You'll See... June/July Community Contest

[sinfulwords]

@RapeU
Heeeeey Thanks for reading and taking the time to tell me some of ur thoughts

he knew the exact milage of her car. Now that's dedication!

lmao that was exactly why I added that detail actually. Very astute of u to pick up on that

As I was reading this I felt like Kett has similar characteristics with Amanda from my story.

great minds think alike

The only part that threw me off was when the fry oil was spilled. I understand you wrote it that way for prompt purposes, but you already mentioned fry oil earlier in the story and that would have counted for the purposes of the contest.

not a prominent nor theatrical enough use for me

It threw me off because fry oil is extremely hot. Even if the oil was turned off at some point during their shift, the amount of oil that was spilled on Autumn would have caused a significant amount of pain, possibly burns.

me writing that shit:

Still, even with that slightly unrealistic part, it was a hot story that makes me wonder what body count Kett has besides Autumn.

glad you liked it for the most part fam

[MillieDynamite]

I think I just put you over the top, but then again, you already were. After rereading, I went back and added to my original vote. I have to reread the others and see if I need to add to them as well, which doesn't help anyone beat you. Before I added my third point, you already doubled my score. It looks like I'll be dropping lower if I like anything better on the second go-around. Well, there are two I haven't even read yet. Anyway, I can only lose ground at this point.

Premature-congratuations.

MillieD

[AdmiralPiet]

@sinfulwords
I think I found my fave for this one.

Best use of the prompts overall. I think everyone had trouble with the oil, and as a result it either played a minor role or felt a bit forced.
Her it takes center stage and feels natural.
Obsession was very well executed.
Court was the "weakest" but I found the food court quite clever. Not the obvious route like court of law or royal court.

I liked that the bit with Randall could be read like him being an asshole manager that turns nice once the pretty woman is in the room, or him being an overall nice boss and Kett being the asshole.

As for the oil temp: I had initially the same thought as @RapeU . That stuff being scalding hot. But depending on how big the fryer is and how long ago it had been turned off that stuff cools down quite quick. In fact: Pretty much 48h ago I had lukewarm oil run over my hand while draining da deep fryer
What I missed with it was something else: A whole bucket would have coated much of the floor and should by rights also affect Kett. There was a bit of it as he sucked on her nipples and only tasted the oil. It would have put the cherry on top if the actual rape turned a bit awkward because he was slipping around. Cant be easy holding yourself up with your arms wenn your hands rest on a slippery tile floor.

so I threw in the little tid-bit about the courts ushering Kett into foster care when originally that sentence had only been about foster care So ya caught me red handed there!

You didn't need that. The use of food court served the requirement perfectly.

The head cannon is that he kidnaps her and flees the state. I believe u took notice of the indication I drew that implied Kett had raped women before

Could my own head canon also be:

"Hey kid!"
"Huh?!" Kett was so lost in the act he didn't register his surroundings. Before he realised what had happened he lost conciousness as Randall hit him with a frying pan

On final point of critique: I am not a fan of using generative AI for anything that gets published. Not only for writing.
I can understand the lure of using AI for a quick illustration that would otherwise be impossible.
But can't say I am a fan of it.

Anyway: Looks like you will win this one, and it is well deserved.

[Lucius]

@sinfulwords What an 'Obsession' -- Kett is one creeeeepy bastard, and portrayed in painstaking detail, including his preferred kind of, erm, 'pain-staking'. Poor Autumn...

All in all, very-very good!

On my first draft I only had the ‘Food Court’ setting for my use of the ‘court’ prompt. Cause TECHNICALLY it was never specified that the court prompt HAD to be a court of law However, during my editing process I felt a bit, idk, I guess nervous that the food court wouldn’t count as a use of the prompt so I threw in the little tid-bit about the courts ushering Kett into foster care when originally that sentence had only been about foster care

I am fond of sometimes using the prompt twice in a story, once making it a perfunctory mention as a kind of toying with my readers. That said, the use of 'court' here was certainly creative.

[sinfulwords]

heeeey @AdmiralPiet Thanks for reading and taking the time to write me a review! Super grateful

I think I found my fave for this one.

Best use of the prompts overall. I think everyone had trouble with the oil, and as a result it either played a minor role or felt a bit forced.
Her it takes center stage and feels natural.
Obsession was very well executed.
Court was the "weakest" but I found the food court quite clever. Not the obvious route like court of law or royal court.

oh my god thank u ^.^ that’s so flattering I throughly appreciate ur compliments! Got me blushing n shit!!!

I liked that the bit with Randall could be read like him being an asshole manager that turns nice once the pretty woman is in the room, or him being an overall nice boss and Kett being the asshole.

I be enigma maxing out here it’s LITERALLY supposed to read that way I’m so stoked someone picked up on that tbh The reality is Randall is a regular boss, he’s stern where he has to be (like when he’s dealing with cantankerous employees) but generally he’s nice in between. But Kett is a jaded asshole and the narration, although in third person, leans towards Kett’s pov so Randall comes off meaner than he is and what he interprets as flirting with autumn is actually just good manners

That stuff being scalding hot. But depending on how big the fryer is and how long ago it had been turned off that stuff cools down quite quick. In fact: Pretty much 48h ago I had lukewarm oil run over my hand while draining da deep fryer

OH shit fam I hope that oil didn’t burn you!!! do u work in a restaurant or do u be deep frying stuff at home?

Tbh Idk how hot or otherwise the oil would be when it was drained. I worked as a waitress in a diner during high school but I never changed the oil…I do remember the cooks had to let it cool down long enough to go into the plastic bucket tho otherwise it’d burn through.

What I missed with it was something else: A whole bucket would have coated much of the floor and should by rights also affect Kett. There was a bit of it as he sucked on her nipples and only tasted the oil. It would have put the cherry on top if the actual rape turned a bit awkward because he was slipping around. Cant be easy holding yourself up with your arms wenn your hands rest on a slippery tile floor.

yeah u right! A minor plot hole that escaped my attention for sure….and bruh! him all slipping and sliding!? That would have been some S tier comic relief! Kudos for the comedic genius

You didn't need that. The use of food court served the requirement perfectly.

thank you! But it was my first contest here so I wanted to make sure I hit the prompt correctly it was like “just in case” ya feel me? Lol

Could my own head canon also be: “Hey kid!"
"Huh?!" Kett was so lost in the act he didn't register his surroundings. Before he realised what had happened he lost conciousness as Randall hit him with a frying pan

A marvelous head canon! I’m sure this would be autumns preferred head canon as well all things considered

On final point of critique: I am not a fan of using generative AI for anything that gets published. Not only for writing.
I can understand the lure of using AI for a quick illustration that would otherwise be impossible.
But can't say I am a fan of it.

I feel u! to each their own! personally, I enjoy making the covers tho they’re created from both AI and my own editing prowess. I’m gonna be making them for all my stories hence forth ^.^ Love of My chains has one too actually but I didn’t know how to insert images here when I started posting it (the banners were made for my storiesonline account but I figured I’ll put them here too ^.^)

Anyway: Looks like you will win this one, and it is well deserved.

thanks big dawg! I really appreciate the vote of confidence

[sinfulwords]

@Lucius
Hey duuuuude ^.^ thanks for reading and taking the time to write down some of ur thoughts! Mil gracias

What an 'Obsession' -- Kett is one creeeeepy bastard, and portrayed in painstaking detail, including his preferred kind of, erm, 'pain-staking'.

Poor Autumn...

Fr Kett is a WEIRDO!!! Creepiest character I’ve created so far!

And yes, poor Autumn, I really did do her dirty (literally) as the writer

All in all, very-very good!

I am fond of sometimes using the prompt twice in a story, once ‪making it a perfunctory mention‬ as a kind of toying with my readers.

Aaaahh ok I see u fam I might be pulling a Lucius or two if I enter any future contests. which idk if I will LMAO Parts of me really enjoyed writing in a contest dynamic but parts of me found it stressful lol

That said, the use of 'court' here was certainly creative.

thank u thank u

[AdmiralPiet]

OH shit fam I hope that oil didn’t burn you!!! do u work in a restaurant or do u be deep frying stuff at home?

Like I said: It was lukewarm, as the deep fryer had been turned off for a while. It is just icky once you get it on your hand.
The answer to the question might seem strange: I am a volunteer firefighter. The Department, or rather Division owns a deep fryer that is used on a few occasions.

Tbh Idk how hot or otherwise the oil would be when it was drained. I worked as a waitress in a diner during high school but I never changed the oil…I do remember the cooks had to let it cool down long enough to go into the plastic bucket tho otherwise it’d burn through.

Also depends on the oil/fat being used. Some stay liquid when cooled, others have to be drained hot/warm because they will harden. But I think those are not really used any more. Least not in the catering trade.
And the plastic bucket: One time we wanted to drain it into the plastic container we bought it in but did not wait long enough. That shit just crumpled up under the heat.

[sinfulwords]

Like I said: It was lukewarm, as the deep fryer had been turned off for a while. It is just icky once you get it on your hand.

STILL! Gotta make sure u good good

The answer to the question might seem strange: I am a volunteer firefighter. The Department, or rather Division owns a deep fryer that is used on a few occasions.

Naw that ain’t strange! volunteer firefighter is AURA! That’s hella cool! I bet u have a couple good stories from that line of work!

And the plastic bucket: One time we wanted to drain it into the plastic container we bought it in but did not wait long enough. That shit just crumpled up under the heat.

the bottle said

[JTCK]

A completely different take on the competition prompts. I think it's very well done. The way you portray his obsession is incredibly striking, and it makes him feel genuinely threatening.

(Massage) oil and sex have always felt like a very fitting and enticing combination to me — hopefully, from now on, I won't end up picturing old, rancid frying oil instead.

[Lucius]

@sinfulwords Whoa, the magic 30 points! Congratulations on getting another Popular Story!