Ariel's Bare Innocence

[Orientalist]

@Orientalist Hemingway is a famous American writer of the 20th century who won the Nobel Prize in Literature in 1954. I would say, though, that his writing style is probably the opposite of yours, rather minimalist in his descriptions and dedicated to simple, unadorned English.

@Claire Thank you for the information! Interesting! Will try to look up on his works. Yea, I would say mine is hardly minimalist.

[Orientalist]

@Orientalist First of all, congratulations on writing and posting your first story! Putting yourself out there requires courage, especially if your story deals with a sensitive subject matter like ours. So, be proud!

I think you got the most important right for your first story. You had an actually interestig idea and just ran with it, even if it might seem a little far fetched on the surface. That's good. You couldhave written the 12,587th version of "Cheerleader got raped" but instead decided to explore a unique concept. From my experience, more generic porn-like stories often get more attention in the short term, but those that try to be more than that usually have more staying power, even if the short term response is rather slow.

I think that overall, you also handle the pacing of the story very well. The reader will of course expect Ariel to get raped at some point, but I think you made the right choice to not have her get raped immediately for running around naked. Showing some more grounded interactions with other people and the doctor's letter actually working, that's good pacing and builds tension nicely. I think Ariel's eventual rape will be more effective if you first show her getting to a point where she thinks "Hey, this might actually be working out." and it looks like you're actually doing that.

I could get into much more detail now about the opening of the story, character descriptions, world building, and the prose, but I wanted to first check in whether you actually want that. Once you start talking about that in detail, a comment can sound more negative than it's intended to be because it naturally takes just more space to suggest a change and describe it in detail than just saying "Yeah, that part worked well." If you want that kind of feedback, I'm happy to share my thoughts, but not everyone is interested in that.

Overall I can say, I thought that the first chapter was interesting. It had a unique hook and it resisted the temptation to just throw it all over board for diving immediately into the rape scenes. Good start! Gave only 1 point so far because I would like to see a little more of the story first.

@Claire Thank you very much for the compliments and motivation to continue writing! Yes, I thought about writing something unusual, just to add variety. I'm not sure if this is encouraged for a new writer though, as unusual stories mean unchartered territory, which then implies I do not have much material to refer to steer the flow of the story. As it is, there are currently multiple ways in my mind to make Ariel's journey unfold, but I hesitate to go with a solid one out of worry that it might not be the best route to make the story appealing to readers. Once penned down, I need to go with that flow, which makes the decision from the beginning critical. Or is this not the case?

Thank you for complimenting on the pacing, but I sometimes wonder if it is too slow, given the descriptions that am pouring out to make scenes vivid in reader's minds. I guess I need to learn how to make a balance here.

Yes, feel free to provide your constructive feedback on my writing, I would appreciate that as it would allow me to reflect on places that I could improve on.

Thank you very much for your encouragement and interest to see more of the story! Chapter 2 is on the way!

[sinfulwords]

@Orientalist

Of course twin, I think it’s important for us writers to encourage each other. Personally, I can find things I enjoy in almost every erotica piece I read, and I have no problem articulating those things no matter how much I liked or disliked. If I genuinely can’t find anything nice to say about a person’s art, I simply don’t say anything at all But that’s decently rare as I can usually find a handful of things that catch my vibe

Oh shit, LMAO! Did I say hemingway I meant to compare you to herman meville (the dude who wrote moby dick)!! For some reason I ALWAYS get those two confused! But Hemingway wrote the old man and the sea…not moby dick lol

Ah, ok! I see why Ariel got so much descriptive attention! Very astute choice there. Well, I legitimately liked reading her description. It was wonderful. Like I said, you made it very easy for the reader to capture just how soft and beautiful she is….which compliments her meek demeanor in my opinion.

Oh shit!!! So you were inspired by another’s work!? I know ALL about that lol as you know from our dm correspondence, I’ve been a Fanfiction writer my whole life up until quite recently. The whole concept of Fanfiction is being inspired by other’s art so I feel you sooo completely on the inspiration front

LOL about Chi town winters! The only reason that particular aspect came to mind for me personally is because I visited Chicago once in the winter. That shit was so cold!!! I come from a place where it doesn’t snow at all, so, I was SHOOK! Traumatized even lmao!

I feel you so tuff on that train-station-tension It was extremely well done! Had my heart rate picking in up in both excitement and fear

Anyway, another round of kudos for you, twin! Congrats on the first chapter. I’ll be keepgin my eyes peeled for part 2

[RapeU]

I like the premise. Fabric allergies are indeed possible according to a quick google search. So it really isn't outside the realm of possibility that somewhere in the world there exists a person who can't wear any kind of clothing. That it took 6 years for them to figure out what the allergy even was is also a nice touch.

My immediate thought for this story is to have someone steal her medical card and papers. The loss of that thin safety net can put her in all kinds of perilous situations.

[Orientalist]

I like the premise. Fabric allergies are indeed possible according to a quick google search. So it really isn't outside the realm of possibility that somewhere in the world there exists a person who can't wear any kind of clothing. That it took 6 years for them to figure out what the allergy even was is also a nice touch.

My immediate thought for this story is to have someone steal her medical card and papers. The loss of that thin safety net can put her in all kinds of perilous situations.

@RapeU Thank you very much for your comments! Yea, I tried to make the severe allergy issue believable as possible as I felt it was core to making the story work.

Oh my, what a wickedly beautiful idea!!! I like how your naughty mind works, hehehe.