Record Chaser - Teaser

[Claire]

I gave chapter one of the story an overhaul. I should now have fixed typos, punctuation, grammar. There should also be no more wall of text paragraphs. I got rid of a lot of clunky phrasing and generally tightened the pacing a bit. Instead of 2583 words the chapter is now only 2454 words long.

I'll keep doing the same for all chapters, but especially for chapters 1 to 5 which I wrote in quick succession in October 2024 when I just started writing stories. I hope to get my early writing closer to my current standards. Since I'm considering to write a story that's a sequel to both Record Chaser and Late Satisfaction, I don't want the entry to the series be riddled with beginner mistakes. So I'm cleaning up the early chapters to the degree that this is possible without completely rewriting the story.

[Claire]

I gave chapter 2 the same treatment as chapter 1. But overall, chapter 2 held up much better than chapter 1. Especially the dreaded "wall of text" beginner mistake was already much less pronounced than in chapter 1. I still fixed quite a bit of awkward phrasing, punctuation, removed pov inconsistencies, and highlighted pov clarity a bit. 2356 words were reduced to 2276.

[housewife76]

Good start

[Claire]

@housewife76 Thanks!

[atlasmoth]

I found your story on AO3, and was the reason I joined the platform. Oh. My. God. This is possibly one of the hottest things I’ve read in a while. To be her is my fantasy, to a T. I can’t wait to unlock and read more.

[Claire]

@atlasmoth Thank you, then go ahead. Let me know what you think once you read the rest and I would love a rating for the full story here and a kudos on AO3. I hope you find some more stories here you like.

Also, remember that chapter 5 on AO3 isn't finish yet, so don't skip the rest. It's just about to get good.

[Claire]

First I forgot to update chapter 3 for the teaser. Then I did make the edit, but the recent hack of our webhost undid it again. So, hopefully for the last time, I added the edited version of chapter 3.

I gave chapter 3 the same editing treatment as chapters 1 and 2. But the chapter held up very well overall. For the first time, I actually added more words than I removed, increasing the word count from 3674 to 3700 words.

Beyond the usual improvements, I added some details for continuity that I introduced later, like the name of the bar Claire went to. But the biggest change I made was almost completely rewriting one major paragraph. I wanted to do that ever since I read @JTCK's feedback comment for chapter 8.

So I changed:

He decided to finally reduce the temperature in the room a little and take another bathroom break, not that he needed one. He knew that he should ask Claire again about the temperature but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He would rape her anyway so it was okay if he let the mask slip for a moment, right? I mean, why kick her when she’s down already. He knew that she wouldn’t mind if he lowered the temperature a bit. She hadn’t been cold for a moment since she had woken up and once he was on top of her, thrusting into her, there was just no chance that she might get cold.

into:

He decided to finally reduce the temperature in the room a little and take another bathroom break, not that he needed one. He knew he should ask Claire about the temperature again, even though he was all too aware she didn’t care about that at all. Still, he should put on the mask of civility again. Every instance of mock-courtesy was a calculated act of cruelty trivializing her suffering. It was all part of the act. But seeing her lying there, quietly despairing, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He just couldn’t hurt her further with another out of place remark.

He would rape her anyway. So it was okay if he let the mask slip for a moment, right? Why kick her when she was down already? He could allow himself that moment of compassion, of weakness. And besides, once he was on top of her, thrusting into her, there was no chance in hell she’d feel cold no matter what the thermostat said!

And yes, I know that this loses the subtlety of the original. But I see a reoccuring misunderstanding of readers thinking Mark is trying to be kind when he acts polite instead of interpreting it as deliberate cruelty on his part that doesn't come naturally to him. This paragraph was always the moment meant to clarify that his casual remarks that triviliaze her suffering is him performing a role to compartmmentalize his guilt, not him being delusional and thinking he's doing something good.

[Truant]

I’m from AO3 too! This kind of story is exactly what I’ve been looking for. I’m not the best at giving feedback, but so far and based on what I’ve seen from the teasers, everything is genuinely so perfect, ESPECIALLY the super sensual vivid imagery omggggg I’m dying to see the next chaptersss!!

[Claire]

@Truant Welcome to the Academy! Have fun with the next chapters and let our other authors know as well what you think of their stories as you read them. Getting a comment, a rating here and a kudos on AO3, really makes an authors day.

[ishouldntbehere]

hehehe im so excited to keep reading!! i love it so far