Valentina

[Shocker]

Teaser: The sun was getting low, and I increased the speed of my steps. My mind was busy thinking of her. Valentina, absolutely everything of her was perfect. The lovely smile, the big brown eyes that melted my heart, the fashionable page boy style she kept her hair. Valentina Maria Gutierrez Calderon, even her name was rolling in such a beautiful round way over my tongue. And tonight there would be more round things to explore...
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The author of this story has read and accepted the rules for posting stories. They guarantee that the following story depicts none of the themes listed in the Forbidden Content section of the rules.

The following story is a work of fiction meant for entertainment purposes only. It depicts nonconsensual sexual acts between adults. It is in no way meant to be understood as an endorsement of nonconsensual sex in real life. Any similarities of the characters in the story to real people are purely coincidental.

Part of the Ravishu Memorial contest app.php/tag/RM-Contest
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Title: Valentina
Author: Shocker
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Valentina

The sun was getting low, and I increased the speed of my steps. My mind was busy thinking of her. Valentina, absolutely everything of her was perfect. The lovely smile, the big brown eyes that melted my heart, the fashionable page boy style she kept her hair. Valentina Maria Gutierrez Calderon, even her name was rolling in such a beautiful round way over my tongue. And tonight there would be more round things to explore.

I had met her at a student party of the biology department at the Universidade de Cartagena. Me and a few of the other lads from the physics department had decided this was the best place to met pretty girls. And had I lucked out. Valentina had shyly kept to a corner, trying to avoid being talked to. I had screwed up the nerve to approach her, and was rewarded by the first of those heart melting smiles.

After that evening we had spent a lot of time together, learning that we had quite a lot in common. Both of us had grown up in rural communities, she was from Antioquia and me from Caqueta. Our parents could have come from the same mold, being farmers and fiercely religious. So we began seeing each other regularly, and even skipping mass together. Of course not on Sundays or holy days, we were not that daring yet, just the occasional weekday service.

I found out over weeks, that the lovely mouth wasn’t only good at smiling, but she was a very good kisser as well. Not that I had a lot of experience to draw comparisons on. Yet there was so much more of her to discover. I once daringly tried to touch her breasts through her sweater. She had swatted my hands and gave me a scolding.

Yet tonight this was going to change. Valentina had promised me that on Valentine's Day we would become one. Her roommate was going away for the weekend, and they would have privacy for two days. So now I was walking towards her place, carrying in one hand the flowers I had bought for her and in the other a bottle of wine. It had cost all the money I had saved from my allowance. I wanted this night to be perfect, for both of us. After all there is only one chance for the first time.
When I reached her house she lived in, I wiped my sweaty hands on my jeans, took a deep breath and rang the doorbell. After a short period of time, the door opened and there was Valentina.

She wore a blue dress with big white circles, the hem reaching down below her knees. She wore flat sensible shoes, that did nothing to increase her diminutive height of 1.54 m. She had once told me with great conviction, that she was not short. That at 154 cm she was perfectly within the average size of Colombian women.

We embraced as well as that is possible, for a man holding not only a bouquet of flowers, but also a bottle of wine. I felt her leaning into me and giving me a passionate kiss. Her small firm breasts pressing into my chest. Something my body reacted to, and from the way Valentina jumped back she must have felt my erection. I hoped she would get over that notion, as the plan for the night included her getting much closer acquainted with said erection.

“You look beautiful” I said to her. She made a little bow and smiled “Thank you, Sebastian, I wanted to be pretty for you.” “You are always pretty to me. But tonight you look stunning.” Valentina blushed a little and I handed her the flowers. “Let’s go upstairs, I have made empanadas for dinner.”

She offered me her hand and I took it, before heading up the staircase to the little third floor flat Valentina and her friend Rafaela inhabited. As we passed the second floor I noticed a door hastily pulled shut, but my mind was only focused on Valentina and how the rest of our night would be. Valentina was an excellent cook, but her empanadas wasn’t what drove me up the stairs.

I was slightly out of breath when reaching the top floor, the door to Valentina’s flat stood ajar. I held it open for her to enter into the little kitchen from which the doors to the bedrooms and the small bathroom departed. The wooden table was set for two, a candle stuck to a bottle with many coats of various colored wax, was already lit. A plate with crisp brown empanadas filling the room with a delicious smell.

As Valentina squeezed past me, I took the opportunity to kiss her again, and she responded with equal passion. “Let’s eat first Sebastian, you will need your strength.” she giggled at those bold words. I was equally delighted and surprised, as I had never heard her be so forthright before. Patting her on the backside I let her pass before turning around to close the door.

Suddenly the door flew inward as if pushed with great force. I got hit by it on the chin and fell backwards. While falling, I heard Valentina scream, but my head struck the floor and everything turned black.

Consciousness returned slowly and gradually to me, my head was pounding. I tried moving, but my arms and legs were stuck, and I was sitting on something hard. Gradually I opened my eyes, the lids felt heavy as if made of lead.

Once they were open a crack I realized that I was sitting on one of the chairs I had seen in the kitchen. It was made of solid wood and had sturdy armrests. It was those armrests that prevented me from moving, as somebody had wrapped copious amounts of duct tape around my arms, taping them from wrist to elbow to the armrest. From the position of my ankles, I deduced that they had been similarly fixed to the legs of the chair.

I opened my eyes fully, to take in my situation. The chair I was in, certainly was no longer in the kitchen. This must be a bedroom, based on the iron framed bed I looked at. There was a lump underneath a blanket, but that was all I could see.

“Valentina?” my voice was a croak.
“Look who is awake.” A male voice said from behind me.
“Is he now?” Another man whom I did not recognize replied.
His voice was a bit muffled as if he was speaking with his mouth full. Which was indeed the case. The unknown speaker was entering the bedroom, holding a plate with some of the empanadas Valentina had made, munching them merrily.
He was in his mid-twenties, build broadly and with a dark stubble on his face. He was joined by another man, of similar age, but slimmer built. That one was holding a glass with wine, looking at me mockingly.
“You have good taste in wine. Actually you have a good taste in women as well.”
“Valentina. Where is Valentina?” I cried out.
“Oh her.” the one with the wine replied. He grabbed a corner of the blanket and pulled “Ta da!”

On the mattress I saw the struggling form of Valentina. Somebody had tied her arms and legs to the head and footboard of the iron bed frame respectively. They had used duct tape for her hands. Valentina was still wearing her dress, but not her shoes. Her naked feet were pointing towards me, tied with what looked like pantyhose to the footboard, forcing her legs open a bit, I could look up underneath the hem of her dress, seeing the flesh of her upper thighs. A strip of duct tape covered her mouth.
“What have you done to her?” I demanded.
The men laughed. “What have we done to her Jose?” the empanada munching man asked his friend.
“Well absolutely nothing Pedro.”
“Yet.” Pedro replied, and both men began laughing again.

Yet, that single word made my blood run cold.
“Please leave her in peace.” I begged.
“And ruin her big night?” Pedro asked.
“I mean she went to all the trouble for a night of frolicking, and now you are not available. It would be heartless of us not to step up.” the one called Jose offered.
“Don’t you dare to touch her.” I blurted out.
“Touch her?” Pedro asked before reaching out and grabbing Valentina’s breast “You mean like this? I don’t really see any great daring in doing so.”
Valentina’s protests were muffled, something beside the tape must be obstructing her ability to speak.
“I think he was more concerned about this” Jose pulled the hem of her dress, revealing a pair of pristine white panties. Before reaching roughly between Valentina’s legs.
“Let her go, you bloody bastards.” I shouted.
“Why? Isn’t that exactly what you wanted to do to her. Why do you think you should be allowed to fuck her but not us.”
“We never have done anything” I uttered in confusion, but flushed red at those words.
“Really?” Jose raised an eyebrow “Well if you are too much of a limp dick to get the job done, the lady should be thankful for us to step into the breach.”
“I said let her go.”
“Pedro, I’m growing tired of listening to the limp dick over there, can you stuff his mouth.”
“Let’s see”
I could see Pedro’s gaze drifting through the room, then he got up and left coming back with a wicker basket, the size of a small drum under his arm.
“Found this in the bathroom.”
He turned it over, and dropped its content onto the floor. It must have been some kind of laundry hamper. He kicked around in the spilled clothes, I saw some t-shirts a bra, socks and other parts. Pedro bent down and pulled two pairs of panties out of the heap.

When he turned to me, he told me to open my mouth. Naturally I clamped it shut, refusing to cooperate. A wail of pain was coming from the bed. Jose had grabbed hold of Valentina’s breast again and was squeezing hard.

“Look kid, I like that new quietness from, you but you either do as we tell you, or your little bitch here is going to pay the price for your Obstinance.”
“Valentina” I shouted before closing my mouth again.
“Open – your – damned – mouth” Jose repeated slapping Valentina at every word onto the insight of her thighs. She screamed in pain Not willing to cause her more pain I slowly opened my mouth.

Pedro immediately began cramming the cloth into my mouth. It smelled sour and had an acrid, salty taste. With both pairs forcefully crammed into my mouth, my cheeks were bulging and my tongue effectively immobilized. I wanted to throw up. Pedro sealed his work with a strip of duct tape over my mouth. I tried to cry out, but even I could barely hear myself.

“Look at his face.” Pedro said laughing.
“Looks like he doesn’t like the taste of his beloved’s cunt.”
“Well they were a bit smelly. I’m sure he would be much more pleased with fresher ones.”
Both of them laughed at this, my own mouth grew dry as the cotton of the panties soaked up all of my saliva. Leaving a very pungent taste on my tongue.

“Let’s have a better look at little Valentina. I have grown tired of seeing her ass walk up and down the stairs all the time. Not having a second word for me or Pedro. How unneighborly of her.”
Pedro held up a pair of scissors, grabbed the hem of her dress and began cutting. I saw how the cloth fell apart, revealing the light colored skin of Valentina thighs. Then her panties, continuing to cut up further until the dress fully came apart revealing Valentina’s breasts still clad in a white bra.

It was the first time that I saw Valentina in such an exposed state, I had fantasized about the moment, dreamed about it and was certain to have been the one to undress her today. Yet it was those young men, who did expose the woman I loved. Too my great shame I felt myself reacting to the view.

Valentina’s petite body, was lithe and I could see the taut muscles of her legs. Especially where her legs joined, I could see the slight rise of her mound covered just by a small piece of white cotton. My eyes rested on her most private spot, almost hypnotized by the thought of what lay exposed to me.

I heard another snip accompanied by a muffled scream. My eyes shot up, and I saw that Pedro had unceremoniously cut the small band between her bra cups, so the garment now also lay open, falling uselessly of her body to the left and right. Revealing my first view of Valentina’s naked breasts.
“The little bitch has a nice set tits. What do you think Jose?”
“I didn’t think she had such fat ones” his accomplice chimed in.
Again I stared in horror. Valentina’s breast were not fat. They were lovely, lying there in the open with their brown tips and big brown circles around them. Valentina had always been overly conscious about them, as she was slightly better endowed than other women her size. They were in no way humongous, like the ones I have seen in porn magazines of the Norte Americanos, they were just ever so slightly bigger than would be proportionate for her body type.

I felt so ashamed for her. Having to lie like this, her naked breasts exposed and commented rudely by those men. Pedro laid down the scissors on her belly and grabbed a breast with each hand. Fully enclosing them in his palms.
“They are not fat, just a very nice hand full. Here look like they bounce.”
He slapped them from underneath and I saw both breasts moving upwards, before falling back with a meaty slap onto his hands.

Jose took the scissors and spoke “While you have your fun with her tits, let me check out the remaining entertainment value.”
Valentina began to struggle more, as she felt, and I saw, Pedro slipping the blade of the scissors into the side of her panties.

Snip. I could see the elastic loosing its tension, yet the panties remained in their original place. Snip. He cut on the other side. The side covering Valentina’s bottom followed gravity. Yet I knew what would happen next. In a few seconds Valentina’s most intimate secrets would be lying open to their lustful gaze, and also mine.

I equally dreaded and pined for the moment. Jose grabbed the cloth and tore away the last remnant protecting her dignity. With the position of my Chair I was looking straight between her legs. A thick fleece of dark curly hair covered her pubic mound and ran on between her legs. Yet as her legs were tied slightly apart I also could see the spot of coral red flesh nestled in between the nest of curls.

“Would you believe it Pedro, I doubt she has ever seen a razor, and that on Valentine's Day.” “Perhaps lover boy over there is the explorer type, going for a treasure hunt in the jungle.” “Perhaps, let’s see what she got.”
Jose placed his hand on top of her mound, letting his index finger snake down. He found the entrance to her sex and pushed inward. I could see how her lips parted around his finger.
“Found it, she got all parts required” Jose announced.
“And to imagine this was all going to be wasted on our limp friend over there.” Pedro chided “Let’s see, what he thinks of his girls body.”

Jose moved over to my chair, and unbuckled my belt, before proceeding with the button of my jeans and finally the zipper. I was ashamed as he could not have missed the fact that I had a bodily reaction. With a swift motion he yanked down my pants and underwear. Causing my hard penis to spring free. He quickly stepped aside.

Pedro had grabbed Valentina by the hair and forced her head up and looking towards me.
“You see that Valentina, your boyfriend is getting hard seeing you stripped by us. He still hopes that he might get a turn with you once we had our fill of your body.” He then turned to Jose “Jose would you be so kind to cover up that pathetic excuse for a cock, I don’t want to see it, and dear Valentina will get schooled real soon what a proper cock can do.”
Jose took Valentina’s destroyed panties and dropped them on my erection, where they laid like a tent.
“I bet that is the closest your cock was ever to any cunt.” He laughed and turned back to the naked Valentina.

“Who gets her first” I heard Jose ask.
“We have been over this, I won at cards, so I go first.” Pedro replied.
“I still say that wasn’t fair. You had me all horny when you told me we would take sweet Valentina for all she is worth.”
“Can I help it that you can’t play cards when you are horny. Now be a good boy, have some more of the wine this loser brought and let me go along my business.”
“Can you at least pull out? I hate sloppy seconds.”
Pedro didn’t reply to that at all. Jose gave up and went to the kitchen.

To my horror I saw Pedro taking of his clothes, his cock looked like it was chiseled from stone, a big chunk of stone. He kneeled between Valentina’s spread legs blocking my view to anything but his hairy ass and back. But I could still hear him talking to her.

“I have been waiting for this. All this hair is disappointing I must say, if I have some time later I might shave it off for you. Showing all the world that you are a slut. With a cunt well acquainted with cocks.”
He did bend over her body, I could hear her struggle, he suddenly pushed his hips forward, and I heard Valentina scream in pain, and even her gag could not suppress it all.
“Was that your precious virginity? Did it hurt me just fucking it away? I can tell you it didn’t bother me at all. It’s just a pity the guy you had saved it for, will never know how tight you are right now. Once we are done with you your whore’s hole will be all stretched out”
He uttered those words while pumping inside her. I could feel the menace, he tried to hurt my poor sweet Valentina. Hurting her not only physically but also her spirit and mind.

Each slapping sound of flesh on flesh was like a blow of a fist. Pedro wasn’t making love to Valentina, he used her and made sure she knew it. His breathing grew heavier and the rhythm of his copulation faster, until he suddenly stopped and erupted into a satisfied moan.
He withdrew and got up, I could see some dark traces on his sex. Looking around for a moment before grabbing the panties over my dick and wiped himself clean with it, leaving bloody marks on the formerly innocent white cloth. He swagged to the kitchen and called “Your turn.”

I looked at poor Valentina on the bed. Her sex was red, looking very much like an angry wound, leaking a mixture of blood and semen.
Jose appeared and looked at my naked girlfriend.
“Seriously? I had asked you not to cum inside her.”
“You did and I ignored you. Fuck her in the ass if you want a pristine hole.”
“I don’t want to fuck her ass, that is nasty.”
“Then think of it as lube. You will need it, her cunt is tight.”
I wanted to close my ears on the cruel and callous way those bastards were talking about the woman I loved.

To my dismay, Jose seemed to overcome his initial objections, undressed and entered Valentina with no more ceremony than Pedro had. Only this time I heard a wet sound as he slowly fucked her. Pulling out almost the full length before reentering. I know this because he had placed his body differently than his friend and at the extreme point I could look between his legs seeing the head of his cock firmly gripped by Valentina’s labia. He seemed to be more concerned with his own pleasure than hurting her. Not that he took more care of her, he just didn’t go out of his way to make the situation even more unpleasant to her.

Yet he kept on pumping into her, ruthlessly and without mercy. Valentina’s muffled pleas left him cold. My own vision became blurry with the tears running from my eyes. I fervently wished my hearing was similarly impaired. But no, I had to listen to Jose’s animalistic grunts, his moaning, the slapping sounds of flesh on flesh. I had to listen to Valentina’s sobbing and the wet plopping sound as he pulled his cock out of her.

I blinked clearing my eyes, and looked at Valentina now lying alone on the bed. The dark curls around her sex were matted and messy with the secretions coming from her vagina. She lay there with her thighs wide apart, too distraught to even try closing her legs.
Pedro came back in, high-fiving Jose and handing him the bottle of wine. Which he took and drank from greedily.
“Now that the most urgent pressure is off let’s have some real fun with that little whore.”

He lowered himself onto Valentina, started mauling her breasts, but this time he began commenting for my benefit.
“Those tits are might fine lover boy. Have you touched them before?”
I shook my head.
“Oh yes I forgot, the whore is picky. But believe me they feel really nice in my hands. They will feel also real good around my cock, but that comes later. Wouldn’t want to waste the opportunity to use that cunt while it is still a bit tight. Of course, now she isn’t that tight any longer, but she is all wet and slippery now.”
I heard him slamming himself into her.
“Just a good fit for a big cock now, you would of course now be lost in this cleft lover boy.” He started to fuck her.
“Can you hear it lover boy? Can you hear how wet her cunt sounds? This is all her, she likes a fat cock in her cunt. It makes her wet and horny, this is what she needs, what she wants. She is just another whore needing cocks.”

I pressed my eyes tightly shut, and wished I could close my ears the same way. Suddenly I felt hands grabbing my hair pulling my head upwards.
“Keep watching, look at Valentina the whore as she is craving Pedro’s cock. And then you will look, when it is my turn. If you close your eyes I will fuck her with this bottle instead.”
He waved the wine bottle in front of my face.
“You close your eyes, even once. And I promise you the only thing that will ever feel tight in her cunt is going to be a horse cock.”
I opened my yes and stared fixedly as Pedro fucked my girlfriend.

For the next 300 years I watched Pedro and Jose having their way with Valentina. The clock on her bedroom wall claimed it was only four hours, but that thing was lying.

I lost count on how often they had entered her vagina, each and every time cumming inside her. The puddle of leaking semen between her legs getting bigger and bigger. At one point Pedro pulled his slimy dirty cock out of her and straddled her belly. Placing his offensive member between Valentina’s breasts and pushed them together. Smearing the valley between her breasts with all the filth as he moved between them.

Somewhere in the night, as Jose was fucking her with his slow methodical movements, Valentina’s breast was suddenly heaving faster and her body began to rock and pant into her gag. “Look at this lover-boy, there she is cumming, cumming on my big cock. She is loving this, all whores love a big cock in their snatches.”

My world collapsed. How could this be? My Valentina, my poor sweet Valentina. Good girls don’t cum when they are raped. Sluts cum when they are fucked like this. All my upbringing, as well as hers had told us that. Yet here she was impaled on Jose’s cock, cumming like a whore.

They kept using her for a while longer, until neither of them could muster any more vigor for another assault. But they were not done yet with us. They untied Valentina and dragged of the bed towards me, dropping her between my spread legs.
“On your knees whore.” Pedro ordered Valentina did not move.
Pedro grabbed her by the hair and pulled her up.
“You do what I tell you and when I tell you. Or we will start taking turns on your ass next.”
“Here a little reminder.” Jose offered.
He then proceeded to place the now empty bottle of wine behind her, letting her settle down a bit. Valentina screamed into her gag as the neck touched her between the cheeks. And she then tried to maintain her kneeling position.
“Now take that filthy rag of lover-boys dick, you should at least have a look at it.”
I could see the disgust in her face as she touched the formerly white panties. Now soiled in blood and cum and removed it, letting it fall to the floor. She couldn’t know that some semen clinging to it was on the underside of it.

With empty eyes Valentina looked onto my own now flaccid cock, in truth she was looking through me.
“I know it isn’t much to look at.”
“Jose and I gave you something better”
“Perhaps he needs some encouragement.” Jose chided.
Valentina looked confused, not understanding what was demanded of her.
“Touch it!” Pedro ordered.
I felt the tips of her fingers, tentatively touching me, as if she feared it was a snake ready to jump up and bite her.
“Grab it, jerk some life into it.” Jose cajoled her.
I felt her hand closing around my cock, and slowly moving along it. Despite my shame, my body responded to her touch. Very soon my erection was filling her hand.
“Keep going” Pedro ordered “Not that you really need all your hand for this, but give him all you got. Keep your eyes on his all the time. And stroke faster.”
Valentina obeyed, and her strokes grew more energetic.
“Grab his balls with your free hand, you owe lover boy at least one bit of relief.” Pedro in his cruel style added.
“Just make sure that when he cums, all of it will be on your face. Once your face is covered with his cum, we will leave.”

I might have imagined the glimmer of hope in Valentina’s eyes, yet she worked on my cock with vigor. There is a distinct difference between masturbating yourself, or somebody else jerking you off. Neither the firmness of her grip, nor her rhythm was really working for me. But the fact of a woman holding my firm cock in her hands, aiming at her own face was not lost on me.

I began shaking, feeling buzz in my balls, and simply knew this would be over in a few seconds. The first glob of my cum hit her right between those big brown eyes, running down her nose. The surprise caused her to change her hand position, so the next spurt left its mark on her forehead and in her hair. There were three more eruptions, hitting her on the cheek, on her frowning mouth and right on the chin.

Looking down on her face, dripping with cum, something died in me. This wasn’t my darling Valentina. This was a broken thing staring back at me. Jose and Pedro left the room, with Pedro shouting back into the bedroom
“You know where to find us if your cunt gets hungry for real cock.”

Valentina slowly let go of me, grabbing the bottle and set it aside. Collapsing onto the ground crying. Once she had recovered a bit, she slowly peeled of the duct tape from her mouth, spitting out a pair of socks that had been wedged in there.
“Sebastian” she muttered with tears in her voice, and began with trembling hands to unwind the duct tape binding my arms and legs to the chair. Once my hand was free, I slowly began peeling of the tape of my gag as well. It hurt like hell, but it was a tremendous relief, when I spat out the foul panties. Valentina freed my ankle, looking upwards to me. Her face still a mask of drying cum.
“Sebastian, please say something.”
So I said the only word occupying my mind. “Puta” I spat out in disgust, missing her face but not her tits.

Getting up, I pulled my pants up and left the apartment. Walked away into the night. I never saw Valentina again. I’m sure the whore is fine.

The End.

[Vela Nanashi]

Just a request at the top, in most story codes on the internet little m and little f mean below 18 years old, so to avoid any confusion it would be safer to go with MMF. I know you did not post any under 18 though, but just wanted to say this.

Good descriptions and adorable couple. I also enjoy the first person perspective So very cute interactions. Also the snippets of spanish sounding things help pull one to that part of the world too.

Then home invasion, I should have expected that I though given what forum I am on.

Poor Valentina and poor Sebastian, situation really sucks.

Pedro and Jose really want to humiliate both of them in the hopes of destroying their love for each other. I think being helpless to keep your loved one from harm is really bad, especially for men who are expected to do that. Also then to have your body betray you and get aroused in that situation is additional humiliation. Though Valentina has it worse I think.

Valentina having her body betray her and orgasming from her rapists is probably going to be bad for her mental state, of course so is this prolonged rape she is undergoing. Also protagonist is a fucking idiot, Jose or Pedro could if they so wanted force him to cum too, does that mean he loves men? No, it is just what bodies do.

Oh and a tiny thing, you put of several times when I think it is supposed to be off, but I still understood what you meant, but maybe you want to fix that, no big deal though.

Well now I hope Sebastian falls down the stair hitting every one of them with his head on the way down, maybe that will knock some sense into him... Poor Valentina, I hope she finds someone less broken by upbringing and less dumb.

Good writing, making me feel things.

[Shocker]

Thank you for the feedback @Vela Nanashi as we are not allowing underage content I did not consider that reading of mmf, but I have no problem changing that.

[Vela Nanashi]

It is an abundance of caution only, people from other sites may interpret them wrong, is all

[Claire]

I still like this story. Sebastian's reaction at the end still infuriates me almost more than the rape itself. What a double standard this man has! But it speaks to your ability as a writer to pull that off. You first had to make Sebastian feel generally likeable or his rejection of Valentina at the end wouldn't hurt so much. If he was just an easily recognizable ass from the get go, this ending wouldn't work so well. I remember the first time I read this that I was genuinely rooting for Sebastian and Valentina. It all seemed so sweet! Did you ever consider writing a purely consensual and romantic story? I think you might be good at that.

Maybe we should have a contest that focuses on men getting raped next and I'll write a story with Sebastian as the victim...

[Shocker]

I still like this story. Sebastian's reaction at the end still infuriates me almost more than the rape itself. What a double standard this man has! But it speaks to your ability as a writer to pull that off. You first had to make Sebastian feel generally likeable or his rejection of Valentina at the end wouldn't hurt so much. If he was just an easily recognizable ass from the get go, this ending wouldn't work so well. I remember the first time I read this that I was genuinely rooting for Sebastian and Valentina. It all seemed so sweet! Did you ever consider writing a purely consensual and romantic story? I think you might be good at that.

Maybe we should have a contest that focuses on men getting raped next and I'll write a story with Sebastian as the victim...

Sebastian’s double standard was always the goal of the story, it is meant to hurt. There was a reason I made them grow up in the rural areas of a very conservative, catholic dominated country. Italy would have been another choice, but I think it would have looked too old fashioned there nowadays.

Sebastian is genuinely in love with Valentina, and he would have been perfectly happy to be the one to make her cum. But keep in mind, that he has no reference in mind for what is happening, they were both going to lose their virginity together. He is hurt by what he experiences, but instead of feeling her hurt as well, he lashes out, which makes him an asshole.

I’m a writer of smut, not sure I’m disciplined enough to tackle another genre.

[Claire]

Sebastian’s double standard was always the goal of the story, it is meant to hurt. There was a reason I made them grow up in the rural areas of a very conservative, catholic dominated country.

Mission accomplished. You can really feel that the story was crafted with that reveal in mind. The sad thing about it is, that I could see this really happening. :/

I think your concern that this wouldn't work in Italy is unfounded, though. You don't place the story necessarily in the present. I can't recall any details like them using smartphones or meeting on tinder or references to any recent events like the pandemic that would strictly place this story, let's say, 2015 or later. And just to be clear, that is a strength. People will be able to read this 10 years from now and not immediately feel that it was written in 2025. So in that sense, you could have placed the story in a somewhat contemporary Italy that is still more old fashioned because it could just be the 90's or 80's that this story takes place in.

Btw, is that something you strive for in general? To give your stories a timeless quality? I don't remember reading any story of yours that I could date other than vaguely modern.

[Shocker]

Sebastian’s double standard was always the goal of the story, it is meant to hurt. There was a reason I made them grow up in the rural areas of a very conservative, catholic dominated country.

Mission accomplished. You can really feel that the story was crafted with that reveal in mind. The sad thing about it is, that I could see this really happening. :/

I think your concern that this wouldn't work in Italy is unfounded, though. You don't place the story necessarily in the present. I can't recall any details like them using smartphones or meeting on tinder or references to any recent events like the pandemic that would strictly place this story, let's say, 2015 or later. And just to be clear, that is a strength. People will be able to read this 10 years from now and not immediately feel that it was written in 2025. So in that sense, you could have placed the story in a somewhat contemporary Italy that is still more old fashioned because it could just be the 90's or 80's that this story takes place in.

Btw, is that something you strive for in general? To give your stories a timeless quality? I don't remember reading any story of yours that I could date other than vaguely modern.

It’s not on purpose, I have written a couple of near future stories, there is usually a date mentioned. Else I write with putting as much work on the readers fantasy as possible. One doesn’t need detailed descriptions to flesh out a character. I call this the JK Rowling method. Everybody knows how Hermione Granger or Ron Weasley look like. They have a firm picture in their mind, even before the films came out. Now quick question what’s the color of their eyes?

Rowling wrote 7 books, and not once gives that detail. The reader is doing all the heavy lifting.

[Claire]

It’s not on purpose, I have written a couple of near future stories, there is usually a date mentioned. Else I write with putting as much work on the readers fantasy as possible. One doesn’t need detailed descriptions to flesh out a character. I call this the JK Rowling method. Everybody knows how Hermione Granger or Ron Weasley look like. They have a firm picture in their mind, even before the films came out. Now quick question what’s the color of their eyes?

Rowling wrote 7 books, and not once gives that detail. The reader is doing all the heavy lifting.

I could not tell you what their eye color is, but to be fair, I'm not very visual in my imagination, so I might be the wrong person to ask that. But I like your approach to character descriptions. Many stories use this description paragraph for their characters that starts with "He was 6 foot 1..." and I tend to forget that information faster than I read it. So I definitely prefer how you handle that. How to handle character descriptions makes for a good book club topic I think, I'll start that later!

[Nickamano]

Over all, I enjoyed this one. Even though there were aspects of it I don't like (not due to the writing) I'm never a fan of cuckold. This isn't strictly speaking that, but for me there is definitely an unpleasant cuckold aftertaste and it had me distracted by thought's of how the POV character could be looking for ways to escape, obviously not realistic, but it took me away from the action, of course that isn't a criticism aimed at the author, that's a me thing and a personal taste thing.
The other 'bad aftertaste' was already mentioned by Claire - his attitude to Valentina after the rapists had left. She should have come after him with a meat tenderiser for that little touch of icing on the cake. Again not a criticism aimed at the writer ("Shocker" is an apt name for that particular event though lol).

It was well written, concise, easy to follow, believable characters. Maybe have another look over from a grammatical perspective, there were some minor errors, a few misplaced commas (which we're all guilty of). Overall very enjoyable, other than the bits already mentionde.

Oh and I also enjoyed the "foreign" setting (depending on where one is from of course). It was an interesting little detail that gave the story an extra bit of original flavour. Thank you for sharing.