It's okay, I feel a little lonely, too.

[Lucius]

This psychological study of a prostitute is compelling and interesting, although I'd say that 'Make me come' is an unprofessional command within the confines of vanilla (that word again!) commercial sex. I like exploring sex work angles, and not only those of penetration -- did Lizzie view it as falling within the unspoken rules of their prostitute--client relationship, or was she carried away by the demands of her body?

[RapeU]

1) What did I immediately feel after reading this
2) What I love about what I read
3) What would I change in the story to make it perfect (for me)
4) Did I get off on this and why

1) What an intriguing idea. A shame that there wasn't more involving the rape part, but that could have been due to time constraints and word count limits.

2) I love that you tried a unique idea and just went with it. The sentence with different colors, while mildly unreadable to the point you have to read slower, really shows the blur between consent and NC. I felt like, despite the difficulty, I was able to get inside her head and feel the conflict within her.

3) The backstory of when she was innocent would probably do it for me. Perhaps creating another story before this one detailing that abuse would make this one all the more sweeter.

4) Mentally yes the darkness within me is happy with how things went and where things could go.

[Claire]

@Lucius That was definitely unprofessional behavior in Lizzy's eyes. Just pure desperation after not having come for months. Immediately before she asks him, the text says:

This was the point when she normally gave up, when she prioritized her client's needs over her own again, to satisfy him like the good whore she was. She contemplated the idea, to just give up, to send him over the edge, to moan in unison with his orgasm, to give him the illusion of having satisfied her. She had done it countless times before. But then she did something new.

That was meant to imply that she knows what she's supposed to do as part of her job.


@RapeU The contest had an upper limit of 10,000 words per story. This story has slightly below 4,000 I think. So that was not the constraint. What constrained the length of the rape scene for me was the mirroring structure of the consensual present and the noncon memory. I think nobody has mentioned this explicitly, but the events and the sentences in their structure and phrasing are full of parallels in both memory and present. That made this very difficult to write. Also, I think this type of memory vs. present contrast runs the risk of becoming old fast. So I opted for two paragraphs of present and memory back to back with these groups of 4 short lines as transitions between the paragraphs. The purpose was to teach the reader the visual language of memory vs. present. When the memory bleeds into the text of the present culminating in that one sentence that switches color for each letter, the reader has by then learned what it means. At least that is what I was going for.

I am not saying it is impossible to keep this going for longer. But I am a very unexperienced writer and try to be aware of the limits of my ability. Trying to keep this sequence going for longer would have required somebody more talented or experienced than me, I think.

Regarding a prequel: Maybe if I've ever got a good idea for that. Currently, I don't have any.

[Lucius]

@Lucius That was definitely unprofessional behavior in Lizzy's eyes. Just pure desperation after not having come for months. Immediately before she asks him, the text says:

This was the point when she normally gave up, when she prioritized her client's needs over her own again, to satisfy him like the good whore she was. She contemplated the idea, to just give up, to send him over the edge, to moan in unison with his orgasm, to give him the illusion of having satisfied her. She had done it countless times before. But then she did something new.

That was meant to imply that she knows what she's supposed to do as part of her job.

Right, it's just that I somehow hypothesized another 'unspoken' option. The text doesn't support this indeed.

[JTCK]

Since I missed the first half-year of this forum, I’m still busy catching up on everything… So thanks a lot, @Claire, for pointing me to this story!

Let me say it right away: I loved it! The teaser did spoil the surprise a bit that we’re dealing with a prostitute—otherwise, the intro would have given me that extra surprise. After all, it could just as well have been her lover…

The first part is, once again, beautifully written and very erotic. Some of my favorite lines were:

She liked that he hadn’t been hard from the get go. She preferred men that knew how to savor sex over those who approached their lust with the impatience of a toddler devouring a chocolate cake

When she felt him getting closer, she let his cock escape her mouth and gently cradled his balls for a moment before standing up. The drop of viscous liquid that dropped into the panties between her knees as she stood up betrayed her studied posture of professional elegance and revealed her eagerness

This is seriously hot!

What I especially liked was her ambivalence between professionalism and lust. I found it really exciting how she slowly got swept away by lust.


I actually wondered for a while whether the story would stick to the consensual theme, or if it might turn into non-con. I was honestly a bit worried about the latter, because I felt it would have ruined the story.

But then it all went in a completely different—and really unique—direction. Such an interesting twist! I also liked the two-colored formatting and the interwoven dialogues. Takes a bit of getting used to, but it works really well. And I was genuinely rooting for her to reach her climax.

The ending with the next client also worked great for me. Life goes on for both of them. No cheesy “happily ever after,” but still that lingering question of whether they’ll meet again.

All in all, another wonderfully written, unique, and very erotic story with wonderfully endearing main characters —brilliant job!

[JTCK]

You said this is the story you think is your best. Hmm, that’s a tough call for me. Definitely one of your best, yes. But Men at War and Record Chaser are also right up there for me.

So… can I please give three first places?

[Claire]

@JTCK Now I feel relieved. I think if you liked this story, then you might also enjoy Record Chaser chapter 9.

Let me say it right away: I loved it! The teaser did spoil the surprise a bit that we’re dealing with a prostitute—otherwise, the intro would have given me that extra surprise. After all, it could just as well have been her lover…

I thought it didn't matter much because the reveal comes very early on and there is a prostitution tag on the story. But I might adjust the teaser to something else.

Some of my favorite lines were:

I like these lines too, especially the toddler one. I remember wondering while writing the story whether my male readers would feel called out by that. But I liked how accurate and playful and a little out of place the line sounded in context, so I kept it.

I was honestly a bit worried about the latter, because I felt it would have ruined the story.

Fully agree. I think turning Richard into a rapist who suddenly overpowers her would have been really bad storytelling. Did you by any chance watch Arcane? My inspiration for Richard was Vander from that show. I just imagined what he would be like in this situation.

The ending with the next client also worked great for me. Life goes on for both of them. No cheesy “happily ever after,” but still that lingering question of whether they’ll meet again.

I think about this story more often than others I wrote because it's so ambiguous, even to me as the author. Was Lizzy going for that orgasm brave self-empowerment or just self-destructive? Was this the first step to regaining something she lost or has nothing really changed? And in my interpretation of the story, that final line is devastatingly sad. It's a lie she tells David to comfort him that just so happens to be the truth. She is lonely, but she's only saying it through the mask of the professional prostitute to comfort another, not to open up about herself. I find that hauntingly sad...

You said this is the story you think is your best. Hmm, that’s a tough call for me. Definitely one of your best, yes. But Men at War and Record Chaser are also right up there for me.

So… can I please give three first places?

Best is of course relative. Record Chaser is an epic compared to this short character study and Men at War is a satire. So these stories are completely different beasts. But I think this story is the best in the sense that I got closest to executing the idea I had in my mind. When I read the early chapters of Record Chaser for example, I notice that it was the first story I ever wrote and that I wrote the first 5 chapters in 10 days or so. When I started writing last year, my outout reached almost @Vela Nanashi levels! So looking back at the text, I think there is a lot that could be polished, like little slipups from a third person limited narration into an omniscient perspective for example. And the pacing could probably be a bit tighter in places. But despite some of those flaws, I also enjoy Record Chaser probably the most of everything I've written. But I think in terms of pure craftsmanship, "It's okay, I feel a little lonely, too." and "Sweet, Sweet Mess" are probably the most polished stories I've written.

[VictimEyes]

I LOVE THIS!!

The writer connected me to 'Richard' on a deeply personal level.

............ and on a lustful level also - I came away from this wishing that 'Richard' had smothered ME in his wide body and fucked ME to a howling orgasm!!!!

Furthermore, the writer succeeded in humanizing and generating sympathy for a prostitute (A lesson the world needs to learn).

[Claire]

I LOVE THIS!!

The writer connected me to 'Richard' on a deeply personal level.

............ and on a lustful level also - I came away from this wishing that 'Richard' had smothered ME in his wide body and fucked ME to a howling orgasm!!!!

Furthermore, the writer succeeded in humanizing and generating sympathy for a prostitute (A lesson the world needs to learn).

Uhh, I think that's the first time one of the male characters I came up with got a fangirl! But Richard's a cutie, I agree.

Also, fully agree with your statement that society should look at prostitutes kinder.