The Last Challenge - Gang Rape Galore

[joey]

Trying to read all the entries in the contest and realized that I hadn't gotten to yours. I loved the concept and initial premise. Hot female contestants in a reality show, remote location, hybrid of Naked & Afraid/Survivor. Had me in a high state of anticipation. Unfortunately, as other earlier comments have referenced, it seems that things went down hill from there. I hope you return to this general idea again and flesh the story out in a more cogent fashion. None of this is a criticism, I've tried to put a story together for the contest and have 2,000 words written and no one has their clothes off yet! Thanks for the story and effort.

[Shocker]

It’s a strange setting that heavily leans into the bizarreness of the situation, as a reader I often felt lost in what was going on. This might even have been a conscious choice, as the participants and team would be in a very similar situation.

[Lucius]

This doesn't really work. I get that 'show don't tell' is a questionable writing advice, but 'only tell' is not a way out.

My recommendation is to write more and read more. The second is more important, now that I think about it.

[Nickamano]

I really tried hard to like this one. There was potential here, as other's have said. Personally, I was able to follow the events, I didn't have trouble there. What I did have trouble with was believability (and yes I know there are Nazi-human-animal-hybrids involved and I'm talking about not being convinced). The problem comes in world building. It feels like the real world at first, a reality TV show, with people with jobs, camera people, directors etc. security. But then when things start going wrong, and people start dying. logically the show would stop immediately and the police would be called.

It might have worked if it was an illegal TV production created for the elite to watch the lower classes get raped and hunted for their amusement. But just as an everyday TV production, you lost me.
I also feel like, as "breeding stock" for the hybrids the giga chad by definition would have been the man targeted, the fat fella would have been seen as slovenly and not a good example of genetic material to be passed on. Though having the chad being all "chemical" and gym forged (like a false masculinity) while the fat fella turns out to be a more "naturally" masculine specimen would have made for a nice plot twist.

I think the premise might have worked well if it was set on the Island of Dr Moreau - a take on King Kong where a film crew has heard rumours of the strange island and takes a ship over there, get stranded with the hybrid animal-humans from the H.G. Wells original. And rape and murder ensues?
Thank you for adding your work to the contest.