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@John_F_Drake It's an interesting long-form story where the ornate style fits the mediaeval/fantasy setting. I like the detail put into the subjugation of the lesbian warrioresses. Just curious -- have you been influenced by L'Espion's writings?
The tale could've stood a little more editing -- Lyra's appearance gets described twice, and I'm not sure that describing her skin as first pale and then sun-bronzed is best because I've already imagined her as fair-skinned by the time I get to her tanned appearance. But those are minor quibbles.
John_F_Drake wrote: Wed Apr 23, 2025 6:46 pmTwo burly Kaervass warriors stepped forward, dragging a struggling figure between them. Leshara's heart clenched as she recognized Lyra Blackthorn, one of her most trusted and skilled warriors. Lyra's short-cropped black hair was disheveled, and a thin trail of blood trickled from a cut on her lip. The distinctive scar across her left cheek stood out starkly against her pale skin, a reminder of past battles fought side by side.
As the soldiers shoved Lyra closer, Leshara's eyes widened in horror. Her loal guard had been stripped completely naked, her lithe, athletic form on full display. Lyra's body bore the marks of their recent defeat - angry red welts and darkening bruises marred her sun-bronzed skin. But it was what hung from Lyra's hips that made Leshara's breath catch in her throat.
John_F_Drake wrote: Fri May 09, 2025 5:02 pmDamien gestured to Lyra, who was dragged forward by two soldiers. The once-fierce warrior stumbled on unsteady legs, her lithe frame battered and bruised. Her short-cropped black hair was matted with sweat and other fluids, and the distinctive scar on her left cheek stood out starkly against her pallid skin. Her wrists were bound tightly behind her back, the rough rope cutting into her flesh.
I was invested in this story from the start. And when the conqueror suddenly brought her sisters in, I literally said out loud "oh shit." (I talk out loud when I'm really enjoying a story) Overall this was an excellent example of utilizing the "showing not telling" technique. An excellently crafted story from start to finish.
