Valentina

[Shocker]

Over all, I enjoyed this one. Even though there were aspects of it I don't like (not due to the writing) I'm never a fan of cuckold. This isn't strictly speaking that, but for me there is definitely an unpleasant cuckold aftertaste and it had me distracted by thought's of how the POV character could be looking for ways to escape, obviously not realistic, but it took me away from the action, of course that isn't a criticism aimed at the author, that's a me thing and a personal taste thing.
The other 'bad aftertaste' was already mentioned by Claire - his attitude to Valentina after the rapists had left. She should have come after him with a meat tenderiser for that little touch of icing on the cake. Again not a criticism aimed at the writer ("Shocker" is an apt name for that particular event though lol).

It was well written, concise, easy to follow, believable characters. Maybe have another look over from a grammatical perspective, there were some minor errors, a few misplaced commas (which we're all guilty of). Overall very enjoyable, other than the bits already mentionde.

Oh and I also enjoyed the "foreign" setting (depending on where one is from of course). It was an interesting little detail that gave the story an extra bit of original flavour. Thank you for sharing.

Thank you for the feedback, I admit I wasn’t going for cuckolding, as that isn’t doing anything for me either. But I enjoyed writing an erotically inexperienced man seeing his love being raped, resulting in a nasty reaction due to his own biases and upbringing. Sebastian is not the hero of the story merely the point of view I chose.

[Claire]

That was close @Shocker, you almost had it! Maybe next time!

[Lucius]

A well-written and impactful story that makes one hate Sebastian. he deserves a few arrows come St Sebastian day. I have to admit that I dislike the rapegasm trope, but its use was vital for the plot.

[Shocker]

A well-written and impactful story that makes one hate Sebastian. he deserves a few arrows come St Sebastian day. I have to admit that I dislike the rapegasm trope, but its use was vital for the plot.

Thanks for the feedback, Sebastian is a confused young man entirely lost in his upbringing and sexual inexperience. He is also a bit of a bigot asshole, I had no intention of having the readers leaving with sympathy for him.

Society quite often blames the victims of rape, he is just the stand in.
Like yourself I’m not much of a fan of rapegasm, but Has as little reference to her bodies reactions as Sebastian. Somebody had commented on the foreign setting before, and I chose this to let a strong catholic environment do the work for me.

[AdmiralPiet]

In the beginning I was sure Sebastian would be the rapist, because he could not accept Valentinas reluctance anymore.
You subverted that expectation, and the end really caught me by surprise.

The choice of narrator was interesting, and his double standard gave it an interesting twist.
Allthough my favorite is the all-knowing third person perspective.

[Shocker]

In the beginning I was sure Sebastian would be the rapist, because he could not accept Valentinas reluctance anymore.
You subverted that expectation, and the end really caught me by surprise.

The choice of narrator was interesting, and his double standard gave it an interesting twist.
Allthough my favorite is the all-knowing third person perspective.

I have been fond of the omniscient 3rd person perspective for a very long time, but have drifted towards 3rd person limited over the last few years, it makes it easier of including a twist without having to lie to the readers.