Late to the Party

[Claire]

Thank you all here too!

[VictimEyes]

Heartfelt Congratulations !!!!!!

[Claire]

I just removed the fake ratings on my story. 10 points in total... But it will feel so much better when the story makes it to 30 properly now.


@VictimEyes Thank you!

[BlueRaven]

I give you the missing 2 points, like the story but all that You Contest Stories could be written in third person as well. Always wondering who the first person is that knows everything. Its hard to build characters like this.

[Lucius]

I give you the missing 2 points, like the story but all that You Contest Stories could be written in third person as well. Always wondering who the first person is that knows everything. Its hard to build characters like this.

Speaking in generalities, every story can be told in Third Person in the manner of a chronicle. But I think @Claire did have a compelling reason to use Second Person with this plot.

[Claire]

@BlueRaven Thanks!

Of course you are right that this could have been written in third person in the sense that I could have written a third person story about a college boy following a wasted girl at a party who ends up watching her get raped and feels conflicted about what he witnesses.

But second person allows you to do things you can't really do in third person narration. Second person narration lends itself to a form of narration that feels conversational. You can include commands in the narration. Take this part here for example:

You point at Brian, who might technically count as awake, but for all intents and purposes is just gone.

“Fuck do I know. Must have taken something stronger than weed. I’m taking him to his room.”

Lamar, as reliable as ever.

“Come on, I just got here. You can’t leave me alone like this.”

Look at you, complaining like a whiny little bitch.

"Lamar, as reliable as ever." is a dry, very conversational remark you usually don't see in third person narration. It would much more likely say "Lamar was as reliable as ever." but that doesn't sound anymore like somebody is talking.

But even more telling is the line "Look at you, complaining like a whiny little bitch." That you can't do in third person at all. "Look at you" is technically a command, and the second person narration makes that line sound like a judgment about you, the reader. You get that moment where the reader wonders: "Wait... did the narrator just call me a whiny, little bitch?!" What would that look like in third person?

"Look at him, complainig like a whiny little bitch."

No, that doesn't work, that would still be second person telling you to look at somebody else instead of yourself. In third person this would be something like:

"The moment he said it, he realized he sounded like a whiny little bitch."

That quick, punchy, judgmental "look at you" can't be transferred into third person because there is no third person command structure. And even if you write it like that, the moment is no longer implicating you as the reader, but becomes a reflection of the pov character about himself that you comfortably watch from a distance.

In my opinion, good second person narration does exactly this kind of thing: It creates immediacy and a voice for the narrator you can't produce in third person.

Beyond that, in this story specifically, the second person narration is trying to implicate you as the reader. Many who read rape fantasy feel a bit conflicted about enjoying this kind of fantasy. Here you have a character watching others rape a girl and feeling conflicted about it, the same way a reader might feel conflicted about being aroused by this kind of story. Instead of trying to sell you the fantasy so that you forget your hesitations, this story tries to lean into that conflict and heighten it. And second person narration is ideal for that.

Let me share an anecdote with you that underlines my point. I posted the story on AO3 as well. On AO3, readers can add stories to bookmark collections. Someone added "Late to the Party" to the bookmark collection titled:

"Lenns I’ll most def be going 2 hell for"

And that, to me, is the point of writing in second person, at least in our niche. The most boring thing you can do as an author is to just write conventional third person and swap the pronouns.

[BlueRaven]

You have a point here, there are Parts of the Story the You really works, that's what I liked, in other Parts the you seems a little bit forced. The Moral question, well my wife reads Dark Age stories with lots of Torture, corporal Punishment and forced Sex, but that's just history, nothing to have qualms about. For me its the perspective of the victim I like, but even more viewing it from both sides like in Late Satisfaction, the Story I liked most.

[Claire]

For me its the perspective of the victim I like, but even more viewing it from both sides like in Late Satisfaction, the Story I liked most.

Oh yeah, I like that too. There is a reason why especially in my longer stories, even if they provide a dual pov, the true protagonist ends up being the victim. But sometimes I like exploring the conflicted nature of a perpetrator as well and I hadn't really done that in a while. So Late to the Party became a nice outlet for that desire.

[Vile8r]

Not always a fan of the "passed-out girl" type of story, but @Claire did a great treatment of this one!
LOVE your description of the party! Spot on! LOL Almost like we're right there!
"You’re about to reach for the door when it opens from the other side. Two girls – one clearly wasted, the other serving as a human crutch – stagger past you. Drunk-Girl briefly leans into you as she almost falls over while Supportive-Friend gives you an apologetic look and a mumbled ‘sorry’. Whatever the night brings, you technically just had contact with boobs, so there’s that.

You step into the smell of the party. Cheap alcohol, vomit, weed, and the final note: a faint trace of urine. An… acquired taste you’re far too sober for at the moment. You look around. A topless girl bursts out of… the kitchen maybe? She rushes past you cheered on by the loud screams of the other students, presumably to take a lap around the house. Was this some kind of dare or bet? You don’t really care."


Congrats on your contest win!

[Claire]

Not always a fan of the "passed-out girl" type of story,

Me neither. I usually prefer a victim character who is more involved. But that wouldn't have fit for this story. At least at the very end, she needs to be out of it for the final "What's one more?" to have any internal logic to it.

Congrats on your contest win!

Thanks! It's nice to hear some support for the story even after the contest is over. The actual contest victory was a bit overshadowed by how the contest ended, so I'm happy to see the story get some love after that whole mess.