What I'm Going to Do to You

[Claire]

After writing a second person PoV story myself, I have developed a fondness for them I think. I enjoyed this one here, really well written!

But I think you missed an opportunity here, @chloevee! When I was halfway through the story I began to wonder: "Wait, is the victim actually a woman?" Up to this point, I think you had described the deepthroating and the anal rape, but I think nothing in the text explicitly said that the victim is a woman. I think you could have left that completely ambiguous until the end. That might have made the appeal of the story even broader.

Another fun thing I thought you could have done with the story is this: You describe all the events in future tense, as something that will happen. Did you ever consider circling back once that whole narration was over and go through what actually happens? You could do so much with the contrast of the fantasy and how the events then actually play out. Just imagine he now gets bitten, comes prematurely, her body never responds to the stimulation, maybe he can't get it up because he can't live up to the fantasy in his head. There is so much potential here to contrast the future-tense fantasy with present-tense reality.

The story is really good as it is. But I would also love to see you revisit that concept and do even more with it.

[RapeU]

But I think you missed an opportunity here, @chloevee! When I was halfway through the story I began to wonder: "Wait, is the victim actually a woman?"

I remember reading ages ago a story written just like this where the victim's gender was never mentioned because that was the point - to make it work whether the reader was male or female. I *think* this is the same story, but it's been so long that I can't remember. What I do remember is in the disclaimer the writing style was mentioned ahead of time so everyone knew what they were getting into.

I'm not sure why gender neutrality wasn't mentioned in the disclaimer, maybe it was an oversight, but I think it would be a good idea to include it in so that the reader can imagine whatever gender they want.

[Claire]

@RapeU In Chloe's story it becomes unambiguous halfway through that it is a woman. I'm just saying she could have gone through with that ambiguity to the end.

[RapeU]

Not sure how I missed that! I think I assumed it was the same story and only read it to just before that part. Or I was interrupted, can't remember.

Either way, the story was enjoyable.

[chloevee]

Promises promises

Nice one imagine having to get showered and ready for the office after a wake up call like that.

Thanks, I'm glad you liked it!

[chloevee]

After writing a second person PoV story myself, I have developed a fondness for them I think. I enjoyed this one here, really well written!

Thanks!

But I think you missed an opportunity here, @chloevee! When I was halfway through the story I began to wonder: "Wait, is the victim actually a woman?"

You know, I noticed the same thing when I was editing it this time around and considered reworking to be ambiguous. I mostly decided against it in favor of being done with it already. (I'm constantly amazed how much work even such a short story is!) But I do find the idea appealing, so I'll keep it in mind if it happens to be a good fit for a future story.

Did you ever consider circling back once that whole narration was over and go through what

That could be cool--"What I Did to You" or maybe "What You Did to Me."

I probably prefer to keep it open-ended. That's part of what I like about the story. I hope that it makes the reader wonder about the fictional character, who he is writing to, and if he ever follows through. Or even better--feel as though they are the intended recipient. I wouldn't want to ruin that.

Plus, I've got a million unfinished stories. It's nice to have a couple that are officially done.

But you never know. Maybe my unfathomable muse will let me know what happens.

[chloevee]

Not sure how I missed that! I think I assumed it was the same story and only read it to just before that part. Or I was interrupted, can't remember.

Yeah, as you figured out, this isn't the same story. As I mentioned to @Claire, I considered reworking it to be ambiguous but I had run out of steam by that time.

I suppose I should either add something gender-specific earlier on so readers won't wonder, or rework it so it's not gender-specific. Seems unlikely that I will, but it could happen.

Either way, the story was enjoyable.

Thanks!