The Commuter - May/June Community Contest

[VictimEyes]

Teaser: MAT 113 Probabilities and Statistics/Empirical Math claims yet another victim. I HATED that class.
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The author of this story has read and accepted the rules for posting stories. They guarantee that the following story depicts none of the themes listed in the Forbidden Content section of the rules.

The following story is a work of fiction meant for entertainment purposes only. It depicts nonconsensual sexual acts between adults. It is in no way meant to be understood as an endorsement of nonconsensual sex in real life. Any similarities of the characters in the story to real people are purely coincidental.
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The Commuter

by
VictimEyes

-Having been dismissed from their Friday night (7:00 p.m. - 10:00 p.m.(MAT 113 intro. to Probabilities and Statistics/Empirical Math) class session, Hillary McKean and her classmates enthusiastically made their way through the doors of Memorial Hall and out onto the sprawling campus.
-As she had done every Friday night since the semester began, she silently but dismissively listened to her classmates have a different incarnation of exactly the same conversation on their way back to their dormitories
-"This suhhhxxxxxxxxxxxx."
"Three hour class??!!!! .....On a Friday night?!!!? .........What the fuck was I thinking??!!"
-"Never again."
"Fuck this."

-As always, they just as quickly tired of expressing their regrets about the schedule that they had consciously chosen.

-The small horde of students meandered clumsily down the sidewalk and into the darkening night, some thumbing their phones, some talking about going to the pub or otherwise discussing plans for the rest of the night while others simply struggled to digest the course material that they had just spent the last three hours trying to learn.

-Hillary's recently assigned lab partner, Kyle, walked aside her on her left. He amicably and confidently asked her
"Hilly-Mac! .....what building do you live in?

-Amicably and confidently she replied
"None. I share an apartment with two of my cousins off campus."
-"Oh, wow, that sounds pretty cool."
"Yes, ...I guess it is....No, ........wait ...on second thought, yes I know it is pretty cool ,,,,,,though sometimes commuting can be a real pain in the ass ."
-"Are your cousins enrolled here also?"
"Yes. In fact, we're the fourth generation of our family to attend this university and it's school of law .......and how about you, Kyle, what dorm do you live in?"

-He pointed briefly to his left with his right arm and responded
"I live right over there at Webster."

-He raised his left forearm to 'fist bump' position and continued
"Good shit today, I'll see you next Friday."

-Smiling, she reciprocated his 'fist bump' with her right hand and replied
"Good shit, Kyle."

-She then watched him turn away and walk toward the large and lively building along with some of it's other residents as she continued onward.

-She walked, commingled with her classmates until eventually they had all turned toward their home dormitories, leaving her to walk the rest of the way to the parking lot alone.

-Hillary walked through the portal that the campus bookstore/registrar/student center complex had established itself to be and toward the parking lot where reality began and idyll college student life ended.

-Approximately 50 feet from the curb, two black men, presumably upper classmen, attended to a disabled auto, their faces unseen by her under the raised hood. One held a bright, powerful flashlight while the other examined the fuse boxes.

-She turned and walked unaffected down the sidewalk through the site of the previous day's assembly that had been organized by the black fraternities to protest police brutality (and the institutional fascism that motivates it) and toward parking lot 'D' where she had parked.

-Unaffected, she walked past many malodorous bags of garbage that awaited removal on the curb aside police department temporary barricades.

-Just beyond a decorative masonry wall, narrow sidewalk and a busy four lane roadway on the other side of parking lot 'A', a blighted city neighborhood seethed with suppressed anger. Her parents, aunts, uncles and grandparents had individually told her their recollections of how that neighborhood had eroded over the passing of years and universally warned her to avoid that part of town altogether.

-Hillary, naturally, had grown accustomed to hearing the sounds of the gunfire and the chaos that arose from the jaundiced amber glow in the distance and focused her attention on her phone as she proceeded toward her car.

-Vehicle headlights appeared in the distance as she crossed the imaginary threshold between parking lots 'A' and 'B' and approached her on the roadway parallel to the sidewalk at the posted regulation 10 m.p.h. The distance between she and the vehicle quickly closed and she immediately recognized the SUV as the campus security vehicle on it's predictable and usual patrol route. Hillary proceeded eastward as the patrol vehicle proceeded westward and eventually disappeared.

-Hillary powered down and pocketed her phone, jaded and slightly annoyed by everything it offered to show her as she traversed a broad, gentle curve in the roadway which eventually obscured everything behind her. Fatigue had somewhat slowed the pace of her footsteps as parking lot 'C' finally emerged into her field of view and a stifled yawn finally escaped from her mouth.

-Adjacent to the most classically picturesque and oldest section of the campus, parking lot 'C' still retained it's original circa-1920's streetlamps. Incandescent bulbs inside metal-bound hexagonal globes atop hollow steel columns failed woefully to illuminate parking lot 'C'.

-As she had expected, the headlights appeared again in the distance and again, approached her at the posted regulation 10 m.p.h. The same make, model and color SUV as before approached her exactly as it had before, arousing no suspicion in her at all. Again, the vehicle closed the distance between she and it, exactly as it had before while she walked obliviously eastward.

-Skillfully, the driver of the vehicle applied his brakes and brought it silently to a stop a few yards behind Hillary. All four of the vehicle's doors flew wide open, four black men sprang outward from the vehicle and three of them converged on her as rapidly as they could.

-Startled and adrenalized by the sound of the activity just behind her, she twisted her head to look backward and saw that the three men had overtaken her. One of them froze both of her arms in place with one of his and used his other hand to muffle her mouth and restrain her head. The second of the three very quickly crouched down beside her, swept his arms behind her knees, displacing her feet from the concrete and forcing her legs forward. The third crouched down, immediately secured his arms around her legs and lifted her upward, assisted by the second of the men who'd now held her wiggling waist in his grasp.

-The three quickly carried her to the vehicle and planted her face down on the floor of the SUV between the front and rear seats, assisted by the driver just outside the passenger side rear door. Once the occupant of the driver side rear seat took his place, closed the door and held her to the floor, the driver then took his place in the front passenger seat exactly as the other occupant of the back seat entered, imposed his weight on her and closed the door. The fourth of the men had occupied the driver seat of the vehicle in perfect synchronicity with the driver as he took his occupation of the passenger seat.

-Hillary shouted out in protest of her predicament, only to have one of her abductors place his foot firmly on the back of her head, press her face into the floormat and command
"BITCH, I WILL KILL YOU, SHUT THE FUCK UP."

-The new driver switched on the headlights, shifted the transmission into 'D' and drove away at the posted regulation 10 m.p.h. around the gentle curve, past lot 'B', past the garbage bags and eventually off university property through the 'South Gate'.

-Hillary attempted in vain to remember the turns the vehicle made, guess the speeds at which it travelled and for how long in the hope of ascertaining their destination. The route, however, proved to be too circuitous for her stressed consciousness as she lay pressed to the floor.

-Within minutes, the vehicle and it's occupants arrived at their destination. As methodically and precisely as all of them had done everything else, the driver brought the SUV to a complete stop, switched off all the lights and shut down the engine. Only then, the front doors opened and the two occupants exited the vehicle, closing their doors behind them. The two men met at the passenger side rear door where Hillary's head was and opened that door. They each arrested one of Hillary's arms as the man in the passenger side back seat lifted his foot and his weight from her and extracted her from the vehicle in a single pull. At that same moment, the one in the driver side rear seat exited, closed the door, ran to the other side of the vehicle and took control of her right leg. Lastly, the man in the passenger side rear seat exited, closed his door and took control of her left leg.

-They carried by her four limbs into a clearing behind a row of trees, each using only one of his arms and hands, leaving their other hands free to probe and molest her, to cup and knead her breasts through her blouse and squeeze her buttocks through her jeans. One of them spoke aloud
"This is a good spot right here."

-All four simultaneously released their hold of her and allowed her body to freefall onto the turf. She immediately planted her feet, stood up and wildly scanned in all directions, hoping to find a path to an escape. Just as quickly, six men surrounded her completely.

-Hillary could now see that they had brought her to a very old cemetery and that two more black men had met them there.

-She spoke angrily
"I have done nothing to wrong you. Why are you doing this to me?"

One of those behind her retorted
"There goes the rich white girl, thinking that everything is about her."

-The one who had silenced her in the SUV spoke
"Not that we owe you an explanation, because we don't, but I'm gonna give you one anyway, just to see the look on your face. We're doing this to you because you're white, blond hair, blue eyes, nice titties and you come from money and fuckin' you in the ass ........and make NO mistake, I AM GOING TO fuck you in the ass .....is like fuckin' white America in the ass."

-Another of the six added
"Now, we avenge three hundred years and counting of slavery and oppression and forced impoverishment."

-The first of them spoke again
"Look around, bitch. This is where your ancestors buried my ancestors after working them to death, first on plantations then later in mines and sweatshop factories."

-The second of them spoke again
"Does that answer your question?"

-With all the dignified courage she could summon, she responded in a low, monotone and semi-professional voice
"You have helped me make an important life decision; you see I am matriculated as pre-law but I was on the fence as to which branch of law I should like to practice. I have, just now, decided that I will practice criminal law and become a prosecutor and I will see to it that every black man that sits in my courtroom as a defendant goes to prison and later, I will become a judge and I will see to it that they stay there forever. Hurting me tonight accomplishes nothing because tomorrow, old money will still continue running this whole world exactly as it wants to and you will still be a bottom feeder."

From behind, she heard one of the others speak
"Undress .......... now.......undress now and you will clothes to wear after we're done with you."

She retorted
"You will not ever get away with this."

-The six of them attacked her all at once, ripping her blouse completely open, tearing it away from her body entirely and then further tearing it to shreds, rendering it useless. Eight or ten black hands grabbed and squeezed and kneaded her white breasts both over and under her bra. They easily wrestled her to the ground, violently ripped her bra away from her chest and destroyed it, as well. One of them took her jeans and her panties down to her ankles while two others pinned her arms tight to the ground. Two of the remaining three each removed one of her hiking shoes from her feet and collectively, they pulled her jeans off of her by the cuffs and threw them aside, leaving her panties around her ankles.

-The last of the six reached down, grabbed hold of her panties, pulled them away and tossed them aside also.

-She accepted her fate as she lay naked on the ground, her attempts to resist proven futile. Hillary McKean accepted that is going to be raped and/or sodomized by six black men and prepared herself as best she could.

-She chose to remain silent all the while. They would not see her crying, they would not hear her shriek from terror and they would not have the pleasure of denying her pleas for mercy.

-The two who'd removed her jeans parted her legs and held them apart, then, the one who'd tossed her panties situated himself between her spread legs. He unbuckled his belt, undid his fastenings, slid his pants and underwear down his thigh, loosed his erected penis and laid down on top of her.

-The tip of his penis found her slit and he began slowly working himself into her until he found her cervix as she lay helpless. He began moving it back and forth in her and soon settled into a rhythm he found comfortable. He lowered his head, bringing his lips to her right ear and whispered
"I can smell you .......I can smell your pussy .............I know you're ovulating."

-She lay still and emotionless, unwilling to give him an answer of any kind as he continued ravaging her.

-He continued
"Good .....'cause I'm gonna nut allllllll up in you._

-He soon began sliding his dick deeper and deeper into her, at a faster and faster rate of frequency, smiling and moaning with pleasure.

-Quite unexpectedly to the few who were watching the action, he stopped thrusting and instead slid his penis into her as deeply and as slowly as he could. He stretched his scrotum against her body and closed his eyes as he tilted his head backward. He shouted out loud and ejaculated a voluminous burst of semen followed by many progressively smaller bursts of semen into her vagina.

-Spent, the first of her rapists quite unceremoniously withdrew from her, up-righted himself, re-donned his underwear and pants and switched places with the one who held her left arm to the ground.

-The second of her rapists took position, undid his pants, liberated his penis and penetrated her. He kept his back arched upward because he enjoyed watching her pink nipples on white mammaries under the moonlight as they bounced and shook to his inputs.

-The one who held her right arm to the ground turned to the first of her rapists and asked
"Did it work?"
-"Did what work?"
"The fake-ass disabled car! .......-The fuck you think I meant?"
-"Shit ....I guess I'm still a little woozy after tappin' that fine pussy ......hell yeah, it worked. The campus security guy even got out of his truck with jumper cables and turned his own flashlight onto the fuse box."
"We'll have to remember that for the future."

-The second of her rapists continued his ravaging of her for another three or four minutes before his entire body convulsed and he too ejaculated powerful bursts of his semen into her. Having completely evacuated his prostate into her, he withdrew, stood, re-donned his pants and switched places with third of her rapists.

-The third of her rapists took his turn on her as he saw fit to do so and then switched out with one who hadn't, as did her fourth rapist followed by her fifth rapist.

-Her sixth and final rapist looked on as his accomplices flipped Hillary McKean over onto her belly at his request and then stepped into position between her spread thighs. He crouched, spanked her hard on her buttock, undid his pants, loosed his penis and sodomized her just as he said he would.

-Despite excruciating pain, she remained dead silent as he drove his penis deeper into her with every consecutive thrust until her body could withstand no more.

-She had blacked out, lapsed into unconsciousness from the pain long before he finally ejaculated into her rectum.


- Hillary McKean's six rapists left her unconscious, naked and newly impregnated body for dead, boarded their vehicles and drove off into what was left of the night.



- They had taken their revenge.

-One day, Hillary McKean will surely take hers.

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[Shocker]

First things first, please ignore the rating for the moment, I will assign a more appropriate rating for the story when all contest entries are in. Normally I don’t even read stories if I still intend to write a story myself. But I don’t think time will allow.

You made some very interesting stylistic choices here, giving your story a unique voice. Your narrator is using clinically detached language causing scrotum and vagina to interact in the same paragraph. This robs the rape of some if it’s raw viciousness, but it can read as Hillary’s acceptance of the facts.

I like her little speech about becoming a prosecutor, only as a threat to save herself from rape it’s not particularly effective. Just imagine if she had given that little speech, baked bruised with their cum dripping out of her vagina.

Lastly there is a formatting issue, when reading this on my mobile device, each paragraph begins with “-“ this hampers a bit the reading flow.

[RapeU]

There are formatting issues, but it's not enough to completely distract from the story. I'd suggest fixing that for readability when the contest is over.

This is a gangrape story where six men have their way with a woman, but it doesn't feel like a gangrape story because each one unleashes their load in her vagina then just pulls their pants back up. For me I don't buy the idea that these men are doing it for revenge on their ancestors. Grab a few whips and give her some lashes. Show all of her holes being used at once. That's the true gangrape way.

It seems like with this story you were rushed for time. Which is understandable, I've had those times too. I think after the contest you can edit this to be a great story by adding just a few more details and make the antagonists less generic.

[joey]

Thoroughly enjoyed this story! Have a weakness for the interracial angle in my non-con fantasies and this tapped right into it. The setup portion of the story was nicely constructed with excellent detail and put the hook in me early.

[VictimEyes]

Thank you, @joey .

I was tingly all over as I was writing this. It was a struggle to keep my fingers out from under my skirt. I could feel their hands on my breasts and I could feel their penises ejaculating into me as I sat typing. It was a surreal experience.

@RapeU,
It was necessary to keep my antagonist as well as my victim somewhat generic because this story is loosely (very loosely) based on true events and I wish to never victimize anyone further.

About a 30 years ago, a serial rapist in NYC attacked multiple victims and when questioned, he in fact did say he was avenging wrongs done to his ancestors.

Just because I wish I was getting put on my back and stripped and drilled like a diamond mine, that doesn't mean those women did.

[sinfulwords]

Well godDAMN that was a wild ride friend

at first I was suspicious of Kyle I was like ‘he’s into our girl Hillary, he’s got nefarious intentions.’ But lo and behold he was just a friendly class mate ^.^

When she entered the parking lot, I knew trouble was coming LMAO personally I associate college parking lots with crime cause my whip was bipped FOUR times during my TWO year program So, due to my personal experience, in my opinion, you chose a very realistic setting for an abduction, cause, those places are RIFE with crime

I liked how you placed the culprits in the parking lot fiddling with their broken whip too. My antenna definitely perked when you took the time to describe them, so, when they turned out to be in on the crime, it made me feel super validated as the reader

The rape itself was good. I loved that it took place in a cemetery VERY nice touch there. Me loves spooky stuff The brutality of the rape was also very good, I enjoyed the sheer carnal rage How the dudes would alternate between holding her down and having their turn at her kitty.

Personally, for me, race play is kind of a touchy subject. It makes me a little uncomfortable, so that aspect of the story sort of made me: but I think you were using it for a certain shock value to add depth to the overall rape so it didn’t stop me from enjoying the story!

Good job friend

[VictimEyes]

Thank you, @sinfulwords !!

Like yourself, raceplay is a touchy subject for me also. I wish to never offend anybody or perpetuate ignorant sexual or racial stereotypes. I wish I could live in a world where the human race is the only race. It was, however, necessary for the perpetrators to be black, consistent with the premise of revenge against centuries of oppression.

I'll never forget my college orientation when we got told "ALWAYS park as close as you can to your last class of the day because sometimes bad things happen to good people in the parking lots."

Sorry to read about the victimizations of your cars.

[sinfulwords]

Thank you, @sinfulwords !!

Like yourself, raceplay is a touchy subject for me also. I wish to never offend anybody or perpetuate ignorant sexual or racial stereotypes. I wish I could live in a world where the human race is the only race. It was, however, necessary for the perpetrators to be black, consistent with the premise of revenge against centuries of oppression.

I'll never forget my college orientation when we got told "ALWAYS park as close as you can to your last class of the day because sometimes bad things happen to good people in the parking lots."

Sorry to read about the victimizations of your cars.

Don't worry I'm not offended and I understand what you're saying. Regardless of the motivation, racial aspects in any form of media will ALWAYS make me uncomfortable. But I think that's somewhat the intended purpose, no? I'd also like to live in a world where humans can just embrace each other as humans as well alas, we're a very primitive species despite how intelligent we seem to be simultaneously.

My college didn't even have an orientation they sent an email that said: here's your ID number, here's your schedule, good luck bitch

And thank u for your car condolences. I eventually had to sell that car cause people kept trying to steal it!!! It was a 1999 Honda Civic DX which are HIGHLY coveted on the automotive black market in my area cause people like to gut out the engines and turn them into race cars

[AdmiralPiet]

@VictimEyes

Sadly this didn't catch me.
The basic idea is good, but formatting and writing style threw me off.

Hillary's speech about becoming a lawyer could work, but here it felt very unnatural.
As @Shocker said: It might have been better to put that after the rape, maybe fueled by hate and anger.
Beforehand, presented with such calm, did not work for me.
To believe a character would face a coming rape like this, and later just accept the pain to the point of passing out without screaming, would need some buildup in a contemporary/realistic story like this

I will keep from rating until I have read all stories in the contest