Record Chaser

[Lucius]

Close enough, the thought is similar.

Yes, he felt guilty for what he was about to do. But what of it? What better way to drown out the feeling of guilt than to bury his dick in her untouched cunt? He might feel guilty now, he might feel guilty afterward. But he will indulge himself in the pleasure of filling that tight little fun hole between her legs with his cum to his heart’s content. If guilt was the price of admission, then he would make sure that he wasn’t overcharged.

I love the flow of it, the brutality, the whiplash, the escalation and then that poignant final line.

Yes, it's a good one.

[skuttrusk]

I'm enjoying this - curious to see how you can sustain it (and how Mark can sustain it!)

[Claire]

I'm enjoying this - curious to see how you can sustain it (and how Mark can sustain it!)

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[Lucius]

So yeah, these are some insights in what I wanted to do with the story, what it means to me and what I struggled with during the writing process. Do these things come through in the writing? Did I say anything that was surprising to you after having read the story so far? I'd be really curious to hear your thoughts on this.

As the first story I ever wrote, it obviously has a special place in my heart. Im surprised with how satisfied I am still with it. And I needed to take a break from it after finishing chapter 5, for multiple reasons. When I really get into a story I'm writing, I can feel quite strong emotions. I can't read the final chapter of Men at War without laughing at the absurdity of it and I can't read chapter 3 part 2 of Späte Genugtuung (Late Satisfaction) without crying. But chapter 5 of Record Chaser was in a different league. I felt disgusted by myself after I finished writing that. Maybe I delved in too deep into Mark's mindset, but portraying the final sentence of that chapter as this great revelation... Ugh, I still shudder a bit at the thought when I think too much about it.

A bit surprised by that -- I should've thought @Claire is firmly on Character Claire's side, and writing Mark with greater detachment. There's just a lot of Mark in this chapter, I guess.

Of everything I wrote, chapter 5 of Record Chaser is also the most arousing for me. Of everything I wrote, this is what I masturbated the most to. I just love how wrong it feels to find the content of this chapter hot. I've been told by a reader in the past that he had to suppress his empathy for the victim to find a scene hot. But to me it's the other way around. The more I feel for the victim, the more arousing does that tension between "This is so wrong!" and "This is so hot..." get.

This comes through. That's why the chapter could use a little polish (lubrication?)

her vaginas defenses

He lied back down on top of her

Many men do lie their way back there.

allowing her to breath

she could breath

enabling her to breath

Six 'he was in command of her body' must have been a conscious authorial choice, am I right?

Not dwelling upon hymen-breaking and bleeding -- another authorial choice, I presume?

So chapter 6 naturally needed to be a bit of a reset point for the story that gave the narrative a moment to breath and that returned some agency and focus to Claire. I'm curious to see what you will think about how I handled that once I publish chapter 6.

Let's see. My guess is, she makes a run for it, convincing Mark that 'lying in her own excrements still chained to this mattress' isn't a way to go and a bathroom break is in order.

[Claire]

A bit surprised by that -- I should've thought @Claire is firmly on Character Claire's side, and writing Mark with greater detachment. There's just a lot of Mark in this chapter, I guess.

I'm not sure I fully understand that remark. How does what you quote imply that I'm not on Claire's side? I feel glad that Claire can't complain to me because of all the things I'm doing to her but... I really like her as a character, I swear!

Thanks for pointing out the typos and my hatred for the double meaning of the verb "to lie" in English... I will fix those!

Six 'he was in command of her body' must have been a conscious authorial choice, am I right?

Yes, of course. That phrase is so specific, I don't think you can repeat that by accident. This is a thesis statement.

Not dwelling upon hymen-breaking and bleeding -- another authorial choice, I presume?

Yes. I looked up the statistics once, but I think something like 40% or 60% of women don't experience any bleeding at all during their first time. And I also think I read that of those who do, in many cases it has little to do with hymen breaking but comes from small injuries due to a lack of proper arousal before penetration. So I told myself I would not indulge in the myth of female virginity and have even Claire herself not give a fuck about her virginity when she contemplates what happened to her.


Thanks for the feedback, Lucius. Maybe, I'm reading this wrong, but it sounds a little like you are forcing yourself to continue reading this story. If that's the case, please feel free to stop! I get that this is a long story and I don't want anyone who is not interested in it to force themselves through it to be nice to me!

[Lucius]

I'm not sure I fully understand that remark. How does what you quote imply that I'm not on Claire's side? I feel glad that Claire can't complain to me because of all the things I'm doing to her but... I really like her as a character, I swear!

It appears drafting the response while falling asleep wasn't such a great idea. What I had in mind was the following.

Sympathizing overwhelmingly with the heroine insulates one from feelings of unease etc. that may be incurred when writing the antagonist too closely. At least is does for me.

Thanks for pointing out the typos and my hatred for the double meaning of the verb "to lie" in English... I will fix those!

I hate that they throw 'lay' in as well.

Thanks for the feedback, Lucius. Maybe, I'm reading this wrong, but it sounds a little like you are forcing yourself to continue reading this story. If that's the case, please feel free to stop! I get that this is a long story and I don't want anyone who is not interested in it to force themselves through it to be nice to me!

Yes and no.

I was reading Chapter 5 while really tired, not sure what was the tell.

The story motivates me enough to comment upon individual chapter and to answer the questions without looking ahead, so... ceasing to read is not on the menu, I'm afraid .

[Lucius]

A powerful and well-crafted work, and I'd like to see the story continue. The switching of points of view works seamlessly. One can't help but sympathize with the girl -- her reactions, her thoughts, her attempts to fight back are very vivid.

Chapter 5 is so detailed without feeling clinical, so hot actually, a most difficult thing to do.

@Claire has chosen to do a few unusual things -- the girl falling asleep, for example. It totally works within the story.

Oh, and Mark... Mark isn't very vivid. He's very cold.

I'm not so sure whether Mark and her would be a good match under different circumstances. I imagine him to be an incredibly lonely person who has trouble truly connecting with other people. I tried to get that across by having Claire's narration often refer to friends, family, a crush, her personal experience outside of what's happening during the events of the story whereas Mark's internal thoughts solely revolve around himself, his victims and his struggle.

Okay this is incredibly well noted. I cannot help but wonder -- was this aspect of Mark borrowed from an acquaintance, just like his wife-and-child-free approach towards life?

[Claire]

@Lucius Thank you for the kind feedback.

Chapter 5 is so detailed without feeling clinical, so hot actually, a most difficult thing to do.

Thanks! And I promise, I'm getting to those mistakes you pointed out earlier! I'm always happy to get rid more of those typos and other small mistakes.

the girl falling asleep, for example. It totally works within the story.

I love it when readers point out things that don't seem noteworthy to me at all. But I guess you are right. Characters falling asleep might be a rare thing in our genre. I just thought: She was on her way home earlier that night, so was up all day already. And Now she's physically and emotionally exhausted on top of that, so falling asleep during a moment of peace between the horror made sense to me. But I never thought about whether that was an unusual writing decision. Thanks for pointing that out. From now on, I will always notice when a character falls asleep in a story here on the forum.

Okay this is incredibly well noted. I cannot help but wonder -- was this aspect of Mark borrowed from an acquaintance, just like his wife-and-child-free approach towards life?

We talked a bit about this in chat yesterday but to reiterate the point I made there for anybody to read here, too: That was not planned or borrowed frome someone I know. It was more the logical consequence of how I wrote him. If he was a loving family man on the surface, but regularly disappeared for weeks on end to stalk his victims and plan the rapes, then this would certainly create some tension. If he was a total psychopath, I think you could make that work. But as someone who recognizes his own actions as wrong and keeps doing it anyway... Can you imagine the guilt he would feel if he had a wife and daughter he truly loved? I think for someone who tries to avoid and suppress his guilt like Mark does, avoiding normal family life feels like the natural thing to do. But maybe that's just me.