The Mondina - Ravished in a Flash Final

[YellowSnowDotCom]

Thank you for reading the story!

When a first person narrator starts giving me information like that for no good reason, then this sticks out to me like a sore thumb.

There's a perfectly good reason why Libe thinks of Abyssinia and Spain. Having taken part in a couple of wars, Carlo is unusually violent... for a Fascist . Libe must've overheard his boasts of ravishing Ethiopian and Spanish girls, and she's afraid of him, but she can't openly say so. She is a generally reliable narrator, but she leaves out her fear, the moment of her surrender, the details of her undressing...

I was unaware rice was grown in italy, but then I am no expert on such things

No fan of risotto, then?

It's an interesting story, you might want to have a look at The Women Responsible for Italian Rice—and Workers’ Rights. The image at the top of the page is advertising the very 1938 rice-weeding season. I was inspired by the monda chapter in Feeding Fascism.

from the among the worst (first the might be better if removed)

Oh yes, a silly slip-up.

good dialog, even if I feel a little like an alien where many words are fuzzy to me

it is sad this is such a short story, but it was well written it is not quite enough time for me to sink into any character, I am not sure why she is doing small acts of vandalism as that is not exactly helping her any, but I suppose she is feisty and I like that in a character.

Libe is feisty and she wants to get Carlo in trouble with Signor Bossi -- the latter won't be happy to find the interior of his car redecorated in such a way.

[Vela Nanashi]

Well we make risotto in my country too but we make no rice here but basic quick search suprised me at how many places do, so I learned something

[SoftGameHunter]

I'm very happy I didn't miss this. And playing the theme to the number of dents on the assailant's car ceiling is hilarious. The sex in this entry was better. But I feel like I should state why I gave more points to the competition. With so few words to work with, a flash story has to really work to pull us in. And here, I got bogged down in the beginning with a lot of names and terms and minutia that made it hard for me to jump in. I wasn't even sure if the MC was a guy or gal for quite a few paragraphs, so was I cheering for him to find a victim or for her to cross the wrong path? I felt invested in half the story, so I awarded half the points. That sounds overly pithy, but I just clicked better with the other one.

[YellowSnowDotCom]

[/quote][Tuco Salamanca]Tight, tight, tight![/Tuco Salamanca]

The voting is close indeed, and I'd like to thank everyone voting, whether they prefer my opponent or my humble self.

Both stories are well written, congratulations and thanks to the authors! What I particularly liked about this one was that the narrator's character was well described for such a short story and that the rape itself took up more space.

The theme of the finale came up twice, and I particularly liked the idea the second time around

Yes, the theme shows up twice, the first one is more of a misdirection as in 'Does that @YellowSnowDotCom really think he can get away with that?'

Because of my age, the theme first made me think of Highlander — a movie in the 80s and a series in the 90s.

No doubt, but I went for a little whimsy.

I'm very happy I didn't miss this. And playing the theme to the number of dents on the assailant's car ceiling is hilarious. The sex in this entry was better. But I feel like I should state why I gave more points to the competition. With so few words to work with, a flash story has to really work to pull us in. And here, I got bogged down in the beginning with a lot of names and terms and minutia that made it hard for me to jump in.

It's interesting to know what works and what doesn't here, even if I think I've had my fill of Flash. Nonetheless here some kind of intro seemed unavoidable, I guess it ended up too rough-hewn.

I wasn't even sure if the MC was a guy or gal for quite a few paragraphs, so was I cheering for him to find a victim or for her to cross the wrong path? I felt invested in half the story, so I awarded half the points. That sounds overly pithy, but I just clicked better with the other one.

I guess I should have left Libe complaining that her dress was clinging to her sweaty back. Going back, I understand that I relied on mondine being the 'feminine' plural to communicate Libe's gender. Wrong narrative choice on my part, I'm afraid.