Freya's new slaves

[AdmiralPiet]

I'm probably the wrong person to ask this. I don't have clear mental images of characters in my head, a vague concept at best. I said this before on the forum, but I think I have Aphantasia. So to me, Freya is just a tough, bulky mutant woman with a large penis, but I don't recall any other physical details.

Today I learned: Aphantasia is something that exists. I knew people had differing levels of mental imagery, but did not know it hat a name.
In that case, you are not the right one to ask.

My main issue is that I have no idea what the story is about. I see this very intricate world and Freya buying these slaves, but the only purpose seems to be to depict a sequence of rapes. But what is the central conflict of the narrative? Is it about whether these two slaves manage to escape? The text doesn't even seem to entertain the idea. Does Freya have some larger goal that she is collecting slaves for? Does the sexual abuse have a point beyond her personal pleasure, like is she trying to break them mentally until they are completely subservient to her and then they become agents or a personal guard for her? Does she need trained sex slaves as escorts for infiltration missions? The story seems to have no goal it is walking toward. When I finish a chapter, I have no sense that the story progressed in any way. The slaves are still in a hopeless situation and face another day of horrific abuse in the next chapter, but that is exactly where we start each chapter. And so the story ultimately reads as: "The slaves were raped this way. And then they were raped this way. And then they were raped this way. And then..." and there is no tension in the narrative because of that. It does not seem to be building toward anything, it resolves nothing, it advances nothing. And that is why I am not emotionally invested in what's happening.

It is kinda the point to not have a point. That phrase is overemphasising, but let me explain.
You see, there is a larger framework to this. As explained in an earlier post the background is the larger Warhammer 40k setting, in which I placed my OCs and their little corner of the galaxy.
There is a story progression (that is sadly not written out) starting with Lady Sokaras youth, and how she came to be a Chaos Lord ruling an entire star system. In this main storyline there is room for many smaller stories that do have a individual goal.

But in this case it is not. For two reasons:
I personally do not need something big at stake. I do not like tv series were everyone has hidden plans, and all characters lose themselves more in their own webs, just so there could be a new reveal. I can go with a story that overall stands still, or has little progress, if what happens in between is just funny or entertaining. Some character progression, and growth over time sure, but I can live with some standalone episodes.

The second reason is: This Story over on HF was intened to just be a collection of standalone chapters. A number of glimpses into the world of Karadan. Maybe an easy entry for readers, because they don't have to follow an overall story arc that closely, just some simpler finished stories. For the second reason it would have been better to post the four chapters as one. Because they are one. It is just the story of how Freya gets herself some new sex toys because she can. The goal is to show this world, how it works, its cruelty and lack of morality.
There is however something that could be added in form of a goal, see below.

So if I were to rewrite your story, I would do this: Freya wants these slaves for a reason. The abuse has a point beyond sexual gratification. Maybe she's recruiting for something. And for the slaves it becomes a question of whether they will submit. That would also introduce another interesting dynamic. If Freya wants them to submit and be useful to her beyond being sex toys, then she has to be careful not to break them too much. They have to still be functional as human beings. That would then give your slaves some agency to truly resist that they don't have right now. And suddenly, all the abuse sequences become a struggle and are emotionally charged. The story is about something. Maybe the first act is about whether they submit or not and ends with the daughter submitting and the mother not submitting and escaping. And then the story shifts to the mother trying to save her while the daughter becomes more and more a willing participant in whatever larger goal Freya has. Whether you like that idea or not: The difference is, your story would be about something and not only depict a sequence of rape scenes.

If I rewrite this it would probably be like this:
- Only one chapter that can stand on its own.
- I would stay with the overall sequence of things, but maybe I lose some smaller things. Switch a role here and there, add some other at the end
- I could focus more on Muriel's orgasm. Instead of having it happen very soon, it could be moved towards the end, as something for Freya and caelyn to work towards. That would change some things towards the end however. And I am fond of Selias punishment, would not like to lose that

But maybe I could incorporate some of your suggestions.

[Claire]

@AdmiralPiet I think understand better now what you were going for. In this case, I think your story would work better if it was shorter. And if you would want to turn it into something long and episodic, maybe go for a new slave each chapter? I think that would keep the story fresh even without a larger conflict underlying the plot.