It's okay, I feel a little lonely, too. - RavishU Memorial Contest

[Lucius]

This psychological study of a prostitute is compelling and interesting, although I'd say that 'Make me come' is an unprofessional command within the confines of vanilla (that word again!) commercial sex. I like exploring sex work angles, and not only those of penetration -- did Lizzie view it as falling within the unspoken rules of their prostitute--client relationship, or was she carried away by the demands of her body?

[RapeU]

1) What did I immediately feel after reading this
2) What I love about what I read
3) What would I change in the story to make it perfect (for me)
4) Did I get off on this and why

1) What an intriguing idea. A shame that there wasn't more involving the rape part, but that could have been due to time constraints and word count limits.

2) I love that you tried a unique idea and just went with it. The sentence with different colors, while mildly unreadable to the point you have to read slower, really shows the blur between consent and NC. I felt like, despite the difficulty, I was able to get inside her head and feel the conflict within her.

3) The backstory of when she was innocent would probably do it for me. Perhaps creating another story before this one detailing that abuse would make this one all the more sweeter.

4) Mentally yes the darkness within me is happy with how things went and where things could go.

[Claire]

@Lucius That was definitely unprofessional behavior in Lizzy's eyes. Just pure desperation after not having come for months. Immediately before she asks him, the text says:

This was the point when she normally gave up, when she prioritized her client's needs over her own again, to satisfy him like the good whore she was. She contemplated the idea, to just give up, to send him over the edge, to moan in unison with his orgasm, to give him the illusion of having satisfied her. She had done it countless times before. But then she did something new.

That was meant to imply that she knows what she's supposed to do as part of her job.


@RapeU The contest had an upper limit of 10,000 words per story. This story has slightly below 4,000 I think. So that was not the constraint. What constrained the length of the rape scene for me was the mirroring structure of the consensual present and the noncon memory. I think nobody has mentioned this explicitly, but the events and the sentences in their structure and phrasing are full of parallels in both memory and present. That made this very difficult to write. Also, I think this type of memory vs. present contrast runs the risk of becoming old fast. So I opted for two paragraphs of present and memory back to back with these groups of 4 short lines as transitions between the paragraphs. The purpose was to teach the reader the visual language of memory vs. present. When the memory bleeds into the text of the present culminating in that one sentence that switches color for each letter, the reader has by then learned what it means. At least that is what I was going for.

I am not saying it is impossible to keep this going for longer. But I am a very unexperienced writer and try to be aware of the limits of my ability. Trying to keep this sequence going for longer would have required somebody more talented or experienced than me, I think.

Regarding a prequel: Maybe if I've ever got a good idea for that. Currently, I don't have any.

[Lucius]

@Lucius That was definitely unprofessional behavior in Lizzy's eyes. Just pure desperation after not having come for months. Immediately before she asks him, the text says:

This was the point when she normally gave up, when she prioritized her client's needs over her own again, to satisfy him like the good whore she was. She contemplated the idea, to just give up, to send him over the edge, to moan in unison with his orgasm, to give him the illusion of having satisfied her. She had done it countless times before. But then she did something new.

That was meant to imply that she knows what she's supposed to do as part of her job.

Right, it's just that I somehow hypothesized another 'unspoken' option. The text doesn't support this indeed.