Orders

[Quinotaurus]

Teaser: “Shut up. Open the door. Let me in. Close the door. You may speak, but only to answer my questions. Are you alone here?”
“…”
“Are you expecting someone soon?”
“…”
“Alright. Where’s your kitchen?”
-------------------------------------------------------------

The author of this story has read and accepted the rules for posting stories. They guarantee that the following story depicts none of the themes listed in the Forbidden Content section of the rules.

The following story is a work of fiction meant for entertainment purposes only. It depicts nonconsensual sexual acts between adults. It is in no way meant to be understood as an endorsement of nonconsensual sex in real life. Any similarities of the characters in the story to real people are purely coincidental.
-------------------------------------------------------------


Title: Orders
Author: Quinotaurus
-------------------------------------------------------------

Orders given by a man to a woman. Much is left to the readers' interpretation/imagination.
-------------------------------------------------------------

Orders

“Shut up. Open the door. Let me in. Close the door. You may speak, but only to answer my questions. Are you alone here?”
“…”
“Are you expecting someone soon?”
“…”
“Alright. Where’s your kitchen?”
“…”
“Do you have liquor?”
“…”
“Glasses?”
“…”
“To the bedroom now.”
“…”
“Hm. And what’s the other room, on the street? Let’s go there.”
…
“Yes. This is better. Not many people on the street, right? How busy does it get?”
“…”
“Alright. Stand in front of the window, so people on the street can see your profile through the window. Now undress completely. Take your time, put each item on the table, and stand at attention between taking off each item."

-----*-----

"Alright. Put your hands behind your head. Are your breasts real?”
“…”
“Now face the window and stand there while I search your apartment. Do you have sex toys in the apartment?”
“…”
“Do you have any clothes sexier than that?”
“…”
“Do you have any erotic material, books, pictures?”
“…”
“Alright, what is your computer password?”
“…”
“N?”
“…”
“Alright…”

-----*-----

“Well I think I’m done. Come to the bedroom.”
“Give me a kiss.”
“Lie down on the bed, spread your legs and pull them up to expose your crotch.”
“Pull them up harder.”
“Hold that position. Show me how you masturbate.”
“Keep your eyes open.”

-----*-----

“Stop masturbating. As I rape you now, you will feel an extreme, incomparable pleasure, mixed with shame and revulsion. My penis will fill you with a profound, disturbing joy that you will forever remember, and up to which no other sexual experience will measure. The rest of your life will be spent in regret of this instant and loathing that you could master your own reactions so little.”

-----*-----

“What did you feel?”
“…”
“Here is what will happen from now on. You will obsess, all the time, over being raped by me, the delicious thrust of my turgid schlong inside you. In your memory it will be the high point of your life, and you will crave to relive it. With one exception, which I will explain later, you will not seek me out. Instead you will now have multiple sexual partners, every day. Take them as you must, at your work, in the street, in bars, any man who will have you, no matter how ugly or repugnant. You will do what they ask to make them hard, but then you will insist they penetrate you vaginally. As they penetrate you, no matter their size or shape of their penis or how they use them, will experience a brief, measly wisp of pleasure, just enough to whet your thirst for the big climax I made you experience in this bed.

The one exception is this: every year, on November 23rd, you will wake up before dawn and look up the webpage on this card I’m leaving. It will indicate an address. You will wash yourself meticulously. You will shave your armpits, legs, and crotch. You will don a light dress and go to the address indicated. It will be some building with a garden, or maybe a park. The door will be unlocked. You will enter, undress, and get on all four naked on the grass, forming a line with any other naked woman that might be there. You will not move and not talk, but wait in nervous anticipation. Maybe I will not come, which is something you will greatly fear that day. But at some point during the day I may also pass by and use you, or one of the other women, or give you some new order. If I use you, no matter how, you will again feel great pleasure, although not quite as great as today. In any case when night falls, you will stand up, dress and leave, until the following year.”
“Do you understand your orders?”
“…”
“Alright.”


-------------------------------------------------------------

[Shocker]

It’s a very strange story, you start out with a set of orders, issued like verbal commands to a cowed victim, and middle of the story you switch to long winded instructions. The latter sound like hypnotic or post hypnotic commands.
By cutting out the replies you emphasize that the victim doesn’t matter, it could be anybody.

It’s not a form of storytelling that I need in my life, but as a one off it was an interesting concept.

[Claire]

This definitely a unique an interesting concept, I will give you that. The implication here seems to be that he's using some form of supernatural hypnosis power? I think I would have liked it more if you just gave us his perspective in a mundane encounter, him giving orders, maybe saying things like "I won't tell you a second time." or "See? I told you it's easier if you obey", something that hints at a struggle instead of complete supernatural domination.

And usually, I don't like to comment too much on the "realism" of a story. Most stories focus on some unlikely events or on characters that act unusual in some sense. But here is one thing that bothers me and I think it undercuts the fantasy you want to sell to your readers: His order for her to offer herself every day to ever man who wants her willingly for years doesn't work. He obviously has the expectation for her to survive for a year until their next meeting, but if she were to actually follow through on that order, she'd probably be dead within days. If you take that idea even a little seriously and think it through, imagining what her day would look like, it collapses immediately.

But let me reiterate, I really think you got something here: Let go of the supernatural element, the idea of limiting the reader to only read his part of the dialogue, no narration, no dialogue for her, is strong enough to carry an intense short story. I really believe that you could tell something much more powerful if you grounded that idea more in reality.

[praetor3d]

I want to comment on this story so bad because this story format is so different than everything else that's on here

1) What did I immediately feel after reading this
2) What I love about what I read
3) What would I change in the story to make it perfect (for me)
4) Did I get off on this and why

1) I admittedly was like WTF, but the more I read it, the more I think that it's just missing only a few things to make the concept truly work. My immediate thought was that this was sort of like Mad Libs, where you have to fill the blank to complete a story, and that the end result would be entertaining. I'm not sure thought, and that uncertainty for some reason makes this really intriguing. I also feel almost like this could be a template for a contest for others to fill in those blanks to great effect.

2) I love the concept of this nearly hypnotic, suggestive orders to control someone. The whole notion of this is truly erotic. I mean, imagine how you could say anything or ask anything and they have to do or answer it.

3) This work forces me into the role of the victim, and I'm not into that at all. If the structure could somehow flip around, where I'm the one issuing orders and questions, then I would be totally into it. Actually, now I'm imagining if I rewrote this but only provided the answers and left the reader to form the questions like Jeopardy, I wonder if that would actually work.