Please take my commentary in a good light, I mean nothing bad, but some things I end up reflecting on at times, I like that you have thought up this world and set your story in it
Your writing is very detailed and good and imaginative, so please keep it up, even if this story is not my cup of tea, I can see your talent and skill at writing it
Legal and anarchy, interesting, I know anarchy is more about no rulers than no laws, but most people see it as no laws, and then legality does not really factor in
That said sex slavery is something that would easily return to the world if our current lawful society collapses, it is even a thing in some countries that have laws after all.
Prologue:
Being violent and damaging your own property makes no sense, it loses value then. Taking care of your investments make sense.
Hmm I can't be sure if that loyalty Sadie sees in master is true or not though, but he sounds nice if it is true, you want your protector and owner to be able to use violence when needed, and also behave predictably if you obey. Also sounds like he values his possessions and that is what you want as a possession.
The Nesting pits might border on no no territory but is not explicit.
One nitpick I have with people who say things like water being consumed, all that happens to water when used for most things is that it gets dirty, there are ways to purify it again, the only way water gets destroyed is if it chemically reacts with something to become something else, or say you break it down via electrolysis into hydrogen and oxygen for rocket fuel, that does consume some water, but earth has a lot of water, and we can purify it, it is sad that we choose not to, but we have the technology for it.
It is a bit strange that a slave would be educated in the downfall of the world like this. Though it may help in making slaves more broken down and subservient, knowing what a hellscape the world is, and maybe even make them feel lucky to be kept alive, even if they have to do things they do not want to do.
Someone must have nuked the south hemisphere of the world, if everyone lives above the equator, that or the people south of the equator want people in the north to believe that is true so they can live in their paradise.
When technology breaks down human slaves are useful, though there is a huge investment of resources to make a new human, and it makes no sense economically to go through humans like tissue paper, free range captured slaves are different you don't pay for making those, but if you are breeding them, then you do have to pay the resource cost, and thus the price would need to be higher. Then again maybe some of the clients are idiots who just have resources to waste and soon will be slave stock themselves as they run out of resources from their stupidity.
I think Sadie is a bit delusional about her Master being made for her, based on the description of the world, but it might feel that way to her if he treats her much better than most masters do the slaves she has seen and talked with.
Chapter One:
It is wonderful when one gets good at playing the cock instruments and gets to hear the songs of pleasure
and see all those cute silly faces of pleasure too
I think Sadie must be like an anchor for him to calm the storms induced by his drugs and mania, a safe person where he can calm down for a bit.
I can't say I love the picture you paint of Master and the space they live in, but you do paint it in vivid detail, good work on that
Same by the way for your description of the world.
I get the idea that despite how bad he and the place she lives in are, he is safe for her too, and that she may truly love him.
Hmm yeah I dislike caning/whipping that leave permanent marks, but I know some people love those. Also good description of Sadie too.
Yeah also the branding thing is not for me
but I know it is popular with the gorean/gor stories and culture/subculture/fans
I wonder how many of those we have.
Also surprising nobody I don't usually enjoy tattoos either, but I know many people do.
I love how much Sadie gets into giving Master pleasure and how much it turns her on, I hope he gets second wind after the oral to give her wet pussy a proper fucking as I think she might need that
Cum can indeed look pretty with its pearly nature
good that she likes his taste and finds comfort in it
One unwanted guest and two maybe wanted ones?
Chapter Two:
addiction too a much -> addiction to a much
Ok so I got swept up and read a lot without commenting. I think Jax might be trouble as he clearly wants Sadie, and also complains? about her being treated well. Mr Hollow though could be way more dangerous, cold calculating and smart enough to not use drugs, the level of danger he might pose depends on if you fit into his plans or not I think, being the main supplier of drugs in an area would let him deal with everyone who uses his drugs in one single operation, just has to alter the drugs a bit, to have them slowly accumulate toxin in people till they weaken and start dropping like flies. Though I guess he still drinks so maybe not as wise/intelligent as he seemed before I read that. Also if he is in the room where the others smoke Pulse Junk I am sure he gets some from the ambient air. Patsy sounds bad too.
Polished wood is not a fun material for ass/pussy, even if it does not splinter it is a thirsty material, and sand is also not a fun material unless molten into smooth glass
Those names make no sense to me, but I am weird I guess, were I to have slaves I would want them to have names and looks that made others crave them and think I was a lucky mistress for having them
Yeah... that destruction thing I don't like either, but I know it is popular like dofantasy etc, but it is stupid in my opinion.
Hotness with Sadie and Red, and you have made me hate Patsy more, good work, and I think I like Sadie's master more as he clearly cares.
Yeah and more hate...
Sadie feeling safe hugging Master's leg there is cute, and him petting her is too.
Some thoughts that don't belong to a specific chapter:
You write well, even if this is not my cup of tea, I like the quality and imagination of your writing, so please keep writing more.
I like that Sadie has a very understandable jealousy to herself, and can be a bit mean as a result.
I think you got the dystopia thing right, dystopias are not my thing though, but the setting works for that.
Drug thing, I feel very much like an alien when it comes to that, but the drug addicted idiots do feel realistic to me.
The whole dirty and ugly setting thing is not my cup of tea, but you describe it well, not hiding from it. You could potentially enhance the sensations by describing even deeper all senses, then again I guess eventually one might stop smelling and tasting bad things, after body gets used to them.
As for master slave thing, I can enjoy that and have that and bdsm in some/many of my stories. Also exhibitionism/nudity I like that a lot
Commentary on Commentary:
I agree with Claire that you have a vivid style with good descriptions and a way with words
As for the exposition I don't mind it, but it would have been more interesting if it was more integrated, but that would have taken a bunch of chapters to do and sometimes you don't have time for that, having read chapter 1 and 2 I think the prologue is not really needed though, I think they could stand on their own just fine. However I like that you showed us your world in some detail in the prologue.
From writing class I also learned to toss the reader in the middle of the action, so that is good advice when that works
It does not always work though, but if you hook the reader fast with some action they can't help to want to continue reading and you can then interlace the world building in the story as small side thoughts and such.
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Oh this is your first ever original story, I could not tell that, I assumed you had written a bunch of stories already, given the quality of your writing, makes me feel ashamed of some of my older stories. Fan fiction is harder for me than original work. I think you did well in creating your world, even if it is not a world I want to be in
It is true that fan fiction gives shortcuts, but it also chains you down to the story world you fan fiction in, and that is always hard for me.
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I do not think the prologue was tedious, but then I have read lord of the rings and bilbo and silmarillion many times
and do not mind exposition
sure the modern reader audience may have issues with that these days.
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I agree with VictimEyes the prologue does have some of the title scrawl quality from star wars movies
or even the princess telling the story in the first dune movie (the ancient one).
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Also yeah different types of starts of stories work for different people
not everyone is impatient and wants to be tossed into action, some want to have the history of the world put before them first to read, usually these days when I reread lord of the rings I start with silmarillion and then bilbo and then the main books
as that world means a lot to me.
Though when I have limited words or even most of the time, I these days don't bother explaining things too much to readers, I have them infer it from what happens from the point of view characters' experiences as story continues, or inner thoughts sometimes.
Also yeah you are good at writing, so you keep at it
Also I am sure all of us who comment here would love to hear your commentary and critique on our stories.
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I don't share Lucius liking for the tattoo kink, but I agree your story is well written
and the blowjob was well written
As for the slave girl knowing these things, it could as I figured out when I commented on it, be a tactic by the slave trainers, to instill a deep despair in the slave and also a feeling that they are lucky to even be alive, in fact the prologue might be full of lies that Sadie was told, though probably not.
Oh ok Tyler let her read those books and that is how she can tell the prologue, that is a really cool idea (reading comments after the story chapters myself so this might feel disjointed, sorry about that). Also relative to the other slaves Sadie is lucky that her master is a lot less bad than the other masters.
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Tyler and Patsy are extreme opposites, but if I were a mistress/master I would find Tyler a bad master too, but what I like is clearly different than what anyone in that world likes. I would pride myself in the health and beauty and unmarred nature of my possessions
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VictimEyes, yeah babydoll is skilled in pleasuring pussy and cock clearly
Also the contrast really does make her Master look like a saint yeah...
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Yeah I get the impression Sadie is very lucky, but also that her Master is too, they kind of I think balance each other and are safe places for each other. He needs her and she needs him. I also like that he shows that dislike for the others.
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Keep up the good work, time to post this giant comment of mine
I thank u for reading and also taking the time to tell me your thoughts! So grateful 
and like I said, LOTS more kinks to come! 
that’s been a consistent accolade from the Ravishment squad and I can’t express how much it means to me! 
my knowledge is admittedly limited there 
delusional! Poor brain washed little thing! She has Stockholm syndrome on steroids! 
as for Mr. Hollow getting a contact high, I can assure you, they’re entirely mythical as far as my personal experience is concerned 
the sand is just decorative, kinda like how you see jewel-studded ones on sex-toy websites 
And myes when Patsy comes into the picture he makes Tyler look like a humanitarian 
But it’s born of her devotion and love for Tyler 
she was simply my narrator and I wanted to paint a picture of the world, so, it didn’t even occur to me that people would be perturbed by the implication of her knowledge 
, but something along those lines. Or maybe the Vonnegutian ice-nine trapping a load of plutonium and hardcore chemical weapon stuff along the way to solidity, good luck thawing it, Patsy. 
