Ariel's Bare Innocence

Authors share their rape fantasies or consensual erotic fiction with the community here. Guests can read the stories posted here in full.
Forum rules
This forum is for publishing, reading and discussing rape fantasy (noncon) stories and consensual erotic fiction. Before you post your first story, please take five minutes to read the Quick Guide to Posting Stories and the Tag Guidelines.

If you are looking for a particular story, the story index might be helpful. It lists all stories alphabetically on one page. Please rate and comment on the stories you've read, thank you!


Story Filters

Language: English Stories | Deutsche Geschichten
Consent: Noncon | Consensual
Length: Flash | Short | Medium | Long
LGBT: Lesbian | Gay | Trans
Theme: Gang Rape | Female Rapist | SciFi | Fantasy
Orientalist
Sophomore
Posts: 20
Joined: Wed May 20, 2026 2:19 am

Ariel's Bare Innocence

Post by Orientalist »

Teaser: Ariel's Bare Innocence is a medium length novel about a girl with a rare and extremely severe dermatological condition that necessitates her to remain nude at all times. Story is a slow burn non-consensual psychological erotic fiction of an innocent American Chinese girl from the countryside. Sex does not take centre stage until much later.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The author of this story has read and accepted the rules for posting stories. They guarantee that the following story depicts none of the themes listed in the Forbidden Content section of the rules. " (Rule 2.b.iii)

The following story is a work of fiction meant for entertainment purposes only. It depicts nonconsensual sexual acts between adults. It is in no way meant to be understood as an endorsement of nonconsensual sex in real life. Any similarities of the characters in the story to real people are purely coincidental.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is my first attempt at writing a story and I thought of writing something different than the usual rape literature. Wish me luck! Feedback and comments always welcomed!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 1: Bare innocence

The late afternoon sun spilled through the delicate lace curtains of their modest wooden house in Willow Creek, Illinois, bathing the small kitchen in a warm, golden haze. The air carried the comforting scent of fresh dough and ginger. Ariel Tan stood completely naked at the worn oak counter, kneading dough for her mother’s favorite steamed ginger buns. She stood at 165cm with a delicate weight of only 51kg. Her slender, willowy frame gave her movements an almost ethereal, graceful quality.

Ariel displayed soft beautiful facial Chinese features. She had a gentle heart-shaped face with high, subtly rounded cheekbones, a small straight nose, and full, naturally rosy lips that parted slightly in concentration. Her large, expressive dark brown doe-like eyes, framed by long natural lashes, were focused downward with quiet sweetness, radiating an innocence that made her look even younger and more vulnerable than her age of 19.

Ariel’s body was a sensual contradiction. Modest in scale yet tempting in its delicate perfection. Her B-cup breasts were perfectly shaped, gentle teardrop swells that sat high and proud on her chest. As she rhythmically pushed the heels of her palms into the soft dough, they swayed and jiggled softly with each motion. The supple flesh quivered delicately, her soft pinkish-brown nipples tracing small arcs in the air. A light sheen of perspiration had formed in the shallow valley between her breasts, glistening as it traced a slow, sensual path down her flat, toned abdomen.

Regular yoga practices had sculpted her body into something lithe and feminine. Her stomach was softly taut, with the faintest hint of definition along her midriff when she moved. Her hips flared gracefully into long, slender thighs and sculpted calves. She had learned yoga years ago through videos on ShareTube, which she accessed through an old laptop left behind by her estranged father. She also loved listening to K-Pop and other groove dance videos, attempting to copy the dances in the privacy of their living room. She wasn’t very good at dancing, her moves were shy and clumsy, but it brought her quiet joy. Most importantly, she had learnt how to cook and bake by watching ShareTube tutorials and experimenting in their tiny kitchen to feed her mother and occasionally their neighbours.

Between her thighs rested a thick, lush patch of curly black pubic hair, carefully groomed into a full, luxurious triangle that provided her pubic region a natural veil of modesty. Her ass was smooth, firm, and perfectly rounded, two pale globes that flexed subtly with every shift of her weight.
Her long, thick, silky-straight black hair cascaded all the way down her back like a living curtain. The heavy strands reached the middle of her back and extended slightly past her ass cheeks. They completely shielded her ass crack but covered only slightly more than half of each rounded cheek, teasingly exposing the smooth, pale sides.

Being completely naked at home was nothing unusual for Ariel. She had lived this way ever since she was diagnosed with an extraordinarily rare dermatological disease at the age of six. Severe Congenital Dermatological Hypersensitivity Disorder; that was the name Dr. Chen, Ariel’s Chinese-American family doctor, had given it. As far as anyone knew, no other person in the world suffered from this exact condition.

Any fabric touching Ariel’s skin for a brief short period triggered intense burning, itching, and angry welts that swelled into painful rashes lasting for hours or even days. To make matters worse, no viable treatment existed. The drug doses required to suppress the extreme severity of her condition would reach toxic levels that would certainly kill her. Strangely, the disease spared her hands and feet completely.

Through years of careful self-monitoring and Dr. Chen’s guidance, Ariel had learned that while any fabric contact still posed a serious risk, brief or intermittent touches under sixty seconds usually caused only mild tingling, warmth, and heightened sensitivity rather than full painful rashes. Only continuous, prolonged pressure beyond sixty seconds would reliably trigger the intense burning, itching, and angry swelling welts. This small window of tolerance had become her lifeline; enough to survive short interactions, but never enough for real clothing or careless crowds.

Through multiple patch tests, Dr. Chen had also discovered that Ariel was not allergic to extremely pure-grade extrahexylated nitrilised latex, a material that was incredibly difficult to produce and prohibitively expensive. With Dr. Chen’s help, she had applied for special federal funding to obtain a thin mat made of this material. It was the same mat Ariel had slept on since childhood and still used today for her daily yoga practice. It remained her most prized possession.

Because of this cruel condition, Ariel had lived almost her entire life naked inside their home. It had driven her father away when she was still a little girl, leaving Sue to raise her alone. Out of kindness and pity, Dr. Chen allowed Ariel’s mother, Sue, to bring her to her clinic at late night hours to avoid unwanted attention from the public due to her completely naked state. Clinic visits were mainly to monitor her condition and treating her rashes that appear due to accidental contact with fabrics, an event that frequently occurred when Ariel was more careless as a child.

“Mummy, the buns will be ready in about twenty minutes,” Ariel called softly, her voice sweet and melodic. “I added extra ginger and a touch of sesame oil this time, just the way you like them.”

From the living room came the slow, uneven thump of a single crutch. Sue hobbled into view. After nearly two months, she could now move around the house reasonably well with one crutch. The hospital had stabilized her femoral neck fracture which she sustained from a bad fall at work due to being exhausted from working one odd job to another. Unfortunately, she was discharged without the full replacement surgery. They simply could not afford it. There were still outstanding bills from the initial treatment, follow-up X-rays, and pain medication. Sue was careful with their meagre savings, spending thriftily on essentials while hoping for a miracle.

“You spoil me too much, Ariel,” Sue said with tired affection.
*****
They shared a quiet meal. Afterward, as Ariel helped her mother settle onto the couch, the conversation turned serious.
“I tried again today,” Sue said, rubbing her hip. “Three more companies for remote work. All of them turned me down. One even said my injury made me unreliable.” She sighed. “I’ll keep trying…”

Ariel knelt beside her, long hair pooling on the floor. I can’t let her keep struggling like this because of me.

It was time to tell her.
*****
Two months earlier, while her mother was still in the hospital, Ariel had used the old laptop to search for solutions. She discovered that Parkway Vocational Institute (PVI), a prestigious institute in Chicago, was offering scholarship programs for their offered courses to individuals with high performing academic grades or those with special needs. One of PVI’s courses was culinary arts. The program was generous. Full tuition covered, along with providing a monthly stipend and on-campus accommodation.


I could enrol in their culinary school and graduate with a prestigious certificate. That would guarantee me work at a fancy restaurant or hotel that pays well.


Over a series of hushed late-night phone calls with Dr.Chen, Ariel had explained her desperate plan. Although Chicago was not too far away, Dr. Chen had sighed deeply, warning her about the dangers of the city. But due to the family’s financial situation, she agreed to help. She prepared a detailed medical letter describing Ariel’s disorder. The letter emphasized that near-constant nudity was a medical necessity.

Even more importantly, Dr. Chen had helped Ariel through the complex application for a rare federal medical exemption permit under expanded Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) provisions for severe, well-documented conditions. The process had taken weeks, medical forms, high-resolution photographs of her skin reactions, virtual specialist reviews, and official submissions. In the end, the permit was approved. When Ariel finally confessed, she showed her mother the papers.

“I have the full medical letter from Dr. Chen,” Ariel explained softly. “It clearly states my condition and that near-constant nudity is medically necessary. And this…” She pulled out the second document. “This is the official Medical Exemption ID Card.”

She held up the laminated card. It featured her photo, fingerprint, QR code, and reference number. In bold text it read:

Federal Medical Exemption ID Holder: Ariel Pei Xin Tan

Condition: Severe Congenital Dermatological Hypersensitivity Disorder

Accommodation: Near-constant nudity required to prevent documented medical harm. This card grants exemption from public indecency statutes under expanded ADA provisions when presented to law enforcement or authorized officials. Carrier must keep this card on her person at all times.


“Dr.Chen said this is the most important document that I have to carry everywhere,” Ariel added quietly. “Otherwise, the police can arrest me for indecency. It’s my only real protection.”

The argument that followed Ariel’s confession was one of the most painful moments of her young life.
“You did what?!” Sue’s voice cracked with disbelief and rising anger as she struggled to sit up straighter on the couch. “Chicago? A vocational school for culinary arts? Ariel, you’re only nineteen years old! You’ve barely left Willow Creek your entire life except for those night time walks in the forest or by the river. Have you completely lost your mind?”

Ariel’s large eyes filled with hot tears, but her voice remained soft and steady.

“I got accepted, Mummy,” she said quietly. “Full scholarship. They cover tuition, they give me a monthly stipend for expenses, and they provide on-campus housing. Dr. Chen helped me with everything. I have the medical letter and the federal permit now. It’s legal. I can travel. I can live there.”

Sue’s face went deathly pale. “Legal? You think a piece of plastic is going to protect you in a city full of strangers? Do you like people staring at you? Whispering, laughing, and calling you…a freak, or a…whore? And do you want men to gawk at your breasts? Stare at your…your…your buttocks, at..at…at your that…that bush? That thick bush between your legs? You want that? You want people to take photos? You like men to follow you? Touch you…molest you…. heck, they might even try to rape you! And you think this… this permit will stop any of it?”

Ariel flinched at the harsh words, tears spilling down her flushed cheeks.

“I know it will be hard,” Ariel whispered, voice trembling. “I’m scared too, Mummy. But staying here means watching you struggle every single day. I can’t keep being the reason we have nothing. I’m nineteen now. I’m not a little girl anymore. Please… let me try to be independent and look after you for once.”

The argument stretched on for nearly two hours. Sue pleaded, cried, shouted, and listed every possible horror in vivid detail — assault, humiliation, exploitation, arrest despite the permit, illness from stress on her sensitive skin. Ariel cried with her but refused to yield, her quiet, determined nature shining through. She kept returning to the same points: the scholarship, the money she could send home, their financial situation, and her love for her mother. But it was Ariel’s carefully spelt out plans about how she would make the journey and survive in the city that made Sue realise her daughter was more matured than she thought she was, and that had made the difference. Defeated by the sheer notion that they needed money, and she had no means to provide it, she reluctantly agreed to let her daughter go.
“If anything doesn’t turn out right, you come back home immediately, understand?” Sue insisted.
“I’ll call you every single night,” Ariel promised. “I love you more than anything, Mummy. I’ll make this work. Trust me.”
*****
Dawn had barely broken when Ariel finished her final preparations. The air outside their small wooden house in Willow Creek was cool and damp with morning mist. She stood naked before her mother, carrying her modified handbag, a sturdy canvas bag with a long panel of pink opaque satin cloth sewn to the bottom edge. When held high at neck level with her left arm, the long rectangular cloth cascaded down like an improvised front veil, covering her from just below her neck all the way to her knees.

Ariel had also carefully draped a generous portion of her extremely long, thick black hair forward over both shoulders. The silky strands flowed down her front, covering most of her modest B-cup breasts and hiding her pinkish-brown nipples. The remaining heavy mass of hair hung down her back, completely shielding her ass crack while teasingly exposing the smooth outer curves of her firm, rounded ass cheeks. It was the best improvisation that she could think of to cover herself in public.

Sue Lim leaned heavily on her single crutch, eyes red and swollen from another night of worried tears. She reached out and gently touched Ariel’s bare shoulder.

“Ariel… are you sure about this? The 10 a.m. train will still have people. The city—”

“I’ll be alright, Mummy,” Ariel said softly, her large eyes filled with quiet determination even as her voice trembled. “It’s not rush hour. Once I reach the dorm, I’ll call you immediately. I promise. Every night after that too. You don’t have to worry.”

Sue cupped her daughter’s delicate face with one trembling hand. “My brave, sweet girl. If anything feels wrong, anything at all, you come straight home, understand?”

Ariel leaned in and hugged her mother tightly, careful not to let her mother’s cloth brush her skin for too long. “I know, Mummy. I’ll be okay. I love you.”

“I love you more,” Sue whispered, kissing Ariel’s forehead. “Call me the moment you’re safe in your dorm. Now go, before I change my mind and beg you to stay. And please…becareful!”

With one last lingering look, Ariel took hold of her small rolling suitcase with her right hand, kept the modified handbag pressed high with her left, and began the short walk to Willow Creek’s tiny rural station.
*****
The platform was almost deserted when she arrived. Only a handful of people waited: an elderly couple, a woman in business attire, and two middle-aged men. As she walked on the platform, she kept her gaze lowered, holding the handbag even higher and tighter against her chest so the opaque pink cloth draped as close as possible over her modest B-cup breasts and the thick curly patch between her thighs. Ariel paused at the far corner of the platform, as far as she could, away from the tiny crowd, hoping to not draw attention. However, from the side of her eyes, she could vaguely make out the commotion she was causing.

Heads turned. Eyes widened. The elderly woman gasped audibly and clutched her husband’s arm. One of the middle-aged men stared openly, his gaze tracing the long expanse of her bare back, the gentle flare of her hips, and the way her silky black hair swayed against the upper curves of her exposed ass. The pink cloth hanging from her handbag covered her front from chest to knee, but it could not hide the fact that she was otherwise completely naked. The businesswoman quickly looked away, her cheeks burning with second-hand embarrassment, while the second middle-aged man tilted his head, trying to catch a better side view of the way her hair shifted over her breasts and the tempting glimpses of smooth, pale skin at the edges of the pink cloth.

The elderly man murmured something to his wife. The businesswoman stole another quick glance, clearly unsettled by the surreal sight. One of the middle-aged men shifted uncomfortably in his seat, unable to look away from Ariel’s slender naked form.

Ariel’s porcelain-fair skin flushed a deep, humiliated pink, unable to avert the attention she was receiving from the corner of her eyes.

Please…stop staring…

Suddenly, she heard heavy footsteps approaching.

A middle-aged train security guard, burly, with a thick mustache and a rumpled uniform, came striding down the platform. His name tag read “R. Harlan.” His face was already twisted in irritation the moment he spotted her.

What the hell is this now? he thought, jaw tightening. Another one of those damn attention whores. Probably some college girl looking for cheap thrills, flashing her tits and pussy on camera for likes. Disgusting. In my station, in broad daylight. These exhibitionist lunatics are getting bolder every year.

He stopped directly in front of Ariel, planting his feet wide and crossing his arms. His loud, stern voice boomed across the quiet platform, drawing even more attention from the small group waiting nearby.
“Excuse me, miss! What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he barked. “This is a public train station, not some strip club! You can’t just walk around buck naked like this! Cover yourself up right now or I’m calling the police and having you removed for public indecency! Have you got no shame at all?”

Ariel shrank slightly, her large doe-like eyes widening in fear. Her knuckles turned white around the handbag strap. The pink cloth trembled against her body. Several people nearby turned to watch the confrontation openly.

“I-I’m sorry, sir,” she said softly, voice trembling with embarrassment. “I have a medical condition… Please, I have papers—”

“Medical condition?” Harlan laughed bitterly, his voice still loud enough for everyone to hear. “I’ve heard every excuse in the book, lady. ‘It’s my body, my choice.’ ‘It’s art.’ ‘Medical.’ You people are all the same, just looking for attention. Now either put some damn clothes on or…”

Ariel hurriedly reached into the side pocket of her handbag with her free hand and pulled out the laminated Medical Exemption ID Card along with Dr. Chen’s letter. She held them out to him with a shaky hand, her long black hair shifting and briefly exposing more of the smooth curve of her right ass cheek.

“Please, sir… this explains everything,” she whispered, cheeks burning hotter than ever.

The guard snatched the documents irritably, still scowling. He glanced at the card first, then started reading properly.

He read the full letter next, his eyes narrowing, then widening in confusion. The official stamps, QR code, reference number, and Dr. Chen’s detailed medical explanation slowly sank in. His angry expression gradually shifted to one of awkward bewilderment.

“Well… shit,” he muttered, much more quietly now. He handed the documents back, rubbing the back of his neck. “Didn’t expect this. I’ve never seen one of these before.”

He cleared his throat loudly, clearly embarrassed now that several people were still watching.
“Uh… my apologies, miss. I didn’t realize. You’re… cleared to be here as is. Just… try not to cause too much of a scene, alright? And keep that card handy.”

He gave her one last awkward look, his eyes involuntarily flicking down to the pink cloth and the long black hair covering her back, before turning and walking away, muttering under his breath.
Ariel stood there trembling, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. Even when I have permission… they still look at me like I’m doing something dirty. But at least he didn’t arrest me…

*****
Ten minutes later, the low rumble of the approaching train broke the tense silence. The bright silver train carriages glided into the small Willow Creek station and came to a smooth stop. A few new passengers stepped off, most of them doing double-takes when they saw the naked girl standing on the platform.

Ariel waited patiently at the edge of the platform until every other passenger had boarded the train. Only then did she step forward, pulling her small rolling suitcase with her right hand while holding the modified canvas handbag high with her left. She climbed aboard last and made her way through the nearly empty train car toward the back. To her great relief, she spotted a row of smooth, hard plastic seats at the far end. She settled down carefully, placing her suitcase standing in front of the empty seat beside her. As she sat down, her ass cheeks were awoken by the sheer coldness of the plastic seat. She then adjusted her entire long flowing silky hair to cascade across both her shoulders and down in front of her body, doing her best to properly spread and fan them open to make sure that the thick hair covered her entire frontal body, shielding her body almost completely. She crossed her legs to conceal her private region and placed the modified hand bag next to her on the empty seat. For the first time since leaving home, she felt somewhat concealed while seated behind the almost empty carriage.

A few minutes after departure, a young male conductor in his late twenties came walking through the carriage checking tickets. He was tall and reasonably handsome, with neatly trimmed hair. The moment his eyes landed on Ariel, his steps faltered. He stared openly, clearly caught off guard by the naked girl sitting so primly with only her own hair for coverage.

He stopped beside her seat, eyebrows raised high.

“Well… this is new,” he said, his tone playful and slightly naughty. A smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Gotta say, miss, you’ve got quite the bold travel style. You really committing to the ‘natural look’ today?”

Ariel’s cheeks flushed instantly. She kept her gaze down, voice soft and shy. “I… I have a medical condition, sir.” She reached into the side pocket of her handbag and carefully pulled out her Medical Exemption ID Card and Dr. Chen’s letter, offering them to him.

The young conductor took the documents, still smirking at first. But as he read the card and the detailed medical letter, his expression slowly changed from amused to surprised, then slightly awkward.
He whistled softly under his breath. “Damn… this is real. I thought this was some kind of prank or… something else.” He handed the documents back and cleared his throat. “My bad. Sorry about the comment. That was unprofessional. Anyway…tickets please.”

He scanned her ticket quickly and gave her a more respectful nod. “You’re all good. Just… be careful out there, yeah? Chicago’s a lot rougher than this little train.” With one last lingering glance at her long hair, he continued down the carriage.
*****
For the rest of the three-hour journey, Ariel slowly began to relax.
She turned her head toward the large window and watched the countryside roll by – golden fields, dense patches of forest, small towns flashing past, and the occasional sparkling river. A soft, wondrous smile gradually formed on her lips.

This is my first time on a real train…


She had only ever seen trains from afar during her secret nighttime walks with her mother, distant silver streaks moving across the fields under the moonlight. Now she was actually inside one. The gentle rocking motion, the rhythmic sound of the wheels on the tracks, the changing scenery outside, everything felt new and exciting.

Despite the occasional stares from the few passengers who walked past her seat, a quiet sense of accomplishment bloomed in her chest. Never did she expect that a day like this would ever come, the day that she left Willow Creek to enter the bigger world.

As the train gently rocked through the journey, she occasionally adjusted her long black hair spilling around her like a protective cloak. The anxiety was still there, sitting beneath the surface, but in this moment, watching the world pass by, she allowed herself to feel a spark of happiness and quiet pride. Around noon, she carefully unwrapped the sandwich her mother had packed for lunch.

It’s not so bad when the train isn’t crowded, she thought, trying to comfort herself. The plastic seat is nice. No one is bothering me. I just need to get through the station in Chicago… then the subway… then I can call Mummy and tell her I’m safe.


End of chapter 1.
-------------------------------------------------------------

What did you think of this chapter? Kindly leave your comments and feedback. Thank you!
12

Tags:
User avatar
Shocker
Accomplished Writer
Doctor
Posts: 1052
Joined: Mon Feb 24, 2025 5:25 pm

Re: Ariel's Bare Innocence

Post by Shocker »

OK, second attempt of replying, my first draft was eaten by the compputer.

I like your story, Ariel is a sweet girl, and that extra skin sensitivity is surely not going to cause her further embarrasment or outright pain. A gender touch must be uncomfortable, yet a forceful groping of her breasts or the brutal invasion of the delicate folds of her sex will be agony. MY mind invariably starts conjuring up ways how a story might progress, that is the sign of a well written engaging story, but I certainly look forward with what you are coming up.

I have two things I would like to mention, and if those were deliberate styilisitc choices, I suggest to completely ignor my rambling. If they just happened it might be worthwhile to think about what you wanted to achieve with those.
1) You have a very descriptive style of writing, your first 5 paragraphs are almost entirely dedicated to describe Ariel's appearance. And she does have a lovely body, so I can see why one could get carried away with it. Other characters in the story received no description at all. We learn her mother has a broken hip, her doctor is American Chinese. And that is in all honesty enough to know about those two, but it puts a stark contrast between Ariel and everybody else.
Between her thighs rested a thick, lush patch of curly black pubic hair, carefully groomed into a full, luxurious triangle that provided her pubic region a natural veil of modesty. Her ass was smooth, firm, and perfectly rounded, two pale globes that flexed subtly with every shift of her weight.
This is a lovely description, and very evocative, but is this really needed in the early part of the story? You offer the same information later again and here it feels much more organic.
The platform was almost deserted when she arrived. Only a handful of people waited: an elderly couple, a woman in business attire, and two middle-aged men. As she walked on the platform, she kept her gaze lowered, holding the handbag even higher and tighter against her chest so the opaque pink cloth draped as close as possible over her modest B-cup breasts and the thick curly patch between her thighs. Ariel paused at the far corner of the platform, as far as she could, away from the tiny crowd, hoping to not draw attention. However, from the side of her eyes, she could vaguely make out the commotion she was causing.
Describinng your main character, is important and helps the reader getting immersed in the story, but doing those descriptions without them feeling like an info dump is tricky. You don't need to change anything, I hardly ever do based on feedback, but I always found it helpful to reflect on why I wrote something the way I did. Your choices matter.

My second thing, is becoming a bit of a hobby horse of mine, the teaser. When you first had published this part I had looked into the story, glanced over the teaser, and decided to read the story at a later time. The idea of a teaser is to draw your reader in, making it imposssible for them to decide to give this story a shot at a later time, it's now that they have to rush to the next sentence. The beginning of any great story is pulling the reader in, giving them something to get excited or intrigued about.
“The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed.
This is the first sentence of the Dark Tower series by Stephen King, are there any questions left what the story is about? Of cours Mr. King is a moderatly well selling author, who knows a thing or two about the craft. Especially on how to hook a reader.
Our teasers ought to be working in the same fashion, raising curiosity and the urge to read on. I frequently use my opening paragraph as teaser, because I have deliberately written them as a hook. Your teaser does offer a bit of a summary, but feels clinically detached. If I had to chose something to use there I would have gone with
The air carried the comforting scent of fresh dough and ginger. Ariel Tan stood completely naked at the worn oak counter, kneading dough for her mother’s favorite steamed ginger buns.
This makes me wonder, who is this Ariel and why is she baking Ginger buns in the nude?

As I said just some fodder for thought, I don't claim to have any deeper understanding of writing, but I love reading and have done so for over 40 years.
0
My collected stories can be found here Shocking, positively shocking
Orientalist
Sophomore
Posts: 20
Joined: Wed May 20, 2026 2:19 am

Re: Ariel's Bare Innocence

Post by Orientalist »

Wow! Thank you so so much for all your comments and feedback! I certainly learnt a lot, especially on the teaser part. Will make improvements in future chapters.

Thank you for your compliments! I'm glad that the story is engaging enough for you to consider multiple plot points that could follow. I have in mind some ideas, but seem to have trouble making a decision on how I want Ariel's journey to unfold. Will see how it all plays out with time.

I take note of your comments regarding my writing style. I can see now how it may feel unbalanced, especially when I pay so much attention describing the main character. I made this decision to focus attention on Ariel's body in order to invoke an erotic flavor to the story, since the only thing that's erotic as this point is really just her body. Hence I was hoping that through the sensual descriptions, people would continue reading the story even though it had no sex scenes. Perhaps I'm naive and not very sure of how to position a story without too much details. Will try to improve for future works. Cheers!
0
User avatar
Shocker
Accomplished Writer
Doctor
Posts: 1052
Joined: Mon Feb 24, 2025 5:25 pm

Re: Ariel's Bare Innocence

Post by Shocker »

Orientalist wrote: Sat May 23, 2026 1:59 pm Wow! Thank you so so much for all your comments and feedback! I certainly learnt a lot, especially on the teaser part. Will make improvements in future chapters.

Thank you for your compliments! I'm glad that the story is engaging enough for you to consider multiple plot points that could follow. I have in mind some ideas, but seem to have trouble making a decision on how I want Ariel's journey to unfold. Will see how it all plays out with time.

I take note of your comments regarding my writing style. I can see now how it may feel unbalanced, especially when I pay so much attention describing the main character. I made this decision to focus attention on Ariel's body in order to invoke an erotic flavor to the story, since the only thing that's erotic as this point is really just her body. Hence I was hoping that through the sensual descriptions, people would continue reading the story even though it had no sex scenes. Perhaps I'm naive and not very sure of how to position a story without too much details. Will try to improve for future works. Cheers!
You are welcome, just as a reminder just because somebody is pointing something out in your story, it doesn't mean you did it wrong or need to change anything. Valuable feedback, is allowing you to think if the thing is ture, if it was a deliberate choice and if you can learn something from it. As long as your choices are deliberate, there is no wrong choice. The number of times I have gotten feedback, that my rape scenes could be longer or more detailed, lead to a total of zero words added to those stories. It might have influenced other stories, but never the story that the comment was made about.

You are the first audience for your story, tell something that YOU enjoy, trying to pander to other readers tastes is hard work, and not very rewarding. So have fun, enjoy what you are doing, make mistakes and learn from them. I doubt there is a single mistake in storytelling that I have not committed yet. You are in the process of finding your voice, and that can be bumpy, we have good folks here, giving a lot more detailed response than I normally do.
0
My collected stories can be found here Shocking, positively shocking
Orientalist
Sophomore
Posts: 20
Joined: Wed May 20, 2026 2:19 am

Re: Ariel's Bare Innocence

Post by Orientalist »

Yes, I understand your perspective and agree. I think the core value of receiving feedback is allowing authors to reflect on their present written work so that they can make improvements in future works. Ultimately the author has the right to decide whether to follow or omit certain recommendations, based on their style or choice of writing. Being new, I certainly am thankful to receive constructive feedback from you and hopefully from the community. I must say, there is a great sense of satisfaction to receive any form of feedback or comments, since it tells authors that their work is being read and appreciated, which is a core aspect of this forum which I appreciate very much.
3
User avatar
Shocker
Accomplished Writer
Doctor
Posts: 1052
Joined: Mon Feb 24, 2025 5:25 pm

Re: Ariel's Bare Innocence

Post by Shocker »

Orientalist wrote: Sun May 24, 2026 6:50 am Yes, I understand your perspective and agree. I think the core value of receiving feedback is allowing authors to reflect on their present written work so that they can make improvements in future works. Ultimately the author has the right to decide whether to follow or omit certain recommendations, based on their style or choice of writing. Being new, I certainly am thankful to receive constructive feedback from you and hopefully from the community. I must say, there is a great sense of satisfaction to receive any form of feedback or comments, since it tells authors that their work is being read and appreciated, which is a core aspect of this forum which I appreciate very much.
Believe me, I’m a nervous wreck every time I post a story and don’t see anybody reading it. Aside from the fact that I‘m a story junky, that’s one of the reasons I read the first part of almost every story here. The rush of satisfaction of getting a response is exhilarating.
0
My collected stories can be found here Shocking, positively shocking
User avatar
Claire
Renowned Writer
Doctor
Posts: 1882
Joined: Mon Feb 24, 2025 7:21 am

Re: Ariel's Bare Innocence

Post by Claire »

@Orientalist First of all, congratulations on writing and posting your first story! Putting yourself out there requires courage, especially if your story deals with a sensitive subject matter like ours. So, be proud! :)

I think you got the most important right for your first story. You had an actually interestig idea and just ran with it, even if it might seem a little far fetched on the surface. That's good. You couldhave written the 12,587th version of "Cheerleader got raped" but instead decided to explore a unique concept. From my experience, more generic porn-like stories often get more attention in the short term, but those that try to be more than that usually have more staying power, even if the short term response is rather slow.

I think that overall, you also handle the pacing of the story very well. The reader will of course expect Ariel to get raped at some point, but I think you made the right choice to not have her get raped immediately for running around naked. Showing some more grounded interactions with other people and the doctor's letter actually working, that's good pacing and builds tension nicely. I think Ariel's eventual rape will be more effective if you first show her getting to a point where she thinks "Hey, this might actually be working out." and it looks like you're actually doing that.

I could get into much more detail now about the opening of the story, character descriptions, world building, and the prose, but I wanted to first check in whether you actually want that. Once you start talking about that in detail, a comment can sound more negative than it's intended to be because it naturally takes just more space to suggest a change and describe it in detail than just saying "Yeah, that part worked well." If you want that kind of feedback, I'm happy to share my thoughts, but not everyone is interested in that.

Overall I can say, I thought that the first chapter was interesting. It had a unique hook and it resisted the temptation to just throw it all over board for diving immediately into the rape scenes. Good start! Gave only 1 point so far because I would like to see a little more of the story first. :)
3
My stories: Claire's Cesspool of Sin. I'm always happy to receive a comment on my stories, even more so on an older one!
User avatar
sinfulwords
Pillar of the Community
Junior
Posts: 97
Joined: Thu Apr 16, 2026 7:31 am

Re: Ariel's Bare Innocence

Post by sinfulwords »

@Orientalist

Oh my goodness, Ariel! 😭😭 Poor sweet sweet Ariel! She’s so precious, and it’s so unfair that she’s cursed with such a horrible affliction 😪

I really liked your characterization with Ariel. It’s very believable that someone who was sheltered their whole life, such as Ariel, would be excessively meek and polite. I just know her docility is gonna make her situation all the more tumultuous in Chi town—I do wonder what her plan is for those notorious Chicago winters tho 🤣…poor thing is gonna be bare-assed in snow boots sprinting off to the buses to try and beat the frost bite ☃️

I enjoyed your descriptive prose too. I could really sense how much enjoyment you got from explaining all the details about Ariel while she was making her delicious sounding ginger sesame buns. You’re like a little Hemingway 😉 I felt like I could see Ariel’s entire person in my mind and she looked absolutely beautiful 🌹🏵️🫶

I’m also impressed by your imagination. The concept of the story itself, the disease you created, is highly original 🧐 erotica can be really straight forward a lot of the time in terms of originality, a lot of authors stick to the basics, so when one comes across a unique idea like yours it’s always very refreshing.

I can absolutely see how this disease is going to offer ample ground for humiliation and non-con scenarios too 😈 Cause Ariel’s mom was right, people are going to leer and some people are going to see her nakedness as an ✨invitation✨….i would be lying if I said I wasn’t eager to read one of those scenes soon 🤪

Other things I liked in no particular order:

Ariel’s joy in cooking: it’s always great when characters in erotica have layers. Things like hobbies make the characters feel real and that makes the story feel richer.

Commentary on American medicine: I like how Ariel’s mom was depicted as a victim of privatized medicine, how she wasn’t able to afford the care she needed which ultimately led to the major financial problems that prompted Ariel to apply to culinary school in the first place. I literally hate privatized medicine so much 😭 so I loved seeing it vilified in ur story

The train station scene: oh man! This was the most intense scene in the first chapter! I was on the edge of my seat at every interaction, from the strangers, to the station-guard, to the ticket-taker. I was torn during this scene because the devil in me wanted them to molest and bother her😈…but the angel in me wanted them to leave her alone cause she’s our precious little flower 😭

Realistic medical shizz: the detail u put into the disease itself was very cool😎 I appreciate all the thought that obviously went into it: from the rashes and the time frames of exposure to the phrasing on the medical exemption card, it all felt very believable ^.^

In summation I’ll say your writing is exceptional for someone who’s just began writing; shit, it’s good for someone who’s been writing for a while. The joy of writing shines through in your words, displayed in full by your very patient and detailed style. You should be very proud of this first chapter 🙌🥳👏

I’m excited to see what happens next when Ariel arrives in Chicago, cause Mummy is right, it’s a rough town 😭 she’s gonna need all the luck in the world, that precious little thing
4
Orientalist
Sophomore
Posts: 20
Joined: Wed May 20, 2026 2:19 am

Re: Ariel's Bare Innocence

Post by Orientalist »

sinfulwords wrote: Wed May 27, 2026 7:12 am @Orientalist

Oh my goodness, Ariel! 😭😭 Poor sweet sweet Ariel! She’s so precious, and it’s so unfair that she’s cursed with such a horrible affliction 😪

I really liked your characterization with Ariel. It’s very believable that someone who was sheltered their whole life, such as Ariel, would be excessively meek and polite. I just know her docility is gonna make her situation all the more tumultuous in Chi town—I do wonder what her plan is for those notorious Chicago winters tho 🤣…poor thing is gonna be bare-assed in snow boots sprinting off to the buses to try and beat the frost bite ☃️

I enjoyed your descriptive prose too. I could really sense how much enjoyment you got from explaining all the details about Ariel while she was making her delicious sounding ginger sesame buns. You’re like a little Hemingway 😉 I felt like I could see Ariel’s entire person in my mind and she looked absolutely beautiful 🌹🏵️🫶

I’m also impressed by your imagination. The concept of the story itself, the disease you created, is highly original 🧐 erotica can be really straight forward a lot of the time in terms of originality, a lot of authors stick to the basics, so when one comes across a unique idea like yours it’s always very refreshing.

I can absolutely see how this disease is going to offer ample ground for humiliation and non-con scenarios too 😈 Cause Ariel’s mom was right, people are going to leer and some people are going to see her nakedness as an ✨invitation✨….i would be lying if I said I wasn’t eager to read one of those scenes soon 🤪

Other things I liked in no particular order:

Ariel’s joy in cooking: it’s always great when characters in erotica have layers. Things like hobbies make the characters feel real and that makes the story feel richer.

Commentary on American medicine: I like how Ariel’s mom was depicted as a victim of privatized medicine, how she wasn’t able to afford the care she needed which ultimately led to the major financial problems that prompted Ariel to apply to culinary school in the first place. I literally hate privatized medicine so much 😭 so I loved seeing it vilified in ur story

The train station scene: oh man! This was the most intense scene in the first chapter! I was on the edge of my seat at every interaction, from the strangers, to the station-guard, to the ticket-taker. I was torn during this scene because the devil in me wanted them to molest and bother her😈…but the angel in me wanted them to leave her alone cause she’s our precious little flower 😭

Realistic medical shizz: the detail u put into the disease itself was very cool😎 I appreciate all the thought that obviously went into it: from the rashes and the time frames of exposure to the phrasing on the medical exemption card, it all felt very believable ^.^

In summation I’ll say your writing is exceptional for someone who’s just began writing; shit, it’s good for someone who’s been writing for a while. The joy of writing shines through in your words, displayed in full by your very patient and detailed style. You should be very proud of this first chapter 🙌🥳👏

I’m excited to see what happens next when Ariel arrives in Chicago, cause Mummy is right, it’s a rough town 😭 she’s gonna need all the luck in the world, that precious little thing
@sinfulwords Thank you so much for all your positive comments and feedback! I'm literally on cloud 9 now, hahahahaha! I'm so happy that you enjoyed the first chapter. I honestly wasn't expecting such a positive review from the first chapter, simply because, as what you have pointed out, it's a story that is offbeat and unusual compared to the kind of non-con erotic fiction that people usually enjoy. I wanted to write something different to create variety and hopefully with luck, find an audience who appreciates such stuff. And thankfully you're one of them!

May I know who is Hemingway? Not familiar with this writer.

Yes, I paid attention to describing Ariel in detail, simply because that's one of the few sensual points that the first chapter has to offer. I did enjoy the process, but it was challenging to come up with flowery statements to describe a physical body, more so that of someone as beautiful as Ariel, I didn't want to sell her short.

Ahh, the disease, thank you for your compliments! I'll admit, it wasn't actually an original idea, I came across a story which depicted a similar situation of a girl requiring to be naked, but I didn't proceed to read it entirely. But I kept that idea in mind to let it brew, and wanted to write a version that was centered on a sweet Asian girl.

Ahahaha, yes, the disease can cause problems, but not going to give away spoilers yet, we'll see how sweet Ariel manages it. ;)

Oh my...I didn't think about the winter season in Chicago...hahahhahaha! :rofl: Hmm...this has interesting possibilities. :twisted:

I'm so glad you enjoyed the train station scene! And I agree, that was the most intense scene...even for me to write! :rofl: :hot: I just love it how a vulnerable character is forced to interact with strangers who are either disgusted or want to take advantage of her. There's just something stimulating about it. :think:

Chapter 2 is on the way, fingers crossed.
3
User avatar
Claire
Renowned Writer
Doctor
Posts: 1882
Joined: Mon Feb 24, 2025 7:21 am

Re: Ariel's Bare Innocence

Post by Claire »

@Orientalist Hemingway is a famous American writer of the 20th century who won the Nobel Prize in Literature in 1954. I would say, though, that his writing style is probably the opposite of yours, rather minimalist in his descriptions and dedicated to simple, unadorned English.
0
My stories: Claire's Cesspool of Sin. I'm always happy to receive a comment on my stories, even more so on an older one!