The Shamblers

[Claire]

I'm not entirely sure what to make of the story so far. You definitely have your own voice and you also seem to have an idea for the story at large. I also enjoy stories with multiple POVs in general.

But I think this is a case where the writing advice "show don't tell" really fits. I feel like every event is told and rushed through from a distance. To me, reading these character introductions feels more like I'm reading the background story somebody created for their D&D character than that I actually see the characrters interacting and making choices. Because of that, I find it hard to get invested in the characters. I think you might be underestimating a little how important it is to sell your readers on your characters first if you want the readers to care about them. My point is: Before I even have a chance of understanding these characters and caring about them or what's happening around them, the story has already walked me through seven more plot points.

One aspect I really liked though is that you don't make the raped characters feel incompetent and completely helpless. Sylvia, for example, feels truly like a capable warrior/adventurer who was caught off guard and not like some idiot walking into an obvious trap.