Dear Diary - Rashomon's Legacy

[JTCK]

Let me start by saying I was really sad to read your announcement that this might be your last story here. But who knows, maybe you’ll change your mind at some point.

As for the story itself: call me naive, but I honestly didn’t see those twists coming. Every chapter caught me by surprise again!

In terms of language, plot, and originality, you’ve outdone yourself once more. Really great work!

And about the tough question “truth or lie” — I’d go with lie. Like you said, the chances of her ever finding out are basically zero. So why put that weight on her and turn a beautiful memory into something painful?

[MillieDynamite]

I'm reading all of these stories three times before I make my final decision. To this point, second time through, Claire has the edge. However, I prefer to read through all the stories the same number of times, seeing how they hold up on each subsequent reading. I'm glad I didn't post a story for this one; they are all very well written. I'm a weird gal; I have to measure how hard the scenes hit me before I make up my mind. I rate on grammar, style, and phraseology (how the words are put together). But in the end, it's how much emotional impact that decides where my single vote can be cast.

[Claire]

As for the story itself: call me naive, but I honestly didn’t see those twists coming. Every chapter caught me by surprise again!

That's good to know. I thought the roleplay twist might be predictability and I hoped that the second twist would then come as a surprise. But as the author, I lost the feeling for how obvious these twists are. I'm happy you enjoyed them.

In terms of language, plot, and originality, you’ve outdone yourself once more. Really great work!

Thank you! I appreciate the compliment for the language. I was very conscious of giving each of the4 chapters a different voice. I hope that came across.

And about the tough question “truth or lie” — I’d go with lie. Like you said, the chances of her ever finding out are basically zero. So why put that weight on her and turn a beautiful memory into something painful?

I guess it's a pretty good test for whether you lean towards consequentialism or deontology in your moral framework. I also tend to a consequentialist view when I take the time to think through situations like this.

Let me start by saying I was really sad to read your announcement that this might be your last story here. But who knows, maybe you’ll change your mind at some point.

What about you? You read a lot by now and you clearly appreciate the storytelling aspect of the stories, not just the sex. The only reason I ever started writing was that I felt that the kind of story I'm writing now was missing on RavishU. I had never witten any piece of fiction before I started writing Record Chaser in October last year. Aren't you itching for that one story you would love to read but nobody seems to be writing? I really think you should give it a shot. I would love to be your first reader!

[Claire]

I'm reading all of these stories three times before I make my final decision.

That's quite the commitment! When the forum launched in April I read lierally every story that was posted, but I never went so far as to read the same stories three times to come to a decision. Nice!

I rate on grammar, style, and phraseology (how the words are put together). But in the end, it's how much emotional impact that decides where my single vote can be cast.

Oh, that's interesting! And I hope you don't judge me too hard on grammar and phraseology. I'm not a native speaker. And despite being much more comfortable writing in English by now, I still struggle sometimes. So be gentle. If you want to read stories from authors who are much better writing in English, try reading @chloevee's or @John_F_Drake's stories. I think these two are probably the two authors on the forum who are most eloquent in their writing style.

When I read contest stories, the first thing I judge them on is theme execution. Even if I like a story a lot personally, I would never vote for it if it doesn't do something interesting with the given theme/prompt. So if I didn't participate in the Rashomon contest myself, the first question I would ask would be: "Do the different POVs actually matter? Do they add/change something that I couldn't get out of just one POV? Or are they just their to satisfy the criterion to include multiple POVs on paper?" My personal enjoyment would then come after that as a secondary criterion.

Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed the story even after reading it twice! It's nice to hear that the story seems to work even when you already know the plot twists!

[MillieDynamite]

It works, and works well. Like I said, the most important thing is the emotional impact of the story. You did fine, better than acceptable, on other aspects. Especially when I factor in that English is a second (or third, or fourth) language for you.

[AdmiralPiet]

A good story, and a nice dilemma at the end.
I guess it can only end bad for all involved (minus the rapist)

What I would have liked is to have the twist more towards the end. That the rapist isn't her boyfriend is hinted at in the second chapter, and clear by the third.
But I think that would have been quite hard to do for this particular story.
I have never seen Rashomon, so I can not offer any insight on how well the story did fit the inspiration.

As for the writing: Like I have said in other stories before: I am bad at pinpointing elements of writing style. All I can say it is pleasant to read.

[Claire]

What I would have liked is to have the twist more towards the end. That the rapist isn't her boyfriend is hinted at in the second chapter, and clear by the third.

Interesting that you suspected it already in chapter 2. What gave it away? His silence?

I have never seen Rashomon, so I can not offer any insight on how well the story did fit the inspiration.

The original Rashomon features 4 different POVs, but they are handled differently. In Rashomon, the 4 POVs contradict each in the description of a death and you are never told what actually happened. I chose to deviate from that template by having no character outright lie to the reader. They all report what they think they saw truthfully. So the original Rashomon leaves you with ambiguity about what actually happened. I chose to give the reader more information than the characters at the end and the ambiguity is not about what happened but about what to do with the truth. So it's not exactly the same, but I thought it would be a boring contst if we required the stories to stay too close to the Rashomon story. Therefore, I never required that the contradictions between POVs can't be resolved.

I'm glad you enjoyed, thanks for the nice comment!

[AdmiralPiet]

Interesting that you suspected it already in chapter 2. What gave it away? His silence?

This bit here: "When he was fully inside of me, he stopped for a bit. My nerves were burning with anticipation, “Move, you idiot!” they screamed. I don’t know what made him hesitate for a moment. Maybe he was surprised by his own arousal or mine."
Since there where still two chapters to go, and the nature of the forum, I kinda suspected the roleplay bit could not be the whole truth, so his hesitation was a clear hint that he didn't expect this, but the boyfriend would not have been surprised.

The original Rashomon features 4 different POVs, but they are handled differently. In Rashomon, the 4 POVs contradict each in the description of a death and you are never told what actually happened. I chose to deviate from that template by having no character outright lie to the reader. They all report what they think they saw truthfully. So the original Rashomon leaves you with ambiguity about what actually happened. I chose to give the reader more information than the characters at the end and the ambiguity is not about what happened but about what to do with the truth. So it's not exactly the same, but I thought it would be a boring contst if we required the stories to stay too close to the Rashomon story. Therefore, I never required that the contradictions between POVs can't be resolved.

I'm glad you enjoyed, thanks for the nice comment!

I knew the plot. Read the wiki article after the contest announcement.
But never seen the actual movie, even though it stands in such high regard.

Not sure how I would have done it, one reason why I didn't join in the contest.
These are just some ideas, not meant as a criticism of how you actually handled it.
Theoreticaly: If the chapters are not named, one could write the rapist part more ambiguous. Maybe never refering to actual rape, but him hyping himself up to do "it", and it could maybe come of as the boyfriend being nervous. Only towards the end the earlier chapter would then suddenly make sense in another way.
But not sure how well that could have worked.

[Vela Nanashi]

Chapter 1: The Witness

There is some science that has shown that seeing scenes of forced sex will get a lot of women wet, I think that may be a survival thing, better to get ready just in case you are next. Also her inability to do what she may think is right is a normal fear response too. I don't know exactly where they were, but it is unlikely that she could have prevented the rape even if she called the police immediately when she saw the man have a knife, and yeah probably would not have been able to team up to stop him either, still calling the police and staying out of view would have maybe caught the dude, then again response time of police almost everywhere is several minutes, and most men don't last that long. I can understand why she feels guilty though.

Chapter 2: The Victim

Ah consensual non consent with a lover, interesting

Sounds like she enjoyed herself at least I think I am feeling a bit too detached by the setting though, a diary being written is to me usually a way to document the past, rather than truly living in the moment, but I think you have written this well.

Chapter 3: The Rapist

Interesting twist, not actually Frank?

Overly cautious and leaving genetic material behind does not compute to me I don't think I understand the complaint that her cunt was not dry

Chapter 4: The Partner

Oh ok Frank did not tell Diane he was not the one who fucked her. I suppose he might be right that not telling her is sparing her mental anguish, but I am not sure that really is the best idea, and I can also see him feeling sort of exchangeable if she was unable to tell it was not him, like each man has his own scent and cocks tend to have differences too, in their curve and stuff, though I guess she did not see him. But she should have felt him.

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Well written story, as all of your stories are

I think coming clean might be the best in the long run, though I feel he should have done so right then and there, but keeping this secret will poison their relationship I think, especially if he can't perform, and feels bad about this, he should give her a chance to work out their shared feelings about what happened. So I think he should tell the truth.

Also I really hope this is not your last story that you will post here, as I think you write well.

[R.R.Ryan]

I voted for this story in the contest. No offense to any of the other constants, even me, but for me this one fit the contest the best, and was the best written. It was a nice twist that the guy didn't know it was role play, but the woman thought it was. That way they both got what they wanted and no one was going to land in jail for it. Of course, it is estimated that a staggering 63% of sexual assaults are not reported to police. That means the rapist has only 37% chance the crime will even be reported, reducing his risk of being caught and convicted to well below that amount.

But that has nothing to do with the brilliance of this story.