So translating this story has been a fascinating process. And being the author of the original story myself, I'm at liberty to make changes a professional translator likely wouldn't make. I will talk mostly about some details of chapter 3 part 2, but let me begin a bit broader.
First, there is the title of the original: "Späte Genugtuung"
"Spät" is the German word for "late", but "Genugtuung" is more tricky. You can translate that as I did as "satisfaction" but also as "retribution". So an alternative title could have been "Late Retribution", maybe even "Delayed Retribution" if you want to be a bit more liberal with how you translate "spät". But I decided against "retribution" because that makes Robertson's actions here feel more planned and intentional, less like an urge he wrestles with. Also, it takes away the focus from satisfying an old desire he thought he had overcome and portrays this more as a revenge story. That is why I went with "Late Satisfaction", but the element of Robertson getting back at Victoria is definitely there, even if it is mostly subconscious.
One thing I became very aware of during the translation process is how much more natural long, flowing sentences feel in German. I think one of the most common changes I made throughout the entire story so far is splitting one long German sentence into two shorter English ones. Partially, the reason might be that longer sentences are more difficult to make sound natural in English for a non-native speaker. I learned British English in school, I'm confronted with very academic English when reading scientific papers for my job, and my feeling for what's natural, contemporary English is very much influenced by American pop culture. None of that translate directly into writing long-winded, flowy prose.
Let's go into details for the first time. To give you an example, look at this paragraph from chapter 3 part 2 of the German text:
(German Original)
Sie spürte wie seine warmen Finger auf ihrer Schulter mit leichtem Druck ihrer wohltuenden Präsenz zusätzliche Bedeutung verliehen.
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(My official translation)
She felt the warm fingers on her shoulder slightly tightening their grip as if he wanted to make sure that his soothing presence didn’t go unnoticed.
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(Google translate)
She felt his warm fingers on her shoulder, their gentle pressure adding further meaning to his comforting presence.
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(DeepL)
She felt his warm fingers on her shoulder, their gentle pressure lending additional meaning to their soothing presence.
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(ChatGPT)
She felt how his warm fingers, resting on her shoulder with gentle pressure, gave their comforting presence an added sense of meaning.
The first difficult thing to translate here is the word "wohltuend". "Wohltuend" consists of "wohl(=well)" and "tuend(=doing)". You know a similar construction in English for "well-meaning" which would be "wohlmeinend" in German. Literally, "wohltuend" as an adjective means "something that feels good to you" and in that particular sentence that's Eugene's presence. You can see how Google and ChatGPT translated this as "comforting" whereas DeepL went for "soothing" just as I did. If you ask dict.cc to offer you translations for "wohltuend" it lists:
soothing {adj}
therapeutic {adj}
pleasant {adj}
refreshing {adj}
anodyne {adj} [fig.]
blessed {adj} [calm]
beneficial {adj}
grateful {adj}
genial {adj} [favorable, pleasant]
beneficially {adv}
beneficent {adj}
I find it interesting how the AI translations avoid the German sentence structure in favor of something that sounds more natural here. If I tried to translate the sentence trying to mirror the German sentence as close as posssible, it would read something like this:
She felt how his warm fingers slightly increased the pressure on her shoulder to grant their comforting/soothing presence additional meaning.
That's very clunky right? I think that "grant" in terms of literary style fits the German "verleihen" here better than Google's "adding", DeepL's "lending" or ChatGPT's "gave". But the sentence just sounds very odd to me. Ulimately, I decided to let go of the entire "granting additional meaning to his fingers' presence" construction of the oirginal German. I made that about Eugene's presence as a whole (note that Google did that too!), not just his hand (or fingers), and removed the meaning angle entirely. The result was this sentence here:
She felt the warm fingers on her shoulder slightly tightening their grip as if he wanted to make sure that his soothing presence didn’t go unnoticed.
And that sounds much more natural to me while it retains the slightly abstract, literary quality the original German text has. You can see how none of the AI translations take such liberties. I turned "light (or slight) pressure" into "slightly tightening grip" and the "increase in meaning of his presence" into "making sure his presence didn't go unnoticed".
And the interesting part for me about all this is: I didn't think half as long when I wrote the original sentence in German roughly a year ago.
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Another example is this piece of dialogue from Eugene:
(German orginal)
Was… was wird das hier, wenn es fertig ist?
(My official translation)
Where... where are we going with this?
(Google translate)
What... what will this be when it's finished?
(DeepL)
What... what will this be when it's finished?
(ChatGPT)
What… what is this going to be?
The German "Was wird das hier, wenn es fertig ist?" is a very common thing to say when you observe somebody doing something you don't fully understand and are slightly amused by. It's usually a bit teasing, like you're asking them "What the hell are you doing?" but gently. If I had translated this literally, I would likely have gone for something like this:
What... what's this here going to be once it's done/finished/complete?
But I think that could sound more accusatory in English than I intended for the German original because the expression doesn't carry the same slightly humorous tone that the German version has just naturally. Eugene's trying very hard to stay calm and light while also trying to draw a gentle boundary here that doesn't come across as some harsh rejection. The AI translations I don't like at all because to me it's not clear what the "this" refers to in their versions. Interestingly, I gave all three AIs the context of the previous two paragraphs, but none seemed to notice that the idiomatic German line doesn't work well in English here. I thought ChatGPT might get it because it's good at reading texts in context but yeah, I find the translation weak. Again, I took the liberty here and changed this sentence to:
Where... where are we going with this?
Note how he says "we" and not "you". The original German is a passive construction, just as my attempt at a literal translation is ("...once it is done"). It doesn't name either of them as being active here. If I had gone for "you" it could easily be read as accusatory again. I felt that turning this into "we" softened the sentence quite a bit which reflects the intent for the German original.
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There is many such small nuances in the text that I hope elevate the quality of the translation beyond what just an AI would produce. I also took some liberties by adding a detail here and there that wasn't present in the original text, like the name of the bar that Eugene was invited to in chapter 1 or the exact name of Robertson's linear algebra lecture. But let's end the comparison by looking at a full paragraph now:
(German Original)
Ihr Vater hatte aufgelegt. Sie hielt das letzte noch abzutrocknende Glas in der Hand. Sie zitterte plötzlich am ganzen Körper. Sie war zu Hause, sie war sicher. Irgendwie hatte sie sogar dieses Gespräch, das sie nicht hatte führen wollen, gemeistert. Sie atmete schwer. Sie schloss die Augen und versuchte sich auf ihre Atmung zu konzentrieren. Sie trat einen Schritt zurück und setzte ihren zitternden Körper auf die Tischplatte des Küchentischs. Plötzlich konnte sie ihn spüren, Professor Robertsons Penis, wie er in ihr kam. Sie riss die Augen auf und blickte panisch an sich herunter. Da war nichts außer der Jeans, die sie neu angezogen hatte. Dann schrie sie auf und warf dem Robertson vor ihrem inneren Auge das Glas in ihrer Hand an den Kopf. Es zerschellte an der Küchentür und verteilte sich in zahlreichen Splittern auf dem Küchenboden.
(My official translation)
The call was over. She held the last glass that still needed drying in her hand. Without warning, she began to shake. She was home, she was safe. Somehow, she had even managed to get through that call she had tried to avoid. Suddenly, every breath felt heavy. She closed her eyes and focused on her breathing. She took a step back and sat down on the kitchen table, still trembling. Then she felt it, him, his penis, a sudden flash. Professor Robertson was inside her again, coming. Her eyes flew open. Panicking, she looked down. There was nothing, just the jeans she had put on. Then she screamed. She hurled the glass in her hand at the image of Robertson in her mind. It crashed against the kitchen door, bursting into pieces scattered on the floor.
(Google translate)
Her father had hung up. She held the last glass that still needed drying in her hand. Suddenly, she was trembling all over. She was home, she was safe. Somehow, she had even managed to get through this conversation she hadn't wanted to have. She was breathing heavily. She closed her eyes and tried to concentrate on her breathing. She took a step back and sat her trembling body on the kitchen table. Suddenly, she could feel it, Professor Robertson's penis, as it entered her. She opened her eyes wide and looked down at herself in a panic. There was nothing there except the jeans she had just put on. Then she screamed and, in her mind's eye, threw the glass in her hand at Robertson's head. It shattered against the kitchen door and scattered into numerous shards on the kitchen floor.
(DeepL)
Her father had hung up. She held the last glass to be dried in her hand. Suddenly, her whole body began to shake. She was at home, she was safe. Somehow, she had even managed to get through this conversation, which she hadn't wanted to have. She was breathing heavily. She closed her eyes and tried to concentrate on her breathing. She took a step back and sat her trembling body down on the kitchen table. Suddenly she could feel it, Professor Robertson's penis, entering her. She opened her eyes wide and looked down at herself in panic. There was nothing there except the jeans she had put back on. Then she screamed and threw the glass in her hand at Robertson's head in her mind's eye. It shattered against the kitchen door and scattered into numerous shards on the kitchen floor.
(ChatGPT)
Her father had hung up. She was holding the last glass that still needed drying. Suddenly she began to tremble all over. She was at home, she was safe. Somehow she had even managed to get through that conversation she hadn’t wanted to have. She breathed heavily. She closed her eyes and tried to focus on her breathing. She stepped back and sat her trembling body down on the kitchen table.
Suddenly she could feel him—Professor Robertson’s penis—as he came inside her. She jerked her eyes open and looked down at herself in panic. There was nothing there but the jeans she had just put on. Then she screamed and, in her mind, hurled the glass in her hand at Robertson’s head. It shattered against the kitchen door and scattered into countless shards across the kitchen floor.
I don't want to go through this in detail, but I guess you can see how I'm taking liberties with sentence structure here. Also, two AIs translated "wie er in ihr kam" as "entered her" instead of "came inside her" which I find odd. I can see how you could come to that conclusion if you are completely unfamiliar with "coming" as an expression for orgasm... but I would think the AIs would know that. Personally, I like this part of my translation the most: "Then she felt it, him, his penis, a sudden flash. Professor Robertson was inside her again, coming." I like the staccato of "it, him, his penis, a sudden flash", how it's building, narrowing, then erupting, how the rhythm mimics her panic.
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I think I'll leave it at that. Maybe that was interesting for some of you. If you want to know something specific about German vs. English for any particular passage, feel free to ask!
So I thought it would be interesting to have Anthony feel totally baffled by his body as if he was 16 again.
