The Love of My Chains

[RapeU]

I understand, and that makes total sense. I appreciate you taking the time to elaborate and being so direct because I really didn't realize the way I set the scene and introduced the main characters was so tedious to be honest, so, it does sting a little to learn that my opening presentation was overly dull, but, I'll just have to take it on the chin and keep your advise in mind to try and grow as a writer.

It might help to see the evolution of one of my stories. In The CUNT Rapist I had originally included this in chapter 1

I felt out of place because I see myself as fat and unattractive. Each day I step onto the bathroom scale with a hopeful heart, wishing for numbers to dip below 200, but they stubbornly refuse to budge. What frustrates me the most are my breasts, they are small in comparison to my large frame. As a young child at water parks, I would always laugh at people who had “cottage cheese” arms, legs, and thighs. By the time I hit 6th grade I had become the punchline of my own joke. My weight wasn’t “cottage cheese” bad, but I had a feeling I’d get there eventually. Pretty much if you took all the undesirable body parts from both sides of my family and mixed it all together in a box of diarrhea as a grotesque concoction, you’d end up with me.

But that’s not the worst part, the worst was my twin brother J.J. Don’t get me wrong, I love my brother, but he’s everything I’m not. He’s popular, a natural athlete, good looking with a dazzling smile that seems to light up a room, outgoing with a laugh that draws people in, and perfectly comfortable in his own skin. Imagine taking all the best features from our mom and dad, blending them with qualities that everyone admires, and you’d have my brother. My brother is genuinely the nicest guy you'll ever meet, always ready with a kind word or helping hand. He’s constantly looked out for me, even going so far as to try to pull me into the popular crowd, but it just wasn't meant to be my scene. I'm pretty sure his popularity shielded me from bullies, with his friends watching out for me, too, but it couldn’t stop me from being my own worst enemy. I still put myself down from time to time, especially after what I’ve done and what I’m afraid I might do next. Oops, I skipped ahead. Let’s go back to prom night.

It was heavy on the exposition when I already had something that showed the reader Alex's insecurity without needing to tell it.

I mumbled a thank you, not believing him for a second. The maroon dress I'd picked was the only one in the plus-size section that didn't make me look like I was wearing a tent. Still, the compliment made my heart flutter.

The insecurity about being a sibling to someone popular and good looking got moved to a few lines of dialogue when Alex meets her roommate. I hadn't created her roommate character at the time of writing chapter 1. That came later.

So what you could do is change the exposition to a few lines of dialogue or character interactions similar to what I did and let the explanations come out naturally both when you write it and while the reader is reading it.

[sinfulwords]

@Claire is absolutely right; As a submissive good girl who worships the penises of dominant bad boys, this story IS right up my alley!!!

Though I am a firm believer in 'Show don't tell" I did not object to the exposition in your prologue to the same extent my classmates did. It reminded me of the text rolling upward onto the screen before each of the 'Star Wars' movies. It had the same vibe.( This story, to me, reads like it wants to become a screenplay). Besides, if future chapters have word counts well into the tens of thousands, the prologue may end up being proportionally short and the information in it may prove to be necessary.

I will make it my agenda to read chapter two when it emerges.

Thank you so much for reading ^.^ I really appreciate it. And I can’t tell u how much I appreciate the kind words too. I’m over the moon that someone actually likes the beginning really tysm I really needed the uplifting words cause I was feeling a little discouraged

[sinfulwords]

I understand, and that makes total sense. I appreciate you taking the time to elaborate and being so direct because I really didn't realize the way I set the scene and introduced the main characters was so tedious to be honest, so, it does sting a little to learn that my opening presentation was overly dull, but, I'll just have to take it on the chin and keep your advise in mind to try and grow as a writer.

It might help to see the evolution of one of my stories. In The CUNT Rapist I had originally included this in chapter 1

I felt out of place because I see myself as fat and unattractive. Each day I step onto the bathroom scale with a hopeful heart, wishing for numbers to dip below 200, but they stubbornly refuse to budge. What frustrates me the most are my breasts, they are small in comparison to my large frame. As a young child at water parks, I would always laugh at people who had “cottage cheese” arms, legs, and thighs. By the time I hit 6th grade I had become the punchline of my own joke. My weight wasn’t “cottage cheese” bad, but I had a feeling I’d get there eventually. Pretty much if you took all the undesirable body parts from both sides of my family and mixed it all together in a box of diarrhea as a grotesque concoction, you’d end up with me.

But that’s not the worst part, the worst was my twin brother J.J. Don’t get me wrong, I love my brother, but he’s everything I’m not. He’s popular, a natural athlete, good looking with a dazzling smile that seems to light up a room, outgoing with a laugh that draws people in, and perfectly comfortable in his own skin. Imagine taking all the best features from our mom and dad, blending them with qualities that everyone admires, and you’d have my brother. My brother is genuinely the nicest guy you'll ever meet, always ready with a kind word or helping hand. He’s constantly looked out for me, even going so far as to try to pull me into the popular crowd, but it just wasn't meant to be my scene. I'm pretty sure his popularity shielded me from bullies, with his friends watching out for me, too, but it couldn’t stop me from being my own worst enemy. I still put myself down from time to time, especially after what I’ve done and what I’m afraid I might do next. Oops, I skipped ahead. Let’s go back to prom night.

It was heavy on the exposition when I already had something that showed the reader Alex's insecurity without needing to tell it.

I mumbled a thank you, not believing him for a second. The maroon dress I'd picked was the only one in the plus-size section that didn't make me look like I was wearing a tent. Still, the compliment made my heart flutter.

The insecurity about being a sibling to someone popular and good looking got moved to a few lines of dialogue when Alex meets her roommate. I hadn't created her roommate character at the time of writing chapter 1. That came later.

So what you could do is change the exposition to a few lines of dialogue or character interactions similar to what I did and let the explanations come out naturally both when you write it and while the reader is reading it.

Yeah, I understand my mistake, it’s been made very clear to me: less it more and all that jazz. I appreciate your input tho.

I like the in depth analysis of the characters insecurities in ur story tho. It paints a broader picture. I enjoy minutia so, idk, I don’t see any issue with your exposition. In fact, with the exposition in mind, the abridged showcase of the insecurities seems lacking. It does not convey the magnitude of the insecurities, it just shows that they’re there. I like to know more about characters when I’m reading.

So maybe it’s just a preference of style at play…but I get it. I’m definitely gonna think twice before writing detailed expositions in the future. I’m still learning as a writer.

[Claire]

@sinfulwords I just wanted to clarify: I never meant to say that I dislike the information you gave about the world and the master character, only that I wished you communicated it differently. If you read @RapeU's story, you will see that all the information comes across just perfectly within the story even without frontloading it.

That being said, if you found my comment discouraging, then I'm very sorry. And if this the way you truly prefer to write your story, then please stick to it regardless of what I or anybody else says. I'm always trying to be helpful and encouraging with my comments. The last thing I want is anyone to stop writing because of something I say. So please, disregard whatever I say if it doesn't resonate with your personally. Regardless of whether I'm right or not, I think the worst thing anyone can do is trying to follow writing advice they don't believe in, even if it may be good advice. If you end up writing something that feels wrong to you to satisfy some writing standard you don't care about, your story likely won't turn out well.

So please don't be discouraged. I really find the world you thought of interesting. I just wish I could have discovered more gradually.

[VictimEyes]

@sinfulwords -

You did not ask for my advice but I am going to give it anyway.

I am about halfway through reading 'STORY' by Robert McKee, a VERY accomplished writing instructor. While the book is geared for screenwriting, I strongly believe that it's lessons benefit those who write the kind of fiction we read here at the RavAcad. Based on what I see in your story, I think you could benefit from this book also.

I hope you will find encouragement and continue writing confidently. .......- Put 'Babydoll' on her knees and make her suck her master's dick like she thinks that there's gold and precious gems in his prostate!!!!

[sinfulwords]

I just wanted to clarify: I never meant to say that I dislike the information you gave about the world and the master character, only that I wished you communicated it differently. If you read @RapeU's story, you will see that all the information comes across just perfectly within the story even without frontloading it.

That being said, if you found my comment discouraging, then I'm very sorry. And if this the way you truly prefer to write your story, then please stick to it regardless of what I or anybody else says. I'm always trying to be helpful and encouraging with my comments. The last thing I want is anyone to stop writing because of something I say. So please, disregard whatever I say if it doesn't resonate with your personally. Regardless of whether I'm right or not, I think the worst thing anyone can do is trying to follow writing advice they don't believe in, even if it may be good advice. If you end up writing something that feels wrong to you to satisfy some writing standard you don't care about, your story likely won't turn out well.

So please don't be discouraged. I really find the world you thought of interesting. I just wish I could have discovered more gradually.

I appreciate the reassurance but you were just being honest, my reaction to your honest opinion isn’t your fault. I understand you were trying to help me improve and I thank you for that. I was just super proud of my first original piece and worked really hard on it so the fact the criticism is vastly outweighing the positive reinforcement is a very humbling experience so my fifis took a little deep dive about it. Again. That reaction isn’t your fault. Your analysis doesn’t deter me from writing at all, it’s one of the only things I consider myself good at….which is another reason the unbalanced ratio of criticism vs praise made my heart feel heavy I’ll live, tho don’t worry

[sinfulwords]

@sinfulwords -

You did not ask for my advice but I am going to give it anyway.

I am about halfway through reading 'STORY' by Robert McKee, a VERY accomplished writing instructor. While the book is geared for screenwriting, I strongly believe that it's lessons benefit those who write the kind of fiction we read here at the RavAcad. Based on what I see in your story, I think you could benefit from this book also.

I hope you will find encouragement and continue writing confidently. .......- Put 'Babydoll' on her knees and make her suck her master's dick like she thinks that there's gold and precious gems in his prostate!!!!

Well that sounds interesting I’ve never read a writing instruction book before. I’ll look for it on one of my e-book apps

And lmao at “put babydoll on her knees…”

oh, you have no idea what’s in store once the guests arrive I let my freak-fly-free with this piece hope you enjoy it when it drops. I’m aiming for this coming Wednesday, so, one chapter a week

[Lucius]

... I was just super proud of my first original piece...

Rightly so! It's written very well, Master's tattoo kink is just , and the blowjob is really hot. I'd really like to see how the story goes on.

...and worked really hard on it so the fact the criticism is vastly outweighing the positive reinforcement is a very humbling experience so my fifis took a little deep dive about it. Again. That reaction isn’t your fault.

There's nothing wrong with breaking storytelling rules, like yesterday I mentioned in another context that 'War and Peace' opens with a discussion of 1805 diplomatic happenings... in French I myself am fond of writing slices of sex life with mere semblance of plot.

I'm not sure you'd like to see yet another critic dumping on the infodump, but here I am, trying a different tack. Would a slave narrator know all that history, the factions of ancient society, the number of mass extinctions etc? In truth, what did a cotton-picking slave-girl in 1850 Alabama know about American or African history? I pondered this question when writing In the Cherry Orchard, narrated by a Roman slave-girl. Ignorance goes along with slavery – the story doesn't get dated because calendars mean nothing for Calliope. She likely does know there's such thing as the emperor, but she might well not know his name, and her eyes would glaze over at the mention of optimates and populares.

[RapeU]

I think the case can be made that a slave does know history. There are plenty of documented examples of pre civil war slaves learning to read even though some states made it illegal.

[Lucius]

I think the case can be made that a slave does know history. There are plenty of documented examples of pre civil war slaves learning to read even though some states made it illegal.

Any servile history teacher in Ancient Rome knew history rather well, sure, and I have no issue with Babydoll knowing letters. But a post-apocalyptic pleasure slave learning about mass extinctions etc. is on par with a cotton-picker from 1850 reading Carlyle's French Revolution, i.e. a story in itself.