Divergent Limit

[Writers_Bloque]

This is peak writing in my opinion. A good start to something that expands the world you built.

[Claire]

This is peak writing in my opinion. A good start to something that expands the world you built.

Thanks! That will be quite the challenge. Divergent Limit massively increases the scale of anything I've written so far: number of character, the timeframe the story takes place in, length of the story. It will be fun to see how that turns out in the end.

[Claire]

Elemennt 1 and Element 2 were originally meant to be just one chapter. But I split them in two after they became too long together.

Note that what I'm posting here is an unpolished version of the text. Going through and editing it will likely take me a few more days, but I will eventually do it. Just felt the urge to post what already exists because I think it turned out well. But I think that even despite typos, missing words, probably overuse of certain words, the text makes already for an enjoyable read. Overall, I think my writing might have made another little jump in quality with these two chapters. I'm very proud of how these chapters are constructed.
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Element 1 - A Hint Of Summer


October 25th, Saturday

Suzuka, Moa, and Momoko stared at him. Most of the time, their gaze came across as completely neutral to him, but today they looked like they were questioning him. He averted his eyes from the mirror and looked down at the sink.

“Come on, Eugene. If she thinks the shirt’s too strange, you don’t stand a chance anyway.”

He reassured himself. There was no point in hiding his nerdy side from Claire. For all he knew, she was just as much of a geek as he was, if not more so. The girl was crazy about math and science. First time he saw her, she had come to the analysis discussion section she taught with a purse that had Maxwell’s Equations and a “Let there be light!” print on it. He had a crush on her ever since.

Eugene took one last look at his shirt in the mirror. The three girls from Babymetal drawn in a chibi, pixelart retro look still stared at him. He sighed, then clapped his hands together. He had scrutinized his reflection for so long that his blond curls were dry now. It was time to go.

He stepped outside the bathroom and into the hallway, closing the door behind him. He made a few steps toward his bedroom to grab his hoodie and jacket when he came to a sudden halt. The door to the other bedroom in the small apartment opened and his roommate Eleanor joined him in the hallway.

“Hi… Uhh… I’m going out.“

He greeted her, taking a step back. She looked at him briefly before lowering her eyes.

“You… You’re meeting with Emily and Claire, right?”

Her voice was uncharacteristically small. The tall girl with the long, raven hair didn’t look well. She wore the same pajamas as yesterday evening and her hair was disheveled.

Now that she stood in front of him, he realized he hadn’t seen or heard anything from Eleanor all day. When she was home on a Saturday like this, he usually would have heard music blasting from her room at some point, ranging from speedmetal to the 80’s soundtrack of the Rocky movies, as she pummeled the punching bag in her room. He shouldn’t have urged her to watch the Rocky movies with him if he didn’t want his Saturdays to feel like an 80’s training montage.

Looking at her, he could only conclude that she hadn’t left her room since yesterday evening. Something was wrong, obviously. He didn’t need to be a genius to figure that out. He wanted to help, to be there for her. And he had tried his best yesterday.

The memory of her hand creeping down his stomach briefly invaded his mind. He shook his head. She was hurting, but no matter what happened to her, it didn’t justify what she did.

“Yeah, I’m supposed to be at the Infinite Pint in 30 minutes. I did the laundry and cleaned the bathroom earlier. I’ll take out the trash now. Can you go to the store later? We’re running low on a few things.”

She nodded.

“Mhm, sure.”

He nodded back. He detested the pang of guilt creeping up his spine as he walked past her into his room. Watching after her as she shuffled to the bathroom, he could see how dejected she looked, like a mere shell of her normal self. Still, he had been nervous in anticipation of today ever since Emily invited him three days ago. He wouldn’t let the bullshit Eleanor pulled on him yesterday ruin this for him.

He grabbed his hoodie, closed the zipper, then opened it again. What was the point of wearing the Babymetal shirt if he hid it underneath his hoodie? He was about to grab his jacket too when he wondered: did he actually need one? This late October day still carried with it a hint of summer. Climate change, probably. A quick look at the weather app on his phone let him know that the temperature wouldn’t drop below 50 degrees before midnight. He’d be fine without one.

Eugene stepped outside. It was 6:30 PM, 30 minutes left, more than enough time for him to walk the distance to the Infinite Pint. Emily had told him to be there at 7 PM, which felt kind of early. He didn’t go to a lot of social events like this, though, so he could be wrong. If he didn’t know better, it almost felt like Emily was trying to play matchmaker between Claire and him.

Emily was a physics major in her senior year who taught a discussion section on classical Newtonian mechanics for engineering students like Eugene. When she invited him on Wednesday to a small get-together between seniors like her and freshmen like him, he felt flattered, but wasn’t particularly interested. He was about to politely decline her offer, when she casually mentioned some of the others who’d be there, Claire among them. How could he say no to that?

Looking back, he started to wonder. Was his crush on Claire so transparent? And wouldn’t that imply that Emily was rooting for him? He shook his head and smiled. A lucky coincidence, that was all this was. All the nervous energy made him see ghosts.

He hoped that the walk through the city streets would help him clear his head. Instead, his thoughts kept circling back to yesterday. Why had Eleanor done this? Straddling him? Placing his hand on her boob? And finally, groping him, grabbing his dick? That was so out of character for her. She had done the same thing as…

His thoughts were suddenly interrupted when he walked by a small park. He could hear a ball bouncing, two kids ending a casual basketball session at the park’s hoop as it was getting dark. He narrowed his eyes, and walked a bit faster.

By the time he reached the Infinite Pint, he had gathered himself. He was now focused on his mission: get Claire’s number. The heart in his chest was all too aware of what was at stake as it hammered away. The logo of the bar, a pint framed between two infinity symbols, beckoned him. The faint sound of indie rock was inviting him in and he was ready to answer the call. He opened the door without hesitation.

The music got louder immediately. He took in the lyrics as he got his red wristband marking him as below drinking age.

“Love turns into fear
And it won't just disappear
And I don't know how to get out of this
Mess we’re making here“

Even if he were allowed to drink, he wouldn’t have today. He doubted he’d make a better impression while drunk.

He scanned the room. It looked like he was early indeed. The place was far from being crowded, the waiters still seemed relaxed. He spotted two billiard tables nobody was playing at yet. Then his eyes found Emily and Claire sitting alone at a table. Emily saw him at about the same time and jumped from her seat immediately to come greet him. He waved at her.

“Eugene!”

She greeted him as eagerly as if her favorite person had just entered the room. She was closing the distance between them quickly as he walked toward her with cautious steps. The blue strands in her dark brown hair were new.

“Love the blue strands. Looks great!”

She came a little closer than he expected.

“Thanks! Wanted to try that for a while!”

Then she hugged him, which caught him off guard. The scent of her perfume entered his nose, citrus and the faint trace of something sweet. He didn’t remember them being this close. He awkwardly patted her on the back.

One day, he’d figure out how an extrovert’s mind worked, but today was not that day. She leaned more into him to whisper into his ear.

“I got her to come. Rest is up to you.”

Then she let go of him. He was a little baffled. She gave him a quick look over.

“That shirt is… a choice.”

She had a knowing smile on her lips.

“I think she’ll love it!”

She winked at him before she hurried back to their table. So much for seeing ghosts. He didn’t expect to have a wingwoman in his corner today. Not that he was going to complain. He’d order a dozen Emilys if they helped him out like this. Maybe he should trust his instincts more often.

He followed the metaphorical and literal path Emily had cleared for him and approached the table.

“Hi.”

He raised his hand in the air, looked at it briefly, then lowered it again.

“Am I too early?”

He asked as he sat down next to Claire.

“A bit. 7:30 is the official start.”

He furrowed his brows at Emily’s response. He could have sworn she had told him 7 PM.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

He was about to stand up again, when Emily got up herself and grabbed him by his arm.

“Relax. Maybe, just maybe, I misspoke. You being here early is perfect, actually. Gives me a chance to hit the ladies’ room without my girl here getting bored. Later!”

Then she got up and strolled away while very obviously not headed for the restroom. Subtlety had officially left the table.

He was alone with Claire. It was do or die now. He looked at her. Big hazel eyes, freckles painted across her face, and that little snub nose. God, she was cute. Using her pinky, she shyly brushed a strand of her shoulder-length, light brunette hair behind her ear as she looked at him expectantly.

She had brought her Maxwell purse again.

“Uhh… cool purse! Maxwell’s equations, right?”

She grabbed the purse dangling off her hip and put it on the table, her eyes firmly locked on it.

“I’m surprised you noticed that. You should still be making your way through classical mechanics, no electromagnetism yet, right?”

A gentle smile adorned her face.

“Yeah, I won’t pretend I’d know how to use them, but I’ve seen them before. They describe electromagnetic waves, right?”

She looked at him. Her eyes briefly darted up to his hair, then found their way back to his face.

“Right, that’s the whole point behind the ‘Let there be light!’ joke.”

Great, the ice had officially been broken. What now? Should he ask her whether she was actually religious? Oh God, no! He remembered Eleanor’s advice from two days ago when he told her he’d meet Claire today.

“Wow, I thought this was just an innocent crush when you told me that you think she’s cute. But it’s serious, isn’t it? I met her at the gym a few times. Ask her about her workout. A delicate-looking girl like her never gets asked about that.”

He didn’t know how to pivot to that, and he didn’t want to think too much about Eleanor at the moment.

“So… where did you get it? A store selling merch like that must have other cool stuff as well.”

“Oh, I don’t actually know. It was a gift for my birthday from Emily. She’s the physics major after all. We can ask her when she returns.”

He grinned.

“That might take a while.”

Claire chuckled.

“You might be right.”

The bar got fuller as they kept talking, the ambient noise more difficult to talk over. He recognized Ashley, a fellow first-year student, among the people entering, and some guy from his classical mechanics course whose name he couldn’t remember. Claire was sipping on a Virgin Mojito while Eugene simply ordered a coke. Occasionally, Emily could be heard enthusiastically greeting people. Claire pointed at his chest.

“So, what’s Babymetal? Please tell me nobody is putting headphones on infants and blasting them with death metal.”

He had a bright smile on his face as he looked down at his shirt.

“You shouldn’t underestimate the value of death metal as an educational tool for infants. But no, Babymetal is a kawaii metal band from Japan.”

Claire looked at him intently, encouraging him to continue.

“Are you familiar with Japanese idol culture?”

Claire tilted her head back and forth.

“Uhh… kind of? I know as much about it as you can from watching anime, I guess? No idea how accurate that is, though.”

He shrugged.

“Close enough.”

Then he continued.

“So, usually these idol bands produce like cutesy J-Pop, right? Well, the three girls from Babymetal took that formula and thought ‘How about we do that, but with metal?’ And the result was… Babymetal. I think that’s all there is to it.”

Claire took another sip of her cocktail. He could see her think. Then she asked him.

“And what do you like about it?”

He had to think about that for a moment.

“Hmm… I guess I like the 'no fucks given' energy these girls have? The fun thing is, rather than being seen as a mockery of metal, the scene welcomed them with open arms for the most part. Imagine tall, muscly dudes with long hair and beards headbanging enthusiastically to idol pop metal from three tiny girls from Japan. Why shouldn’t three cute girls band together and create an idol pop metal genre fusion?”

Claire tilted her head a little to the side as she contemplated her answer.

“I think I can relate to that. As a woman in math, I know what that’s like. So, what song should I listen to to get an idea what it’s all about?”

She grabbed her phone from her purse, plugged her earbuds in, and handed him one of hers, inviting him to listen with her. The eager, anticipatory expression on her face as she scooted closer to him made his pulse reach questionable heights. For a moment, he was unable to say anything.

“Eugene?”

He returned back to earth and swallowed the saliva pooling in his mouth.

“Uhh, yeah,… Try ‘Gimme Chocolate!!', that’s probably their most iconic song.”

The title alone was enough to make her smile. Eugene put the earbud in. She was so close that their arms almost touched. Then she hit play.

“A-ta-ta-ta-ta, ta-ta-ta-ta-ta, zukkyun
Wa-ta-ta-ta-ta, ta-ta-ta-ta-ta, dokkyun
Zukyun, dokyun, zukyun, dokyun
Yada, yada, yada, yada, never, never, never “

He watched the grin on her face widening as she listened to the song. He couldn’t help but smile himself.

“That’s so dumb! I love it! What are they even singing about?”

Eugene noticed a guy entering the bar. He approached Emily who seemed to shrug him off immediately. Then he began walking toward their table. Eugene was eyeing him cautiously.

“The song is about the girls wanting to eat chocolate but being worried about their weight.”

The guy came closer, he was definitely headed for them.

“I wouldn’t mind some chocolate myself right now.”

She responded. Then Claire noticed him too. She pulled the earbud out and rolled her eyes.

“Can we help you?”

Eugene asked the guy now standing at their table. He cast Eugene only a fleeting glance before his attention was focused fully on Claire.

“Look who it is. A rare sighting of Robertson’s pet in the wild, on a Saturday no less. What’s the occasion?”

Claire sighed.

“What do you want, Alex?”

Eugene remembered, Claire worked for Anthony Robertson, the linear algebra professor Eleanor had sought out yesterday morning for help with her financial situation after her mother had cut her off. Eleanor had never responded to his text asking how the meeting went and then acted all weird when he saw her in the evening. When he had asked what was wrong, she said that her mother had called. Her mother always brought down her mood, so he had thought nothing of it, but maybe that wasn’t the whole story?

“Relax, Claire. Just thought I’d greet a colleague when I run into her at an unexpected place, that’s all.”

Eugene didn’t know the history between the two, but Claire’s face said it all. If she rolled her eyes even more, they’d catch on fire from the friction.

“Greeting noted.”

For a second, Alex looked disgruntled. Probably didn’t get the reaction he hoped for.

“Have ‘fun’ you two.”

Alex’ condescension was barely concealed. Then he leaned down, put his hand on Eugene’s shoulder, and half-whispered:

“Don’t get your hopes up dude. That one’s as frigid as they come.”

Eugene was fully aware that Claire had heard Alex. He didn’t say anything, just pushed Alex’ hand off his shoulder, and watched him walk away.

Eugene had been prepared for awkward silence between them, but not exactly for this reason. He looked at Claire out of the corner of his eye as he took a sip of his coke. Her downcast gaze and the hands folded in her lap made her seem deflated.

“Sorry about that.”

She murmured. He shook his head.

“Don’t. Not your fault. Does that happen often?”

She glanced at him.

“What do you mean?”

He nodded in Alex’ direction.

“Guys like that acting… like that. I’m no psychologist, but the dude’s a walking hurt ego if I’ve ever seen one. A professional should take a look at that.”

Claire sighed.

“Sadly, yes. Many guys in math seem to like the idea of finding a girlfriend who’s into math too… until it turns out she’s better at it than them.”

Eugene nodded. Alex was unlikely to become one of his favorite persons. Somehow, he was sure of that.

“That sucks.”

Eugene had an idea of what must have happened. Alex probably hit on Claire in the past and got rejected. And when she maybe got a scholarship he wanted or simply ranked higher on the Dean’s List, he could only reconcile that with his self-image by attributing her success to being Robertson’s personal favorite. He was curious, but now wasn’t the time to ask for more details.

He was wondering how to stir the conversation back into more lighthearted territory when he saw Emily return.

“How are you? Sorry, I got a bit distracted. Didn’t mean to leave you two alone for sooo long.”

The sideeye Claire gave Emily was delicious. Eugene gave Emily a brief summary of the evening so far.

“Aside from a brief spike in the local idiot-density, I think we were doing fine?”

He gave Claire an encouraging smile. She breathed a sigh of relief.

“What Eugene said.”

He was happy to see her aligned with him.

“Well, I was just about to offer to teach you two how to play pool in case you ran out of fun. Anybody interested?”

Claire looked back and forth between Eugene and Emily.

“I don’t know. I never played before…?”

Eugene got up from his seat.

“Me neither. Let’s do this! Lead the way, Emily.”

Emily clapped her hands together.

“Perfect! But before we get into any fancy rules explanations, let me show you first how to properly use a cue. No point in playing an actual game before you even know how to aim.”

Claire got up too.

“Alright, what could go wrong? I mean, pool, isn’t that essentially just conservation of momentum turned into a sport?”

Eugene snorted.

“Heh! I think somewhere a professional pool player just felt a disturbance in the force.”

Claire poked her tongue out at him as he walked over to the free pool table.

Eugene took a few steps back, walked around the table, and ended up standing opposite of the two girls. Getting some distance between himself and Claire actually helped him relax. He felt like he hadn’t breathed normally ever since she handed him that earbud.

He had crushes before, even had slept with two girls. But he’d never been this nervous. He started to doubt whether he had ever been really in love before. And he knew that besides all the nervous energy, he still barely knew Claire. He wondered, was being in love with someone you really knew even more intense than this?

He watched Emily hand Claire her cue as if she was bestowing knighthood upon her. She began to explain. Emily pointed at the balls, the holes in the table, took a shot herself to demonstrate how to do it, then let Claire take over. He tried to memorize Emily’s instructions as well, but his mind drifted off, relying on Emily explaining it again when it was his turn. The last thing of the tutorial he remembered was Emily moving up Claire’s hand a little as holding the cue at the very end was apparently wrong.

Seeing Claire stand, he was reminded of how small she was, not just in comparison to himself, but even to a woman of average height like Emily. Of course, not all girls were as tall as Eleanor who at 5 feet and 11 inches almost reached his own 6 feet. But Claire was what? About 5 feet maybe?

Watching her, he couldn’t help but smile. She was wearing a forest green, long-sleeved top, slim black jeans, and brown ankle boots. But that was not what amused him. Her eyes narrowed and her tongue stuck out of her mouth as she took aim with her cue as if she was defusing a bomb.

His gaze wandered to her shoulder. The top had slightly slipped off her shoulder, revealing a blue bra strap underneath. He gulped as Claire briefly let go of the cue to tuck a defiant strand of hair back. Almost involuntarily, his eyes drifted further down her body. As she leaned over the table, he could see the outline of her small boobs press through the green fabric of her top. He was just about to remind himself not to stare, when something hit him.

“Oww!!”

The ball Claire had aimed at had hit him right between the eyes. He held his face as he tumbled a step backward. Claire hurried to him immediately.

“Oh my God, Eugene, I’m so sorry. Are you okay? Emily?! Can you get some ice?”

Emily scurried away seeking the bartender. Eugene waved off her concern with one hand, while the other held his face.

“I’m okay. But what was that about conservation of momentum? I think you might have broken physics here.”

Claire grabbed him by his arm and led him back to their table.

“I’m pretty sure momentum was conserved. Not so sure about your eyes, though.”

He let go of his face as he sat down.

“Really, don’t worry too much. Here, take a look. You hit me with a perfect killshot straight down the middle, no damage to my beautiful eyes.”

He squinted at her.

“Alright, tough guy. Still, let’s put some ice on it. I don’t want to see you with a swollen face in your next discussion section.”

Emily returned to them shortly after, handing Eugene the requested ice pack. But she didn’t intend to stay for long as her next question revealed.

“I feel kind of responsible for this as the one handing Claire the murder weapon. So let me buy you guys a drink. Another Virgin Mojito for you Claire? And you, Eugene? Staying with coke or do you want something else?”

Claire nodded, confirming her order. Eugene thought about the offer briefly.

“You know what? Get me the same cocktail as Claire. Looked good to me. Thanks!”

And with that they were alone again, or as alone as you could be in a public bar on a Saturday evening.

Claire still eyed him with worry as he cooled his face.

“Come on, stop looking at me like you shot me with a sniper rifle. Let’s talk about something else.”

She pouted a little, but complied.

“Okay, uhh, so… sports. Anything you’re into? I guess I can rule out pool. You live with Eleanor, right? Do you know her from kickboxing?”

He was surprised Claire knew so much about Eleanor already.

“Kickboxing? Me? Nah. I know Eleanor from high school. And every time I see her beat up that punching bag in her room I’m reminded not to get on her bad side.”

Eleanor’s bad side, huh? He wondered. Was he already there? Fuck it, he had done nothing wrong!

“So she must be pretty good?”

He didn’t really know how to answer that.

“Uhh, I guess? I really don’t know much about martial arts, not my world. All I can tell you is that I’ve seen something like a dozen of her fights and they usually end with a knockout for her opponents. Sounds good to me.”

He was trying to read Claire’s face as she was thinking.

“You’re pretty close then?”

Close. The word reverberated in his mind. The memory of her sitting on top of him flashed before his mind’s eye. He could hear her broken voice clearly through the ambiance of the bar.

“Please, don’t stop being kind to me.”

That was the last thing she had said to him before she did it. He had told her he didn’t expect anything in return for comforting her. He had gone on to tell her that if she truly wanted this to be more than friendship, then they should talk about that openly. She didn’t care. Her hand just moved further, even when his body tensed, even when he said:

“Stop! That’s enough!”

Claire carefully touched his arm, pulling him back into the present moment. He did his best to give a normal sounding response.

“Uhh, yeah, I’d say we’re pretty close. I mean, you don’t move in with someone you don’t care about, right?”

Claire looked concerned, as if she was unsure about what to do next. So was he. He needed this conversation to get back into safer territory. Fortunately, Claire seemed to have the same plan.

“So, no kickboxing for you. Well, any other sport that captured your heart? Or is Babymetal your one true love?”

He giggled at her question.

“There is more than that. When it comes to sport… I used to play a lot of basketball when I was younger. That was my game.”

He gave her a strained, but earnest smile.

“Used to? What made you stop?”

His face froze. What made him stop? He couldn’t breathe. What made him stop? The voice of his coach.

“Ssshhhh! Nothing to be ashamed about here. Big boys get hard like that.”

He couldn’t tell what he felt. What was happening to him? Was he about to cry, or vomit, or both?

“Eugene…?”

Claire’s voice sounded far away, like a distant dream drowning in the fog. He lowered his eyes slowly, meeting hers. The concern on her face was obvious. She reached out her hand. He saw it hovering in the air, wanting to touch him, but unable to do so. Or maybe unsure whether it should? Poor girl. Now he had made her worry, ruined a perfectly fine evening for her.

“Ah… Uhh… I… I need a moment. Sorry, I… I’ll be back.”

He hurried to the exit, stormed past an eager Emily trying to hand him his cocktail, and burst through the door as fast as he could without breaking into a run.

[Claire]

Element 2 – I Hate Kurt Gödel

Still October 25th, Saturday

The cool night air hit him, clearing up his mind almost instantly. It was so quiet outside, the air so much less heavy. He was immediately reminded of why he usually avoided events like this. A few deep breaths helped him calm down further. How long had it been since he had an episode like that? Two years?

Fuck this… He hadn’t played basketball since he was 12, but he had come to the point where talking about basketball or watching it was fine for him. He sat down on the stairs in front of the bar. It looked like what Eleanor did made him regress somewhat. He felt exhausted.

Sitting there as the adrenaline slowly left his system, he started to feel a bit chilly after all. He looked at the weather app on his phone. Barely 8:30 PM, 47 degrees.

“Not below 50 degrees before midnight my ass…”

He murmured to himself. He closed the zipper of his hoodie, choosing warmth over signaling Babymetal fandom to the world. Should he really go back inside? What would he even tell Claire? It would be a stretch to say he knew her well, but unless he was a horrible judge of character, she was probably still sitting there right now wondering what she did wrong.

With the phone in his hand, he couldn’t resist the urge. He opened his chat with Eleanor. Last message yesterday, October 24th, Friday, 11:37 AM.

“Any good news?”

He had assumed that her meeting with Robertson would end around 11:30 AM as her analysis lecture started at 12:00 PM. No reply. He started typing a message.

“Are you ok?”

He looked at the text briefly as if the words were about to reveal some secret to him. Then he deleted it and put his phone away. He folded his hands above his head and sighed. So much for not letting Eleanor’s bullshit ruin his evening.

“Didn’t even ask Claire for her number…”

He had been fully prepared to get rejected, but not even making it to the question? This evening couldn’t have turned out worse. He furiously scratched through his hair as he grunted in frustration.

“Hmpf…. Grmbl!”

A familiar voice pulled him out of his self-loathing.

“Hiya.”

He glanced up at the voice. There she was, slightly leaning forward, arms folded behind her back, her kind eyes looking at him. Claire had followed him outside. She looked the same except for the denim jacket she had put on. He didn’t know what to say, so he just stared at her flustered as he was. Fortunately, Claire was willing to carry the conversational baton on her own a little while longer.

“Whatcha doing? No need to torture your pretty curls like that. You’re too young to go bald.”

He chuckled, then his chuckle transformed into an extended laugh. He knocked once against his forehead, then breathed a sigh of relief.

“Pretty curls, huh? What do you like about them? You like blond hair?”

Her eyes briefly looked into the sky as if she were searching for the answer in the stars.

“Hmm… ever since you sat down next to me, I kind of wanted to twirl them around my fingers. I think I’d do that all the time if I were you.”

He sat pointedly upright, placed his hands on his knees, and tilted his head slightly back. With closed eyes and a suppressed grin he said:

“Well, be my guest. My curls are at your service.”

He heard her adorable giggle, then felt her tender finger softly dip into one of his curls. She drew a gentle circle on his head, careful not to twinge his hair.

The moment she pulled her hand back, he missed her touch. He opened his eyes and looked at her again.

“Was it everything you hoped for?”

She tilted her head from left to right.

“Well, it was good, but could have been better if they were a little longer. Would twirl again, though. 4 out of 5 stars.”

He seriously considered letting his hair grow a little longer now. He took a more relaxed posture again. Claire continued the conversation.

“Mind if I sit down?”

He shook his head and patted the spot to his right. She didn’t waste any time and sat down next to him.

“That’s better. I’m not used to being taller than others.”

For a minute, they just sat there, neither of them saying anything. Then he spoke.

“I’m sorry.”

Claire still didn’t speak, but she didn’t have to. The “For what?” was written all over her face.

“For… bringing down the mood. Ruining the evening.”

She shook her head.

“You didn’t. Even if I don’t fully understand what’s going on, I know something hurt you. I got that much. What’s wrong with showing that?”

When she put it as simple as that, he felt kind of embarrassed.

“Nothing… just… maybe there’s a time and a place…?”

The pain in her eyes almost hurt him.

“There is a right time and place for panic attacks, or just getting overwhelmed? I don’t think it works like that.”

She was talking to him, but seemed to also be reflecting on something bothering her. Regardless, he couldn’t object to what she said.

“True…”

She took a deep breath, then exhaled loudly.

“I wanted to tell you that I don’t get it. This idea that there’s some nobility in shielding others from your pain, that you’re doing the people you care about a favor by suffering alone. It’s bullshit. All it achieves is making others distrust your happiness because they might always think you’re hiding your pain. But then I realized… I’m doing the same thing.”

He wasn’t sure anymore whether she was talking to him or to herself.

“In what way?”

He offered her to keep talking. She lowered her eyes and hugged one of her knees.

“I have this old friend, like we’ve known each other since we were eight, and we’ve always been super close. He recently got together with his new girlfriend and she doesn’t like me. So what did I do? I stepped aside, trying not to blow up his relationship. Am I genuinely happy for him? Yeah, and I told him that. But did I leave out the part where I’m scared we might lose our connection because of his girlfriend’s jealousy? Oh, absolutely. So you see, same thing.”

That did sound like something he might do, consider even the right thing to do. He got what she was saying, though. If you minimize yourself in what you perceive to be in the interest of others, you might just create a reason for them to worry about you. If he put it like that, it was hard to argue against it.

“I don’t know this friend of yours, so I won’t tell you everything will be fine. But I’d like to believe that once the honeymoon phase of this new relationship is over, he’ll remember that thirteen years of friendship shouldn’t be taken for granted. You deserve that.”

Her reply was a soft whisper.

“Thank you.”

Inspired by her open vulnerability, he wanted to meet her where she was at.

“I wish I could tell you about what’s going on with me the same way you shared your worries with me. But I literally can’t, because, well, partially because I don’t fully understand what’s going on myself, but even if I did, I’d have to share things about Eleanor with you that are not mine to tell.”

Claire gave him an understanding nod.

“But let me say this much. Something was going on with her. I thought I understood what it was and tried to help. But now I feel like I’m missing a piece of the puzzle. She’s clearly not okay, but she did something that really hurt me. And I… well… I yelled at her for what she did. I don’t know. I think I needed to protect myself, but at the same time I’m wondering… Did I just kick someone who was down already?”

Claire seemed to weigh her words carefully.

“Well, I don’t think I can help you solve the puzzle. But for what it’s worth, you don’t strike me as the kind of person who yells at a hurting friend for some petty reason.”

He felt himself blush at her words and scratched his head.

“Thanks, that means a lot.”

He had to momentarily avert his eyes from her.

The door opened behind them. A group of tipsy graduate students loudly made their way outside. Claire took a quick look, then moved so close to Eugene in her attempt to make space on the stairs that her arm and leg leaned against his.

One of the grad students clearly noticed the closeness between Claire and him and began to eagerly shout:

“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!”

and his friends joined into the frantic chant immediately. Eugene hid his face in one hand and waved the group away with the other. Luckily, they didn’t linger. Eugene tried to lighten the mood.

“Jesus, it hasn’t even been two hours since I got here. What else is going to happen today?”

Claire’s face was tinged in an adorable rosy hue. She scratched her cheek as she avoided looking at him.

“Yeah, today’s been a lot, huh?”

Then it hit him. Her number! He had been so absorbed in the conversation that he almost forgot about it. If this wasn’t the moment to ask, then such a moment simply didn’t exist!

“Claire? I was thinking… maybe you’d want to exchange numbers? I hope this isn’t the last time we talk like this.”

Claire grinned, then held out her hand. He was briefly confused.

“Your phone, give it to me.”

He was certainly not the most experienced when it came to dating, but even he was confident that this was unlikely to be a setup for her to run away with his phone. He handed it over immediately.

He saw Claire click through the menus, create a new contact, and then typing. It didn’t take long for her to hand his phone back.

“Here. Just sent me a text later.”

He nodded.

“Will do.”

He looked at the new contact, tangible proof that this evening, against all odds, was a success. It said:

First name: Claire
Last name: ∞

He showed her the contact.

“Claire Infinite? What is that? Your secret superhero name?

Slightly embarrassed, she looked down.

“No! Like… Claire… from the Infinite Pint. I don’t know how many Claires you know… I can change it if you want to.”

He chuckled, then quickly put the phone away.

“Oh no! This stays. Honestly, I didn’t even know you could put the infinity symbol there. This is perfect.”

He was feeling cold and Claire was rubbing her hands together.

“Should we go back inside? I still need to pay for my coke.”

Claire shook her head.

“I actually wanted to go home early today. You can go back inside if you want to, but I think Emily paid for you already.”

Emily… he became more and more convinced her major wasn’t in physics but in social engineering.

“I think I had my fill then too.”

He stretched, still fully aware of how close Claire was to him. Then she surprised him.

“Our conversation got a bit heavy, don’t you think? Want to try something fun before we say goodbye for today?”

As if he could say no to that.

“As long as it doesn’t involve playing pool, I’m in.”

She briefly leaned into him, poked him with her elbow.

“Tell me something about yourself you never told anybody before. Doesn’t need to be anything super serious.”

He wondered what to tell her. He had one big secret, and that wouldn’t even satisfy her request because he had shared with Eleanor what his coach had done to him. He shook his head. It was best not to dwell on that for too long. Then he had an idea.

“Well, I’m not sure whether this counts, but you said to share something I’ve never told anyone, not something nobody else knows. So… I was like really small before puberty. Seriously, I thought I’d end up around your height, no offense.”

He quickly checked in with her. She didn’t seem to mind.

“Really bothered me back then because I was big into basketball. Obviously, people that know me from before puberty know. But I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone I met after I had my growth spurt. Although, I could see my big sister running around telling everybody how tiny I was.”

He trusted Claire not to jump back into his basketball past. She seemed satisfied with his answer.

“I’m sure you were cute.”

He leaned away from her, put his hand on his heart, and stared at her with his mouth open, feigning outrage at her gentle affirmation.

“Were?! Claire, I’m adorable now!”

She was wagging her finger at him.

“Nope, I’m not going to reward that.”

He would manage somehow, even as he longed for more of her affection. But he was not about to let her get away so easily.

“Okay, your turn then.”

She became serious instantly. She broke eye contact, stood up, walked down the stairs, and stared down the street as if she was unable to look at him while she confessed whatever secret was burning a hole into her soul. A deep sigh, then she said:

“I hate Kurt Gödel.”

Eugene could feel his face collapse into a question mark.

“Huh? Who? What’s that name? German?”

Claire tapped her foot as she folded her arms in front of her chest.

“Yes, well, technically Austrian, I guess. He was a mathematician and friends with Einstein.”

He did some quick calculations in his head. Friends with Einstein, so probably dead for a while at this point.

“I feel like this is the part of the conversation where I’m supposed to go ‘That bastard!’, but I don’t really know why.”

She turned around. Her expression was as serious as can be.

“You know why I study math? When I was little, well, young… Anyway, when I was young I quickly got into science. And when I learned that the fundamental building block of a lot of things in science is math, I found my thing. In math…”

He saw a longing mixed with pain on her face as she searched for the right words to continue.

“… things are clear, true or false, provable. Your ability to understand what’s true is only limited by the capabilities of your mind. I loved that.”

He understood the appeal, at least he thought so. But where was this going? He wasn’t going to interject anything before she stopped talking.

“Well, or so I thought. That’s where Gödel’s incompleteness theorems come into play. Basically, what he showed was this: Every mathematical system that is free of logical contradictions contains truths that can’t be proven. They are true, but you can never know that they are, no matter what you do.”

He wasn’t sure he fully grasped what she was saying. But to him, what she said meant that some of these famous math problems that have been unsolved for hundreds of years might never be solved because that’s simply impossible.

“Here’s the part I never told anybody before…”

She folded her arms behind her back again as she looked at her boots. Her voice was so small now.

“A year ago, I went through the proofs of his theorems myself. I just had to. And when I was finally done…”

She glanced up at him, her eyes watery.

“… I cried myself to sleep. Stupid, huh?”

He didn’t know what to say to that. He just looked at her, wide-eyed, as he thought he could feel his heart skip a beat.

“That bastard…”

He mumbled to himself. Claire didn’t understand what he said.

“What…?”

She asked. Shaking his head, he stood up too.

“Nothing.”

He wanted to say something profound or encouraging, or hunt down Kurt Gödel for her. Yet, the only unprovable truth on his mind was “I think I’ve just fallen in love with you.”, but he was smart enough not to say that. He walked toward her until he stood directly in front of her.

“You’re not stupid. Thank you for coming after me to check on me tonight. Despite what I said before I left, I don’t know whether I would have had it in me to go back inside on my own to talk to you again.”

He didn’t know what would come after tonight. But he was absolutely certain that he wanted this moment to be a part of his life.

Claire hugged him, and he hugged her back. He could have stood there for hours, but her voice dragged him back into the reality of the present moment.

“I’ll go home now. I got a topology problem set I need to take a look at before I go to sleep. I’m glad you came today, Eugene.”

They let go of each other and took a step back.

“Yeah, me too. I should probably go over this problem set on compact sets again that I fucked up last week.”

Claire was visibly amused.

“Ah, the horror of compact sets, the bane of adorable freshmen all over the country. Let me know if you need help with that.”

His face started to hurt from smiling too much.

“I will. Bye, Claire.”

“Bye.”

Then they turned around and left in opposite directions. He wanted to burst into a triumphant scream, but had enough restraint left to wait until Claire was out of earshot. What a night! Definitely his most memorable one since he moved here.

He had walked maybe fifty feet when he realized something. He turned around.

“Claire?”

He spoke a little louder than before given the distance between them now. She turned around as well.

“Yeah?”

He was a little embarrassed that he hadn’t thought of this sooner.

“It’s late and… dark. Want me to walk you home?”

She didn’t answer immediately, then shook her head.

“No, this is not a dangerous neighborhood and it’s not that far too my apartment. I’ll be fine. But thanks for the offer!”

He nodded, waved her goodbye, and resumed his walk home. He was thinking about their talk about minimizing yourself for the sake of others and how they were both guilty of that. With that in mind, he wondered: should he have framed his question as something he wanted to do and not as an offer to help? That might have made it easier for her to accept.

It didn’t matter. The evening had turned out great as it was. There was no point in lamenting every microdecision. The big picture was this: he had started the evening as a guy with a crush on a nerdy math girl he barely knew. He went home as a guy in love with Claire, who had cried over Gödel’s theorems, a fact she had shared with him and only him. What else could he ask for?

[mcpa1597]

Really interested to see where this goes. I like it when authors branch out.

[Vela Nanashi]

Element 1:

Yeah definitely better to be yourself, as that will allow you to filter people you can't form a lasting relationship with. Also does sound like they are both nerds/geeks in their own ways so hopefully they will get along

Amazing when you find something inspiring for a friend Rocky for Eleanor eh?

Good that he detects something is wrong with her. Oh it is after her violation of him...

I am bad at keeping the timelines clear in my head for these stories.

Not the best combination of moods and emotions and stuff to go to a date with, but I hope it won't affect him too much.

It can be nice to arrive early in a club so you can claim the best spot before it gets too busy.

Ah only really coming since Clair is there, makes sense

Those annoying thoughts and echoes of old wounds...

Get Claire's number, good primary quest

Ah yeah extroverts are complicated and exhausting sometimes

Emily is silly cute though

Cute awkwardness

Cuteness and switching reading music to the chocolate track lol

*sends migraine fairies to stab Alex in the eyes and balls for being annoying* ahem

For me it is strange, I don't think I have observed men in tech being bad toward women in tech, at least at university, but maybe math is different from systems design and programming. At least it seemed like everyone good at coding/design etc were appreciated in university

Good that they recovered from the elevation in the idiot population.

I think that first attraction the crush etc can become more intense if you find someone that compliments and matches you and that you can truly get along with, that will create a more intense bond I think. But it will be different less fragile intensity.

I recently learned there are these marks outside the green region, in the wood of pool tables that are more reliable to use for bounces, but I can't say I recall exactly all of that, one might expect the surface of the inner green cloth covered area is where to compute the bounces, but apparently that fails for some reason?

Claire clearly has been building muscles too much and really hit that ball hard

Love the silly cuteness

Breaking drinking laws eh? (I don't care, but you made a point that Eugene got a red armband for not being allowed drinks)

It is rough when one navigates a minefield without knowing it and setting off a bunch of mines... or accidentally pressing triggering buttons.

Poor Eugene and Claire...

---

Element 2:

Nice save Claire

They are adorable

Love the dialogue and that they are actually opening up a bit, showing genuine care for each other.

Very cute and good that he remembered to ask for her number

The incompleteness theorems of Gödel affected me differently but I know many mathematicians had huge issues with them. However I see beauty there instead, there are things we humans can know, but not always prove in the same system as where the solutions maybe belong, we can still build beautiful mathematical structures, but we may need more than one of those, many, to be able to formally think about all problems, to me that gives room for creativity and exploration, rather than we ever being at risk of finding the final math structure and then what would we who like math do after that? There would be no purpose for us, machines could do our jobs forever

I love how good they are for each other.

Very sad he did not insist on following her home, and that he may blame himself for that later even, I hope he won't.

[Lucius]

Element 1 — the date starting well, having a nice conservation of momentum moment, Carlito Brigante-style, and then going catastrophic. Can't say it looked salvageable to me.

Element 2 — yeah, those characters do not just walk away, Claire really makes an effort to know Eugene... very cute! The dialogue is marvellous.

And then she does walk away, straight into the events of Record Chaser.

[Claire]

Really interested to see where this goes. I like it when authors branch out.

Thanks! I'd love to hear what you think!

The dialogue is marvellous.

Thanks, put a lot of effort into it. Nice to see it pay off.

And then she does walk away, straight into the events of Record Chaser.

I know!

Amazing when you find something inspiring for a friend Rocky for Eleanor eh?

Good that he detects something is wrong with her. Oh it is after her violation of him...

I am bad at keeping the timelines clear in my head for these stories.

Eleanor meets with Robertson in his office on Friday, goes home after the assault, then tries to sleep with Eugene in the evening when he comes home too. The two chapters of DL that you read take place the day after on Saturday. So it's been a little less than 24 hours since Eleanor made her advances on him.

Get Claire's number, good primary quest

Yeah, love the quest-like thinking.

I recently learned there are these marks outside the green region, in the wood of pool tables that are more reliable to use for bounces, but I can't say I recall exactly all of that, one might expect the surface of the inner green cloth covered area is where to compute the bounces, but apparently that fails for some reason?

I know little to nothing about pool and I decided not to go to deep into it which is why the scene ends before they can get to playing for real. I just assume that Claire hit the ball with the cue from below and that made it jump. But don't overthink it, it's just a funny bit in a long scene.

Breaking drinking laws eh? (I don't care, but you made a point that Eugene got a red armband for not being allowed drinks)

Nope, they're drinking Virgon Mojitos. As far as I know, whenever a cocktail is a virgin something, it's non-alcoholic. Claire could drink legally as she's 21, but she doesn't.

Very sad he did not insist on following her home, and that he may blame himself for that later even, I hope he won't.

None of my characters have ever blamed themselves for something they are not responsible for.

I'm glad you're having fun with the story.

[Claire]

Element 3 – Midnight Ramen

November 2nd, Sunday

Apparently, this boy’s way to cope with his nervousness was to keep yapping. Even as he had mustered the courage to grab Eleanor’s hand with his sweaty palm, he kept talking undeterred.

“So, why didn’t you move into the dorms? Wouldn’t that have been cheaper?”

Another question. It didn’t matter, they’d be at her place soon.

“No big reason. Eugene and I thought it would be fun to move in together after high school. In the dorms, I’d have to share a room with another girl.”

Eleanor saw him nod, then scratch his head. He still couldn’t look at her as he talked to her. Maybe her casually mentioning she lived with another guy made him question where the evening was going.

“Do you like…?”

“We made it. That’s my place. Thank you for walking me home.”

She interrupted his attempt to bring up the next banal ice-breaker topic. They had already gone through her favorite color, animal, song, TV show, and food. He turned around, looked over her shoulder at the door behind her, and then at her. He seemed a bit sad.

“You… you’re welcome. Not that you’d need anyone walking you home.”

She hadn’t asked him to accompany her because she was concerned for her safety. He was right about that.

“Yeah, well, I wanted you to come with me.”

His eyes went wide and immediately sought contact with the ground again. He put his hands in his pockets, trying his best to contain his nervous energy somehow.

“Heh, thanks. Honestly, I was surprised you even knew who I was.”

She didn’t. She had picked up his name about an hour ago when she had heard one of his friends address him as Michael at the dorm party.

“Uhh, why?”

She didn’t really know what to say to that.

“Oh, I just thought, with everybody knowing who you are, all the guys hitting on you would just turn into a blur at some point.”

Guys hit on her less than Michael thought. It wasn’t like she got no attention, but plenty of men preferred women unable to physically overpower them.

“What makes you think everybody knows who I am?”

She was genuinely curious. He gave her a questioning look as if he wasn’t sure whether she was just playing coy.

“Are you kidding? You’re tall, you’re a math major, you’re a kickboxer… of course you stand out among a crowd of nerdy dudes. And…”

He hesitated, needing a moment to gather his courage.

“And on top of all that, you’re… beautiful.”

The last word came out noticeably softer than the rest. He was clumsy, but he tried his best. She didn’t mind some nerves showing.

“Thanks. I guess I don’t notice these things so much myself.”

A moment of silence between them. Would he finally show a hint of initiative? He was so cautious, she felt like she had to almost drag him to her place.

“Well, I had… fun. I would really like to see you again.”

She stopped herself from rolling her eyes.

“We don’t need to say goodbye yet. You want to come inside? You walked me all the way here from your dorm. Least I can do is offer you something to drink. You look… thirsty.”

He gulped. At least the implication wasn’t completely lost on him.

“Uhh, sure, yeah. I could drink something.”

She turned around, let go of his hand as she fingered for her keys in her purse, and gently commanded him to follow her with a little wave as she walked toward the door.

“Come on, my apartment is on third floor.”

The sound of the apartment door slamming shut behind her was still echoing in the hallway when she pushed Michael against the wall and stole the first kiss of the night from him. He was clearly surprised, overwhelmed at the sudden escalation, but his hands tentatively came to rest on her hips as her tongue darted into his mouth.

“Wait…”

He stammered between two kisses. She held his face in her hands, looked him in the eye, her breath hot on his face.

“What?”

She whispered. He looked confused as if he was only now coming up with a reason for his interruption.

“Um…”

He gently pushed her half a step away. She let him.

“Let me… uhh… let me take off my glasses first.”

He nervously fumbled the glasses off his face, then immediately seemed at a loss again trying to solve the next problem as he found nowhere to put them down while still standing in the hallway.

“Can we…”

He began, but didn’t finish.

“Want to take this to my room? You can put your glasses down there.”

He nodded eagerly, then pointed at her.

“G… Good thinking!”

She pointed at the door to her bedroom and let Michael go first. She followed him with her eyes. Short red hair, a couple of inches smaller than herself, wearing black cargo pants, a black t-shirt, and a leather jacket he couldn’t quite fill out. She was unable figure out whether he looked cute or just helpless as he waddled to her room holding his glasses in one hand while the other one nervously scratched his head. Harmless was the word she ultimately settled on.

As she followed Michael, she briefly noticed light coming from below the door to Eugene’s room. So he was home and still awake, as expected.

She closed the door behind her and kept observing Michael with amusement. He moved cautiously, with the discomfort of a cat exploring a new apartment after moving. He mustered her punching bag as if it could attack him, slowly put the glasses on the nightstand next to her bed, and took off his leather jacket which he draped over her desk chair with such care that she began to wonder whether it was a family heirloom.

“Sit down.”

She said as she took her own jacket off and kicked her shoes off her feet. Michael obeyed and sat down on the edge of her bed. She didn’t wait a second before she climbed on top of him.

“You’re… moving fast.”

He mumbled. She took her top off, revealing the green bra she wore. She put her hand on his chest. For a second, she could feel his heart pounding. Then she gave him a forceful push that made him fall back onto the mattress. She leaned over him until her nose was barely an inch away from his.

“You don’t like it fast?”

His erection throbbed against her stomach.

“Uhh… I… I just meant… I don’t have a condom.”

She put a finger on his mouth.

“Sshhh… I got one… more than one.”

She whispered the last part into his ear, letting the implication take root in his mind. He put his hands on her back.

“Just… just wanted to make sure you really want this.”

She sighed as she began to lose her patience. Holding his face between her hands, she looked deeply into his eyes.

“How clearly do you need me to say it?”

She paused briefly, then overenunciated every single word that followed intentionally.

“I – Want – To – Fuck – You – Michael.”

He had trouble holding her gaze, blinking so rapidly at her that it made her wonder whether he could actually see anything.

“Cool…”

She gave him a kiss to shut him up, then took her bra off and began to work on Michael’s pants. She could feel his eyes on her body. He was taking her in, and not just her breasts, but her trained physique, the toned abdomen, the defined biceps and triceps that were now visible. She had an idea about what was going through his mind as she pulled his pants off his legs, leaving him in his boxer shorts and shirt. ‘What did my body look like compared to hers?’ was likely what he was thinking. It wasn’t the first time a man became self-conscious in bed with her as he realized that, unlike with other girls, there was a larger overlap in the beauty standards they were measured by.

She stepped out of her jeans and panties in one go and quickly grabbed a condom out of her purse. Michael had taken his shorts off in the meantime. At least that he could do on his own. She opened the condom, then kneeled beside him. Now she only needed to put it on him.

“Do you need… some help with…?”

She didn’t let him finish. She put a finger on his mouth, but didn’t look at him. Her eyes were fixed on his cock. He was most definitely hard, throbbing eagerly, and dripping precum onto his stomach. She knew how this worked. She had done this before. But it was the first time… since Robertson.

No, not since Robertson. Ever since she had knocked Robertson out five days ago and later confided in Eugene, she had sworn to herself she wouldn’t run away from the word anymore. Tomorrow, she and Eugene would go public with what happened, tell the world that Robertson had… raped her. But before she could take that step, she needed to do this.

She put the condom over his cock. His dick felt warm, hot even, as it twitched in her hand. Michael looked nervous. Was this fair to him? He didn’t know what this night was really about. It didn’t matter. He’d remember this as a fun one night stand, nothing for him to complain about.

She mounted him, hovered over his erect cock. She aligned the tip with the entrance to her vagina. She was breathing heavily. All she needed to do now was lower herself onto him.

“Are you okay?”

He checked in with her. She didn’t know. Then she pushed down, let his cock slide into her pussy. He gasped. She was surprised at how easy it was. She had imagined her body to resist and protest. Instead, it felt like she remembered it, a comfortable stretch, a sense of fullness, the heat of the connection between them, no pain. She looked at his face. His eyes were wide with disbelief.

“Ready?”

“Uh huh…”

Then she began to ride him, slowly at first, but she quickly picked up the pace. Michael moaned. He wasn’t the quiet type. At first, she was sitting on top of him, then lowered her body, put a hand on his cheek, and kissed him.

“You can touch me. I’m not made of sugar.”

Michael complied, put his arms around her, held her tight as she kept slamming her hips into his ever faster. She was getting into a nice rhythm when suddenly she felt his fingers dig into her back.

“Ah… AHH!”

And she realized… Michael was coming.

She stopped moving and sat upright again. She looked at him, waited for him to go through the motions of his orgasm while she felt him pulse inside her. There was no denying that this was kind of anticlimactic, at least for her, but technically, she got what she wanted out of the encounter. She didn’t feel the need to say anything and waited for Michael to calm down.

“Uhh… sorry… I…”

His red face gave away his embarrassment. She got off him, gave him some space, grabbed her panties and her top, and put them back on.

“Don’t worry. Told you I got more than one condom.”

There was no point in prolonging the moment. However this night was going to continue, he needed some time to recover.

“I offered you something to drink before you came in. I could use some water myself. Want me to get some for you too?”

Michael just nodded as he covered himself with a blanket.

She made her way out of her room. There was light coming from the kitchen. She was greeted by the hum of the microwave and the familiar smell of chicken teriyaki instant ramen. She slowly opened the kitchen door.

“Hey…”

She greeted Eugene who was sitting at the kitchen table looking at his phone.

“Hey.”

He greeted her back without looking up from his phone.

“You still up?”

Her question was redundant. Now he briefly glanced at her, a smirk on his face.

“Yeah, my roommate’s boytoy wasn’t exactly quiet.”

She sat down in the other chair at the table.

“We weren’t that loud.”

Eugene put the phone away.

“I know. Honest answer? I simply couldn’t sleep given our plans for tomorrow.”

She looked at him. Ever since he had forgiven her for what she had done, he had supported her every step of the way. He had helped her think things through, went to the emergency room with her after she had decided to get a rape kit done after all, and had let her sleep in his bed next to him the first two nights she didn’t want to be alone. She didn’t know how to properly express her gratitude.

“Still no reply from Claire?”

She asked him for probably the twentieth time this week. He shook his head, the disappointment in his eyes impossible to overlook.

“No, it’s been eight days now. Honestly, I’m starting to give up hope.”

She sighed. Of course, she had no idea why Claire was ghosting him, but after everything Eugene had told her about that Saturday at the Infinite Pint she doubted it was due to a lack of interest.

“Eugene, come on. She didn’t teach any of her classes all week. This clearly got nothing to do with you. From what you told me, the woman basically wrote a love letter to your hair. Girls usually don’t do that when they got zero interest in a guy.”

He twirled one of his curls around his finger, a habit he seemed to have picked up recently.

“I guess all I can do is wait.”

He sighed before he continued.

“Anyway, you barging into the kitchen in nothing but panties and a shirt in the middle of the night, is that something I need to brace myself for from now on?”

Her eyes wandered down her body.

“Uhh, does that bother you?”

She hadn’t given it much thought. She had run around in her underwear in front of Eugene several times in the past, usually when she was trying on outfits and asked him for his opinion. Neither of them had any issue coming out of the shower in nothing but a towel. But that was before she had tried to urge him to sleep with her after the first assault. He had forgiven her after she apologized for crossing his boundaries, for triggering his trauma. But even with his forgiveness, it wasn’t like it had never happened. Maybe running around the apartment like this was more charged now.

“Nah, it’s cool. I was wondering, though. You think this is a smart idea?”

She was tapping her foot now.

“What exactly?”

He hesitated briefly.

“Uhh… whatever it is you’re doing tonight.”

She rolled her eyes.

“It’s just a one night stand, nothing special.”

The look on his face said it all. He knew that she knew that this wasn’t true. He took a deep breath.

“Well… the second assault was just five days ago. Three days ago you asked me to sleep next to you. Looking at it from the outside, diving back into casual sex like this feels…”

She could tell he was very carefully searching for the next word in the sentence.

“…rushed, a little dangerous even.”

She let her face rest on her fist, then lowered her eyes.

“I get what you’re saying. But it’s not about that.”

Eugene just waited for her to go on.

“Look, come tomorrow, everybody here will recognize me and I’ll be one of two things for every guy I meet. Either, I’m the raped girl, someone you have to tiptoe around. Must be careful not to hurt the poor thing. Or…”

She looked at the ceiling now, a hint of anger creeping into her voice.

“I’ll be the bitch who made up an assault charge to get the most popular professor at the whole university fired. Either way, if I want to hook up with a guy on my own terms to see whether I can still do that, I need to it today. It’s not a matter of when, Eugene, but of if.”

Eugene nodded.

“Fair enough…”

Then the ‘Ding!’ of the microwave ruptured the solemn atmosphere the exact moment the clock struck midnight. Eleanor looked at Eugene with confusion on her face as he got up to get his noodles.

“Did you time this?”

She got up herself, finally grabbing the two glasses she came for in the first place. Eugene had a satisfied smirk on his lips.

“Eleanor, please. As if I would time the microwave to finish cooking my ramen exactly at midnight.”

She chuckled. Eugene’s quirks made living with him fun. She grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and poured some into the glasses.

“So, any plans seeing the guy again after tonight?”

He asked. She glanced at Eugene from the corner of her eye.

“As I said, just a one night stand.”

“Does he know that?”

She put the glasses down and quickly turned to him.

“Really? Come on, since when are men known to object to casual sex? We talked for the first time two hours ago. You can’t tell me he wasn’t aware the night wouldn’t end with a marriage proposal.”

He lifted his hands in the air.

“Alright, you do you. Just saying that there are guys out there who think weeks if not months about asking a girl out. If sex is immediately on the table on a first date, it can be hard to say no to that for a guy because it might feel like you’re throwing away your one chance if you do.”

Sometimes she hated it when he made sense.

“He’ll be fine… Enjoy your midnight ramen.”

She took the two glasses and went back to Michael.

When she reentered her room, he was in the middle of putting his leather jacket back on, otherwise fully dressed again already.

“Hey, sorry, it took me a moment. Ran into my roommate in the kitchen.”

He turned to her.

“That’s okay. It is pretty late anyway and I should be going.”

She put his glass down on her desk.

“You don’t have to leave. You can stay the night.”

He took a deep breath.

“Yeah, um,… not a good idea. Can I be honest with you?”

She was a little baffled at his reaction.

“Sure, always.”

He paused for a moment, his tongue pressed against his cheek.

“Please don’t tell anybody, but this was my first time. I’m not saying I had like some crazy romantic ideas or whatever about what it would be like. Just didn’t picture this to be just… an empty one night stand. That’s all.”

Not knowing what to say, she took a sip of her water.

“Um, Michael, I’m sorry… I didn’t know.”

Suddenly, his reluctant behavior made sense to her. He wanted to slow this down, not to check in with her, but for himself. But he couldn’t admit that he needed this to be slower for his own sake, so he had been giving her chances to take the foot of the gas hoping she’d do it for him. Eleanor felt bad for him. He wanted intimacy, but instead… he got fucked.

“It’s cool. No big deal. You’re…”

He looked at her, trying hard not to cry.

“You’re great and beautiful. I just thought this would be something else when we left the party together. I gotta go now.”

He walked past her.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay a bit and talk about it?”

He barely looked back as he answered.

“No, uhh, I think the moment for that has passed. Bye, Eleanor.”

She sat down on her bed, hiding her face in her hands. As he left, she could hear Michael run into Eugene in the hallway.

“Ramen?”

Eugene offered with his mouth full.

“I’m good…”

An unenthusiastic reply, the sound of the apartment door closing, and – finally – silence.

[RapeU]

Upped the story from a 2 to a 3. Claire and Eugene was a cute scene. I absolutely hate mathematical proofs but simultaneously love the idea of unsolvable problems in math.

Elanor wanting to have sex after being raped somewhat mirrors my plan for Hannah and Wendy. It will be interesting to see how we each explore that differently. Also her sex is great writing. It's consensual but the guy didn't really get what he wanted so ultimately it's morally a grey area that could have easily crossed the line into noncon territory. Combine that with he's a virgin and he's awkward and it's the perfect setup.

More of this!