Divergent Limit

[Vela Nanashi]

Element 3:

A chatterbox eh? I think he might feel she is out of his league with how nervous he seems. That or she is terrifying physically, or a bit of both. Yeah that seems to be what is going on. Rare beautiful female among the nerds, of course they feel she is out of their league. He looks thirsty eh?

Some men might have a hard time with women being too forward/aggressive, does one need to take glasses off for kissing? Strange. But she is guiding him to her room at least.

Michael is clearly overwhelmed, being in her bedroom probably was not in the cards he thought he had this night. Also harmless, interesting and some men might find that a bit ouch.

His body is responding to her advances, but that does not automatically mean he really wants to have sex, in fact a lot of things indicate that he might not.

Michael the question you should ask is not if she wants it, I think she made that clear, but rather do you want this?

Reclaiming sex aggressively, that is one way to do it for sure. She had tried to with Eugene earlier.

You made it clear to your body that you were intending to have sex so your body got ready Eleanor.

You are giving him very mixed signals right now Eleanor, instead of staying in bed with him to cuddle after and help him get ready for round two, you left the bed and put clothes on?

Oh yeah pending reporting the rape... Oh still no reply from Claire... that sucks...

I love how concerned Eugene is for Eleanor.

Well those are valid concerns she has.

I need to it today -> I need to do it today?

midnight ramen

Well Michael might be fine, but he might want more too Eleanor, but I don't know if you would be good for him given how you view him in your mind, a bit like a cock with an inconvenient brain and body attached. Ok maybe that is a bit harsh, but some of the internal mental state revealed felt like that.

Yeah... probably feels bad for her to hurt Michael like that, even if she did not know. Though it is realistic that damaged people damage people.

[Lucius]

Eleanor is back with us... and with a Michael, although the boy's name is introduced almost as an afterthought. She wants a fuck, and it isn't really important who the partner is.

Eleanor saw him nod, then scratch his head. He still couldn’t look at her as he talked to her. Maybe her casually mentioning she lived with another guy made him question where the evening was going.

A reasonable fellow.

Guys hit on her less than Michael thought. It wasn’t like she got no attention, but plenty of men preferred women unable to physically overpower them.

Makes one wonder how the world would work with plenty of women preferring men unable to physically overpower them.

The sound of the apartment door slamming shut behind her was still echoing in the hallway when she pushed Michael against the wall and stole the first kiss of the night from him. He was clearly surprised, overwhelmed at the sudden escalation, but his hands tentatively came to rest on her hips as her tongue darted into his mouth.

Speaking of overpowering...

She whispered. He looked confused as if he was only now coming up with a reason for his interruption.

Must've been quite noticeable.

She stepped out of her jeans and panties in one go and quickly grabbed a condom out of her purse. Michael had taken his shorts off in the meantime. At least that he could do on his own.

That was uncalled for, Eleanor!

Was this fair to him? He didn’t know what this night was really about. It didn’t matter. He’d remember this as a fun one night stand, nothing for him to complain about.

Oh well, Michael is getting instrumentalized. One of the lingering problems associated with all kinds of psychological trauma is that of getting other people involved, as how exactly and whether at all, but getting them to fly blind into your own dark night of the soul definitely isn't the way to do it.

She got off him, gave him some space, grabbed her panties and her top, and put them back on.

“Don’t worry. Told you I got more than one condom.”

Conflicting signals, Eleanor!

“Eugene, come on. She didn’t teach any of her classes all week. This clearly got nothing to do with you. From what you told me, the woman basically wrote a love letter to your hair. Girls usually don’t do that when they got zero interest in a guy.”

They don't?! Not just from the love of art? That said, Claire has troubles of her own.

“Anyway, you barging into the kitchen in nothing but panties and a shirt in the middle of the night, is that something I need to brace myself for from now on?”

Hey, at least she wasn't in the altogether...

“Look, come tomorrow, everybody here will recognize me and I’ll be one of two things for every guy I meet. Either, I’m the raped girl, someone you have to tiptoe around. Must be careful not to hurt the poor thing. Or…”

She looked at the ceiling now, a hint of anger creeping into her voice.

“I’ll be the bitch who made up an assault charge to get the most popular professor at the whole university fired. Either way, if I want to hook up with a guy on my own terms to see whether I can still do that, I need to it today. It’s not a matter of when, Eugene, but of if.”

You can, what then? This one-night stand is dangerous for her psychological well-being anyway.

“Eleanor, please. As if I would time the microwave to finish cooking my ramen exactly at midnight.”

You would, wouldn't you?

“Alright, you do you. Just saying that there are guys out there who think weeks if not months about asking a girl out. If sex is immediately on the table on a first date, it can be hard to say no to that for a guy because it might feel like you’re throwing away your one chance if you do.”

Sometimes she hated it when he made sense.

I guess this reader hates all kinds of established expectations.

“Please don’t tell anybody, but this was my first time. I’m not saying I had like some crazy romantic ideas or whatever about what it would be like. Just didn’t picture this to be just… an empty one night stand. That’s all.”

A little sorry for him, but well, our expectations are all too often deceived. That's not the worst.

Suddenly, his reluctant behavior made sense to her. He wanted to slow this down, not to check in with her, but for himself. But he couldn’t admit that he needed this to be slower for his own sake, so he had been giving her chances to take the foot of the gas hoping she’d do it for him. Eleanor felt bad for him. He wanted intimacy, but instead… he got fucked.

Nice job trying out casual sex, Eleanor. Now her state of mind must be even worse...

This chapter does a lot, and does it well.

[Claire]

Claire and Eugene was a cute scene. I absolutely hate mathematical proofs but simultaneously love the idea of unsolvable problems in math.

If you're curious about what Gödel did to mathematics, check out this Veritasium video:



It's a super interesting video and I like to weave the insight thematically into the story.

It's consensual but the guy didn't really get what he wanted so ultimately it's morally a grey area that could have easily crossed the line into noncon territory

I think I wouldn't phrase it like that. Sometimes sex is just bad or emotionally unfullfilling without being noncon adjacent.

Glad you enjoy the story so far. We are almost through the setup phase now.


@Vela Nanashi as I said in chat already, I love how quickly you picked up on what was going on in the scene.

Rare beautiful female among the nerds, of course they feel she is out of their league.

But it is more than that. Regardless of whether someone finds Eleanor attractive, she is just noticeable among her peers. She gets noticed as a woman among men, and as a tall, physically imposing woman among the sub set of women of all women in math. That just makes her highl recognizable even if her looks are not impressive. Obviously, for Michael she is beautiful too or he would probably be less interested.

Ok maybe that is a bit harsh, but some of the internal mental state revealed felt like that.

Yeah, I think Eleanor is not malicious here. She thinks that for him this is just a casual hookup which is normal in college and she tries to use that hookup culture for her own trauma related purposes. If Michael would have clearly articulated at some point that he wants this to be more than just sex, she probably would have told him that that was all she was looking for. But he never did and Eleanor was focused too much on her own agenda that she either could not or did not want to do the emotional labor of translating the subtext of his hesitant behavior into text for him.

Also, thanks for pointing out the missing "to". That's already fixed in my document and will get edited here at some point too.

She wants a fuck, and it isn't really important who the partner is.

In a way, yes. But in my mind, she deliberately picked someone she could handle physically if she needed to.

Makes one wonder how the world would work with plenty of women preferring men unable to physically overpower them.

Might solve any overpopulation issues until evolution starts making men physically weaker to appeal more to women.

Conflicting signals, Eleanor!

You expect her to get water from the kitchen naked?

They don't?! Not just from the love of art?

Who knows! Women are mysterious creatures, as some might want you to believe.

This chapter does a lot, and does it well.

Thank you very much!

[Mister X]

How lovely that there’s finally a sequel to your stories. Thanks a lot.

[Claire]

How lovely that there’s finally a sequel to your stories. Thanks a lot.

Thank you, but I'd recommend you read Record Chaser first.

[Lucius]

You expect her to get water from the kitchen naked?

The shades of Roman ancillae nod, all business-like.

[Claire]

Element 4 – Nothing To Be Done

November 3rd, Monday

The sound of calm rain knocking against the window made Claire appreciate the warmth of her blanket even more than usual. She had been lying awake for a while now, pondering how safe she felt when she woke up despite Jason not being in bed with her for the first time in a week. He had asked the night before if she’d be fine waking up alone and of course she had said yes, even though, in all honesty, she didn’t know. But she’d have to be able to sleep through the night and wake up on her own at some point, so she urged herself to try it today.

Nevertheless, she missed Jason’s presence. She had never been in a relationship, or at least in no relationship that involved regularly sleeping in her partner’s bed. A handful of dates, two boys she had kissed, that was the full extent of her romantic history. Despite the circumstances of her current situation, she had found waking up next to someone to be nice.

It was 10:18 AM already. Her sleep schedule was slowly getting back to normal. On top of the abuse Mark had put her through, he had also forced her to stay awake for 45 hours. After she returned home exactly one week ago, she had slept from roughly 4 AM to 8 PM in Jason’s arms. When she woke up, they had talked through the night which messed up her sleep schedule even further.

She knew she should get out of bed, but cuddling her googly-eyed Pi-plushie, that Jason had left in her arms as a substitute for himself when he got out of bed, was too seductive. Her comfort was rudely interrupted by a sudden pain, a cramp in her lower abdomen. She got out of bed immediately, and when she stood straight on her feet, she felt a small gush of liquid leave her body. Despite the pain, she smiled in relief and mumbled:

“Finally…”

Then she hurried to the bathroom.

One shower later, she left the bathroom wearing sweatpants and an oversized sweater she was borrowing from Jason. He was out running some errands, mostly grocery shopping, and should return soon. She wanted to do something, anything, to be less of a burden to him.

So she began her tour through the small two-room apartment that was Jason’s home. Vacuum the floor? Jason had taken care of that yesterday. Dishes? A brief look into the kitchen revealed they were done already. Dinner? The fridge sheltered two slices of lasagna ready to be baked whenever hunger struck them. Laundry? No need to even check as the thrum of the washing machine had accompanied her all morning. Taking out the trash? The cans were empty, most likely since Jason left the apartment. Frustrated, she had to conclude: there was nothing to be done.

She grabbed a pen and a spiral pad from her bag in the bedroom, then returned to the kitchen and sat down at the small table with a sigh. For the most part, she had worked through the lectures she didn’t attend last week on her own. Diving back into math helped her keep her mind occupied, gave her something to focus on. Only the topology problem set she had wanted to take a look at that Saturday night eluded her.

She opened the file on her phone again. The problems didn’t strike her as particularly difficult, but every time pen met paper her hand didn’t move. She simply couldn’t bring herself to do it and she knew why.

After going over it multiple times these past few days, she had figured it out. This topology problem set was what was supposed to happen, what should have happened. Solving it meant acknowledging that reality had diverged from the intended path. It was the same with Eugene’s text she hadn’t answered yet.

She closed the problem set and looked at Eugene’s message instead. First, there was the time stamp: October 25th, Saturday, 11:38 PM. Roughly two and a half hours after they had said their goodbyes. And five minutes after Mark had announced his 27 minute countdown to midnight.

It wasn’t fair. Eugene had texted her, happy and oblivious to her fate, while she had to listen to the psychotic ramblings of a serial rapist explaining how he intended to use her to break his personal 24-hour orgasm record. How could these two things exist in parallel? And then there was the message itself.

“Hey Claire, this is Eugene. If you could show me some time this week how I fucked up last week’s problem set on compact sets, you’d be a life saver! That stuff makes 0 sense to me. Also, I really liked talking to you! If you ever feel like grabbing a coffee or just hanging out again, I’d love that.”

It was sweet, earnest interest without entitlement. His text radiated the same golden retriever puppy energy as his first words to her at the Infinite Pint when he had mentioned her Maxwell purse.

What was she supposed to do with this? She wanted to see him again. After all, she had thoroughly enjoyed their conversation on the stairs. But she didn’t know if she could see anyone right now. She and Jason had invited Emily to come by later today. Telling her what happened would be difficult enough. But telling a boy she just met? How would this conversation even go?

“Hi Eugene. I’m sorry for ghosting you, but I went through severe trauma immediately after we last talked. If you’re still interested, let me know.”

That was absurd. If not the truth, she had to tell him something else why she took so long to respond. But even if they did meet again and that date went well, what if he tried to kiss her? Could she handle that? She had no idea.

The sound of the apartment door opening pulled her out of her thoughts.

“Claire?”

Jason called for her, just loud enough to be heard, not loud enough to wake her in case she were still asleep.

“I’m in the kitchen!”

She mentally followed Jason’s steps coming closer. When he walked into the kitchen, he carried two large grocery bags and his hair looked damp. The dark circles under his eyes revealed the toll her presence was taking on him.

“Need any help with that?”

She asked.

“Nah, I got it.”

He put the two bags on the table, then gave her a quick look. She had gotten used to his eyes scanning her. He wasn’t staring or ogling. He just gave her the occasional glance a parent gives a young child in the neighboring room through the door to make sure everything is okay.

“You look well. Did anything good happen?”

As he took off his jacket, she wondered if she should tell him the truth.

“Got my period.”

After everything she had shared with him already, this didn’t feel that personal by comparison. Jason stood still immediately. She could see on his face how his brain was buffering.

“… Yay? Sorry, I feel like I’m missing context here.”

She averted her eyes.

“I was a few days late.”

“I see…”

He hesitated before he continued.

“Oh, should I have bought something for that? Sorry, I’m not used to having a girl living with me. I can go to the store again and get whatever you need.”

Her hands clenched into fists.

“I brought my own pads from my place before we came here. I’m not that useless…”

Normally, she used tampons, but pads felt more comfortable now.

“Right…”

He did it again. By her nature, Claire wasn’t prone to anger. But recently, she could feel these bursts of rage come over her. Whenever that happened, Jason acted like it was nothing.

“Sorry, that came out wrong. I’m fine.”

She apologized. He nodded with obvious worry on his face. Claire took a deep breath.

“I’ve been a here a week now. Is there anything I can do to help? I don’t want to be a freeloader.”

Jason waved her off and began unpacking the groceries.

“Don’t worry about it. You’re my friend and my guest.”

She bit down on her lip and folded her arms in front of her chest. Why didn’t he get this?

“Alright… So, did you buy anything nice?”

She redirected the conversation to a less loaded topic. Jason’s face softened immediately.

“Oh, a ton of stuff. But one thing in particular caught my eye.”

Claire’s posture relaxed as she got curious. Jason reached deep into the bag.

“Ugh, why did they have to put this at the bottom?”

He grunted as if his arm had to dig a tunnel through cement.

“Remember how we used to eat ice cream when we had sleepovers as children?”

He pulled a big Ben & Jerry’s Karamel Sutra ice cream bucket out of the bag. Then he continued.

“We ate these all the time when we were like… 11 I think? Anyway, I thought it would be fun to revive that tradition when Emily comes by later. Do you know why we stopped eating this? I remember really liking it.”

Claire smiled. She remembered very well why they had stopped.

“Oh yeah! You told Kendrick about this great ice cream you were always eating with me. Kendrick laughed his ass off when he heard the name of the brand and ‘informed’ you that Karamel Sutra was a pun on Karma Sutra, which he then went on to explain to you in detail.”

She could see a grin forming on Jason’s face as the memory slowly returned to him.

“You were so embarrassed, I wasn’t sure your face would ever return to its normal color. I think after that, you told your mom to never buy it again.”

Jason laughed. The tiredness on his face briefly disappeared.

“Oh boy, that sounds like something I might have done back then. And I think I haven’t thought of Kendrick in forever. Any idea what he’s up to?”

Claire shook her head.

“No clue. His mother got a new job somewhere else shortly after and they moved. I don’t think I’ve heard anything from him since.”

“Maybe I should try to look him up later. Would be fun to get in contact with him after all these years.”

Jason put the ice cream into the freezer, then grabbed the milk and put it in the fridge.

“Any other surprise purchases?”

Jason thought for a moment.

“Uhh… not sure if this counts as a surprise, but I thought you might like this.”

He reached back into the bag and revealed to her a shampoo he bought. ‘Almèra’, the almond scented women’s shampoo she used to buy.

Her face froze for a second. She gulped, her eyes narrowed, and she stared at him with a dangerous glint in her eyes.

“You think this is funny?!”

Jason looked baffled.

“What…?”

Her favorite shampoo. She loved it. Until Mark had used it on her body when he had forced her to shower with him. She never wanted to see it again.

“I asked you whether you think this is funny?!”

She jumped out of her chair. Jason immediately took a step back.

“Claire, I don’t understand…?”

She took the bottle and threw it out of the kitchen and into the hallway.

“Mark used that! How do you even know I bought this before?!”

Jason’s eyes briefly followed the trajectory of the shampoo bottle until it landed in the hallway, burst open, and spilled its content on the floor. The almond scent immediately began to fill the apartment. He returned his gaze to her and raised his hands defensively.

“I… I saw it in the trash can in your bathroom when I took a shower at your place. So when I saw it today in the store… I just thought you might like it. I didn’t know…”

She slammed her hands down on the table and leaned forward, staring him down.

“Did it maybe occur to you to wonder WHY I threw it away?!”

A moment of awkward silence. Jason couldn’t hold eye contact. He looked at his feet as he gave his quiet, apologetic reply.

“I… I thought… it was… empty?”

Claire was about to snap at him again.

“Well, yeah, that…!”

Then she suddenly stopped like she had been punched in the face.

“…makes sense…”

All the tension left her body as abruptly as it had come about, and she sank back down onto her chair.

“I…”

She looked at him. He was just standing there, back against the wall, scared and overwhelmed.

“I’m so sorry, Jason.”

What had gotten into her? How could she treat him like this? She buried her face in her hands and began to cry.

“I’m so sorry…”

Jason came closer, one cautious step at a time. She felt his hand on her shoulder. A tentative, unsure touch that lacked the naturalness with which he had held her so often these last few days. She grabbed his sweater with both hands and pulled him toward her, hiding her face in his stomach.

“I’m so sorry…”

Jason slowly knelt down and wrapped her in his arms. He pulled her close and gently stroked her hair.

“It’s okay.”

She shook her head, smearing her tears all over his sweater.

“It’s not okay. You deserve better.”

She whispered between two sobs.

“Don’t worry about it. We all get angry sometimes. Trust me, I can handle a shampoo bottle flying through my kitchen just fine.”

She chuckled at his lame attempt at a joke. He kept holding her tight.

“Thank you.”

She meant it.
-------------------------------------------------------------


This is the second time now that I decided to split what was supposed to be one longer chapter into two shorter ones, Originally, my plan was that chapter 5 covers the entire Monday. But the shampoo bottle moment became too intense to not add a harder cut here.

Chapter 6 will cover the rest of Monday which will mark the end of the setup phase of the novel.

[Lucius]

There's enough for the protagonists (and deuteragonists!) to deal with for a novel-length story, that's for sure.

@Claire is very good at psychological details and observations. Like '... of course she had said yes, even though, in all honesty, she didn’t know. ' Something everyone experiences but few speak of.

Oh yeah, the return of Pi-plushie feels good.

[Vela Nanashi]

Calm rain is a great reason to stay in bed and sleep more

Jason is a very good friend to have stayed with her for a whole week, sharing her bed, to let her feel safe.

Yeah of course she would miss waking up next to him.

Subtle hint at menstruation/moon blood, and yeah that must be a relief.

Yeah Jason did not want you to have to do anything right now, he is taking care of you, but I get wanting to do something to not feel like a burden. However I don't think he sees her like a burden.

It is rough to be unsure what to say and do with Eugene, but I think the best thing to do is to be honest, perhaps not that exact line though, but maybe actually inviting him to that meeting with Emily would be good.

Even if he is a bit spent taking care of you I think he is still happy to.

Ok I don't think most guys would fail to understand what getting her period means after a rape, so I guess Jason really must be tired here.

Sorry Claire he is in man protector mode, if you want him to understand you have to make it a lot clearer that you actually need to do something, not to help him, but to help yourself.

That is a silly thing to stop eating your favourite ice cream over, but that might just be me

Triggers suck, obviously Jason did not do this to hurt you or make fun Claire, but yeah triggers bypass logic, and just blow up the emotions, poor Jason, and poor Claire, I hope she will reclaim her favourite shampoo, rather than let Mark ruin many things in her life, still it makes sense that such things cause triggers.

Lol... yeah, obviously he did not pick up and check if the bottle had content in it or not.

Claire you got a bit scary for Jason with irrational reactions and stuff, it is understandable, I know quite well how it is to have triggers, they fucking suck, and are so very hard to override or stop. At least he is taking it well and you genuinely apologized, and he understood, also good that he broke the tension with a joke.

---

Very good chapter and yeah I get why the shampoo bottle moment makes a natural break point, still I hope you won't make us wait too long for the next part

[Claire]

@Vela Nanashi

Calm rain is a great reason to stay in bed and sleep more

Agreed. I like the sound of rain.

Subtle hint at menstruation/moon blood, and yeah that must be a relief.

Not sure I would call that subtle, but I found it natural to include that.

That is a silly thing to stop eating your favourite ice cream over, but that might just be me

Oh it is. The point being that they were 11. You can probably imagine how around that age other boys might have started to tease Jason about having a girl as his best friend. And then he just casually drops that they eat ice cream named after the most famous sex book ever together all the time. I might be wrong here, but that sounds like something an 11 year old boy might get self-conscious about.

I hope she will reclaim her favourite shampoo, rather than let Mark ruin many things in her life, still it makes sense that such things cause triggers.

I think especially smell can be a very strong trigger. We'll see whether Claire reclaims her shampoo.

Claire you got a bit scary for Jason with irrational reactions and stuff, it is understandable, I know quite well how it is to have triggers, they fucking suck, and are so very hard to override or stop.

Yeah, I thought that showing Claire being emotionally very volatile would fit her well. I know that it is a bit of a gamble because showing a character behave like this might make them less likable. But I'm banking on the empathy of the reader and hope that they will understand where she's coming from.

still I hope you won't make us wait too long for the next part

I hope it won't take me too long. Just wish it was a little cooler, then I would feel more inclined to keep writing.


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@Lucius

Oh yeah, the return of Pi-plushie feels good.

Hehe, I like it too. Continuity matters!