Sweet, Sweet Mess

[Claire]

Since the forum is closing soon, I'm migrating my stories to Archive Of Our Own (AO3) and Literotica. Read the story here:

• Sweet, Sweet Mess (Literotica)

Please support the story by leaving a 5-Star rating on Literotica, thanks!

[Vela Nanashi]

Good question in the teaser, why would love be frightening?

I am looking forward to seeing what your consensual stories will be like or your first at least. As for most carefully crafted, I am not really sure what that means, I know I like your writing though. It is good to write for oneself, that to me is the best kind of writing.

---

It is annoying when one can't get what one wants fast enough for sure, especially when one needs another hit of chocolate, how inconsiderate of the waiters to not be more attentive

Though this time maybe it was a good thing?

Hmm that is an intense reaction for seeing someone from ones past, makes me curious about the past, I think honestly one who writes is a writer, maybe just not a successful one, but that does depend on how one defines success too. Maybe a reason for wanting to write on paper is that it does not require batteries and also it can't be distracting unlike a phone or tablet or computer, also you can use it nearly anywhere, and if you have readable hand writing on top of that it is great

At least he still remembers you, oh btw, good that it is in first person, will let me sink into character more

Elena and Julian.

This may be culturally strange thing to ask, but ring on his finger, is that a wedding band or such? Or just some other type of ring? Will ignore it for now Gold ring that does not suit him, he may not agree of course.

Awkward idiots unite! Cute good dialog.

-

The male shows off his nest for the female, and she seems at least slightly impressed (sorry I am in silly mood today apparently)

It is customary to offer your guest something. Ok getting a bit more information about him and her too, well stocked book shelf is good Also remembering is good, and it may not be that he is just trying to impress you, but rather that he would like to have some beautiful places captured, to have pictures of them near him for inspiration when writing, at least that helps me.

Setting up a date next day, heh, cat protecting its owner, they know more than we think. Playing games with him, testing him, something I don't quite understand fully, I am aware of it being a thing though.

Both of them clearly want each other still, excite each other, though maybe that is not the right thing to do, if he has a wife or fiancee, still the forbidden can make things more exciting, and also sometimes when another has picked a man, he can be more attractive, since he got picked. It is a bit strange for a man to care about his age, at least I think so, that is not usually a concern for men, it is cute that he cares though.

Not nice to interrupt him with a question, but said question is a valid one to ask, as for why trying to give him an out, I suppose there is some guilt there, and you know you are too drawn in to escape and hope he can do it for both of you maybe. Mia eh. Then interrupting him again saying you don't care who she is heh.

-

I don't think everyone gets rid of everything they got from old relationships, especially if the breakup was amicable, and if the gift is that meaningful too. So it sounds like how it ended was not actually good, makes me wonder what happened, not all bad at least, but still bad? Also are we sure the empathy is performative, I feel like I am missing a lot, but I love the intensity of emotions, strange that a kiss would be the escape from what caring emotions to lust?

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Hot 69 oral sex scene described in beautiful playful detail there, sorry for not capturing more of it in the comment I got swept into it too much.

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Needing more closeness than is possible, hugging him closer with your legs, I love that, making sure he can't escape too, not that he would want to

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Oh we figured out she is his wife, interesting, hot scene again, love that he keeps up the pace as you cum, as he should

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Very hot, insisting he cum for you, in you, that is what feels best after all

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Missed opportunity to stay on top of him after he came at least until he goes soft enough to slide out, but that might also be a bit too intense/sensitive for him.

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I think they are a hot couple, but there is a bit of toxicity there too. The story is very hot though.

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Very hot story, I hope you write more stories in general and consensual ones too, sorry that my commentary dropped in detail when I got sucked into the story, it is hard for me to surface then when I am inside deep intense things that make me feel, so please take that as a sign you did a good job on those scenes

[riffraff]

I really liked how you managed to evoke these feelings of melancholy and yearning. It felt very bittersweet. Which is why I’m interpreting that this relationship won’t last for very long.

Your narration reinforced this feeling for me. To me it read as if the narrator was trying to cling onto every moment knowing that it’ll pass in the not so distant future. That soon this affair will end up as ephemeral memory, eventually forgotten by both of them, as they move on with their lives (though I know that the ending sounded more hopeful).

This story was surprisingly intimate, especially for a forum that’s mainly focusing on noncon fantasy. Honestly, it kind of caught me off guard a little bit and I had to get into it at first but I liked it. Also liked how short those sex scenes were (still were very spicy) and how they didn’t overstay their welcome. I really got the impression that the focus was really on the relationship between these two characters and sex was just an expression of it.

Overall, I liked it very much! You really know how to create an atmosphere.

[LaLia]

Hmm, I'm still not quite sure what to make of the story.

First of all, I thought it was great to read a first-person story from you, and the fact that the perspective is "I" and "you" is quite unique, I think, and I haven't read anything like that before. Actually, "I" and "he" would be common practice.

Your writing style is as strong as ever, and the long conversation in particular was very convincing. Everyone probably knows a situation like that when you meet someone again after years. But here, perhaps a little more time could have passed to break the ice. It felt a bit like, "Okay, come with me, let's have sex." The allusion to the ring also remains somewhat open.

Now this: I was actually kind of disappointed that it was completely consensual. Yes, the sex scenes were well described, but it wasn't anything special. Something different, but personally, I've liked all your other stories better so far; sorry.

[Claire]

@Vela Nanashi I love reading your comments. It's like getting a window into your head.

As for most carefully crafted, I am not really sure what that means

It just means that I invested a lot of time writing a story this short. There are entire sections in this that are carefully designed to make a single line work. And then there is all the subtext in the dialogue, the introduction of each new scene that needs to immediately reorient the reader after that abrupt time jump, balancing Elena's sharp, sometimes judgmental tone with not making her completely unlikeable. That required just much more planning than other stories I wrote.

This may be culturally strange thing to ask, but ring on his finger, is that a wedding band or such? Or just some other type of ring? Will ignore it for now Gold ring that does not suit him, he may not agree of course.

The implication here is that he is either married or engaged.

but rather that he would like to have some beautiful places captured, to have pictures of them near him for inspiration when writing, at least that helps me.

Actually, the main implication here is: "I want to spend more time with you", but it's disguised as a compliment. If you ever read the story again, look closely at Julian's dialogue. There is barely a line from him early on that does not imply "Please stay" or "Let's meet again after today".

I don't think everyone gets rid of everything they got from old relationships, especially if the breakup was amicable, and if the gift is that meaningful too. So it sounds like how it ended was not actually good, makes me wonder what happened, not all bad at least, but still bad? Also are we sure the empathy is performative, I feel like I am missing a lot, but I love the intensity of emotions, strange that a kiss would be the escape from what caring emotions to lust?

I left what happened between them deliberately open because it is not important for the story. The only thing a reader needs to get here is that she cares for him a lot and that she's deeply hurt. She perceives his gentle care for her in that scene with the book as disingenuous based on her past experience with him, but she wants to be treated with genuine care more than anything. Whether she's justified in that thought? Who knows? I don't.

Glad you enjoyed the sex scene so much. I loved writing it with these jump cuts in between. That was a lot of fun.

but there is a bit of toxicity there too

And the understatement of the year award goes to... Vela!

[Claire]

I really liked how you managed to evoke these feelings of melancholy and yearning. It felt very bittersweet. Which is why I’m interpreting that this relationship won’t last for very long.

I am not even sure whether this is the start of a relationship or just a few days of passion interrupted by the return of his wife. But I get what you are saying, this is certainly not a healthy start for whatever this is.

Your narration reinforced this feeling for me. To me it read as if the narrator was trying to cling onto every moment knowing that it’ll pass in the not so distant future. That soon this affair will end up as ephemeral memory, eventually forgotten by both of them, as they move on with their lives (though I know that the ending sounded more hopeful).

That's an interesting read of the tone of the story. Admittedly, not the one I had in mind but I see it now that you point it out. What I had in mind for her narration, this permanent struggle for control and her biting remarks was simply: "I was hurt in the past, now my guard is up around you."

This story was surprisingly intimate, especially for a forum that’s mainly focusing on noncon fantasy. Honestly, it kind of caught me off guard a little bit and I had to get into it at first but I liked it. Also liked how short those sex scenes were (still were very spicy) and how they didn’t overstay their welcome. I really got the impression that the focus was really on the relationship between these two characters and sex was just an expression of it

I was hoping that the consensual tag would prepare readers for that, but I am glad you got into it nevertheless. It was new for me, too, to write a story without any noncon elements in it, but I liked the challenge.

If you like stories that are not just about sex, then you might like quite a few of my stories. I always I write with a larger story in mind and I hope that the emotional investment into the story carries over into the sex scenes, and the sex scenes add something to the story beyond just titillation. I think I have written just one story that had no larger story to tell and that is also by far my most boring one. If you liked this one here and want to check out something with NonCon elements to it but that is similar in its treatment of characters and dialogue, you might enjoy It's okay, I feel a little lonely, too.

Overall, I liked it very much! You really know how to create an atmosphere.

Thanks, and I enjoyed reading your comment a lot! I'm not gonna lie, I am a little starved for attention for my writing since my stories have only a niche appeal and this community isn't large enough yet to have a lot of people that appreciate that. So getting a comment like yours every now and then means a lot.


@LaLia No need to apologize for not liking a story. I appreciate that you took the time to read and comment anyway. And I get what you are saying. If the first three scenes don't get you emotionally invested in that feeling of stumbling into an affair, not really knowing how you got there, then I can totally see how the ending might fall flat for you. But regarding noncon elements: That would have undermined the emotional core of the story. And you can trust me: If I tag a story consensual, then there will not even be a hint of noncon elements in the story.

[Lucius]

I take a step closer, still watching you from a distance. You look older now. Not 17, like when we got together. Not 21, like when we broke up. The six years since I last saw you feel short in this moment.

That Pynchonesque temporal density, a blessing and a curse, well, not a curse, if one learns to flat-affect and memory-hole the worst of hurt, a source of twinges then. Do we partly live in 2001, 2013 and not in 2025 only? Does this question make any sense at all?

That boyish smile on your lips looks almost like a man’s now. I wonder whether you’re still trying to become a writer. ‘Trying’, as in you not having succeeded yet. Maybe you did? I never bothered to check.

Elena didn't?

I could just walk past you, ignore you.

Do it.

I would if I were you.

But then there would be no story.

Perhaps a great poet could make a poem out of it.

You called it the expression of a writer’s soul back in the day - you pretentious little prick. And I was all over you for it.

And the protagonist would be again, although for different reasons. If the humanity is vouchsafed just a couple more centuries, future psychologists are going to produce fantastic, really astounding work.

You ask me again. The ring on your finger, it’s gold. It doesn’t suit you.

I must be a bit dense -- does Elena think that Julian shouldn't marry anyone at all?
I've heard such words directed at me a couple of times, agreeing heartily...

You offering me coffee forgetting the context of our meeting is proof of that. It’s just what you do when someone comes to visit. Without knowing what you are supposed to do, you flee into ritual. You are as nervous as I am with me standing in this living room I shouldn’t be in. You point at me.

That's an astute observation.

“You kept this?”
...
“Of course I did. How could I get rid of this?”

You never get really angry, Julian? Keep at it, and Elena's going to change that.

On the other hand, there's a photo of myself with an ex-GF hanging on my wall -- okay, in a dark-ish corner. But that's just because I don't care.

I won’t submit to your performative empathy, not this time.
...
Careful, Julian. Don’t forget who’s in charge here. I drag my nails up your thigh, scraping over your balls, making sure you remember exactly who’s in control.

Submission it isn't.

'[T]hat session of seemingly never-ending fucking' is really hot.

I wonder, will this be the last time I feel you pouring out of me? Or the first time of many?

I suppose Elena can guess correctly.

“Let’s do it all again.”

I feel your tired cock twitch in response.

Indeed she can.

[Claire]

Does this question make any sense at all?

Maybe? I'm not sure I fully get it, to be honest. But for Elena, the past definitely feels very close to the present in this moment and affects her deeply.

Elena didn't?

I didn't have in mind that she was lying, when she said that, but we are seeing the events through her eyes. So she could be lying here.

I must be a bit dense -- does Elena think that Julian shouldn't marry anyone at all?

Seeing him with a ring on his finger just stings. Maybe he also said in the past that he's not the type for marriage. Who knows?

'[T]hat session of seemingly never-ending fucking' is really hot.

Thanks, I had a lot of fun coming up with some of the lines for that sex scene.

Indeed she can.

Fun fact, I originally wanted to let the story end on just "Let's do it all again." But I thought it would be better to include his body's reaction there.

Thank you so much for the feedback, Lucius. I wasn't entirely sure after reading your first few annotations, but it seems that you liked the story.

[Claire]

@Vela Nanashi, @riffraff, @Lucius, @LaLia, @riffraff

Now that the story has been released for a few days, I thought I could share a bit of the idea behind it. I wanted to let it stand on its own for a while before I revealed that. This is actually my attempt to turn a song into a short story. The song that inspired me is Mess by Rain Jewels feat. Lilla My



Lyrics:

► Show Spoiler

Mess (feat. Lilla My)
Rain Jewels

Oh, seventeen
I know what you mean
We can go anywhere
Even if there’s nothing there
I don't really care

Even if
Even if all would end
I trust you to say when
And I’ll be holding my pen
A kiss, and then

Love turns into fear
And it won't just disappear
And I don't know how to get out of this
Mess we’re making here
And you act as if you don’t care
In this toxic love affair
And it's up to me to do something ‘bout this
Mess we’re making here

All alone
You pour out of me by the ink
I remember you
As you want me to
No regrets, oh I really do
Care for you
You’re not my remedy nor my enemy
But still in my memory
You belong, don’t you see

Love turns into fear
And it won't just disappear
And I don't know how to get out of this
Mess we’re making here
And you act as if you don’t care
In this toxic love affair
And it's up to me to do something ‘bout this
Mess we’re making here

Oh, what a sweet, sweet mess
It's a sweet, sweet mess
We’re making here
But I would do it again
Oh this sweet, sweet mess
What a sweet, sweet mess
But I would do it all again

Love turns into fear
And it won't just disappear
And I don't know how to get out of this
Mess we’re making here
And you act as if you don’t care
In this toxic love affair
And it's up to me to do something ‘bout this
Mess we’re making here

(Love turns into fear)
You act as if you don’t care
In this toxic love affair
(And it's up to me to do something ‘bout this)
(Mess we’re making here)

I always thought that it would be fun to write a story that captures that feeling of what it's like to stumble into an affair, not really understanding how you got there as you look back. That is why I included these abrupt scene transitions that force the reader to fill in the blanks. Than you put the tone of that song on top of that and you truly get a sweet, sweet mess. The story incorporates many lines from the songtext directly. There are entire passages in the story that I wrote just to make one line from the song sound natural in the context of the narration. This was really a unique writing challenge. And I am extremely happy with the outcome of this one. I love the emotional depth of the story, the character dynamics, the dialogue that's overflowing with subtext. But it took a lot of time compared to how I usually write to make all of that work.

Anyway, I just thought you might be interested in the inspiration for that one. And it makes me think we should have a contest that uses song titles as themes maybe...

[Lucius]

Thank you so much for the feedback, Lucius. I wasn't entirely sure after reading your first few annotations, but it seems that you liked the story.

I was steering my comment away from the 'I liked it' model a bit too hard, I'm afraid. I have, and it was a cool idea to use a song in a non-obvious way as the starting point for your story.