@mcpa1597 I did indeed slightly misunderstand what you said in your PM. I thought you were in the planning stage for a story and might have questions on how to write a story. But it doesn't matter. I think it's perfectly fine to create this topic in the book club and ask for feedback.
After you mentioned that you wanted to take over the narrator from the Baldur's Gate game, I watched the intro and a few minutes of gameplay on YouTube and now a lot of things make more sense to me. I see now how the story mimics the opening of the game.
But I want to talk some more about the narrator. This is a case where it makes sense to think about why the game chooses 2nd person narration and why that might not be the ideal choice for your story.
Baldur's Gate is a game that like D&D let's you create your own character. And the second person narration mimics how a game master would narrate the story to you. The character you created is an avatar of yourself, a blank slate that you design. The narrative of the story necessarily can't depend in detail on who the main character is because you are free to create the character however you want.
Compare that to RPGs like Final Fantasy where you have zero control over design, appearance, backstory, etc of your main character(s). These games usually don't have a narrator that addresses the player as "you" because the character(s) you control are not meant to be understood as avatars of yourself. I don't know whether you ever played Final Fantasy 10, but the main character Tidus famously tells most of the story in retrospect and serves as a first person narrator. The point being that the game tells you his story specifically. It never tries to make you think that you yourself might be Tidus.
Now if you look at your own story, what is that one more like? Do you offer a blank slate protagonist that the reader is meant to project themselves onto like in Baldur's Gate? Then choosing second person narration makes sense. Or is your story more like Final Fantasy 10 where the story itself is highly dependent on who your main character is? Then first or third person narration would be the more natural choice.
Based on what I read, it feels essential to your narrative that this is the story of Jason Todd and how he deals with his past failures. By choosing 2nd person narration, you copied a feature of the game whose setting your using, but the 2nd person narration is a mismatch for the story you're trying to tell. The second person narrator can't serve the same function as in the game because your main character is not a blank slate.
So my recommendation would be: Use third person limited or first person for the story. That would align better with the kind of character focused story you're telling.
USE LOTS OF TAGS!
USE LOTS OF TAGS!
u do u bb. Good writing is totally subjective too! What’s awesome about our shared hobby of writing is, generally, the more u do it the better u become whether you’re aiming to improve or not 
practice makes perfect as they say 
