Record Chaser

[Claire]

thx

[ExploreHer]

Chapter 5's idea of "She had been raped without even knowing when exactly it had happened." is wonderful.

Her unease, unable to pin it down. The idea that there was nothing, and now something, but a grey area inbetween. That must leave her with an inability to ever fully process it, or at least making it more challenging.

[SoftGameHunter]

Did we just have our first RC purchase of access to this story? Well done!

[ExploreHer]

Calling his semen "filth" is such a good term in this context. Less sterile than any of the synonyms.

[Claire]

Chapter 5's idea of "She had been raped without even knowing when exactly it had happened." is wonderful.

Her unease, unable to pin it down. The idea that there was nothing, and now something, but a grey area inbetween. That must leave her with an inability to ever fully process it, or at least making it more challenging.

I "like" that part too. I think it highlights the gravity of what just happened to her nicely.

Calling his semen "filth" is such a good term in this context. Less sterile than any of the synonyms.

Well, I think that's a pretty standard word to describe it from the victim's perspective. I certainly won't take credit for coming up with that! But if it fits, it fits. So use it in your own stories if you like it.

Did we just have our first RC purchase of access to this story? Well done!

Three people (+two test accounts) unlocked the story so far using RC. But @ExploreHer is the first one to respond too. Maybe the other two will say something as well. I would like that.

[Claire]

I gave chapter one of the story an overhaul. I should now have fixed typos, punctuation, grammar. There should also be no more wall of text paragraphs. I got rid of a lot of clunky phrasing and generally tightened the pacing a bit. Instead of 2583 words the chapter is now only 2454 words long.

I'll keep doing the same for all chapters, but especially for chapters 1 to 5 which I wrote in quick succession in October 2024 when I just started writing stories. I hope to get my early writing closer to my current standards. Since I'm considering to write a story that's a sequel to both Record Chaser and Late Satisfaction, I don't want the entry to the series be riddled with beginner mistakes. So I'm cleaning up the early chapters to the degree that this is possible without completely rewriting the story.

@Lucius, @JTCK, @Vela Nanashi, @RapeU, @SoftGameHunter

If you ever reread the updated version, let me know what you think.

[Claire]

I gave chapter 2 the same treatment as chapter 1. But overall, chapter 2 held up much better than chapter 1. Especially the dreaded "wall of text" beginner mistake was already much less pronounced than in chapter 1. I still fixed quite a bit of awkward phrasing, punctuation, removed pov inconsistencies, and highlighted pov clarity a bit. 2356 words were reduced to 2276.

[AdmiralPiet]

@Claire : So I finally started to read this.
Currently up to beginning of Chapter three. I needed to make some notes, because I would surely forget some things before getting to the end. So why not skip the notetaking and use a comment instead?

On of the first things that came to mind was that Claire seemed to react a bit too calm for the situation. (It is odd to talk about Claire with Claire btw.)
But then I have read about real life crimes where shockingly mundane interactions happened where you would not expect them.
And she just woke up after being drugged. And the human mind is capable of handling sitiuations a million different ways.
So sometimes what feels odd/wrong in a story starts making much more sense once you take a step back and think about it in some more depth.

Not sure how to feel about the character of Mark however.
I thought this too when I read RapeU's "Benevolent Rapist".
As his guilt seems to be real, but he commits his crimes anyway, the "care" he gives to the vitims seems to be very selfish.
A way for him to say: "Yeah I raped and traumatized her for life, but I did not kill or torture her, like others did"
The remark about everyone thinking about the victims but not what the rapist has to do to make it work was kinda asshole-ish.
At this point: I don't like him much as a character.

It lead to me thinking however: Years ago I played a character in a Text-RPG named Alana.
She was not as well developed or consistent as I would write her today, in part because of the nature of the play. Also I was a much worse Author back then.
She tortured several people, but once the deed was done she did her job as medical personel, dressed up wounds and "cared" somewhat for her victim.
It made me wonder why I never had a problem with Alana doing that but dislike Mark?
There are more facets to her and they are not so easily compared after all.

I wonder if my perspective of him will change over the next chapters.

[RapeU]

It made me wonder why I never had a problem with Alana doing that but dislike Mark?

I'd have to read Alana's story to really know. But Mark is an asshole full of contradictions. He craves the companionship of a real relationship yet spends his free time raping women and stays invisible by choice so that he can keep getting away with it.

[Lucius]

...
On of the first things that came to mind was that Claire seemed to react a bit too calm for the situation. (It is odd to talk about Claire with Claire btw.)
...

I have a sketch of a story about a young British damsel in porny distress in early 2000s Russia. I named her Claire because it was one of the most popular names for English girls born circa 1980. Let's say that if I ever go back to it, she's going to end up Emma or Gemma.