Pen & Paper RPGs

[TheBardbarian]

Upon giving this some thought, I was actually kind of surprised at how different the different types of roleplay are to me. Of course, the fact that I have never thought to draw such a comparison is an indication of the fact, but still.

TTRPG roleplay and rape roleplay occupy significantly different places in my mind, emotions, and the type of enjoyment that I get from them. So much so that I am actually having a hard time reconciling the two as being even distantly akin to one another. Furthermore, I don't even feel the same about in person vs online in any case. They all feel like completely different things to me.

I was interested in tabletop as a kid, though I don't recall thinking much about the roleplay aspect of it. For me, it was the setting and the storytelling.

I experienced rape roleplay in my early 20s and had a few irl experiences of varying degrees of success through the years. It has always been an enjoyable experience, but it is rarely as intense and immersive as I hope. I didn't try online rape roleplay until a few years ago. Again, it is enjoyable, but I find myself thinking, feeling, and behaving like a writer and storyteller as opposed to a roleplayer.

I finally got to play TTRPGs just a couple of years ago and have been running games consistently since February 2024. To me, it is nothing like either of the versions of rape roleplay. Tabletop just feels so much lighter. More free. I can slip in and out of immersion without thought and it doesn't take away from anything. I have never had an experience playing DnD that was more disappointing than enjoyable. Even a session that isn't great is great.

I think there are a few reasons they feel so much different. For starters, though they are both versions of acting out fantasies, the fantasies come from very different places in my mind and heart. The desired outcomes being different is also a factor. Yes, the desire for both is for everyone involved to have had an enjoyable time. That similarity is superficial, though. Telling a story and doing ridiculous things with friends is not, to me, anything like any sexual experience, let alone one where I have to constantly caution myself against getting too into it.