Life on the Frontier: Raising a Family - Gang Rape Galore

[Claire]

@ren6 I think I can mostly echo what the others said. Rather than these very long descriptions of the mechanics of the rape, I would have liked a little more plot that gave us some emotional investment into what's happening. I was very much surprised that we never heard of her father and potenial future husband again.

Had you for example contrasted her rape with her father and some people searching for her, the entire story would have had a very different dynamic. Then it would have become a question for how long she could endure the abuse until somebody might rescue her. Throughout the entire rape scene we never get to hear whether she even thinks that help might be on the way or not. Did she ever have hope that she might make it out alive?

And when it comes to what the others called overdescribing the scene, I think the issue is this: If you turn every sentence into a portrait of words, then they don't feel special anymore. You definitely have the ability to form eloquent sentences. The language you use is very vivid. But I would recommend, use those vivid descriptions sparingly for moments that truly matter. That gives them significance and impact.

edit: Good that @Vela Nanashi menioned it. Please edit your text such that it makes clear that the victim is an adult. Currently, you are describing her as young, petite and unmarried in a medievalish setting. All of that screams underage. Please add an explicit reference to her being 18 or older.

[Vela Nanashi]

Scary teaser.

Using father and wants to be husband as a way to tell about the world works, and you introduce three daughters, two that are safe and the third currently missing.

Ah your orcs are the traditional green pig snout dirty ones, gotcha.

Youngest youthful young sweet petite virginal untouched waif small frame spindly lanky slender slim girl with petite breasts, I know you have the disclaimer, but you might want to indicate somewhere a little bit more clearly that this is an adult 18+ woman we are talking about, just saying, given you toss all those things out that make her sound very very young and not mature.

Though her situation woke one of my characters who wanted me to forward his taunt "feeble orc chief, you can't even hold her on his own to take her, you need your whole band of what you pathetically call warriors, I would slay you all with one arm tied behind my back to my opposite leg" - red orc Rorg, then he demonstrates hopping on one leg with surprising skill...

Sadly for her there are no nicer red orcs around to deal with the filthy old style green pig orcs, so all she has is disgusting horror. You do a good job describing the horror of the situation, though I think if you really wanted us to experience it, you should have gone for first person her perspective during this, to really be able to feel just how horrible it all is. Though you do a really good job at describing the revulsion, and disgust as is so perhaps that would be too much.

Good very super disgusting writing, but that was what you were going for. You are Nurgle's favoured poet, rejoice

[ren6]

Apologies, I added a bit to try not to make her out to be too young. I'd thought it was enough to say he was trying to marry her off and didn't consider the setting.

[LaLia]

Orcs, or monsters in general, are always a topic that doesn't appeal to everyone, I think, so I respect you for giving it a try. I think you did a good job, although I felt the story and plot were a bit lacking. But I think there's still room for more with this story. I really like the topic of monsters.