Party Hard

[Claire]

Just another Saturday night in a Berlin club. Quick and to the (flash)point.

Finally someone realizes that this is not fiction, but a documentary!

[RapeU]

I like the song element in here. There's been a few stories I've written inspired by songs or song lyrics. I don't know this particular song, but that doesn't matter in this case.

Like all flash stories, my consistent one complaint is that they're too short and they make me want more. Ok that's two complains, sue me

[Mister X]

An unusually short story for you. An interesting idea to integrate the song into the story – and it fits in a disco. As usual, the story is well written.

[Claire]

An unusually short story for you. An interesting idea to integrate the song into the story – and it fits in a disco. As usual, the story is well written.

Thank you! The story was an entry for the Ravished in a Flash tournament. Stories had to be kept under 1,000 words or I never would have written anything that short!

The contest was organized such that always two stories competed against each other and were given a theme. For this story here, the given theme was "One more time", but I vastly overestimated familiarity with the Daft Punk song I chose to write the story around.

Overall, I'd consider it one of my weaker stories, but that might just be my own preference for somewhat longer stories. I can only recommend that you check out some other stories from the contest. Because the stories are all flash fiction (<1,000 words) you can read them in 5 minutes or less. So if you got 15 minutes, check out:

• @Shocker's Milk Run
• @LaLia's The Chasity Belt

These are the two semi-final winners. Milk Run was written for my favorite theme of the entire tournament "That day dad went to get milk" and Chastity Belt had the, in my opinion, most difficult theme to deal with "Innonence Gained". If I had to write something for the latter one, I don't know whether I would have had any decent idea! Check them out, minimal time commitment, definitely worth it!

[sinfulwords]

cOoOooOol stOOooRy mAaAaaAn PLUR PLUR



A rave is a good place for a Ravishment tale ngl. I don’t think I’ve ever been to one as crazy as the one you described here tho :

…is chasing me, the burly man with the dilated pupils, high on some drug cocktail, just like the rest of the crowd that’s turning the place into a naked fuck fest.

Hopefully the EMTs was passing out condoms

I liked the intense party vibes. You did a good job capturing the chaotic ambiance of a rave in very few words: the lights, the nakedness, the dancing, and then of course there’s that scary preda-bro chasing the narrator around like Michael meyers

The naked bodies around me drip their sweat onto the floor, turning each step into a slippery slope.

the sweat be falling from the ceiling too the dreaded raver rain

I think this is my favorite paragraph in the story tho

Moments later, he’s inside of me, relentless, uncaring. I cry, he thrusts. I scream, he moans. My pussy bleeds, his penis grows.

I enjoyed the correlations between action and reaction: cry/thrust; scream/moan; violence/erection. very titillating couple of sentences that capture the embodiment of a non-con scene.

As I believe this ordeal to be over, just for good measure, he thrusts into me:

One more time.

Nice use of the song there in the last line! Personally I’ve never been the biggest fan of using songs as a pacing agent, or even as a juxtaposition to what’s going on in a story, but that ending was super good!

Cool story fam! 10/10

[Claire]

@sinfulwords Thanks for the feedback.

A rave is a good place for a Ravishment tale ngl. I don’t think I’ve ever been to one as crazy as the one you described here tho :

I'll be honest. I didn't think for a second about how the protagonist got into this situation or whether it's even remotely realistic. I just thought: Girl wanted to go dancing that night and ended up at some much more "ambitious" party by accident.

It works for a flash story I think. But for a longer story that needs to explain itself more I probably would need to spend some more time on the setting.

I think this is my favorite paragraph in the story tho

That's my favorite paragraph in the story too. Great minds think alike. I really liked the "I cry, he thrusts. I scream, he moans. My pussy bleeds, his penis grows." bit. It's like some short form poetry embedded in the larger text.

Nice use of the song there in the last line! Personally I’ve never been the biggest fan of using songs as a pacing agent, or even as a juxtaposition to what’s going on in a story, but that ending was super good!

I never saw it as a pacing agent. I guess it does that too. I just liked how the very upbeat vibe of the song takes a dark turn if you contrast the lyrics with what's happening in the story. Lines like

We don't stop. You can't stop.

or

Music's got me feeling the need.

or

You know we're gonna do it right, tonight.

which are celebratory in the song, suddenly become threatening and ominous.

Let's hope Daft Punk never learns what I used their song for.

[sinfulwords]

I'll be honest. I didn't think for a second about how the protagonist got into this situation or whether it's even remotely realistic. I just thought: Girl wanted to go dancing that night and ended up at some much more "ambitious" party by accident. It works for a flash story I think. But for a longer story that needs to explain itself more I probably would need to spend some more time on the setting.

it’s realistic for a party goer. the protagonist could have simply been a Raver, going to a Renegade rave or something which was why it was so much more intense than she was used to seeing at legitimate raves with permits and stuff. Cause that’s where my head went. I didn’t question why the girl was at a rave, I just assumed she was a person that enjoyed going to raves. Maybe I thought that cause I had a rave phase in high school

It's like some short form poetry embedded in the larger text.

facts

I never saw it as a pacing agent. I guess it does that too. I just liked how the very upbeat vibe of the song takes a dark turn if you contrast the lyrics with what's happening in the story.

yeah, u used it as a contrasting juxtaposition of what’s going on in the story, which I mentioned that, personally, I’m not a big fan of I won’t go into detail why cause obviously you enjoy the literary device and I don’t wanna rain on ur parade

Let's hope Daft Punk never learns what I used their song for.

lmao something tells me they might actually think it’s cool

[Claire]

yeah, u used it as a contrasting juxtaposition of what’s going on in the story, which I mentioned that, personally, I’m not a big fan of I won’t go into detail why cause obviously you enjoy the literary device and I don’t wanna rain on ur parade

No, no. Feel free to go ahead. I'm not sensitive to someone disliking a creative choice I made.

It's not a literary device I feel particularly attached to. I used it because I was wondering how to write a flash fiction story. I knew that my usual style of writing does not lend itself to flash fiction particularly well. And I didn't want to write the story like I normally would and then cut it down to 999 words to technically fit the length requirement.

Basically, my question was: How do I write flash fiction in a way that feels complete and self-contained, and not like an abridged version or a teaser for something longer?

And I thought using the "One more time" song as a framing device in a party/club setting would allow me to do that while also including the prompt in a creative way. It just communicates a lot of the setting and atmosphere with very few words.

But I can't say that I have a particular preference for using a song like that. It was a practical choice that helped me embrace the brevity of flash fiction rather than struggle against it. As a result, I could write this story in 560 words without coming even close to the 1,000 word limit.

So let me know what you dislike about it.

[sinfulwords]

@Claire
Oookaaaay lol but please don’t take it the wrong way, remember it’s just my opinion. It’s kinda cheesy like I think I remember mentioning to u in the chat that using song inserts in stories is something super common in the fanfiction community….and usually, for me, it comes off as a straw writers grasp at to add depth to an otherwise vapid piece of work. It’s kinda like what middle school students do in their writing cause they’re just figuring out how to express themselves, or they’re trying to be edgy.

So, it’s just something that kinda makes me cringe when I see it and it’s usually something I will instantly click away from if I do see it utilized, but since we friends I went ahead and read urs anyway but I didn’t really feel any different in this utilization tbh. It’s just not for me

[Lucius]

like I think I remember mentioning to u in the chat that using song inserts in stories is something super common in the fanfiction community….and usually, for me, it comes off as a straw writers grasp at to add depth to an otherwise vapid piece of work.

Good thing you didn't join us during the RA 'Meat Loaf period'!