It's okay, I feel a little lonely, too.

[Claire]

Thanks for this wonderful story. I like how you jump back and forth between the present and Lizzy's memories. The different colours help with that. However, I didn't quite understand why you wrote some sentences in both colours and used alternating red and white letters in others.

Thank you, let me explain that for you.

The closer Lizzy gets to her orgasm, the more do thememory start to overlap. At first, these are still two separate experiences. But the longer this goes on, the more do they overlap and what she feels turns into a whiplash of sensations and emotions she can't separate anymore. Take the sentence:

One moment, she was moaning ecstatically into Richard’s ears, the next she begged him to stop with pained whimpers.

Her begging him to stop is her memory she's reexperiencing. That is what the color indicates. An the "him" she's begging to stop, is the rapist in er memory, not Richard. He's just doing what she asked him to do and has no idea what's going on. And in this sentence here:

The overwhelming mix of pleasure and fear made her cry. Tears were streaming down her face.

The distinction between present and memory has completely collapsed. Only the words "pleasure" in white and "fear" in red are clearly attributed.

Basically, it's meant to show how the memory of her trauma turns from something she consciously remembers into something that takes over the moment for her. And the sequence ends with her mind temporarily shutting out like it did back then.

I hope that makes sense.

[Mister X]

Thank you very much for the explanation! Yes, with that it makes sense.

[Claire]

Thank you very much for the explanation! Yes, with that it makes sense.

Glad I could help!

[mcpa1597]

If you're in the mood for a short story (~4000 words) then give It's okay, I feel a little lonely, too. a read. I think it is probably the best short story I ever wrote and it should scratch that storytelling itch just fine.

I actually read this quite some time ago, and I agree that this is one of your best. I wish there was more to this but... well iceberg theory am i right?

[Claire]

@mcpa1597 Thanks! I wrote this for a contest back then, so I was limited to writing a short story. I actually considered returning to Lizzy as a character a few times, but I came to realize that a lot of what I like about the story is the ambiguity that even I as the author can't resolve. For example: did Lizzy actually make any progress over the course of the story? Was going for that orgasm a moment of self-empowerment or self-destruction? I genuinely don't know. If I were to extend the narrative, I feel like I would have to resolve this ambiguity. I think the story would lose somthing for me if I did that.

Would appreciate an upgrade of that rating once your reputation power regenerates.

[sinfulwords]

Oh my god I can absolutely see why this one is special to you, I hardly know where to begin I liked so many things about this piece.

Firstly the writing is incredible. All the prose invokes clear imagery, the figurative language is prolific, and the dialogue, although limited, runs natural and smooth. Then there’s that back and forth you did with the red letters signifying her memory of the rape…that was just….sooo goood, fam. Aw man! I almost died from reader’s satisfaction!

The characterizations were also so keen! Both lizzy and Richard, but of course lizzy was the main bandit of my attention

Lizzy is such a likable character and very realistic. Her story made me sad. You perfectly captured the essence of a broken woman forced to hold her pieces together at all costs. You conveyed her perseverance in the face of tragedy and loneliness so well, that when her veneer finally shattered during the climax scene my heart shattered too because I was just so sad for her she has such a tragic past and is obviously so starved for legitimate intimacy that I just wanted to hug her and tell her everything was gonna be ok!

I also liked how the very last line was the title! I aaaaalways like when that happens and will always comment on it whenever I see it. It just makes a story feel so tidy and well thought out. Ws, airs, crumbs!

Wow what a great story! I’m legit blown away! Take all the kudos in the world u earned them with this one!

[Claire]

@sinfulwords What a glowing review! I hardly know what to say to that.

I'm glad you liked the characters. One reason why I like the story is how much it does in terms of storytelling and characterization for Lizzy in so few words. It's really nice to see someone feel the same.

I also liked how the very last line was the title! I aaaaalways like when that happens and will always comment on it whenever I see it. It just makes a story feel so tidy and well thought out. Ws, airs, crumbs!

Hehe, yeah, I like to do that sometimes. But it's a gimmick I need to be careful not to use to often. I also did that for two chapters of Record Chaser and in one other short story. So yeah, 4 times so far I think is still okay given how much I've written in the last year and a half. But I should not turn that into too much of a trend.