get past the Quarantine Barrier. The pirate ship became a planet hopper, to visit the other colonies on planets near by, the crew, well, did not survive the generous enslavement offered. But to the woman in a raincoat holding on to the side of a hover vehicle, today was going to be a good day.

She hopped off the truck, taking a moment for nostalgia, as she used to study at this university, back when men were a thing. Now that the coed society collapsed, it was either lick boots in the Big City, or become a huntress or farmer out in the sticks.

The beam of the flashlight made the water drops on the pod sparkle as it passed over the pod. A wench, and a few minutes of grunt work, and the pod with its contents was loaded onto the back of the hover truck.

"Come on girls! Lets get paid and laid out tonight!"

The stormy night air filled with the wrath of nature and the hoots and cheers of women who had found their Payday.....

[Shocker]

First of all, glad you found us here, I appreciate everybody contributing stories here.

I do have a question, why did you decide on the sudden change in POV? Your first person narrative, was flowing well and built a tense image, so the shift to third person felt a bit jarring.

[Writers_Bloque]

First of all, glad you found us here, I appreciate everybody contributing stories here.

I do have a question, why did you decide on the sudden change in POV? Your first person narrative, was flowing well and built a tense image, so the shift to third person felt a bit jarring.

Well, I like to write my stories as if the reader was right there. And I kind of fallen in love with the narrative of main character pov, then boom, events happening outside of the MC's perception, like a lead up to whats next. I only like leaving tantalizing questions, not boring what ifs?, I use ending chapters in third to give a taste of what may happen next, I apologize for it, though I love it, it does jar people who are not expecting it. Just think of it as a prettier TBC, a small hint for the next chapter. I do hope you will enjoy whats to come.

[Shocker]

It wasn’t my intention to criticize your writing choices, just wanted to learn if it was deliberate.

You completely succeeded in achieving your desired immersion in the first person narrative. Which made that jump in perspective so startling, as it was breaking that immersion.

I firmly believe that every author should tell the story they want to tell in the way they see best fit. The result might not be to my liking, but that’s another topic. As long as you are clear about why you made a choice, there is nothing wrong with that.

[Claire]

This is a nice setup chapter, so I'm really curious to see where this goes.

I actually like the shift in narrator perspective. Having the main part of the story being told in first person but to show other perspectives from third person is a nice way to distinguish between who the main character and who the supporting cast is. One of my favorite stories, the Fate/Stay Night visual novel, does the same thing and it works great there.

critical damage in my bat out of hell path

And we just talked about Meat Loaf in chat.

Anyway, curious to see where this one here goes!

[Writers_Bloque]

Chapter 2 Of Realities and Fantasies



The constant pounding had jarred me awake. I was still in the pod, being fed planetary information, and the proximity sensors told me that there were six human females attempting to break into the pod. It seemed like they did not understand that most ships and life pods were made to withstand even a full force impact, not slowed, but from space to ground. Well the pod might not be okay, but the persons inside would be okayish. That is what portable nano doc in a boxes were for.

Once I was fully awake, the AI handed me a warm pouch of space coffee, and shifted the seat to allow me to safely drink it.

"Shall we leave? It seems like they are not friendly."

"Yes, switch to land vehicle mode."

Three wheels underneath raised the pod up. With only enough fuel to maybe travel a mile, I marked a route that seemed like an escape. Despite the distinct lack of defenses, the pod started rolling forward, pushing gently past the confused women. Then once I was sure we were clear, the pod shot forward and into the early morning we shot. The pod raced down a ruined street, neglected and vacant buildings as I passed them told the sad story of a civilization's full collapse. The fuel ran out as we crept into an abandoned garage. After a few moments of exiting, stretching and hiding, a comprehensive search of the station found that there was a single, lonely pump, the nuclear symbol glowing in the dying night air, was still fortunately active and had fuel that the pod was dying of thirst for. I filled the tank, but the green sun starting to rise from oddly the north, and I pushed the pod into one of the bay's then silently closing the door. The pump's advertising hologram kicked in a bit too late, a supermodel dressed like a classic Earth science fiction spacewoman.

I had rations, of course, but you do not want to live off of them for long. Outside the dancing spacewoman, her taut belly, gyrating, trying to sell the fuel. The shrill whistle of an old hover truck drove down the street. I rushed around quietly, covering the pod with a sheet and boxes, and I hid myself in the Servo charging stand. The women shined lights into the bay's and searched through the station. They worked their way through, passing the Servo pod without a second glance, though I was almost sure they would catch me. But after I heard the universal chime of a beverage machine dispensing something, the women spat curses and left. I waited until there was no sounds, and started filling the cargo space of the pod with food and various tools I would need later, that the station sold.

My wrist computer started to pick up two pings on my long range radar. There was no denying it, it was my family's stasis pods. But both were on different continents. I was only worried about their safety for now, the pods had a power source that lasts for months, and could not be opened until the thaw was complete. But getting there would be the problem. I glided along the empty streets, avoiding people entirely. I kept to the back streets, and the radar said that there was nobody around, and there was an empty warehouse building. I pulled in, and as the sun was at it highest, I rested, and ate some lunch. Something rustled outside in the bushes, and I drew my knife as the limited use survival exoarms formed over my real arms, to augment my fighting ability. As soon as I peeked through the small window in the office I was using as a base, something jumped on my back.

It tore my shirt off, looking like an abstract wild woman, and she was not alone.....

-----------

One of the City Adjutants walked past a wall of bound and masked men that line the hall obediently. Her heels clicked her annoyance as she walked into the Commander's office.

"Adjutant Sophia reporting, Ma'am."

"Sit."

Sophia sat. She always did. Not doing so would prove that she needed to be replaced.

"It is about your turn now, isn't it?"

"Yes, Ma'am"

The thoughtful, yet cold eyed woman spoke. Reports came in that the package made planet fall. Not an automated delivery, but a man captain. She smiled. Sophia was her favorite subordinate, and it will hurt to see her leave on her mandatory maternity leave, so she wanted her right hand woman to have fresh male stock.

"Order a full planet search for the fallen ship, and its captain. Bring them back alive."

"Yes Ma'am!"

The junior officer left, and the cold and calculating woman smiled as she turned and studied the computerized map of the entire world. Soon the planet will be reborn, and she will be the goddess of rebirth.

A laugh echoed through the hall, making the men shiver in their restraints.

[Writers_Bloque]

It wasn’t my intention to criticize your writing choices, just wanted to learn if it was deliberate.

You completely succeeded in achieving your desired immersion in the first person narrative. Which made that jump in perspective so startling, as it was breaking that immersion.

I firmly believe that every author should tell the story they want to tell in the way they see best fit. The result might not be to my liking, but that’s another topic. As long as you are clear about why you made a choice, there is nothing wrong with that.

Thank you, I took it as helpful, and because I like surprises here and there, but not things out of the far left field. like the MC is eating lunch, and then suddenly he is riding a giant space worm for some reason.

[Writers_Bloque]

This is a nice setup chapter, so I'm really curious to see where this goes.

I actually like the shift in narrator perspective. Having the main part of the story being told in first person but to show other perspectives from third person is a nice way to distinguish between who the main character and who the supporting cast is. One of my favorite stories, the Fate/Stay Night visual novel, does the same thing and it works great there.

critical damage in my bat out of hell path

And we just talked about Meat Loaf in chat.

Anyway, curious to see where this one here goes!

Fate/stay was epic, so was Cross Channel. Thank you, second part up.

[Writers_Bloque]

Chapter 3 The Venomous Garden.

The fight scene inside the warehouse turned comically chaotic. At first a pack of wild looking women were trying to take me down, while outside, another group of wild women were fighting with the women from the junkyard, the ones who were initially after the pod. I doubted until now that anyone knew a man was inside the pod. Despite their wild and unkempt appearance, the smell of local flowers and soap filled the air with each missed attack, or strategic flip over me. I could not say it was unpleasant, despite their attempts to hurt me. A lithe woman, a mere waif, tried to smack my head with a staff like stick. It shattered as I blocked it with my exo arm, the system ringing off in my ear that the blow had shaved off some operational time. The woman I had under my other arm, after she claimed the trophy of my shirt I pulled her off, and held her in a way that would be hard to escape from.

Whining weapons fire outside pierced the wall as I took my trophy and threw her into the pod, knowing it would protect her from the small arms fire. Her friends were not so lucky, as they were falling, surprised by the sudden energy shots tearing through them. I felt really damned bad about this, maybe. For a split second. A single tear formed, but then decided that it was too dangerous outside and made its way back home, to the loving family it decided to leave to find its own path in this weird world.
I was trying to piece together the surprise emergency party favor most if not all space captains knew how to, or had already made ready using the pod.

While by design and law and the stone strong reasoning that escape vehicles did not need a weapons system, because it is literally in the name "Escape" and not "Fuck shit up as you leave" that there would be nothing lethal than a stun bolt gun. HOWEVER, that did not mean an actual weapon could not be made, and made from the parts of the pod either. The best part, was the fact I outfitted the pod to still function and have weapons made from it. Take for instance the rail rifle I was currently fashioning while the fight outside intensified. Luckily I managed to finish it, and from the garage I snagged the ammo.

The mighty metal washer. Named Eternal Technology, the great invention that almost every species in the known universe reveres. worships and with some of those more backwater cultures, even marries to replace a lost spouse. I raised the rifle like I was on a Holo Safari on the old Earth, before the Bridal Wars Apocalypse, where every woman on earth had chosen the exact same spot, on the exact same day, due to a temporal rift that allowed the most beautiful, safe and lush floating island to pass through for a single day. The term "Drop Ship Wedding" was coined. Now Earth lies barren, silent, and slowly recovering from the tragic events of over a hundred years ago.

I pulled the trigger, and the metal disk tore through the wall cleanly, and took a chunk of an ass cheek from a heavier framed woman manning a homemade turret. In her agony she swung the scrap made gun around and tore everything around her up, friends, foes, the wild flowers growing in cracks, and then made the mistake of firing at the pristine white armored vehicles, that looked like the golden child of a rover, tank, and in this weird vehicle gangbang, both a sleek terrestrial exploring vehicle and large command vehicle. It was not amused, nor did it wait for apologies as it leveled buildings around it spamming mortars and rockets, with gunners trying to cut down anything that moves.

It was the type of vehicle you heard long before it got to you, and felt the rumble as it was half way to you. The screen on the side of the pod where I was hiding, notified me that the large beautiful woman of a vehicle was now tracking us by the emergency beacon on board.

"Fuck."

The roof of the warehouse was filled with a bright light. then the roof canted, and slid to the side. I heard something large and heavy open, as I tossed the rifle in and followed it into the pod.

"Put the beacon on a drone and send it south."

"Copy."

A second later the beacon was on the belly of a scouting drone was flying low to the south, while I and my new reluctant, and now deathly quiet companion was racing northeast, in the direction of the first blip of one of the stasis pods I was tracking. However, the woman, who must not been a day older than twenty, thought this was something...a situation where some kind of sex was needed to fill the silence of our dramatic and very rushed escape, so as I was plotting the course, she was steering my actions with a clumsy grip and unpracticed stroke. I was too busy trying to lose the not so fooled large vehicle that is systematically crushing overgrowth and trees in its pursuit of us. I could not lose focus, but I had to admit that the awkward handy was nice, and when I came, she sniffed my spunk clinging to her hands and licked them clean. She started to play with herself, just reaching under the strange loincloth, and started to frig herself, an intense desire glimmered in her eyes as she closed them to savor the building climax.

The vehicle fired something into the air, its massive sleek bulk looming like a sexy Talos, and then it happened.

The area ahead of us exploded. The trees, dirt and some paving stones of a long forgotten gazebo flew out from the explosions. The path was now way too risky to travel, despite the little pod's proven nimbleness. The explosion sent a wave of panic, felt inside the pod and the almost artificial forest and or jungle. People start running en masse to escape the behemoth that is now forgetting me, and now firing upon the fleeing women. The scanner showed a hidden cave system that we could use to escape. But nothing is ever as simple as we hope it to be.....

---------------

"Search the base of the mountain. Find out where that cave lets out."

"Aye captain!"

The woman sat, watching the horrible chaotic play, play out below through the binoculars, watching the little pod vanish into the thick brush around the mountain, a former exercise park.

She just smiled and let the Military faction do its thing, as the lives of Outcasts were worth less than a dog.

[Claire]

Okay, that was chapters 2 and 3. Seems like for once I manage to keep up with one of the stories I'm reading here.

So we are still in the setup phase of the story. I like that you are taking your time with this. I also admire anyone writing SciFi for how they handle technology in their story. I would endlessly overthink things: "Does this make sense?" or "Does this piece of tech feel believable?". I think my mind would never stop contemplating these questions.

I find your main character intriguing. Given the "female rapist" tag, I assume he's not in for a fun time on this planet of women. And overall, he seems likeable which is important so that I care for him when his abuse will ultimately begin. But what worries me a little for later in the story is the ironic detachment of his narrator voice that often comes through even when he is in the middle of a fight for his life. Maybe that's his way to cope with the danger of the situation? But I really hope that this detached ironic commentary will disappear as he gets emotionally invested in maybe the fate of his family and the abuse inflicted on him.